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She didn’t feel a connection


CasualDude10

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CasualDude10

Short story. Went on two dates.

 

Date 1 ended with a kiss and her texting me that night she had a great time

 

Date 2 we made out twice, ended in her telling me in person she wants to hangout again and she texted me that night she had a good time

 

When I went to set up date 3, she didn’t respond to my text asking her when she was free. So i called her 3 days later, she agreed to Friday or Saturday. Then I got a text yesterday saying, she wanted to be honest and said “I’m a great guy, I had fun, but didn’t feel a connection... etc. “

 

I’m left hear thinking “wtf, she said she wanted to hangout again”

 

Idk what happened. Too ugly? Bad kisser? Ex back in the picture? Moved to fast?

 

I’m very self critical when it comes to this stuff. We didn’t text/call unless it was to setup dates, i wasn’t “mister nice guy” but also wasn’t a dbag either. Kept everything fun, positive, uplifting, and showed everything confidently.

 

Honestly speechless

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Some people give it a few dates to check out the connection. She gave it a chance but it is as simple as that, she wasn't feeling it. The only answer is to brush it off and let it go. Not everyone is going to speak up right away. She took a few days but at least she told you. If you're going to date, then you need some thicker skin. This happens to the best of us. Don't take it personal.

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Could have been any of the things you listed or some, or none.

 

You will never know. Really though would you want to see someone long term who behaved like this? I think we all deserve to be with someone who just genuinely likes us and isn't messing round.

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losangelena

Could it be because of the times you failed to text her once you got home from your dates? Noticed you started a new thread instead of posting to the existing one about your interactions with this woman. I think in this case the context is helpful.

 

Bottom line, you're not ever going to know exactly why she changed her mind. People do this all the time. I personally think your attempts to play the "chill" guy backfired, because it's hard to gauge the real feelings of someone who won't allow you to see what they're thinking/feeling. That doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with you.

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Cookiesandough

I have to ask since your last thread Corey Wayne was mentioned. Did you wait until the next day to text her back as per his rules"? Did you say your phone was on silent, you fell asleep etc? If a guy did that after I put myself out there that night by saying thanks(showed a lot of interest),I would immediately assume they are rude or playing games. No second date. Or she could have just not been interested period.

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Versacehottie

I also think you should have posted this on the same thread where you were contemplating what was going on with her. Maybe you didn't because you thought many would blame it because you didn't text her when you got home after the first and then second date (until the next day).

 

However, i don't think that alone was the reason she didn't feel a connection---or not even the main reason she didn't feel one. Sometimes people just don't feel it. Even Corey Wayne (know you follow his stuff) can't help you with that! (I don't agree with his strategies by the way, most of them).

 

I think you need to create momentum when there is an opportunity--which is not merely the response of texting but the content of that--having a flirtatious or playful, fun nature. That said, sometimes you can do everything right and the other person still doesn't feel it. Conversely, you can make mistakes and they still are interested. If it was an exact science (such as corey seems to purport), more people could make each and every person they encounter into a viable romantic prospect--and that just isn't how it really is.

 

Chin up, keep trying with the next one.

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It certainly doesn't mean you aren't attractive it's just she didn't feel sexual chemistry with you. Maybe she still has feelings for another guy, who knows. I've dated extremely good looking men who I felt no sexual chemistry.

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Like some on here, they insist you go one several dates before passing judgment and see if attraction will occur. IMO this is cruel to the other person because they are left confused and feeling that they messed up....just saying.

 

It's just a process that people will go through. She gave you a shot, tried to be attracted to you because you look good on paper...no chemistry, no attraction, she's out....simple as that.

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CasualDude10
I also think you should have posted this on the same thread where you were contemplating what was going on with her. Maybe you didn't because you thought many would blame it because you didn't text her when you got home after the first and then second date (until the next day).

 

However, i don't think that alone was the reason she didn't feel a connection---or not even the main reason she didn't feel one. Sometimes people just don't feel it. Even Corey Wayne (know you follow his stuff) can't help you with that! (I don't agree with his strategies by the way, most of them).

