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Should I suspect she is cheating on me?


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Old 5th March 2018, 2:17 PM   #16
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logically, why is dating you and not him? If he 'apparently' has feelings for her, and if she is THAT into him, why don't they date each other? Why bother with you at all?
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Old 5th March 2018, 2:30 PM   #17
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No, no, no...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron 123 View Post
Well thanks for the advise everyone. I had a feeling for the longest time and got her so upset over the situation about a month ago that she broke into tears thinking I was gonna end the relationship and I convinced myself that if she really cared that much then she wouldn't be cheating. I spent a lot of time with her and her family and her family never seen a problem with her hanging out with this other guy. Anyway now I know and I'm gonna talk to her about this. Thanks again everyone.
I know everyone has been so nice. And for the most part everyone is.

Yes she is banging this guy, and even if she is not, which she is, you should have put a stop to it.

What your post SHOULD say is that you are dumping her yesterday, no matter how much she cries.

Having said that, please learn this lesson, you do not allow your GF to have other BF's, or obiters, or whatever.

You just do not. You can be polite about it but if they need other men in their lives, then you won't be in their lives.

I understand that you are young, but please try and understand that STRONG, CONFIDENT men, do not put up with this behavior.
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Old 5th March 2018, 2:57 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by salparadise View Post
He said that when she gets a notification she will shield the phone when she checks to see who it's from. That's red flag behavior, and anyone who doesn't realize it as such is naive.
I don't believe I stuttered when I said:
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If your gut is telling you she's cheating, then that's all you need to go on to make a decision
and, as always, my signature line spells it out:
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Old 5th March 2018, 3:08 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron 123 View Post
Well thanks for the advise everyone. I had a feeling for the longest time and got her so upset over the situation about a month ago that she broke into tears thinking I was gonna end the relationship and I convinced myself that if she really cared that much then she wouldn't be cheating. I spent a lot of time with her and her family and her family never seen a problem with her hanging out with this other guy. Anyway now I know and I'm gonna talk to her about this. Thanks again everyone.
Here's my opinion about cheating and I will catch some hell for this but oh well. There are two types of cheaters in my opinion. One is the type that doesn't care enough or respect you or is just a jerk. They cheat because it makes them feel good and don't care about the mess it makes. The second type cheats because it makes them feel good but they DO care about the mess it makes.

The second kind is more dangerous because they convince themselves that it's rational. They will actually FEEL bad when they are caught because they realize then the hurt they cause. And so they will hide it. Sometimes very well.

So she can cry and beg and all that because she probably doesn't want to hurt you. But her own feelings of feeling attractive or whatever trump that. And eventually, she'll lose what little respect she has for you (if any) and leave anyway. My advice: don't wait.
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Old 5th March 2018, 3:22 PM   #20
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She is 19 and been dating you for 2 years.

Her life evolves around playing video games, snapchats, instagram and FB. She doesn't want to stay home and wait for a boyfriend to entertain her, she wants to be out and about.

You cannot control her and who she spends time with.You need to decide if you trust her or not. If you don't then move on to a more mature woman.
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Old 5th March 2018, 4:21 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by lurker74 View Post
There are two types of cheaters in my opinion. One is the type that doesn't care enough or respect you or is just a jerk. They cheat because it makes them feel good and don't care about the mess it makes. The second type cheats because it makes them feel good but they DO care about the mess it makes.
Defining cheating in a broader sense, I think there is a third type... those who feel entitled to multiple opposite-sex relationships under the guise of platonic friends. These are validation-seekers who, like OP's girlfriend, encourage orbiters, fan club recruits, etc. to hang around for bit of attention, flirting, and titillation.

These are often young women* who understand that the orbiters are attracted to them, and they revel in that type of attention because it bolsters their self-worth. They rationalize it as innocent and harmless as long as no actual intercourse occurs... and if they should happen to get drunk and bang an orbiter they'll rationalize that too. They insist that the primary boyfriend accept these secondary relationships, which provides further validation of their personal power and attractiveness. The secondary relationships are always at the expense of the primary.

Young guys need to learn to walk away from these situations because it never turns out well. It's not circumstantial, it's inherent in the personality; a need that overrides healthy relationship behavior.

*I'm sure there are guys who pull it off too, but the threads we see are always about women. It's easier for women because of the way sex drives are expressed in males and females. A guy who can attract them like that will actually be having sex with them.

