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Red flags all over??


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 8th March 2018, 4:08 PM   #91
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Originally Posted by SerPundnes View Post
My response:
I'm proud of you for kicking her to the curb but please, get rid of her stuff ASAP and then, as said somewhere above, go 100% ghost on her. She thrives on your attention; remove it completely and she will feel severely uncomfortable, trust me.

Every time you respond to her she knows she's still got a carrot dangling in front of you. Don't give her that satisfaction. Get rid of her stuff and forget about her. Give yourself six months to adjust. You'll be fine.
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Old 8th March 2018, 4:08 PM   #92
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Drop her stuff off - this is action you can take instead of leaving it up to her to send someone over.

This is you taking control and getting it finalized in your terms, not hers.


She knew it was unacceptable - that's why she asked... she's just surprised now that you state it's over.

Expect drama from her - do not respond. Only text after you drop off re stuff - text that her crap is in her apt. That's it - no more.
I was thinking about dropping the bag off at the bagage-service at the airport. They can store bagage for you for weeks.

You think that's why she asked? And do you really think she's surprised by my answer?
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Old 8th March 2018, 4:11 PM   #93
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The last few weeks I really haven't thought about it much, but yesterday it all really hit me, espacily when she sent me the snap of the bed they were gonna share ..
Young man,

Despite an extremely lame attempt at thread jacking, you have been given solid advice.

I know this stuff hurts. We all do. But again, look at what I quoted you from.

Her sending snaps of the bed she will be sharing is not only beyond disrespectful, it demonstrates the one thing that all these types of people have in common.

It's all about them. You have nothing to do with it.

I think that is usually the hardest part for many of us to accept. We can go for years blaming ourselves, but in the end, we never even figured into their thought process.

They need what they want, and they want what they need

It would never register to such a person that consequences may ensue for such behavior. Their overall desire to look out for number 1 supersedes everything else, either with malicious intent or by complete and utter cluelessness (of which I think your hopefully soon to be ex falls into the latter).

The result is the same. Always is.

She will continue to sashay around the Town Square under the Parasol of Selfishness until she has consequence enough to wise up.

I am afraid any consequence you show her will be met with indignation and surprise. If for no other reason than she can't see beyond her own nose.

And no, it's not just women, plenty of men exhibit the same behaviors. Regardless of gender, the situation sucks for those exposed to it.

Just accept that the one to show her consequences of a concrete nature is not going to be you. It will be someone she dates down the line, because the batteries have run out on this relationship for all intents and purposes.

Love is a wicked game, it would be a lot less wicked if people recognized with their gut instead of their heart that such people need to be released to their destiny.

Just walk away. You'll be better off for it. Let her play the oblivious act on someone else.
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Last edited by Space Ritual; 8th March 2018 at 4:16 PM..
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Old 8th March 2018, 4:19 PM   #94
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Originally Posted by Space Ritual View Post
Young man,

Despite an extremely lame attempt at thread jacking, you have been given solid advice.

I know this stuff hurts. We all do. But again, look at what I quoted you from.

Her sending snaps of the bed she will be sharing is not only beyond disrespectful, it demonstrates the one thing that all these types of people have in common.

It's all about them. You have nothing to do with it.

I think that is usually the hardest part for many of us to accept. We can go for years blaming ourselves, but in the end, we never even figured into their thought process.

They need what they want, and they want what they need

It would never register to such a person that consequences may ensue for such behavior. Their overall desire to look out for number 1 supersedes everything else, either with malicious intent or by complete and utter cluelessness (of which I think your hopefully soon to be ex falls into the latter).

The result is the same. Always is.

She will continue to sashay around the Town Square under the Parasol of Selfishness until she has consequence enough to wise up.

I am afraid any consequence you show her will be met with indignation and surprise. If for no other reason than she can't see beyond her own nose.

And no, it's not just women, plenty of men exhibit the same behaviors. Regardless of gender, the situation sucks for those exposed to it.

Just accept that the one to show her consequences of a concrete nature is not going to be you. It will be someone she dates down the line, because the batteries have run out on this relationship for all intents and purposes.

Love is a wicked game, it would be a lot less wicked if people recognized with their gut instead of their heart that such people need to be released to their destiny.

Just walk away. You'll be better off for it. Let her play the oblivious act on someone else.
Thank you for your respone! You have alot of wise words!

What is thread jacking? (english is not my native language).
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Old 8th March 2018, 4:23 PM   #95
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Originally Posted by SerPundnes View Post
I was thinking about dropping the bag off at the bagage-service at the airport. They can store bagage for you for weeks.

You think that's why she asked? And do you really think she's surprised by my answer?
Don't drop it there. It leaves room for her to claim it got lost and blame you.

Have someone go with you (for proof) leave it at her place and walk away - send a text saying her stuff is at her place. Then block her.

