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Should I suspect she is cheating on me?


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Old 5th March 2018, 7:47 AM   #1
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Should I suspect she is cheating on me?

Hello, I'm new to this form and I wanted to get some advise on this situation.

So my girlfriend of over 2 years has always hid her phone from me and if she ever got a notification she would quickly grab it and hold it in a way that I could not see her screen. I asked her one day if I could see her phone and she refused to show me or even let me hold her phone and says I might break it.

She has a guy best friend that she has known for a few years and she will go over his house to play video games and hang out from time to time (from what she tells me). I have voiced how I feel about it to her but she says that he is just a friend and she will not stop going. I have asked if I could join them one day and she also refused to let me go. I have also heard that the guy she is hanging out with has feelings for her.

Any opinions would be great.
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Old 5th March 2018, 7:49 AM   #2
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She is cheating on you. OR, at the very least, there is something or some things about her life she does not want you to know.
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Old 5th March 2018, 7:55 AM   #3
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She is cheating on you. OR, at the very least, there is something or some things about her life she does not want you to know.
She also does act like she cares about me and I have threatened to leave in the past because of some of these things and she burst into tears because I was thinking about ending the relationship. Would someone cheat if they seem to care so much?
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Old 5th March 2018, 7:58 AM   #4
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Two years, and a high level of secrecy, especially around this guy? After two years, being incorporated into the friends should have happened. I can understand her wanting "girls' night" or time out without you, even if it's just video games...you being there will change the dynamics, and she likes this video game time with her bud...but, you are aware there's an attraction and there is secrecy. After two years, you shouldn't be at arm's length and kept away from meeting this guy. Is she this secretive with her other platonic friends? They may not be sleeping together, but there's something there that crosses the line. You're very uncomfortable about the situation, and I think you need to pay attention to that.
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Old 5th March 2018, 8:08 AM   #5
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Two years, and a high level of secrecy, especially around this guy? After two years, being incorporated into the friends should have happened. I can understand her wanting "girls' night" or time out without you, even if it's just video games...you being there will change the dynamics, and she likes this video game time with her bud...but, you are aware there's an attraction and there is secrecy. After two years, you shouldn't be at arm's length and kept away from meeting this guy. Is she this secretive with her other platonic friends? They may not be sleeping together, but there's something there that crosses the line. You're very uncomfortable about the situation, and I think you need to pay attention to that.
Okay, so I've met some of her friends and I have met this guy but she doesnt really hang out with any other people but him. We are about an hour and a half apart and I spend most of the week with her but I'm home for the weekends and they hang out on the weekends. Im 20 and she is 19 but she doesn't have a license so he usually picks her up. That is why she doesnt hang out with other people as much. Just giving some background.
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Old 5th March 2018, 8:45 AM   #6
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I spend most of the week with her but I'm home for the weekends and they hang out on the weekends.
She is certainly cheating on you with this guy, right under your nose.

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Would someone cheat if they seem to care so much?
Re-phrase your question. Would someone seem to care so much if they were cheating on you? Yes, absolutely. If she gets caught she will certainly cry and be upset. She is enjoying her life, she has you during the week and her weekend lover at weekends. If you discovered her cheating and dumped her then her perfect life would come crashing down and she would definitely be upset by that. She cares deeply... about herself, and maintaining her way of life.
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Old 5th March 2018, 9:19 AM   #7
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I too think she has 2 BFs -- you & this guy. If there was nothing going on you'd be welcome to play video games with them because that would be all they were playing.
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Old 5th March 2018, 9:25 AM   #8
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Indeed, people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
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Old 5th March 2018, 10:36 AM   #9
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You need to start hanging out at another girl's house over the weekends. Tell her its nothing, just friendship - you share your stamp collection with her, and spend the afternoon reading bible verses to each other. You know, comparative theology, that kind of thing. Do not invite her. She how she likes it. At the very least, it should make the transition from old gf to new gf a smooth one...
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Old 5th March 2018, 10:51 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by Aaron 123 View Post
Hello, I'm new to this form and I wanted to get some advise on this situation.

So my girlfriend of over 2 years has always hid her phone from me and if she ever got a notification she would quickly grab it and hold it in a way that I could not see her screen. I asked her one day if I could see her phone and she refused to show me or even let me hold her phone and says I might break it.