Last edited by salparadise; 5th March 2018 at 4:23 PM..
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Old 5th March 2018, 5:24 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
She has an orbiter, but she keeps him at arms length because she likes the "friendship" and palling around. She knows he would be visibly upset if she brought you around to hang out with this friend. She knows he likes her, but feels she has control over that and it should be ok. Maybe she keeps her phone close to her chest to hide the fact this person contacts her a lot, but the content of the messages are platonic. Anyways she's being a dummy thinking this is OK. There are times you need to adjust your interactions with the opposite sex when in a relationship out of respect. After 2 years...she ain't doing that. This should have been nipped in the bud right at the beginning or made it a deal breaker by the first week of dating....so I give you blame OP for letting her do this for so long. Now you are suck, heavily invested in this relationship with this issue still looming with a possible breakup. Don't let those tears fool you.
Couldn't have said it better. Exactly this.
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Old 6th March 2018, 1:40 PM   #23
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Just become friends with benefits and let her have her fun while you have your fun.

If you can't handle that, just break it off. A woman totally into you does not behave like this.
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Old 6th March 2018, 1:53 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Aaron 123 View Post
Okay, so I've met some of her friends and I have met this guy but she doesnt really hang out with any other people but him. We are about an hour and a half apart and I spend most of the week with her but I'm home for the weekends and they hang out on the weekends. Im 20 and she is 19 but she doesn't have a license so he usually picks her up. That is why she doesnt hang out with other people as much. Just giving some background.
Are you saying none of her girlfriends have cars? Yes she is cheating.
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Old 6th March 2018, 10:34 PM   #25
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I know from absolute experience. Sheís cheating and hiding something from you. There is something on her phone she doesnít want you to see.

This is obvious. I found out a guy that I had been seeing off and on who I was smitten with was cheating on me. I should have known when he absolutely refused to let me use his phone when mine died. Turns out he had been seeing a friend of mine.

This is a Huge red flag darling



QUOTE=Aaron 123;7551073]Hello, I'm new to this form and I wanted to get some advise on this situation.

So my girlfriend of over 2 years has always hid her phone from me and if she ever got a notification she would quickly grab it and hold it in a way that I could not see her screen. I asked her one day if I could see her phone and she refused to show me or even let me hold her phone and says I might break it.

She has a guy best friend that she has known for a few years and she will go over his house to play video games and hang out from time to time (from what she tells me). I have voiced how I feel about it to her but she says that he is just a friend and she will not stop going. I have asked if I could join them one day and she also refused to let me go. I have also heard that the guy she is hanging out with has feelings for her.

Any opinions would be great.[/QUOTE]
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Old 7th March 2018, 8:36 PM   #26
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She is most definitely going to his house to play videogames. He pushes her buttons, she rides his joystick and he flicks her little nub.

Stop being so insecure. Just because she regularly going over to the house of a male friend who has feelings for her and hanging out with him alone doesn't mean they are having sex.
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Old 7th March 2018, 9:16 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gaeta View Post
She is 19 and been dating you for 2 years.

Her life evolves around playing video games, snapchats, instagram and FB. She doesn't want to stay home and wait for a boyfriend to entertain her, she wants to be out and about.

You cannot control her and who she spends time with.You need to decide if you trust her or not. If you don't then move on to a more mature woman.
I knew you would say this. Way to rationalize poor behavior. Having no morals has nothing to do with age. Older women cheat as well. It has nothing to do with age and more to do with his gf being a POS.
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Old 8th March 2018, 6:05 AM   #28
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I donít think she is cheating with this guy but she certainly enjoys the attention she is getting from him and it speaks volumes about your relationship.
She is not in love with you but with the idea of love.
Sadly she doesnít understand it yet.

I donít think you two will be happy together.
Go date someone who appreciates you for who you are.
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Old 8th March 2018, 11:11 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by dude360 View Post
I knew you would say this. Way to rationalize poor behavior. Having no morals has nothing to do with age. Older women cheat as well. It has nothing to do with age and more to do with his gf being a POS.
Some people of every age and stripe cheat-male and female. Period. Fin. End of story.

That wasn't rationalizing. That's the plain simple fact that no one here can make her act the way she's "supposed" to act. OP can't and you dragging her can't. Only she can open up a can of "act right" and if she's choosing not to do it, OP's only sane choice is to leave her alone. Why taking responsibility for one's actions is so difficult to comprehend is a marvel of the ages.

If he's too scared to leave her be and be without a girlfriend until he finds one who behaves as if he matters to her, then he's the one who has to live with his obstinacy. It's not her fault if he chooses to stick around and keep on getting poor treatment. As my tag line says:

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Old 8th March 2018, 11:27 AM   #30
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Very dodgy behavior. Definitely hiding something.

Find yourself a weekend ****buddy to even the score or move on if you are into monogamy.
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