LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Red flags all over??


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree240Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 3rd March 2018, 5:31 PM   #16
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flame Aura View Post
There is something seriously wrong with this woman.

You have noticed the red flags... you know what to do.

3 months is not that long really. Find someone who appreciates you for you.
Yeah, I have seen the red flags thanks to earlier relationships .. Haha, every one of them is a learning experience.
SerPundnes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2018, 5:32 PM   #17
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 6,621
Only juveniles run their relationships past committees for approval.

If she's not grown enough to make up her own mind and exercise her own judgement, then leave her alone. There is always going to be someone not in the relationship who has veto power and there is nothing you can do about it--she's going to listen to them no matter how you feel or what you say.

Continue at your own stubborn peril.
__________________
If the person you're with treats you in any way other than well, and you keep sticking around trying to make it work, you're no longer a victim of what they're doing--you're a volunteer. ~ Derrick Jaxn
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2018, 5:35 PM   #18
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
Only juveniles run their relationships past committees for approval.

If she's not grown enough to make up her own mind and exercise her own judgement, then leave her alone. There is always going to be someone not in the relationship who has veto power and there is nothing you can do about it--she's going to listen to them no matter how you feel or what you say.

Continue at your own stubborn peril.
That's a very good point, haven't thought about it like that ..
You think she will listen to her best friend even though she says she never has listened to him?
SerPundnes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2018, 5:50 PM   #19
Established Member
 
CommittedToThis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Southern California
Posts: 279
OP, I learned this the hard way so please listen up.

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. End of story.

You have valid concerns. Something's not adding up. You're on edge about this woman. You smell BS.

You've gotta trust that gut feeling, my friend. I would strongly consider leaving this one with her BFF.
__________________
Take a straight and stronger course...
CommittedToThis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2018, 7:29 PM   #20
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 6,621
Quote:
Originally Posted by SerPundnes View Post
That's a very good point, haven't thought about it like that ..
You think she will listen to her best friend even though she says she never has listened to him?
According to you, she also said:
Quote:
- The other night she spent the night over, we had a small fight, she leaves the bedroom to go call her bestfriend (same guy shes going on 2 weeks vacation with).

She told me a little about this guy, and she said "when you meet him, don't be afraid that he is not talking too much with you, because he is observing you to see if you're a good match for me. He cares about me that way".
For someone who's not gay or not related to her, this is a bit too intrusive.

She's running you by his committee. He's in your relationship and he's directing traffic--she says she doesn't listen to him, but what is she doing when she's on the phone with him? Playing drums? How is your name even in his mouth?

His observations about you have no weight in your relationship--or they shouldn't have any weight. She should be grown enough to know if you and she can make a go of this or not. She doesn't need him holding her hand or wiping her behind over it. Either you're good enough or you're not.
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2018, 7:41 PM   #21
Established Member
 
act00's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,520
The second I read "they spoon," was the second I determined this relationship with this "friend" is more than "friend." Let me ask you this, OP. In your life experience and with people you know, how many platonic friends spoon? Do you spoon with any of your platonic friends? Do you spoon with your buds? Do any of your dude friends spoon with each other? Do you spoon with your guy friends if ever you end up sleeping in the same bed? Do you think that if you're taking a trip and you have to share a room and a bed with your guy friend, you'll snuggle up and spoon?

That's your answer.
act00 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2018, 11:17 PM   #22
Established Member
 
mortensorchid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Northeast Ohio
Posts: 4,487
Too many red flags here. If only one of those things were happening, there is room for doubt, but all of those things? No way. I'd get out while the getting is still good.
mortensorchid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2018, 11:30 PM   #23
Established Member
 
rightondude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: deep south
Posts: 314
this would have to be some bomb ass booty for me to even consider spending one more second in this mixed up situation. These dudes hanging around are most certainly either waiting to, have already, or still are, messing around with this woman. You will never have piece of mind in this relationship.

You have to be someone who already has a lot of "women friends" prior to getting into a situation like this. Then everyone basically sleazes around the whole time. If you're a novice normal dude (like me, and I have been in your situation and tried rationalizing it the whole time, driving myself crazy) it WILL NOT work out.
rightondude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2018, 11:59 PM   #24
S2B
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,959
Why do you want to date anyone that's doing these things to you and that is setting you up to seek approval from a man that hovering to see if he approves of you?

