Loveydovey101 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 I’m a guy dating another guy. We’ve been on two amazing dates. For about two nights we had great texting conversations and being all lovey dovey and it was amazing. I felt free. He said he was crazy about me and blah blah blah. Seemed like we were doing good things. He said he deleted all dating apps the night we met. Cut to yesterday night his texts are sort of whatever and he ends up saying something like “when someone texts me too much or smothers me I get anxiety. And then I need space and will come back”. I was like okay then we don’t have to text and we can just keep it at a minimum. However now I’m like what the ****. He did a complete 180 over night and it’s making me really sad and stressed. I wanna believe it’s just a personal thing and he does really like me, but what if he just lost feelings for whatever reason and is basically saying I’m not worth his time. I don’t know what to do. We really had a strong connection and now I’m just like ugh Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 I don’t know what to do. I do... Stop texting him and actually call him. Talk to him when you wish to communicate, but in a limited amount. Save some of your ideas, thoughts, etc. for the date and talk to him face to face during the date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Loveydovey101 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 That’s what I said. I said let’s just talk on the phone but like I just feel like I’m about to get dumped. If he was never a texter from the beginning I would get it. But overnight he went from being huge on texting to now being a “cat” who gets anxiety and stress of Hugged too much. Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 That’s what I said. I said let’s just talk on the phone but like I just feel like I’m about to get dumped. If he was never a texter from the beginning I would get it. But overnight he went from being huge on texting to now being a “cat” who gets anxiety and stress of Hugged too much. I'd be worried that something has changed. Usually, when someone's a big texter at the beginning, and suddenly isn't, that's often not a good sign. Unless they tell they have other things going on in their personal life or something and are upfront about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Does he work during the day?? Maybe when he gets home, he is tired, wants to unwind, eat dinner and just "veg" on the couch in front of his TV. When I worked a stressful job, I'd get home and not want to do anything nor talk to anyone. I'd do a 180 on the weekend, because I hadn't worked that day. Some people's jobs are very taxing and stressful. That could be the situation here. Have some patience and see how he is on the weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 The change in behavior is a red flag. Focus on yourself. Keep your options open. I would not hold your breath for this guy. Good luck my friend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 The change in behavior is a red flag. Focus on yourself. Keep your options open. I would not hold your breath for this guy. Good luck my friend. I agree. He deleted the dating aps the night you met, and now is telling you he wants space because he feels anxious. Not good. The very fast hot-and-cold is usually a warning for more drama ahead. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 A couple of thoughts. In the beginning when you first meet, and especially with online or blind date sort of thing, there's a need to keep that momentum going, so there's more communication, plus you're both really excited and can't stop thinking about each other, etc. It's not necessarily a sustainable level of communication, and after meeting a couple times, the need to constantly maintain and build that momentum drops because you really hit it off. There's more security. However, it is also not the best sign that he did a complete 180. You expect a drop, but to fully stop, and to go from lovey words to nothing, it's not the best sign. When things run hot and fast right away, I'm always willing to ride it out and see what happens, but they tend to drop off pretty fast too. They get lost in the moment of that initial spark but something isn't quite there, whether they're afraid to date or you're just not a match, no one knows other than at the time he was feeling what he was feeling and now he's not, and feeling a little smothered maybe. He set the tone and the pace, and now he's doing it again because maybe he's just not an all day communicator and texter and every single night kind of guy. Your choices? Wait and see or not, but don't expect anything to come of this if you choose to date a little longer and see where it goes. It could ultimately work or not. Long term, if he's always running hot/cold you'll have to determine if this is going to work for you. Know when to call it quits. Communicate your feelings with him though about the texting and what is reasonable. Communication style can be worked around if both parties are willing to compromise a little. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopen Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 A hot and cold relationship isn't good, hun. I suggest that you should wait it out and see. Give him his space and see if he makes the first move. Observe first and take note of the patterns. Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 When my boyfriend and I started dating we texted allll theee timeee!! But he was never a big texter to begin with, so he made an effort because he wanted for me to like him. We are together 9 months now, and although we still text every day, it's gotten much much less. I would say this is a result of him being comfortable with me and him just being himself. However, you are just getting to know each other. There should be some consistency. I think he may be flaking, or meeting with someone else on the side. