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Rejection...what does it look like to you?

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Old 6th March 2018, 12:40 PM   #1
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Rejection...what does it look like to you?

I've been reading on here a good bit the past few months, and a good piece of the content is people unsure of where they stand with people they are dating. So since there isn't any possible way to get everyone to just be straight up, I thought I'd ask...... If you are rejecting someone what do you do? I'm not talking about on the initial approach, but it's been going back and forth. Maybe a few dates and a good bit of communication. Do you Ghost? Fade? Be straight up? Hope they get the point?

And are you ever guilty of mixed signals?....example you know you aren't into someone, but will still give them attention such as returning text and liking their social media post, or even going out on dates with them after you know it's not going to happen.

I'd like to be more straight forward, I'd never ghost someone, but I generally just slowly fade and show less attention, no social media "likes", closed text responses. I do need to work on it, because I do think it would be better to just let them know.
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Old 6th March 2018, 12:46 PM   #2
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I send them a nice text along the lines that I don't feel a romantic connection and wish them all the best. If they respond, I make sure that I say that they did nothing wrong.

I never ghost but fade or return a few texts when I am still on the fence but leaning towards no. Once I make the decision, I communicate it directly.

Also, I often have guys question things like they blame themselves for taking me to some place that had a mediocre food or a bar that's too loud or introducing me to a friend who talked non-stop for an hour. They seem to think that if they didn't do that, my decision would be different. It actually never has to do with any of that. I think that at the beginning (up to couple of months or so) it's about lack of physical attraction 90% of the time.
The more people you love, the weaker you are.

Last edited by Eternal Sunshine; 6th March 2018 at 12:49 PM..
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Old 6th March 2018, 12:54 PM   #3
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I have nevee gone on more than one date with someone I knew would never work out/wasn't attracted to. Most of the time in that case they never text me either so I assumed they had the same feeling I did. I think maybe only twice they text me the next day - once I said I didn't feel we were a good fiit but said she will find someone and I wished her luck. The other I just didn't reply which looking back is harsh and I wouldn't do that again.

On the flip side so many women have 'rejected' me in non-explicit ways. Some examples:

.woman went on 4 dates with me, seemed to have a good time then completely ghosted. Stopped replying to me, never heard from her again.

.woman went on 2 dates, said she had a great time, then ghosted.

.saying they had a great time on the first date then all her texting patterns change - takes ages to reply, not flirty, not responsive or interested.

.arranging a date with me then cancelling day before or on the day.

Thankfully I have only ever been stood up once in 3 years of OLD on and off. I genuinely think most people male and female are at least decent enough not to make someone travel, get dressed up, get excited and just not show up.
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Old 7th March 2018, 1:08 AM   #4
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Rejection is telling someone straight out that the situation isn't working. I always let the person know and I never lead anyone on. Yes I have gone on a couple dates w/a guy that I wasn't sure of to see what would develop, I told him after the 3rd date and didn't continue texting him or giving him hope.
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Old 7th March 2018, 2:02 PM   #5
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I am unfortunately guilty of almost all the bad things like ghosting, fading, leading on, etc. It isn't that I've necessarily done these things on purpose, it just sort of happens for one reason or another. Sometimes I really do want to be just friends and try and fail to cultivate that specific kind of relationship or other times I really am interested but then lose interest and my actions just sort of follow without me knowing it. And there are other times where I don't even realize the guy has been into me for the past month until he asks point blank what's been going on (us girls can be dense too). Then there are times where I'm just not sure and all around confused about myself and my feelings. I sound like a mess. I suppose I have been at times. I don't realize that I do these things until much later when it's pointed out to me or mentioned in a thread like this.

I think that the reason things like this happen to so many of us so often is that we are two people who just aren't on the same page, or even in the same book. One person romantically likes the other person, and sees everything from that perspective. The other person doesn't, and thus sees things from a completely different perspective. Two completely different stories are being played out from the same situation. While one person is hoping not to be rejected, but looking for a clear rejection if it must come to it, the other person isn't even aware that rejection is something that might need to be going on.

Thanks for this thread, it's gotten me to think about some things I might not have!
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Old 7th March 2018, 4:52 PM   #6
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I've done all the above at one point or another. I suppose it depends on the nature of the relationship at that early stage. I've also matured over the years. Actively avoiding a girl before breaking things off isn't so appealing to me now as when I was in middle school, hiding from my girlfriend because I thought she was going to beat me up for playing wall-ball with a teddy bear she got me for Valentine's Day.

If we are only talking a couple weeks in dating scenarios:

I think most of the time, I've just faded out by decreasing or delaying responses back through text or other communication. I don't consider this intentional, but just the byproduct of losing interest.

Fading out seems to trigger a girl to respond back with some form of message accusing me of not being interested. At which point, I'm not one to avoid responding back. In resent years, I've been honest, and just said that I don't think we're going to work. So, in that since, I've both faded out and told the girl I'm not interested...or further back, faded out and lied.

When I was younger, I figured out I could flip the "fault" by lying and saying that I was still interested in the girl, and that I was having fun with her. Then I would imply that she was pushing things too fast, or she came off too clingy by accusing me of not being interested, just because I didn't respond back to her the way she liked. I would use "her behavior" as an excuse to back out, instead of my lack of interest.

I consider fading a gradual decline of interest move, whereas ghosting is the sudden decline of interest move. Ghosting requires the other person to do something that flips my opinion on the dating situation instantly. I have ghosted girls before, but only when any contact would have been to give them a piece of my mind before not talking to them anymore. There's no point in that with a short term girl.
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Old 7th March 2018, 4:59 PM   #7
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I straight up tell them that it's not a good match and I wish them well in their search for love because we all deserve someone who is over the moon for us.

My policy is: I don't do to others what I wouldn't want done to me.
If the person you're with treats you in any way other than well, and you keep sticking around trying to make it work, you're no longer a victim of what they're doing--you're a volunteer. ~ Derrick Jaxn
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