 

I think you need to create momentum when there is an opportunity--which is not merely the response of texting but the content of that--having a flirtatious or playful, fun nature. That said, sometimes you can do everything right and the other person still doesn't feel it. Conversely, you can make mistakes and they still are interested. If it was an exact science (such as corey seems to purport), more people could make each and every person they encounter into a viable romantic prospect--and that just isn't how it really is.

 

Chin up, keep trying with the next one.

 

I didn’t post this on the same thread because i asked her if that was a reason why and she said it wasn’t. I had the gut feeling it wasn’t the entire time. Although next time i will text back.

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Redguitar35

It’s disappointing that’s for sure. But I’d say she did you a favor by going ahead and telling you upfront she’s not interested. There’s been some threads recently where women have admitted to stringing guys along for 4-5 dates with no intention of having sex with them. In general I’d say if the woman hasn’t agreed to sex within 2 dates, she’s not interested. That’s exactly what you see with this one.

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Most likely answer is that there was another guy in the picture that captured her imagination. Maybe he came into the picture after you so you BEFORE him = cool but you AFTER him = no connection.

 

Don't take it personally. Wish her good luck and move on to the next.

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newyorker11356
It’s disappointing that’s for sure. But I’d say she did you a favor by going ahead and telling you upfront she’s not interested. There’s been some threads recently where women have admitted to stringing guys along for 4-5 dates with no intention of having sex with them. In general I’d say if the woman hasn’t agreed to sex within 2 dates, she’s not interested. That’s exactly what you see with this one.

 

Except as we've said before, that isn't true.

 

I've (along with other guys) have had sex with a woman way after 3 dates.

 

This one just wasn't interested in the OP, it happens. Welcome to dating.

 

OP, don't fret. Sometimes, you can do everything perfectly or good, and the other person is still not interested.

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CasualDude10
Except as we've said before, that isn't true.

 

I've (along with other guys) have had sex with a woman way after 3 dates.

 

This one just wasn't interested in the OP, it happens. Welcome to dating.

 

OP, don't fret. Sometimes, you can do everything perfectly or good, and the other person is still not interested.

 

She lived an hour away, so first date we met halfway and second date i picked her up at her place. (She still lives with parents) had it been my place, second date we would’ve by the way the kissing was going

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Versacehottie
I didn’t post this on the same thread because i asked her if that was a reason why and she said it wasn’t. I had the gut feeling it wasn’t the entire time. Although next time i will text back.

 

No worries. I just think that if you weren't worried about getting heat for it (you would have for sure even if as you know by what she said that isn't the reason), you can still both learn and help others by keeping your thread together since it is about the same subject. Girl losing interest/having no connection/wondering if it was your texting style. Others might benefit from what you learned and the whole story.

 

But yeah absolutely do you. I am certainly not the thread police :):bunny:

 

*ps i don't think it is the reason the whole texting but when you ask "why" I don't think you will get an exact answer either from someone who is calling it off with you. Didn't feel a connection is about as honest as it gets and good enough feed back. You can build your confidence by alone accepting the fact that you can't win them all :)

 

oh and it will build your confidence to not feel as if you have to "text" perfectly. If she is a reasonable and worthwhile person who is interested in you, she should be accepting of a reasonable texting style and timeframe.

Edited by Versacehottie
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I think that she wanted to know you better and thought that the chemistry will come, but it didn't... It's not about you, your kisses and apparition. She just doesn't feel it.

 

But I have one advice for future. You should text after the first date.

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It is probably nothing you did or didn't do. I know plenty of people who are wonderful folks but I don't want to date them. That doesn't make either of us bad people just incompatible ones when it comes to love.

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I too think you should have kept this to the original thread, where I answered you.

 

Bottom line, it happens. She just wasn't feeling it. Sometimes it takes that second date to make sure.

 

I do hope you'll take the advice regarding texting to heart. 'I fell asleep'?, come on. Common courtesy. It's okay to match enthusiasm with enthusiasm. Good luck.

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CollegeKid101

Have a feeling you messing up twice by not texting her reminded her of her ex's behavior... Like dude, she legit ASKED you to do this. TWICE.

