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Can I be fixed?


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Old 8th February 2018, 10:28 PM   #1
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Can I be fixed?

After trying and failing to find something long term, at a certain point I stopped caring about finding a relationship and just focused on having sex with as many women as I can. Honestly, I hated traditional dating, making awkward conversation across a table, etc, and getting no second dates out of it.


So for the last couple of years, I’ve mostly just been looking for sex/one night stands. I’ll have sex with a woman and generally leave it at that, then on to the next one. Sometimes they come back for repeats, but it’s rare that I sleep with someone more than once. I’m upfront with the women I meet that that I don’t really enjoy dates, and sex is pretty much all I’m interested in.

Recently I was scheduled to meet up with a woman I’d had sex with in the past, but after she cancelled the second time this week, I lost interest and blocked her, probably more out of annoyance than anything, I felt like she was wasting my time. Another girl I slept with a couple of weeks ago has been kinda passing hints about doing something on valentine’s. I kinda liked her, but I don’t know if I’m into that kind of hokey dating stuff. That may mean I won’t see her again if what she wants is a relationship.


Are some people just not romantic, or is this a permanent condition/just the way I am at this point? Have you heard of something like this?

Last edited by Redguitar35; 8th February 2018 at 10:31 PM..
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Old 8th February 2018, 10:46 PM   #2
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Why not give her a chance? First dates are first dates. Eventually your dates are not so awkward. Eventually you know each other. Heck, you may have somebody that'll have sex with you every night. No more hunting.

Wouldn't you rather be able to have sex all the time with somebody you know and care about? Or do you like to constantly hunt and potentially go on dry spells?

You can be fixed, but only if you have the right mindset.

Last edited by Kentucky; 8th February 2018 at 10:46 PM.. Reason: Typo
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Old 8th February 2018, 10:59 PM   #3
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It appears you have never truly loved. I don't know if at one time you had love in you to give and somehow lost it, or you've never had it and never will.
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Old 8th February 2018, 11:21 PM   #4
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I think that’s accurate, I have no love in me to give to someone else. Not sure if it’s just a phase or a permanent condition.
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Old 8th February 2018, 11:24 PM   #5
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I think thatís accurate, I have no love in me to give to someone else. Not sure if itís just a phase or a permanent condition.
How old are you? Have you always felt this way? Have you ever had a long-term relationship?

Do you have trauma in your early childhood?
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Old 8th February 2018, 11:25 PM   #6
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I think thatís accurate, I have no love in me to give to someone else. Not sure if itís just a phase or a permanent condition.
Then you can't be loved. The end.
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Old 8th February 2018, 11:32 PM   #7
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How old are you?
Early thirties
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Have you always felt this way?
I don’t remember


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Have you ever had a long-term relationship?
Not really, longest thing was three months, which ended with us ignoring each other randomly one day and never speaking again.

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Do you have trauma in your early childhood?
Not really, except moving around a lot (military family)

Last edited by Redguitar35; 8th February 2018 at 11:34 PM..
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Old 8th February 2018, 11:35 PM   #8
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Then you can't be loved. The end.
Yeah, probably not.
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Old 9th February 2018, 5:38 AM   #9
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Yes, I know someone like this. A dear friend of mine, actually.

The truth is that he is utterly terrified of being hurt. He has never been able to let down his guard enough to have a relationship, so he comes across as very dismissive and condescending to the women who actually like him and attempt to get to know him. He is deeply insecure underneath it all.

The question is, are you happy with your life? If this works for you, and if you're being honest with the women you sleep with, then you don't necessarily have to change.
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Old 9th February 2018, 6:53 AM   #10
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Yes, I know someone like this. A dear friend of mine, actually.

The truth is that he is utterly terrified of being hurt. He has never been able to let down his guard enough to have a relationship, so he comes across as very dismissive and condescending to the women who actually like him and attempt to get to know him. He is deeply insecure underneath it all.

The question is, are you happy with your life? If this works for you, and if you're being honest with the women you sleep with, then you don't necessarily have to change.
Hit the nail on the head right there.
But I also think when you connect to with someone then that's different. It takes a lot of people to go through to find an amazing connection. Maybe he hasn't found that yet. I know at 32, I've properly connected on every level, with maybe only 2 or 3 people. And they all broke my heart hahaha

But there's something deeply unsatisfying about just sleeping about with no regard to further anything. You must have some future goals of what your ideal woman would be like??? The right love from the right person, Can fix anyones heart
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Old 9th February 2018, 7:46 AM   #11
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There is nothing wrong with you. Where is written the rule that you must be in a romantic relationship? You get what you need, you're honest with women crossing your path, you're happy with it so don't bug your mind with the rest of it.

You may spend the rest of your life like this, and nothing wrong with it or you may have a change of heart later in life. As long as you're happy all is good. There are plenty of men out there that are life long bachelors, accept yourself and don't let people tell you something is wrong with you.
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Old 9th February 2018, 8:06 AM   #12
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Heck, you may have somebody that'll have sex with you every night. No more hunting.

Wouldn't you rather be able to have sex all the time with somebody you know and care about? Or do you like to constantly hunt and potentially go on dry spells?

You can be fixed, but only if you have the right mindset.
These are good points. I’m currently in a dry spell right now after a month where I was having sex several times every week, and it’s a lot of hunting. But relationships/dating is a lot of WORK and I don’t feel like I want to put in the effort. It’s so much easier for someone to come over for sex.
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Old 9th February 2018, 10:41 AM   #13
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There is nothing wrong with you. Where is written the rule that you must be in a romantic relationship? You get what you need, you're honest with women crossing your path, you're happy with it so don't bug your mind with the rest of it.

You may spend the rest of your life like this, and nothing wrong with it or you may have a change of heart later in life. As long as you're happy all is good. There are plenty of men out there that are life long bachelors, accept yourself and don't let people tell you something is wrong with you.
Thanks, that makes sense. My best friend has been married to the same woman for years, but Iíve had countless affairs and flings during that time. I donít envy him, I guess were just wired differently.
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Old 9th February 2018, 11:41 AM   #14
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A friend of mine, after his divorce, has had endless flings over the years until one day, he fell in love with this girl. Unfortunately she was the one that wasn't into a relationship. It messed him up of course, he just didn't want to let go of the idea of being with her. Not a happy ending for him, but there is acknowledgement, he isn't dead inside and that it can take just one person you meet that will change everything about you.
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Old 9th February 2018, 11:45 AM   #15
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It all depends how you want to end up at 55 when you're no longer at your peak in looks or performance and you've got health issues---alone but having had decades of no-connection sexual experiences with women who don't really care for you (because they're canceling dates on you) or with someone with whom you can trust your life, heart and vulnerabilities.

Neither path is wrong, but you will have to accept the consequences years later for that decision.
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