Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Can I be fixed?

Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree15Likes
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 9th February 2018, 12:06 PM   #16
Established Member
Gaeta's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 15,412
Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
It all depends how you want to end up at 55 when you're no longer at your peak in looks or performance and you've got health issues---alone but having had decades of no-connection sexual experiences with women who don't really care for you (because they're canceling dates on you) or with someone with whom you can trust your life, heart and vulnerabilities.

Neither path is wrong, but you will have to accept the consequences years later for that decision.

The consequences of marrying could be he has to spend his golden years playing nurse to someone instead of traveling and playing golf.
'' The Biggest Coward Is A Man Who Awakens A Woman's Love With No Intention Of Loving Her '' - Bob Marley
Gaeta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 12:08 PM   #17
Established Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 161
hey r/g, my original post has gotten zapped. so im typing from scratch (and everything I said before has changed a bit, some bits may not come over too well...but I care enough to give you my thoughts on this)...whether you want to take them in is for you to go along with or not, and that's your choice of course...and I accept that totally.

hhmmmm...I think if you really wanna change things, best option is to take another look at yourself and what you honestly deeply want from love and look to changing it.

sex is one thing, real love, respect, tenderness, closeness and emotional security with someone who feels the same way and wants you for who you really are is not even in the same ball-park!!!!

a new year can be a new start im sure. maybe take this timeout to re-evaluate how people are being used (consenting or not) in this, and think about those affairs, people have children that may be affected, partners have broken hearts etc...

things like sleeping around are fun im sure whilst they are there, but you are cutting yourself off from meeting really good, genuine and loving people who could really change your life.

as you get older you may not have the opportunities you are indulging in right now and that will probably also make your self esteem fall just as much as the hollow sex you have been caught up in.

can you be fixed, maybe as you are not really broken then yes, but maybe think more of needing to grow up a bit and respect not only yourself but those that you encounter a bit more and you might find that with the right person it feels ok to be yourself, it feels ok to be vunerable at times, its ok because you are secure enough not to fool yourself you need empty sex for the hell of it, and when you get it under true love it really is something else.

don't buy into all this guff about what is expected of us in life, sometimes you just have to do it and live your life, because for all you say about enjoying this lifestyle, I am not really convinced that is the true picture that is being painted; hence you telling us about your dry spell.

also you need to think about the risks you are taking when things get steamy and out of control, you could be playing with the sexual health of others as well as your self; so to wantonly go sleeping around is asking for trouble on many scores.

sex as a trade at least has a trade off...I m not sure from reading between the lines you can even say that, it just sounds empty and as though it is leaving you in an unhealthy mind state...and I suspect it is partly why you are having a dry spell in the first place or maybe your reputation is going about town and people don't want to be part of that game with you as its not what they want for their love lives or what they need to thrive in a loving relationship!

its not too late to change! take this time as a single man and re-think the quality of what lover really is, spruce yourself up a little and get out there with a new attitude and im sure when you are not so desperately looking for the quick fix you will meet a lovely lady that can play a part in mending your distorted visions and misguided expectations of being a man and what that means sexually, its not the whole picture (as many happy guys single or with someone could tell you)...there's way more than what you've spoken about already.

fixed yes, but only by your genuine desire to look at yourself and grow up and give yourself and antoher person the chance to see you for who you were when you clearly loved (before the many stored up hurts).

that guy is still there! so ditch all this bluff and go find him again...I reckon youre gonna be in a healthier place for it. see ya. and GOOD LUCK WITH THIS. maxi

Last edited by maxi105; 9th February 2018 at 12:18 PM..
maxi105 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 12:41 PM   #18
Established Member
Cookiesandough's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 5,284
Originally Posted by Redguitar35 View Post
After trying and failing to find something long term, at a certain point I stopped caring about finding a relationship and just focused on having sex with as many women as I can.
Are you sure you're broken?
You tried and failed at long-term. There's a reason for that. Do you not like it or can you not get girls you want for long-term. If it's the former, there's nothing wrong with you. A lot of people like to drill in our heads everyone is happier in a relationship and that is simply not true for a lot of us. If it is the latter, however, you may have some things you need to work on to get the women you like to like you back for more than sex/want to commit.
Cookiesandough is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 12:51 PM   #19
Established Member
KBarletta's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Eastern Pa.
Posts: 946
It's up to you to decide if you want to be "fixed" or if you're happy doing what you're doing. As long as you are A/ Honest with all of your partners and B/ Being safe, I don't see a real problem.

Me, I agree that I HATE dating. But I also can't do one-night stands. So I am in the position of needing to develop intimacy to have sex BUT not really interested in the dating process to develop that intimacy. Which kind of restricts my pool of potential partners to my friends and acquaintances. Which is tough as well. I'm not the type to chat up a woman at a bar and take her home and sleep with her, though I know plenty of people who do and that's fine.

I think there are plenty of people out there like you, especially in this day and age - otherwise things like Tinder wouldn't exist. Right?
"Don't believe half of what you see, and none of what you hear." - Lou Reed
KBarletta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 2:08 PM   #20
Established Member
smackie9's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 12,850
What is there to fix if you think you are not broken? You don't see an issue with it, you seem happy with the way things are so why are we even having this conversation? Scared of stepping out of your comfort zone?

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Can we be fixed?? Janetcassidy2827 Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 3 18th May 2016 10:39 AM
Can this be fixed? confusedohioguy Separation and Divorce 17 28th April 2009 9:18 PM
Can this ever be fixed? SilverLining Breaks and Breaking Up 12 5th December 2008 8:26 AM
how do u fix what cant be fixed Guest Breaks and Breaking Up 0 20th May 2007 1:58 AM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:24 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2018 All Rights Reserved.