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OLD: Catfish alert?


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Old 3rd March 2018, 7:56 PM   #16
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The nearest cities are anywhere from 1-3 hours away.
The scammer I dealt with told me that he lived about 30 miles from me. He had a phone number with a local area code. The truth of his matter was that he was sitting in an internet cafe in Ghana and he had a google phone number with a local area code to make it look like he was just 30 miles away. So this guy can be using what appears to be a local area code, but he's nowhere near you.

Preraph is right on target--get him to facetime, skype (and even then you have to be careful because they know how to loop stolen video of the person to make it look like you've got a bad connection, but there are ways to smoke them out of that). If he refuses or says his cell phone camera doesn't work, cut him off right then and there and block him. You're dealing with someone grooming you to scam you.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 8:54 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by TheBlingRing14 View Post
Well....yes and no to your last question.

The thing that is just so tricky about OLD, or maybe it is just for me, is it's hard to put a time limit on things. If he hasn't asked you out in 2 days, is it a problem? A week? A month? And there is the fine line between being smartly patient and being stupid about it, you know? He does initiate conversations, and he initiated our voice messages. He offered to bring me some soup when I wasn't feeling well. I just don't wanna push the envelope on the off chance that maybe it's me being too impatient, does that make sense?

And honestly, even if he did ask me out, I probably wouldn't be able to make it down there for like 3 to 4 weeks, so really, I shouldn't be in any hurry. Also, his job...he works like 2nd shifts, which is obviously the time frame I would be available. He messages me from work sometimes and stuff, but...I imagine it would make dating a bit tough.

It's just that this guy.....if he is who has portrayed himself to be is like....really, really, REALLY hot. Way out of any league I thought I would have a shot with. So...like I said...I kind of got into my own head a bit.
I've done this "long distance" and "too busy" situation on OLD. How much is too long? Seconds and minutes is too long. No meet, no text. This is how you weed out the frauds and scammers and dudes who are married or bored or need an ego boost or like the IDEA of a girlfriend/wife, but not actually DOING it...there is no "too soon." No meet, no text, no talk.

Oh yeah, the work schedule opposite of yours is always a good way to keep you locked in with a super great excuse of never meeting or having the ability to meet...done that one too. It could be that they travel a lot for work, but with cell phones, this excuse doesn't jive, so they claim military or government work in Iraq or something...there's always an excuse.

He OFFERED to bring soup but didn't produce it...he has not planned to meet you in your rural town.

Time limits? On OLD, I want to meet pronto. Okay, maybe this weekend may not work because plans are already established, but next weekend for sure, if not a quickie on a work night. Long distance? I got myself involved with someone, and actually met in person, once, but low and behold, he was just "always busy" and work schedules didn't mesh, and even on the weekends, when he was off work, the guy was busy with this or that or the other thing and couldn't spare a phone call. How are you supposed to grow a relationship if you can't so much as get a phone call?

You think the guy is the bee's knees and genuine, but you are questioning his validity...put that to the test and demand a meetup. You can't lose. If he's genuine but flaky and not ready to pursue a relationship, you just spared yourself some heartache. If he's a fraud, you spared yourself a nightmare.
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Old 4th March 2018, 2:10 PM   #18
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If heís not local donít waste your time. There is a real chance heís catfishing you. He probably took the pictures off someoneís Facebook or IG. The fact he doesnít come up in google image search means nothing. I would ask to FaceTime or Skype to see if heís legit. My guess is he wonít. Thereís your answer.
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Old 4th March 2018, 7:20 PM   #19
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Thanks everyone. So, I've decided to go forward treading very carefully. I talked to him a little bit about wanting to go on a date very soon, so he knows where I stand, and I'm not going to push it.

I have decided to continue getting to know the other guys on my radar, just like normal. And, if he messages me, I'll talk to him. But, I'm just going to assume it's not going anywhere, until he proves to me otherwise.