She has a guy best friend that she has known for a few years and she will go over his house to play video games and hang out from time to time (from what she tells me). I have voiced how I feel about it to her but she says that he is just a friend and she will not stop going. I have asked if I could join them one day and she also refused to let me go. I have also heard that the guy she is hanging out with has feelings for her.

Any opinions would be great.
Here's mine:

People treat you the way they feel about you.

Anyone who cannot/will not introduce you to someone they're spending a lot of time with, even though they're calling you their boy/girlfriend is someone who is not really 100% present in a relationship with you.

That guy is higher on her priority list than you are.

About the phone: I'm a lone voice on this one here, but unless you're paying her cell phone bill, it's none of your business who is contacting her on her phone and no you don't need to see it. You're not her dad. If your gut is telling you she's cheating, then that's all you need to go on to make a decision.
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Old 5th March 2018, 11:41 AM   #11
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About the phone: I'm a lone voice on this one here, but unless you're paying her cell phone bill, it's none of your business who is contacting her on her phone and no you don't need to see it. You're not her dad. If your gut is telling you she's cheating, then that's all you need to go on to make a decision.
He said that when she gets a notification she will shield the phone when she checks to see who it's from. That's red flag behavior, and anyone who doesn't realize it as such is naive.

While I've been in relationships phones were always left laying around face up, and nobody ever tried to keep the other from seeing a notification. Phones were often handed back and forth to view photographs or other content without any anxiety, and neither person ever took a phone and started clicking through it.

I agree that nobody has an inherent right to go through someone else's phone, whether they're paying the bill or not (parents/children excepted). Some married couples may have an understanding but that's by agreement and not relevant here.

Bottom line is, the phone guarding while going to great lengths to keep the two guys separate from one another is highly suspect. OP, if I were you I'd start rocking this boat––vigorously. Plan something for the weekends and see if she willingly chooses to spend time with you. I'd also figure out where she's spending nights on these weekends when you're not around. Is she always available to communicate by text or phone on weekend evenings, or does she go dark?

Sometimes people do have purely platonic opposite sex friends, but more often it's something else... orbiters, backups, backdoor men, etc. You already have information that this is not platonic from the guy's perspective (per usual).

Strength of attachment notwithstanding, I'd seriously consider whether you have enough self-respect to say NO to sharing your girlfriend with another guy.

Last edited by salparadise; 5th March 2018 at 11:43 AM..
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Old 5th March 2018, 12:33 PM   #12
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Maybe nothing physical has happened yet but she's cheating on you. I don't even think it's worth the time thinking of a possible alternative. Sorry, pal.

Please don't take it out on the next woman. But make sure you move on to the next woman soon.
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Old 5th March 2018, 12:56 PM   #13
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Well thanks for the advise everyone. I had a feeling for the longest time and got her so upset over the situation about a month ago that she broke into tears thinking I was gonna end the relationship and I convinced myself that if she really cared that much then she wouldn't be cheating. I spent a lot of time with her and her family and her family never seen a problem with her hanging out with this other guy. Anyway now I know and I'm gonna talk to her about this. Thanks again everyone.
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Old 5th March 2018, 1:01 PM   #14
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I'm not big on ultimatums but here they may be in order.

1. You get to hang out with him & her too.

2. She shows you her phone, not all the time but she needs to be a bit more transparent.
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Old 5th March 2018, 2:12 PM   #15
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She has an orbiter, but she keeps him at arms length because she likes the "friendship" and palling around. She knows he would be visibly upset if she brought you around to hang out with this friend. She knows he likes her, but feels she has control over that and it should be ok. Maybe she keeps her phone close to her chest to hide the fact this person contacts her a lot, but the content of the messages are platonic. Anyways she's being a dummy thinking this is OK. There are times you need to adjust your interactions with the opposite sex when in a relationship out of respect. After 2 years...she ain't doing that. This should have been nipped in the bud right at the beginning or made it a deal breaker by the first week of dating....so I give you blame OP for letting her do this for so long. Now you are suck, heavily invested in this relationship with this issue still looming with a possible breakup. Don't let those tears fool you.
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