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Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 6th March 2018, 9:11 PM   #1
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What is happening?

Went on a first date with a busy girl on Sunday night, she contacted me and told me she was going to be free and we went out for drinks. I thought it was a fantastic date. We were both clearly attracted and into each other. She was asking a lot of questions, laughing etc, no silences or anything just a really great naturally flowing date. We made out during the date and after at the end.

She texted me about 20 minutes after the date saying “thanks again. Tonight was fun!” I replied “yeah you’re awesome, I had a really fun time too, glad you got home safe”

I figured for sure date two should be in store. For once I thought I literally did nothing wrong. I felt really good about this date one of the first dates I’ve had in long time that went this well. Well, I didn’t text at all the following day, neither did she, just let the initial date pass.

I texted her today (2 Days after) and asked her how her week was and then asked if she could as available to go out again this weekend (came up with the plan, date and time). No response though it said she read my message it’s been over 6 hours. I had also sent her a video on Instagram I found that reminded me of our date conversation and joked around—she also read that but did not respond.

There were only two possible things that stood out to me on the date. #1) she did go to the bathroom a good deal with her phone—3-4 times during the 4 hour date. She said it because she was drinking a lot of water (which she was). However, she also mentioned that she was supposed to be hearing from her dance instructor (who’s a guy) and that they were supposed to meet up (which I thought was weird, who meets up with someone after 10pm on a Sunday unless you’re hooking up?) but she said he never contacted her. Date ended because she had to wake up early for work the next day. Which is understandable. I thought I did nothing wrong. Perhaps there were times I got a little too touchy feelt like scratching her back and stuff and going in for kisses maybe when she wasn’t quite prepared but she reciprocated and continued the kiss into a make out each time.

So an example of a perfect date that has now ended up in me being ghosted. Only thing I can think of is that she’s seeing someone else, and maybe decided that she’s going to stay with him? I’m very confused because I thought I played my cards right and thought for sure there was reciprocated interest.
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Old 6th March 2018, 9:44 PM   #2
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did you meet online or did you know her beforehand?

Definitely sounds like there are other fish in the sea, including the late night (horizontal) dance instructor...
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Old 6th March 2018, 9:46 PM   #3
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did you meet online or did you know her beforehand?

Definitely sounds like there are other fish in the sea, including the late night (horizontal) dance instructor...
Online (Tinder), she's been a hard person to get to go out with, she kind of blew me off for a few weeks saying she was really busy, but eventually texted me asking if I could meet up and she would constantly like my stuff on Instagram so I knew there was interest there. Since last night she stopped liking things, and now she's gone totally cold. Yeah, most likely other guys in the picture that maybe she has some feelings for.

The problem is that there are always other guys in the picture with good looking women, so not sure how to overcome that. I guess it's a lot about timing and luck.
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Old 6th March 2018, 9:51 PM   #4
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keep your hands and lips to yourself on date #1
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Indeed
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Old 6th March 2018, 10:00 PM   #5
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It’s not normal to go to the bathroom 3-4 times on a date. Did she bring her phone into the bathroom? Sounds like she has other and better options.
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Old 6th March 2018, 10:25 PM   #6
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keep your hands and lips to yourself on date #1
That's the first piece of advice you've given that I don't agree with.

Please explain...
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Old 6th March 2018, 10:38 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Grey40 View Post
Online (Tinder), she's been a hard person to get to go out with, she kind of blew me off for a few weeks saying she was really busy, but eventually texted me asking if I could meet up and she would constantly like my stuff on Instagram so I knew there was interest there. Since last night she stopped liking things, and now she's gone totally cold. Yeah, most likely other guys in the picture that maybe she has some feelings for.

The problem is that there are always other guys in the picture with good looking women, so not sure how to overcome that. I guess it's a lot about timing and luck.
One thing you have to learn......even if you do everything right, sometimes it still goes to crap.

First, good for you to objectively look at your behavior on dates. You only know if you are doing things right if you can admit when you've done things wrong. It's good practice and will benefit you in the future.

But I can point out a couple of areas for improvement:
1) the fact that she was "too busy" means you are not her first choice. Try to focus on women who are REALLY into you. You'll work less and have more fun. A LOT more fun.

2) you reached out several times without asking her out. Liking posts/glad you got home texts.

3) Keep other women in the rotation until you find one worth getting rid of the others.

Women are funny nowadays. They have no qualms with fooling around with you and never talking to you again. In my youth, kissing someone was a big deal. Now it's on par with a hand shake. I've now been able to pretty much guess if I'll see a girl again depending on how she kissed me.

You win some, you lose some. The more you try the more you'll win.
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Old 6th March 2018, 10:55 PM   #8
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After the date, she reached out, you did not. You replied, but you did not initiate. So it was your turn, and you did not reach out until 2 days later. So even if she's going to reply, she won't do it until maybe 1-2 days later. You made her wait. Now it's your turn to wait. Kind of silly isn't it?
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Old 6th March 2018, 11:11 PM   #9
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That's the first piece of advice you've given that I don't agree with.