 

Falling asleep? After everyone in the original thread told you to do the exact opposite?

 

I've chased people who don't reciprocate small things like that and have concluded they are just not as into me as I am so I cut them off.

 

She might have done the same to you. But do know, she did like you. This one is on you, OP.

 

Good luck.

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newyorker11356
Have a feeling you messing up twice by not texting her reminded her of her ex's behavior... Like dude, she legit ASKED you to do this. TWICE.

 

Falling asleep? After everyone in the original thread told you to do the exact opposite?

 

I've chased people who don't reciprocate small things like that and have concluded they are just not as into me as I am so I cut them off.

 

She might have done the same to you. But do know, she did like you. This one is on you, OP.

 

Good luck.

 

Don't know how I missed this.

 

OP, you definitely messed up big time. I'd say her lack of a connection was because of this. Had you done those things, you'd likely still be dating her.

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Except as we've said before, that isn't true.

 

I've (along with other guys) have had sex with a woman way after 3 dates.

 

This one just wasn't interested in the OP, it happens. Welcome to dating.

 

OP, don't fret. Sometimes, you can do everything perfectly or good, and the other person is still not interested.

 

I seem to be going backwards with age. When I was young, there were plenty of women whom I slept with on the first date, one night stands, etc. Now, I'd prefer NOT to sleep with a woman on the 1st or 2nd date. I like to think that she's not just hopping in the sack with every single guy she meets online. If she's my age, that's A LOT OF GUYS! I prefer a woman who's a bit more selective, but that's just me getting old I guess.

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I'veseenbetterlol
It’s disappointing that’s for sure. But I’d say she did you a favor by going ahead and telling you upfront she’s not interested. There’s been some threads recently where women have admitted to stringing guys along for 4-5 dates with no intention of having sex with them. In general I’d say if the woman hasn’t agreed to sex within 2 dates, she’s not interested. That’s exactly what you see with this one.

 

She did do you a favor, much better then leading you on. Being rejected sucks for sure, but I learned that is much kinder way then leading someone on and ghosting them. Leave her alone, do not look like a creeper and you'll find someone who is interested. I've gone on dates where I had not interest even though they were nice guys, a lot of times there just isn't any connection.

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Have a feeling you messing up twice by not texting her reminded her of her ex's behavior... Like dude, she legit ASKED you to do this. TWICE.

 

Falling asleep? After everyone in the original thread told you to do the exact opposite?

 

I've chased people who don't reciprocate small things like that and have concluded they are just not as into me as I am so I cut them off.

 

She might have done the same to you. But do know, she did like you. This one is on you, OP.

 

Good luck.

 

THIS! she obviously felt some chemistry/connection as she never would made out with you. But the following behaviour put up red flags and she decided to walk.

 

Stop playing games OP, you are the man so be more proactive. I am sure she felt like she was chasing you, you should been sending the "I had a great time!" texts after the date and asking her out again.

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TheFinalWord

It's possible you waited to long to text. Though to me the content of the text was a bit odd..."that was the goal"...seems a simple, "I had a great time. Have a great night!" would have sufficed. But I don't know, if someone is that nit-picky then you're probably better off.

 

It's possible the distance is another factor. Living an hour apart can start to wear on the other person, especially if they aren't that into you.

 

Corey Wayne is interesting and has some good tips. But it's obvious you didn't read that damn book 10-15 times :p (if you have watched his stuff, you'll know what I mean).

 

Edited by TheFinalWord
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We didn’t text/call unless it was to setup dates, i wasn’t “mister nice guy” but also wasn’t a dbag either. Kept everything fun, positive, uplifting, and showed everything confidently.

 

Honestly speechless

 

 

 

We will never really know why she called it quits. I d ask you not to beat yourself up about it. It could be the distance factor since she lived an hour away or it could be there wasn't enough spark for her. You mention you never text or called unless it was to set up dates. Some people do like the occasion text or call to let them know your thinking of them.

 

 

Overall if someone doesn't want to be with you its best to let them go. Who wants someone who doesn't like you enough to stay

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