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OLD: Catfish alert?


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Old 3rd March 2018, 10:16 AM   #1
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OLD: Catfish alert?

So, I met this guy online. I messaged him, which I know doesn't necessarily mean anything, because some people create fake profiles and sit back and wait. Anyway, we've really hit it off and gotten along and it's wonderful.

The trouble is the guy is absolutely gorgeous. Stone cold gorgeous. And, I don't put that much stock in looks. Even if the guy was a 6, because of the way our personalities jive, I'd still think he was great. Anyway...I'm starting to get inside my head that a guy this good looking....what is he doing with me?

So...I've started the gumshoe thing, and by searching for his first name and/or his username on Google, I haven't come up with anything. Can't find him on Facebook. Next step was doing an image search. I used a number of different image searches, and they all came up with nothing. (which isn't necessarily good if they are not even finding the website from which I got the pic itself) I finally did a Google reverse image search. It didn't come up with much, other than another profile on the same dating site....same pictures, same wording....just in a completely different state.

I know this is far from a smoking gun. Maybe he moved, and just created a whole new profile, which doesn't make a ton of sense, but....maybe. He has sent me other pictures that did not show up on either of the profiles, so if he is getting pictures from somewhere, I don't know where it would be. But, the fact that I can't find anything of him anywhere, other than this duplicate profile...I'm worried.

Any suggestions on how to feel out the situation? I don't want to come out and point blank say, "Send me a picture right now of you holding up today's newspaper" or something creepy like that. I think eventually bringing up video chat would make sense, but I don't know that we are far enough into it to try that. Other ideas???
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Old 3rd March 2018, 10:31 AM   #2
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Yes, don’t even talk to men who live far away. That is how you prevent the headaches that come with long distance relationships. Set a distance, say an hours drive from you (mine is 30 mins), and stick to it.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 11:14 AM   #3
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I'm assuming this guy is long distance? Any plans to meet? That's step one. Plan to meet.

I don't think it's ever "too early" or "too soon" to plan a phone conversation, whether it's video or audio. Real people won't be opposed to a conversation. I won't do video but will have a phone conversation.

You shouldn't worry about him scurrying away at the prospect of talking on the phone or even video. If he's fake, this is how you're going to find out.

Outside of a conversation or meeting, fakes can't talk about stuff like their major crossroads where they live. They may not even know what that means. They can't talk about a local restaurant or if there's a Taco Bell nearby or a good sale at Fry's or a traffic jam on their way home. They can't really discuss their personal daily life and trials because it's all fake. They can't have a conversation on the phone because it's too spontaneous and conversations tend to go in different directions.

Are you picking up on discrepancies when you text? Things aren't adding up or details change? Are messages a bit too superficial? Is he vague on daily life details?

For me, I don't bother with long distance. It's not unheard of that couples meet and make a life together through meeting long distance, but overall, I find these long distance connections shady at best. I don't have the time or the money to pursue such a thing anyway. I want someone local and tangible. No meet, no text.

I think the bottom line is you shouldn't worry about pushing the envelope. If this guy is real, he's going to want the same things you do - voice or video chat and meet. If he's opposed, and if it causes him to run, he's fake, and you accomplished exactly what you wanted...sussing out if he's real or not.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 1:28 PM   #4
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Is this long distanxe? I don't see that in the OP.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 1:28 PM   #5
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I don’t use social media at all but if you google my name (and both my first and last names are quite uncommon) at least a few things will come up. Keep talking if you like him but keep your antennas up. Try to meet up soon..if he makes excuses, he’s a catfish.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 1:30 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by grays View Post
Is this long distanxe? I don't see that in the OP.
I think people are getting confused because heís got a duplicate profile with a location in a different state.

Itís possible he moved from that state recently and didnít bother to take the other profile down.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 1:31 PM   #7
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It sounds like me like you WANT this guy to be true. IMHO (of course!) no harm in chatting with him if you like it, unless you are just too busy for that. Just don't put all your eggs in that basket.

And if he asks you for $$$ or anything like that, then you know it's time to stop!
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Old 3rd March 2018, 1:49 PM   #8
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Try to video chat like you already mentioned. If he declines, (or he agrees but "his camera doesn't work") you'll have your answer. I think there's a pretty big chance that you're just talking to some girl if "he" spends hours texting you... but maybe I've seen too many episodes of Catfish
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Old 3rd March 2018, 2:38 PM   #9
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My Gawd, if you have to go through all of that just forget about him. If he's that good looking he more than likely already has a line of girls waiting for him.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 3:02 PM   #10
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You don't have to create a whole new profile to change your location! So yes, that's a red flag.

Ask him to facetime or do live chat so you can see him in person. If he won't with today's technology, stop talking to him.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 3:15 PM   #11
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Okay so I will try to answer all of the replies within this one post.

As to long-distance. Yes it is "long distance." I know some people have different definitions of LDR, but I think according to most standards, this would qualify. Now, I am in a small rural area. The nearest cities are anywhere from 1-3 hours away. If I stay close to my little town, I have a pretty significantly narrower pool to fish from. And, trust me...I've tried to do a narrowed down search, and it just has not worked for me. The fact is, I am okay with the drive, at least initially and we'll see. I would rather be okay with a drive, and have more of a chance to meet people than stick with where I am, and be stuck with what I am stuck with. And no, I don't want to move to a city...I will if it comes to that. I will if that's where my future partner and I decide is best for us. But, right now, I have no desire to move to a larger city. It took me a long while to get here, but it did require a come to Jesus moment where I realized I have to give myself more of a chance.