Done! All done!
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Old 8th March 2018, 4:25 PM   #96
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Originally Posted by SerPundnes View Post
I was thinking about dropping the bag off at the bagage-service at the airport. They can store bagage for you for weeks.

You think that's why she asked? And do you really think she's surprised by my answer?
----Who cares. Champagne High brother. Ditch it and quit it...

And pleeeeeeze, do not keep her in the wings and reply back and forth. Block and delete the number.
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Old 8th March 2018, 4:27 PM   #97
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Yeah, I also think she was "testing" me to see if I'd buldge.

She really has been horrible to me, and I can't understand how I accept it ..

I thought the idea was for you just to drop the stuff off at her place (with the key) and then be done with it. In fact I am surprised you even still have her stuff

Really, drop the stuff off at her place w the key and do it ASAP. That will clear a huge mental load as after that point on there will be no need of any further interaction. The longer her stuff is at your place (and you have to see it), the longer you will be thinking of how to drop her stuff off ect and so the longer you will be thinking of her. Stop stalling! Instead just clear the drama out right away.

Last edited by Imajerk17; 8th March 2018 at 4:32 PM..
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Old 8th March 2018, 4:39 PM   #98
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I just told her to get someone to pick it up, so I don't have to see her when delivering it to her on the airport. I thought I did good?
You're taking the right steps forward but choosing to get there the long way. You have a key, you have her bag. Leave it at her home and make a clean break.

I am not sure why you're making this hard on yourself by creating more drama -- leaving the bag at baggage service at the airport?!

You're upset and you want to stick it to her. I know how you feel. But you're only doing yourself a disservice by dragging this out and leaving small windows open for more communication/contact. Infact, you may just want to have those small windows open because you're not truly ready to let it go. You want some sort of emotional response from her so you're dragging it out.
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Last edited by Zahara; 8th March 2018 at 4:43 PM..
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Old 8th March 2018, 7:18 PM   #99
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Originally Posted by Imajerk17 View Post
I'm sorry but I (and about every other heterosexual man out there) would NOT be OK with this if I were the boyfriend, and I would STRONGLY encourage every other guy to not be OK with this either.

And just the same, a woman should NOT be OK with her boyfriend sleeping in the same bed with another woman.

What is with the younger generation and this whole Cuddle Buddies thing? Jeeze Louize!
Just saying, not everyone who has opposite sex friends is also sleeping with them.

That aside, I certainly would not sleep in the same bed with a male friend now that I am in a relationship - simply out of respect for my partner.

And I also said OP likely made the right decision. It's his choice what he puts up with and what not.
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Old 8th March 2018, 9:27 PM   #100
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Originally Posted by SerPundnes View Post
Thank you for your respone! You have alot of wise words!

What is thread jacking? (english is not my native language).
Basically what I described in my last post. lol.

It is neither a surprise or a secret that threads over 2 pages long tend to take a life of their own. It is the nature of the beast.

The goal we have here is for you to be exposed to a variety of viewpoints based on our collective experiences. Many of us (myself included) can be extremely subjective. Sometimes to the point of the thread becoming moot or off topic.

It is just a product of so many people expressing themselves at the same time.

And your English is better than mine, because I'm a 'Murican lol
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Old 11th March 2018, 11:36 AM   #101
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Just a quick update here.

I still have her stuff, I can't drop it off at her place because I can't lock her door if I leave the key inside the appartment.

Anyways, she has gotten really desperate now. I have told her about 10 times now that we got nothing to talk about. She called me 5 times in a row on Friday.

She has mentioned three times now that she wants to head home earlier from the vacation .. I have just ignored it all.

Her last message to me says that she really has to explain this whole situation, and she wants answers from me, and ended it with "tell me if you want me to leave earlier" ..

Haven't answered her, I think shes having a hard time atm.
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Old 11th March 2018, 12:25 PM   #102
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Originally Posted by SerPundnes View Post
Just a quick update here.

I still have her stuff, I can't drop it off at her place because I can't lock her door if I leave the key inside the appartment.

Anyways, she has gotten really desperate now. I have told her about 10 times now that we got nothing to talk about. She called me 5 times in a row on Friday.

She has mentioned three times now that she wants to head home earlier from the vacation .. I have just ignored it all.

Her last message to me says that she really has to explain this whole situation, and she wants answers from me, and ended it with "tell me if you want me to leave earlier" ..

Haven't answered her, I think shes having a hard time atm.
Drop off her items at baggage service at the airport, text her back to tell her where her stuff is, and then say to her that you are done and there will be no further communication on your end and you are blocking.

You really need to get her baggage completely out of your care and your life ASAP (pun intended)

Last edited by Imajerk17; 11th March 2018 at 12:30 PM..
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Old 11th March 2018, 2:28 PM   #103
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Originally Posted by SerPundnes View Post
Just a quick update here.