I don't want to burn any bridges, though, so I am not going to stop talking to him entirely. I am just going to only invest as much in him as he does in me, no more.

So, we shall see where this situation goes. Probably nowhere.
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Old 4th March 2018, 9:38 PM   #20
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Just ask him to have a Skype/Facetime call.
Problem solved.
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Old 5th March 2018, 10:14 AM   #21
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Just ask him to have a Skype/Facetime call.
Problem solved.
I'm curious as to why OP won't consider doing this...
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Old 5th March 2018, 12:42 PM   #22
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Question not necessarily for the OP: what is the point of the scam? I get the catfishing, people wanting to feel the joy of communicating as someone else for whatever reason that floats their boat. But what is the end game on the scam? Getting you to Venmo them money? What is the catfisher in Ghana looking to achieve?

As for the OP, the only evidence you have is that he's good looking. Apparently out of your league. Not a lot of evidence. The out of state thing could be a move or it could be dirty but you never know the story. Personally, I'd just insist on a phone call. Yes, he could be in Ghana but you get a much more organic conversation with a person that hopefully puts you more at ease. And then it's time to meet, at which point you make sure someone knows who you are with and where.

When I do a first meet from OLD, I always give my first and last name and license plate number. That might be more than others give but I want the woman to feel safe. Get something from him before you meet. But in the meantime, being slow, cautious, and moving forward doesn't seem dangerous.
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Old 5th March 2018, 3:31 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by lurker74 View Post
Question not necessarily for the OP: what is the point of the scam? I get the catfishing, people wanting to feel the joy of communicating as someone else for whatever reason that floats their boat. But what is the end game on the scam? Getting you to Venmo them money? What is the catfisher in Ghana looking to achieve?
Yes--but he wanted to use Western Union to do it. He was looking to get his hands on money he didn't earn and used whatever ruse he could conjure to do it.

They will say "oh, my job is sending me out of the country for a few weeks, so we can't meet"... and then there are crisis or problems that they "get into" and you are the only person who can help them because they love you so much and once they get back, they will have made all this money from their job assignment, blah blah blah..." Mine just picked the wrong chick, so he got nothing out of me and I was able to set a trap for him and find out exactly where he was.

I have to say, though, the younger one is, the less likely they're running into scammers because scammers don't believe younger people have money saved for retirement as would older people. But these males will set up accounts as women as well as men, so they're predating on people mainly in their 50's.

Last edited by kendahke; 5th March 2018 at 3:35 PM..
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Old 5th March 2018, 3:48 PM   #24
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Dial his number right now and FaceTime with him.

You will have your answer. He will either pick up or not.

If he doesn't - he's not trying to date you - he's just wasting your time.

Don't waste time on scammers - and certainly don't give info or money to him.

Men who want to date meet with you right away.
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Old 5th March 2018, 6:06 PM   #25
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Some people are incredibly lonely. They are bored and have nothing else better to do than make up a fake profile. Most catfish donít meet. They will suddenly close their acct, or eventually find some gullible sucker and ask them for money. This crap is rampant. I caution you about giving out too much info you may find yourself at the other end of a scam. Imo 75% of the people online are undateable. They are cheating, living with their Parents, broke, or desperate so they put up a profile. You will probably only meet a couple people if that worth a damn.

If itís too good to be true it probably is.



Quote:
Originally Posted by lurker74 View Post
Question not necessarily for the OP: what is the point of the scam? I get the catfishing, people wanting to feel the joy of communicating as someone else for whatever reason that floats their boat. But what is the end game on the scam? Getting you to Venmo them money? What is the catfisher in Ghana looking to achieve?

As for the OP, the only evidence you have is that he's good looking. Apparently out of your league. Not a lot of evidence. The out of state thing could be a move or it could be dirty but you never know the story. Personally, I'd just insist on a phone call. Yes, he could be in Ghana but you get a much more organic conversation with a person that hopefully puts you more at ease. And then it's time to meet, at which point you make sure someone knows who you are with and where.