Our conversations have been mostly surface-y, but I don't necessarily mean shallow. We talk more about concepts, philosophies, opinions on things than we do about ourselves. I do know a little bit personal about him, and he knows a little bit personal about me.....nothing rings a bell as a red flag yet.

While we have not had a phone call, we have done short voice messages to each other, so I feel pretty safe to say it is in fact a guy. This morning, he wished me a good morning, and we were both in bed, so I encouraged him to exchange bed pics with me. Nothing dirty, we were both clothed....but he did send a bed pic to me, same guy. I know it doesn't prove anything, as whomever I am talking to could have a library of pics of this one person for all I know.

We have talked about a date, but it seems to be I am the only one who initiates it, so I have decided to back off on that. If he wants to ask me out....I hope he does. If we get to that point, that will probably be when I push for video chat maybe.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 6:41 PM   #12
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No meet, no text, no chat, no talk.

There is no "far enough along" in this equation. The whole POINT of dating is to meet a partner, long-term, and compatibility. Meeting and having a normal, live conversation is par for the course. Anyone who is "too busy" or has excuses not to is shady at best.

He hasn't OFFERED or ASKED to meet with you in person - bad sign

You are afraid he's going to run away if you dare to want more in communicating and/or meeting - bad sign

The fact you have to initiate more in the relationship, every time - bad sign

You talk about deep, philosophical stuff, but you have no idea about his daily life and daily struggles, and he doesn't really know about yours - it's the daily crap you have to deal with when you're in a relationship with someone.

You're the one pushing things...he doesn't. You're afraid to push further and are waiting for him to take the lead...he's not and he won't. Whatever it is that you two have, it's not real.

You would ideally like to have a partner, and that partner the would be okay with living in the stix, and you will entertain the notion that you might have to move back to the city. You're fearful that requesting a meet or phone call will have him running. Where you live is a major life choice, but you're afraid to pursue (demand) a basic staple like meeting or talking on the phone, and he's not doing it. He's not initiating, he's not pushing, pursuing, demanding, or initiating. Do you see the problem?
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Old 3rd March 2018, 7:03 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by act00 View Post
No meet, no text, no chat, no talk.

There is no "far enough along" in this equation. The whole POINT of dating is to meet a partner, long-term, and compatibility. Meeting and having a normal, live conversation is par for the course. Anyone who is "too busy" or has excuses not to is shady at best.

He hasn't OFFERED or ASKED to meet with you in person - bad sign

You are afraid he's going to run away if you dare to want more in communicating and/or meeting - bad sign

The fact you have to initiate more in the relationship, every time - bad sign

You talk about deep, philosophical stuff, but you have no idea about his daily life and daily struggles, and he doesn't really know about yours - it's the daily crap you have to deal with when you're in a relationship with someone.

You're the one pushing things...he doesn't. You're afraid to push further and are waiting for him to take the lead...he's not and he won't. Whatever it is that you two have, it's not real.

You would ideally like to have a partner, and that partner the would be okay with living in the stix, and you will entertain the notion that you might have to move back to the city. You're fearful that requesting a meet or phone call will have him running. Where you live is a major life choice, but you're afraid to pursue (demand) a basic staple like meeting or talking on the phone, and he's not doing it. He's not initiating, he's not pushing, pursuing, demanding, or initiating. Do you see the problem?

Well....yes and no to your last question.

The thing that is just so tricky about OLD, or maybe it is just for me, is it's hard to put a time limit on things. If he hasn't asked you out in 2 days, is it a problem? A week? A month? And there is the fine line between being smartly patient and being stupid about it, you know? He does initiate conversations, and he initiated our voice messages. He offered to bring me some soup when I wasn't feeling well. I just don't wanna push the envelope on the off chance that maybe it's me being too impatient, does that make sense?

And honestly, even if he did ask me out, I probably wouldn't be able to make it down there for like 3 to 4 weeks, so really, I shouldn't be in any hurry. Also, his job...he works like 2nd shifts, which is obviously the time frame I would be available. He messages me from work sometimes and stuff, but...I imagine it would make dating a bit tough.

It's just that this guy.....if he is who has portrayed himself to be is like....really, really, REALLY hot. Way out of any league I thought I would have a shot with. So...like I said...I kind of got into my own head a bit.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 7:41 PM   #14
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You might want to research romance scammer sites--they will have a library of photos that scammers use over and over again--and they will use pictures of extremely good looking men and women to create fake profiles.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 7:50 PM   #15
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I finally did a Google reverse image search. It didn't come up with much, other than another profile on the same dating site....same pictures, same wording....just in a completely different state.
No, this IS your smoking gun. There two scammers using the same info thinking no one is going to put two and two together.

He's getting the pictures from someone's online portfolio or their Facebook/IG account.

The scammer I dealt with was harvesting pictures from a guy's Facebook account and also his friend's IG account (the victim's bestie is a woman who is an amazing photographer and she shoots and posts a lot of pictures of him).

When you tell him you want to meet him this week, what does he say?
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