Please explain...
Yeah, I don't agree with that either.
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Old 7th March 2018, 1:04 AM   #10
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After the date, she reached out, you did not. You replied, but you did not initiate. So it was your turn, and you did not reach out until 2 days later. So even if she's going to reply, she won't do it until maybe 1-2 days later. You made her wait. Now it's your turn to wait. Kind of silly isn't it?
I agree with this. He blew it by not contacting her at all the next day. If I like a gal, I'm contacting her the evening of the first date to say "thanks, had fun" or whatever, and I'm touching base the following day, too.
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Old 7th March 2018, 1:08 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by alphamale View Post
keep your hands and lips to yourself on date #1
This never works for me, I've done that before and they either think I'm not interested, I'm scared, or they claim "no romantic feelings or connection". Either way, it seems that 9/10 times, first dates won't go to a second and I think that's a proven statistic, so I've learned to try and push as much as I can on the first date sexually without over stepping boundaries because you're probably never going to hear from them again anyways.

She clearly has other options, she's still on Tinder obviously, and it took her forever to actually go out with me, probably got pissed at one of the guys she's been seeing so she decided she'd try out someone else, hence our date. Still think it's rude that she's totally ghosting though, even though I know it's common. She's definitely done with me as an option, because she would have responded and at least say she's busy or something like she's been doing, the fact that she gave no reply at all, she made up her mind. I just really shocked, because that was a super smooth date on my part and we both had so much fun. She even said herself she had a good time. We were having so much fun that even other couples and people working at the bar too notice and seemed like they wanted to get in on what was making us jive.

Last edited by Grey40; 7th March 2018 at 1:13 AM..
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Old 7th March 2018, 1:15 AM   #12
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I agree with this. He blew it by not contacting her at all the next day. If I like a gal, I'm contacting her the evening of the first date to say "thanks, had fun" or whatever, and I'm touching base the following day, too.
She could have texted me the following day too. She's a very busy girl, she works 4 jobs and in previous text encounters could take literally hours to respond, so I don't think me waiting was a big deal. I went an entire 10 days without saying anything to her, asked her out again and she said yes. On the date she even said she really appreciated that I just cut right to the chase and didn't blow up her phone like most dudes. So, I'm actually thinking I may have asked her too quickly. But you're right I could have reached out the following day, but the same thing could have easily happened.
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Old 7th March 2018, 1:21 AM   #13
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After the date, she reached out, you did not. You replied, but you did not initiate. So it was your turn, and you did not reach out until 2 days later. So even if she's going to reply, she won't do it until maybe 1-2 days later. You made her wait. Now it's your turn to wait. Kind of silly isn't it?
This would be a good scenario, but she's 31, I don't think she's going to play those kinds of games. She would have given me some type of response if she were still interested. I used to think positively but I've encountered enough situations now to know when it's done I think. Sent her a text and an instagram message to no response (like I mentioned). I don't like to give up entirely when I'm keen on a girl though unless they specifically tell me they're not interested. I would have never met this girl and went on a date with her at all if I didn't persistently try to ask her out multiple times. I don't view that method as really chasing, but kind of cycling back to them and maybe you get lucky that they're in a good mood that day. Perhaps she's dangling a lot of guys right now and has to make up her mind on who to drop and is having a tough time.

So I'll wait another full week (in the meantime talk to and date other women), and if I don't hear from her, I'll text her again and check in. Might say, "Hey haven't heard from you, guess the date didn't go as well as thought huh?" or maybe not even mention it. See ladies, this is the benefit of telling us directly that you're not interested, because if you don't, us guys still think there's some hope and will consistently cycle back to you if you don't.

Last edited by Grey40; 7th March 2018 at 1:25 AM..
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Old 7th March 2018, 1:26 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by Highndry View Post
I agree with this. He blew it by not contacting her at all the next day. If I like a gal, I'm contacting her the evening of the first date to say "thanks, had fun" or whatever, and I'm touching base the following day, too.
But you're probably not following the advice of this Corey Wayne character I keep hearing about, and instead just following the gut of Highndry, am I right?
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Old 7th March 2018, 1:28 AM   #15
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This would be a good scenario, but she's 31, I don't think she's going to play those kinds of games. She would have given me some type of response if she were still interested. I used to think positively but I've encountered enough situations now to know when it's done I think. Sent her a text and an instagram message to no response (like I mentioned). I don't like to give up entirely when I'm keen on a girl though unless they specifically tell me they're not interested. I would have never met this girl and went on a date with her at all if I didn't persistently try to ask her out multiple times. I don't view that method as really chasing, but kind of cycling back to them and maybe you get lucky that they're in a good mood that day. Perhaps she's dangling a lot of guys right now and has to make up her mind on who to drop and is having a tough time.

So I'll wait another full week (in the meantime talk to and date other women), and if I don't hear from her, I'll text her again and check in. Might say, "Hey haven't heard from you, guess the date didn't go as well as thought huh?" or maybe not even mention it. See ladies, this is the benefit of telling us directly that you're not interested because if you don't, us guys still think there's some hope and will consistently cycle back to you if you don't.
The fact that she's 31 has nothing to do with anything. Are you assuming she is desperate due to being the old age of 31?

Also, never say anything to a woman like "I guess the date didn't go as well as I thought, huh?" That's so negative and burns bridges. Every interaction you have should be to NOT burn bridges....unless you want to of course.

Women like to feel like they have a RIGHT to not be interested in someone for any reason they choose.....because they do....just like men do.
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