I still have her stuff, I can't drop it off at her place because I can't lock her door if I leave the key inside the appartment.

Anyways, she has gotten really desperate now. I have told her about 10 times now that we got nothing to talk about. She called me 5 times in a row on Friday.

She has mentioned three times now that she wants to head home earlier from the vacation .. I have just ignored it all.

Her last message to me says that she really has to explain this whole situation, and she wants answers from me, and ended it with "tell me if you want me to leave earlier" ..

Haven't answered her, I think shes having a hard time atm.

You mentioned in one of your posts that dropping her things at her mother’s is an option. Then do that — if it gets her stuff off your hands.

If you’re going to end it, then relay it to her clearly and cut the cord. The silent treatment/vagueness is only going to push her to keep communicating with you. It feeds your ego and it does make you feel valuable but when she cuts contact and tires of the silence, you’re going to crash.
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Old 11th March 2018, 3:57 PM   #104
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Originally Posted by SerPundnes View Post
Just a quick update here.

Anyways, she has gotten really desperate now. I have told her about 10 times now that we got nothing to talk about. She called me 5 times in a row on Friday.

She has mentioned three times now that she wants to head home earlier from the vacation .. I have just ignored it all.

Her last message to me says that she really has to explain this whole situation, and she wants answers from me, and ended it with "tell me if you want me to leave earlier" ..

Haven't answered her, I think shes having a hard time atm.
Well, I'd like to add my 2 cents here after hearing this, because as I suspected (since I'm currently in a similar situation with my own bf), people here have been unfairly judging your gf and really misleading you here.

All of this shows that she really cares about you and that almost surely nothing was going on. Isn't that obvious? If she was really cheating on you she wouldn't be acting like this, she'd just let you go. I'm afraid that other people here have been projecting their own experiences into your situation, when in reality they may not apply at all.

You said she already planned this vacation before you were with her, so what's the big deal? So they have to sleep in the same bed, so what? That doesn't mean she's cheating on you. I have shared a bed with my guy friend many times after we've been studying together all day, just so he wouldn't have to sleep on the floor, and not once have we ever succumbed to any temptation. And that is because we are both in relationships and respect our partners. Just because someone shares a bed with someone else, out of convenience and mutual respect, that does not mean they are cheating. Not everyone lacks basic self-control to the point that sleeping in the same bed definitely equates to cheating. Perhaps that might apply to the people that are slandering this poor girl here, but it doesn't apply to everyone, I can assure you.

Heck, the other day my guy friend and I slept together for like over 4 hours and we even cuddled a bit, but not once did any inappropriate touching ever occur. I respect my bf too much for that, and my friend respects me too much for that, so it was all good. We are just good friends who have known each other for a long time and who have been there for each other many times, that doesn't mean we necessarily have any physical connection. And I suspect your gf has the same kind of relationship with her friend.

And it's plain to see by how she is acting now. I'm honestly surprised that anyone would still judge her after your last post.
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Old 11th March 2018, 4:05 PM   #105
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Well, I'd like to add my 2 cents here after hearing this, because as I suspected (since I'm currently in a similar situation with my own bf), people here have been unfairly judging your gf and really misleading you here.

All of this shows that she really cares about you and that almost surely nothing was going on. Isn't that obvious? If she was really cheating on you she wouldn't be acting like this, she'd just let you go. I'm afraid that other people here have been projecting their own experiences into your situation, when in reality they may not apply at all.

You said she already planned this vacation before you were with her, so what's the big deal? So they have to sleep in the same bed, so what? That doesn't mean she's cheating on you. I have shared a bed with my guy friend many times after we've been studying together all day, just so he wouldn't have to sleep on the floor, and not once have we ever succumbed to any temptation. And that is because we are both in relationships and respect our partners. Just because someone shares a bed with someone else, out of convenience and mutual respect, that does not mean they are cheating. Not everyone lacks basic self-control to the point that sleeping in the same bed definitely equates to cheating. Perhaps that might apply to the people that are slandering this poor girl here, but it doesn't apply to everyone, I can assure you.

Heck, the other day my guy friend and I slept together for like over 4 hours and we even cuddled a bit, but not once did any inappropriate touching ever occur. I respect my bf too much for that, and my friend respects me too much for that, so it was all good. We are just good friends who have known each other for a long time and who have been there for each other many times, that doesn't mean we necessarily have any physical connection. And I suspect your gf has the same kind of relationship with her friend.

And it's plain to see by how she is acting now. I'm honestly surprised that anyone would still judge her after your last post.
lol ur deluded. you think its appropriate to cuddle your friend when u have a boyfriend haha. wow how women rationalise things. this post is the reason why men are confused
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