DMVeep Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I went on a first date with a woman a week and a half ago. She has been very slow to respond to my texts in general. Multiple times I assumed I was being ghosted. At one point, it took her 3 days to respond to a text. She said sorry for the delay, work has been really busy. We are supposed to go on a brunch date tomorrow. She has been so slow to respond though, I have a feeling she probably just isn't that interested. Anyway, my friend is having a brunch party tomorrow at the same time and I kind of just want to cancel the date. Would you cancel a second date if someone was really slow to respond to your texts? She seemed cool initially but the poor communication has been a real annoyance. Is this level of communication something you would accept at the onset? Its hard to know if its legit busy behavior or she is just a ****ty communicator in general. Not an ideal start either way. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I haven't, but wish I did. Slow responders typically have you low on the list. If you are interested you don't want to run the risk of losing the person. If they are genuinely insterested and busy, usually the responses are lengthy. I've got one who is slow but she is busy and traveling but typically sends a paragraph peppered with enthusiasm. And when I say slow it's like a day. Most that are slow end up ghosting. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 You're on a second date with a woman and you want to introduce her to friends / acquaintance already? I find that a bit odd. Here is what I do having learned the hard way (yes, MORE of my rules!) ... 1) Slow responders - They're not that excited about being with you. 2) Introductions - I would wait at least 3 months before I introduce them to friends / acquaintances. If you happen to bump into someone while out and about, it's okay to introduce them to others. Keep things on the downlow for a bit so that you can kind of "cool off" over time. You tend to be excited about the person you're with, but I find if you introduce them too quickly to friends / acquaintance / family immediately, something not good happens. People assume things about you and that person and they lash out. I'm not sure why, it just is. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 You're on a second date with a woman and you want to introduce her to friends / acquaintance already? I find that a bit odd. Here is what I do having learned the hard way (yes, MORE of my rules!) ... 1) Slow responders - They're not that excited about being with you. 2) Introductions - I would wait at least 3 months before I introduce them to friends / acquaintances. If you happen to bump into someone while out and about, it's okay to introduce them to others. Keep things on the downlow for a bit so that you can kind of "cool off" over time. You tend to be excited about the person you're with, but I find if you introduce them too quickly to friends / acquaintance / family immediately, something not good happens. People assume things about you and that person and they lash out. I'm not sure why, it just is. No, he has an opportunity to go to his friends brunch instead of meeting her. He's asking if he should cancel with her to go with his friends. Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I probably wouldn't cancel, if, through all the delayed texts, they've still agreed to meet. After all you have to build the enthusiasm somehow (if your texting isn't doing it). I also wouldn't be shocked if they dissed and didn't even show up though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMVeep Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 I probably wouldn't cancel, if, through all the delayed texts, they've still agreed to meet. After all you have to build the enthusiasm somehow (if your texting isn't doing it). I also wouldn't be shocked if they dissed and didn't even show up though. I decided to go on the date. If she is lukewarm, I'll bail and go to my friend's place. Things should just be getting going at my friend's by the time our meal is complete. Victory!! I know this woman works a lot. She does seem interesting and attractive. Worse case, we have brunch and never see each other again. Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I decided to go on the date. If she is lukewarm, I'll bail and go to my friend's place. Things should just be getting going at my friend's by the time our meal is complete. Victory!! I know this woman works a lot. She does seem interesting and attractive. Worse case, we have brunch and never see each other again. I like the cut of your jib; good luck, wow her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sara1989 Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I find it never ends well with guys who take ages to respond. Also personally, I take a long time to text a guy back when I am meh about him. I am sorta currently seeing someone at the moment I am not that interested in, I take ages to reply to text messages because I am not excited about him...but I am still sort keeping him there on back burner. Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I find it never ends well with guys who take ages to respond. Also personally, I take a long time to text a guy back when I am meh about him. I am sorta currently seeing someone at the moment I am not that interested in, I take ages to reply to text messages because I am not excited about him...but I am still sort keeping him there on back burner. Exactly what happened to me when I was dating. The guys who were slow responders (days in between texts) were always not interested in me. My bf is busy as well, but he never went a day w/out texting me in beginning and even now. Go on a date, but don't get excited, if she keeps up this meh response, move on. Nowadays we all have phones on us all the time, no excuse to go 3 days w/out texting. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I like your best of both worlds solution. If you had wanted to cancel the date earlier in the week, I could have supported that but at the last minute I was going to tell you to honor your commitment or possibly drag her to the brunch since it was at the same time as your date. Seeing her, then seeing your friends seems like the better solution. Let us know how it went. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 With cell phones, there really is no excuse to go so long with no response, no matter how busy they are. If there is interest, there will be communication. At my age, a lot of men prefer the phone call and don't like texting at all, and as it was in the olden days, communication isn't nearly as plentiful, but a little texting in between those calls goes a long way. If there's no communication, especially when I reach out? I consider them not interested. With an upcoming date and no real communication, frankly, I wouldn't expect them to show up at all. I've been stood up before, so I guess you take your chances. I was thinking to follow through on the date. My thought probably lies more in line with one more chance just to be sure. I would hate to miss out on the opportunity to connect with a great, long-term partner due to a slow start, but also in my mind, at least I tried and I won't have lingering feelings of "what if." And it's just rude to bail because something better came up. But at the same time, my friends and I don't get out much, and when we do, I would hate to miss out on that over someone who is lackadaisical at best and you really see this going nowhere. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. No easy answers here. I'm glad the timing of the brunches works out that you can do both if the date falls flat. Waiting for an update. Link to post Share on other sites
Sbla22 Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 My opinion is this (26 year old male) If someone responds fairly quickly there is interest. At least enough to go on a second date. If I text a girl and she doesn't respond for over 2 hours (assuming she isn't working) or if her responses are always minimal with no questions asked of you (meaning she's content for the conversation to end every time) then it's got no chance from experience. Similarly if I am taking ages to respond to someone it's because I'm not that bothered to speak to them and even forget they text sometimes! Sounds bad but if they haven't even crossed your mind that day then why bother? I went on a first date last week - since then we have text every day but not too much. However she will always respond within 30 minutes so far and every other message might ask a question which shows some interest. I have initiated every day so far though. If that was the case 1 month in I'd have to think hard - hate having to always initiate - if this is the case I assume their interest isn't overly high or they are rude/poor communicaters. Link to post Share on other sites
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