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Old 8th February 2018, 1:48 PM   #1
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Am I crazy or nah?! Lol

I met this guy online 4 months ago. We met immediately and began talking on the phone all day everyday and seeing each other whenever possible. He is a really great guy. Although I get the feeling heís totally into me (he initiates most convos and meetings and speak in future tense all the time) sometimes he comes off as full of crap. So far heís lied about his age, he ďomittedĒ his oldest child for about a month and heís still on the dating site all day long. he really good at making genuine attempts at correcting things I say I donít like but his lies makes me think all his words are bull. Now, Iíve been known to jump to conclusion and cut people off prematurely so Iím a little confused on if I should reach out to him. I ďdumpedĒ him New Yearís Eve because he didnít spend the day with me and at church instead (lol) .. then I changed my mind a week later and reached out to him, and we picked up where we left off.. The last time we spoke was 2 weeks ago. He told me on that Tuesday , Wednesday would be a really busy day for him.. I hadnít heard from him all day but when I checked the dating site, it showed him online . So I wrote him on the site and let him know I see him online so he couldnít be too busy and that I was blocking him in my phone (I didnít) ,he read the message and didnít reply and I havenít heard from him since . Should I just leave it alone since he hasnít reached out, or am I the one that should be reaching since I cut him off . .
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Old 8th February 2018, 1:56 PM   #2
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You should move on from him. Aside from being a liar, he's also browsing the dating site for other women. Create better standards for yourself.
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Old 8th February 2018, 1:58 PM   #3
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How often is "whenever possible"?
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Old 8th February 2018, 2:01 PM   #4
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. heís a firefighter and gets his kids every weekend , so when he doesnít have them or isnít at work, weíre together
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Old 8th February 2018, 2:05 PM   #5
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I see. That's way too much for things not to be progressing. Plus all the lying. Think you need to lose him. He's playing around
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Old 8th February 2018, 2:31 PM   #6
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Hi Tiffthebiff,

Your 4 month relationship seems pretty tumultuous. Lying about anything in a relationship is bad news. There is no such thing as a "small" lie.

I lied to my eight year old son once (I was put into an awkward situation and to protect someone I lied to him).

I confessed the lie to him because I never wanted him to find out and feel I was trying to deceive him.

Everyone told me not to tell him. So, one lie in eight years and he remembers it.

Here's the thing, one small lie and I eroded a lifetime (granted it's not that long of a lifetime) of trust. I had to work very hard to regain his trust after that but I did.

People who lie, typically think lying is OK.

As for the rest of your post and this guy...

...I think you know the answer yourself, but, for whatever your reasons you're not ready to let this guy go. This is typically due to self-esteem and self-love issues.

Do some personal development and spiritual work to grow and you will start attracting better men.

Sending you much love and light
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Old 8th February 2018, 2:34 PM   #7
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I don't think either one of you sound like relationship material to be honest.
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Old 8th February 2018, 2:35 PM   #8
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4 months & still on a dating site seems too much to me.

What do you mean he "omitted" his eldest child. If you asked him about his kids & he didn't tell you the whole truth, stop bothering with him. Coupled with lying about his age, the combo indicates that he has a fluid relationship with the truth.

You already broke up once. That alone is a bad sign.
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Old 8th February 2018, 3:07 PM   #9
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Lying about the number of kids he has lacks basic integrity, imo. More importantly, you need to figure out what motivates you to keep reaching out to him, knowing that he's honest and doesn't seem that interested in you.
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Old 8th February 2018, 4:04 PM   #10
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Pathological liars tend also be master gaslighters and manipulators. They also have a very hard time accepting blame and will tell more lies so that the blame focus is on someone else. In this case that will be you.

When you call him out on his lies expect something along the lines of " I didn't say/ do that". He will convince you that you are wrong and you will start to question your own truth.

He's showing you the truth by his behaviour. Trust me, it will get worse the more you allow it to happen. You know what to do.
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Old 8th February 2018, 6:28 PM   #11
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Quote:
So far he’s lied about his age, he “omitted” his oldest child for about a month and he’s still on the dating site all day long. he really good at making genuine attempts at correcting things I say I don’t like but his lies makes me think all his words are bull. Now, I’ve been known to jump to conclusion and cut people off prematurely so I’m a little confused on if I should reach out to him.
I'm curious as to why you believe a liar deserves another chance to lie? He doesn't respect you enough to tell you the truth, so again, why do you believe a liar deserves another chance? Unless you love running in behind liars constantly and never knowing if what he comes out of his mouth is the truth or not, I see no good reason to be with him. He's messy if he has to lie and lie by omission on facts in his life, like how many children he actually has. Is this the kind of life you want for yourself? Running in behind a liar constantly? Great guys don't lie like they draw breath, so you know.

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So I wrote him on the site and let him know I see him online so he couldn’t be too busy and that I was blocking him in my phone (I didn’t) ,he read the message and didn’t reply and I haven’t heard from him since . Should I just leave it alone since he hasn’t reached out, or am I the one that should be reaching since I cut him off . .
I've got this graphic a friend sent to me that pretty much sums up this guy's apparent attitude:

"Behold the field in which I grow my F's... lay thine eyes upon it and see that it is barren..."

I'd leave the liar alone. Life is sooooooooooo less complicated when you do that.
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Old 8th February 2018, 6:59 PM   #12
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lol come on the guy is a player. He's playing you, and I'm sure he's playing other women at the same time. just because a guy shows you intense attention doesn't mean you are special to him. Stop thinking otherwise and move on.
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Old 8th February 2018, 9:10 PM   #13
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He lied to you once about some pretty major things. He'll lie to you about something else or let you down about something, which he already has. Move on.
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Old 9th February 2018, 12:15 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
I don't think either one of you sound like relationship material to be honest.
My exact thoughts.
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Old 9th February 2018, 7:38 AM   #15
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I'm sorry, but when a child is completely omitted from the equation, it's not a good sign. I had one of those...how do you "forget" or not mention the third child? How?? Taking on kids is a lot, but as someone who's dating and we're talking potential relationship and stepmotherhood, does this not seem like an important piece of information? With mine, the oldest lived with his mother and so he "just didn't bring it up," but then the child wanted to live with him. The mother was drama-filled, despite his profile and him verbally saying in the beginning of the relationship (texting and calls, never met yet), they have a good relationship with no drama...until the drama popped out.

Lying about age is not the best, but I have heard that people will drop their age in order to keep themselves in the category on searches on OLD that includes a younger demographic, even if they don't want *that* young, but that year can toss them out of searches. I wouldn't get too weirded out about that alone, but you clearly have other indicators that things are "quite right." Don't bother with him anymore.
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