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 I'm sorry but this is something very common in dating. You meet someone and they act all excited and suddenly they make a complete turn around. These people usually don't know what they want, most likely are newly single, and thrive on the rush of a new meeting. Each time I met someone like that it never went beyond 3-4 dates, never. Let him go. He'll be nothing else but headaches to you always playing this push & pull game. Good luck and be wary of people that tell you they are crazy about you when they don't even know you yet. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 (edited) I’m a guy dating another guy. We’ve been on two amazing dates. For about two nights we had great texting conversations and being all lovey dovey and it was amazing. I felt free. He said he was crazy about me and blah blah blah. Seemed like we were doing good things. He said he deleted all dating apps the night we met. Cut to yesterday night his texts are sort of whatever and he ends up saying something like “when someone texts me too much or smothers me I get anxiety. And then I need space and will come back”. I was like okay then we don’t have to text and we can just keep it at a minimum. However now I’m like what the ****. He did a complete 180 over night and it’s making me really sad and stressed. I wanna believe it’s just a personal thing and he does really like me, but what if he just lost feelings for whatever reason and is basically saying I’m not worth his time. I don’t know what to do. We really had a strong connection and now I’m just like ugh What if he did lose feelings for you? ?? You'll move on and find someone else. Are guys that thin on the ground where you are? Why not just give him the space he asked for to let him come back? That will determine the level of his interest more should you let him come to you when his anxiety is over. Edited March 1, 2018 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Hot cold people DO suffer from anxiety. When things are too good, they freak out out of insecurity, need space and then they're find again. If you can handle this type of rollercoaster ride then stick with him, it not then you better save yourself because it doesn't get better. Most psychologists say stay away, run for the hills. By what he told you, it seems he knows all too well of his behavior. The problem is, he hasn't sought out some help for it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyKatLady Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 well, if a man doesn't get another man's actions, there is no hope for the rest of us out there...j/k...I'm sorry that his stress has got you stressing now...men...who can figure them out?! at least he said something about it before taking it down a notch...that's a positive sign that he at least warned you of his future behavior...just try and deal with him the way that makes him feel comfortable for now, it is still newly developing--that doesn't mean that you have to go along with whatever he wants, either though...if you feel to uncomfortable with the situation, try to move on emotionally...I can tell you this--anytime I had that strange, anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach the first few days into dating a new partner...it was always validated at the end of the relationship--usually a warning sign to me to acknowledge that this person is not who I thought they were...you may take that into consideration as well...what does your body tell you that your mind just may not be accepting just yet... Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 I wanna believe it’s just a personal thing and he does really like me, but what if he just lost feelings for whatever reason and is basically saying I’m not worth his time. I don’t know what to do. What if he lost feelings??!! - If he lost feelings in 2 dates and after telling you he is crazy about you then he is a liar, fickle minded, selfish, flakey person who makes you anxious with his hot and cold behavior - not worth your time. You deserve way way better. What to do??? - Nothing. Chill and don't even bother with him anymore. These kind of people will drain all your energy and leave you an emotional wreck. Link to post Share on other sites
bb444 Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 The fact that he deleted his profiles after two dates is a red flag to me. He's probably being honest about feeling anxiety, but it's also probably about more than just texting. I'd definitely be wary of this one. Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 The fact that he deleted his profiles after two dates is a red flag to me. He's probably being honest about feeling anxiety, but it's also probably about more than just texting. I'd definitely be wary of this one. Meaning what? Link to post Share on other sites
bb444 Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 Meaning what? Meaning he's probably anxious about the relationship in general. He definitely doesn't sound stable. He went from telling a guy that he deleted his dating profiles the night that they met to telling the same guy that he gets anxious when people text too much or smother... all after just two dates & two nights of texting. Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 I agree. He deleted the dating aps the night you met, and now is telling you he wants space because he feels anxious. Not good. The very fast hot-and-cold is usually a warning for more drama ahead. This is a very bad sign, I've had several guys pull this stunt on me and I was never able to pin down any sort of stability. Get rid of him before he emotionally drains you cause that's what happens in these situations. Link to post Share on other sites
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