max3732 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 I met someone on Bumble (I was really excited) and we've been texting for a bit and I suggested meeting up and picked the place. Once that was settled we were trying to figure out a time and she told me shouldn't do it because she has a child and it's her turn with him. She didn't have anything about that in her profile and I had no idea. I know I don't want to do date someone who already has a child, but as I started to write that I felt bad actually writing it to her. How else can I say it? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Just cancel the date and don't get to know her. You already know it isn't going to work out so why waste your time and hers? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Just tell her it is one of your "deal breakers". Be honest... I'm sure she has heard it before. Personally, I don't date people with children, either. [unless the child is an adult at college, established, etc.] In my younger days, I tried to date a woman with a kid and it was a complete mess. Between the ex-husband, hearing her complain about child support being late & having to pick kid-friendly restaurants, it was a disaster and something I hadn't signed up for. Lesson learned. I had no children, so I didn't want to date someone with children. NEXT!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Yes I vote for being honest. I’m not a parent so I can’t really advise on how to say it. It is difficult I agree! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 I met someone on Bumble (I was really excited) and we've been texting for a bit and I suggested meeting up and picked the place. Once that was settled we were trying to figure out a time and she told me shouldn't do it because she has a child and it's her turn with him. She didn't have anything about that in her profile and I had no idea. I know I don't want to do date someone who already has a child, but as I started to write that I felt bad actually writing it to her. How else can I say it? Don't feel bad about it. And you're right, she should have it in her profile. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your preference to not want to date a woman with kids. Maybe you should put this in your profile as well. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Why would you feel bad? You don't know each other. Send the message and be done with it; much easier than to have to tell her once you actually know her, no? I have kids and wouldn't be the slightest bit upset if someone I'd been texting a few times he doesn't want to take it further on account of my having kids. If it's not your thing, move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Yes I vote for being honest. I’m not a parent so I can’t really advise on how to say it. It is difficult I agree! Maybe OP should just "blame himself." "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't have in my profile that I prefer to date women who don't have kids. I should have made that clear. I'm sorry this won't work out." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Why would you feel bad? You don't know each other. Send the message and be done with it; much easier than to have to tell her once you actually know her, no? I have kids and wouldn't be the slightest bit upset if someone I'd been texting a few times he doesn't want to take it further on account of my having kids. If it's not your thing, move on. Ditto. The last thing I'd want is for someone who had a problem with me being a mom going out with me anyway, knowing he doesn't want to date someone with kids. Waste of everyone's time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 What about something like “sorry to cancel on our date as I was looking forward to meeting you, but I am not ready to be a parent / do not want to be a parent, and so I feel that we are not a match”. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 What about something like “sorry to cancel on our date as I was looking forward to meeting you, but I am not ready to be a parent / do not want to be a parent, and so I feel that we are not a match”. That would be jumping the gun a bit, imo. They've not even met, it's just a first date. 'I don't get involved with mothers / women with kids'. Sorted. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 That would be jumping the gun a bit, imo. They've not even met, it's just a first date. 'I don't get involved with mothers / women with kids'. Sorted. My thinking is why bother having a first date with someone because it might evolve into more. You’re right though it depends on OPs and his date’s intentions. I’m a relationship type so that’s why my response is jumping the gun. If this is just about short term fun then should say something like you’ve suggested. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Simple to send a message that you are sorry, but you didnt realize she had a child, and you prefer not dating women with children. Then wish her good luck and be done with it. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Simple to send a message that you are sorry, but you didnt realize she had a child, and you prefer not dating women with children. Then wish her good luck and be done with it. This is perfect.. sounds less over the top to my suggestion and also not callous like others lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 This is perfect.. sounds less over the top to my suggestion and also not callous like others lol Straight to the point, not callous . I assume people are generally polite enough to add the nicities all by themselves! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 How else can I say it? just ghost her Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 just ghost her Seriously. You don't owe her anything and will have women ghost you all the time on old. I had one spring a surprise kid on me during a text convo and just stopped responding. However, if you are looking for just sex it would be worth going out with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Seriously. You don't owe her anything and will have women ghost you all the time on old. I like to take the higher road. Karma 5 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Just be honest and tell her that you didn't realize she was a mom, and that you do not want to date women who are mothers. And then wish her luck & move on. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Just be honest and tell her that you didn't realize she was a mom, and that you do not want to date women who are mothers. And then wish her luck & move on. try telling to a mother's face that you don't want to date her because she's a mother Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 Seriously. You don't owe her anything and will have women ghost you all the time on old. I had one spring a surprise kid on me during a text convo and just stopped responding. However, if you are looking for just sex it would be worth going out with her. I'm looking for a real relationship, but was hoping to at least get more practice going out with women. I can't in good conscience go out with someone if I know it's not going to go anywhere. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 Just tell her it is one of your "deal breakers". Be honest... I'm sure she has heard it before. Personally, I don't date people with children, either. [unless the child is an adult at college, established, etc.] In my younger days, I tried to date a woman with a kid and it was a complete mess. Between the ex-husband, hearing her complain about child support being late & having to pick kid-friendly restaurants, it was a disaster and something I hadn't signed up for. Lesson learned. I had no children, so I didn't want to date someone with children. NEXT!! That's part of why I don't want to date someone who already has a child. It just makes things way too complicatied for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Straight to the point, not callous . I assume people are generally polite enough to add the nicities all by themselves! Hence posting a thread about it asking for suggestions. It’s not about politeness but it can sometimes be difficult to put pen to paper 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 Hence posting a thread about it asking for suggestions. It’s not about politeness but it can sometimes be difficult to put pen to paper Definitely! I was all set to write something to let her know and then as I read it back I was really concerned about saying something hurtful. I know I've never met her and just exchanged a few text, but I'd feel guilty if I told her in a way that hurt her feelings. I'd imagine it's tough enough dating being a single mom that you don't need insensitive comments. Hence why I asked for help in how to say it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 (edited) Maybe OP should just "blame himself." "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't have in my profile that I prefer to date women who don't have kids. I should have made that clear. I'm sorry this won't work out." OP==is this point made clear in your profile? If not, then you should put this in it. It will save you a lot of wasted time and awkwardness in having to address it. Edited March 3, 2018 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Definitely! I was all set to write something to let her know and then as I read it back I was really concerned about saying something hurtful. I know I've never met her and just exchanged a few text, but I'd feel guilty if I told her in a way that hurt her feelings. I'd imagine it's tough enough dating being a single mom that you don't need insensitive comments. Hence why I asked for help in how to say it. Honestly, you can twist yourself into a pretzel trying to find the right words but it's the 'rejection' that may upset her, not the words you are using. If she's sensible and level headed though, she'll appreciate the fact you have enough gumption (and manners) to let her know why you're not taking it further. She'l be fine regardless, and so will you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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