No.can.do... ditch this one.
S2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th March 2018, 7:11 AM   #25
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 17
"I have not met this guy. They planned the trip like right before she met me, that's why I don't think I have anything to say about it, agreed?"

She made the plans when she didn't have a BF. Now that she has a BF - that being you, then any sensible partner would have canceled said plans. If not she is not relationship material
ARAMCOMAN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th March 2018, 10:34 AM   #26
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by CommittedToThis View Post
OP, I learned this the hard way so please listen up.

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. End of story.

You have valid concerns. Something's not adding up. You're on edge about this woman. You smell BS.

You've gotta trust that gut feeling, my friend. I would strongly consider leaving this one with her BFF.
Yes, I guess you're right. Something tells me to follow my gut feeling (apart from you) ..
SerPundnes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th March 2018, 10:35 AM   #27
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
According to you, she also said:
For someone who's not gay or not related to her, this is a bit too intrusive.

She's running you by his committee. He's in your relationship and he's directing traffic--she says she doesn't listen to him, but what is she doing when she's on the phone with him? Playing drums? How is your name even in his mouth?

His observations about you have no weight in your relationship--or they shouldn't have any weight. She should be grown enough to know if you and she can make a go of this or not. She doesn't need him holding her hand or wiping her behind over it. Either you're good enough or you're not.
Haha, playing drums, good one. I have no idea what they're talking about, wich is also a bit a problem .. Is she laying out details about me to another guy, that she would normally do with her girl friends? No way to know ..
SerPundnes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th March 2018, 10:36 AM   #28
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by act00 View Post
The second I read "they spoon," was the second I determined this relationship with this "friend" is more than "friend." Let me ask you this, OP. In your life experience and with people you know, how many platonic friends spoon? Do you spoon with any of your platonic friends? Do you spoon with your buds? Do any of your dude friends spoon with each other? Do you spoon with your guy friends if ever you end up sleeping in the same bed? Do you think that if you're taking a trip and you have to share a room and a bed with your guy friend, you'll snuggle up and spoon?

That's your answer.
You got a good point there.
I like how everyone on this thread is agreeing about my situation, that explains alot.
SerPundnes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th March 2018, 10:37 AM   #29
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by rightondude View Post
this would have to be some bomb ass booty for me to even consider spending one more second in this mixed up situation. These dudes hanging around are most certainly either waiting to, have already, or still are, messing around with this woman. You will never have piece of mind in this relationship.

You have to be someone who already has a lot of "women friends" prior to getting into a situation like this. Then everyone basically sleazes around the whole time. If you're a novice normal dude (like me, and I have been in your situation and tried rationalizing it the whole time, driving myself crazy) it WILL NOT work out.
Could you tell me a bit about the situation you were in? Really want to hear. PM me if that's better.
SerPundnes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th March 2018, 11:13 AM   #30
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 28,052
Quote:
Originally Posted by SerPundnes View Post
Thanks for the response!

I have not met this guy. They planned the trip like right before she met me, that's why I don't think I have anything to say about it, agreed?

She told me a little about this guy, and she said "when you meet him, don't be afraid that he is not talking too much with you, because he is observing you to see if you're a good match for me. He cares about me that way".

At this point I'm not holding much hope for this relationship. I think her and my view of what a relationship is is totally different.
I think you are right to give up hope. The more you write, the worse this is.

This buddy who won't talk to you much is biding his time until your GF wakes up & dates him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SerPundnes View Post
She explained that to me so I wouldn't have to worry .. Loads of bull, if you ask me.

And about the 2 weeks vacation she told me "we are traveling around, so I don't know if we got seperate rooms or even seperate beds in all places, but that dosen't matter".

I feel really uncomfortable about the whole thing, not just the vacation, although that's 90% of it ..
Oh hell no. Since she made the travel plans before she met you, you are right that you can't balk much but since she now has a BF you'd think that she would make darn sure she had her own bed, even if they couldn't afford their own rooms.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Ignoring green flags just as bad as ignoring red flags? Darren2013 General Relationship Discussion 0 3rd December 2014 9:43 PM
Reg Flags??? ech Dating 10 7th October 2011 9:05 PM
red flags gamechanger Dating 16 4th October 2011 9:57 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:57 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.