When I do a first meet from OLD, I always give my first and last name and license plate number. That might be more than others give but I want the woman to feel safe. Get something from him before you meet. But in the meantime, being slow, cautious, and moving forward doesn't seem dangerous.
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Old 5th March 2018, 6:53 PM   #26
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When I did OLD years ago I wouldn't meet anyone who didn't have a workplace where I could verify they were who they claimed to be. Had to talk with a secretary first or see a definite online presence. Not talking about social media, but rather trail of accomplishments that shows what one has been doing in their lives. I'd need to see something like this before considering to meet a person.
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Old 5th March 2018, 8:03 PM   #27
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Okay, here's an update. It wasn't that I was refusing to do video chat. It's just that I had just had the "Why haven't you asked me out?" conversation, and I didn't want to pile onto it immediately after. I've actually lost out on a really cool, really legit guy because he thought I was too suspicious. He said if I was so suspicious without even meeting him, what kind of gf would I be? And he said he worried about me being jealous, suspicious, snooping, stuff like that. So, I didn't want to come across as overly eager or accusatory.

That said, I was able to casually slip it into conversation today. I just asked, again casually, what the chances were we could work out a skype/facetime deal this week. So, his response was to ask if Facetime was related to Facebook? Um. Are there really people out there who don't know what Facetime is? I answered him, and I have not heard anything since. So, it sounds like I have my answer.

To answer the question about why people Catfish....I think sometimes it is for monetary/scam reasons. But, I would wager to say that most of the time, it's not. I think most of the time it's mean-spirited people who enjoy embarrassing people or breaking their hearts. They get some sort of perverse joy in it. And, as was mentioned, in some instances, people are just lonely and/or living a fantasy world and they get caught up in it.
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Old 5th March 2018, 8:09 PM   #28
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Playing dumb is he?

Ya...next...

He's a time waster - you can tell him that too.

My Mom is 83 and she knows what FaceTime is.
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Old 5th March 2018, 8:15 PM   #29
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It wouldn't surprise me if there were some 50+ year old people who didn't know what Facetime was. But, it would shock me that a 30 year old doesn't.

Yeah, my parents know what it is as well. So, either he is older than he is presenting or he is playing dumb, like you said. I know some people aren't Apple people,but still. I would find it hard to believe they had never come across it in their lives.
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Old 6th March 2018, 11:00 AM   #30
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It's just that I had just had the "Why haven't you asked me out?" conversation, and I didn't want to pile onto it immediately after. I've actually lost out on a really cool, really legit guy because he thought I was too suspicious. He said if I was so suspicious without even meeting him, what kind of gf would I be? And he said he worried about me being jealous, suspicious, snooping, stuff like that. So, I didn't want to come across as overly eager or accusatory.
And that's another ploy they use--to make it seem that you are the one who cannot be trusted because you don't trust them---someone you've never laid eyes on in the flesh. My scammer tried this one with me and I wasn't having it--because when I said "Ok, then leave me alone", his whole tune changed. Why? Because he was after my money.

No, you haven't lost out on a legit guy. . A legit guy would be happy to answer those questions because he knows you two have not met in person yet and only a knucklehead would not be suspicious when things about this person they're talking with aren't adding up. Anyone would be suspicious of someone who is going out of their way to not set up a first meeting/date.

Ask him: would he hand over the keys to his house to someone he's never met in person? Wouldn't he be suspicious of someone he's never seen in person who wanted access to his home?

No, he's playing you and that's why he's gone ghost since you mentioned facetime.

YOu have to get to the point with him that you don't care what he thinks of you because he hasn't proven to you that he is who/what he says he is.

And 50+ people do know what facetime is. It's a verb now and most everyone knows this. This guy is playing you. That's the difference.

Just be prepared for the "the camera on my phone doesn't work" excuse.
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