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Meeting someone before you leave a relationship


Soul Bear

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Wow I didn't think I would be posting here again!

I didn't wanna be that guy ever, I've been single the last 3 years, my choice cos I'm a prize haha. I totally hit it off with a girl. She was in relationship at the time but wasn't happy, she was a client of mine, I didn't pursue her but there was clearly chemistry, the kind that bubbles over the top. I don't know what happened but we totally Connected and opened up to each other. It was magic!.

Long story short -

She left her relationship 5 months later, and I said to take some time to herself. She didn't. 2-3 weeks after breaking up with him, things are "suddenly moving too fast" between us for her and she needs space. I'm honouring that with NC cos it's the right thing. Day 4 of NC for me :laugh: if she wants me she will bang my door down I know. But my heads doing somersaults this evening lol

 

Anyone been in a similar situation?

And no it wasn't a rebound or an exit tactic for her last relationship, and Please don't hate on me hahaha

Edited by Soul Bear
Grammar
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Sometimes when I shopping for groceries and I'm hungry, everything looks like like food but I really have no idea what I really want. When this happens my shopping cart is filled with thing I really don't need.

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Ha! Maybe...Maybe not.

 

It's an analogy.

 

A women bouncing in and out relationships is likely wanting something but has no idea what.

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:p I know I just took a stab at keeping some humour in the dating section haha!

She wasn't really bouncing around, she's not the type ... She was in a relationship. Just what We have is like fireworks. Plus I'm an upgrade over the ex too, but she freaked put saying she didn't know what she wanted...****..your analogy is correct! So she basically tipped the trolly over and walked out the store? :D:lmao:

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As you seem to be aware, 2-3 weeks after a breakup is way too early for dating someone new. It's asking for trouble.

 

I think your best course of action is to give her 5 - 6 months. Maintain a friendship if it's possible (for both of you) to do that without getting messy. Otherwise stay low contact and then see what happens when she's moved on and is ready to date seriously again.

 

Also, you're in the UK and posting at 2:30am like me. Go to bed! :D

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Thays what I needed. Some bloody sense talked into me haha.

It is too soon. I know :/ just had to hear it from someoen else lol

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Cookiesandough

welcome back! Was she the dumper? I was the dumper all 3 times with my ex, yet I still remained stuck on him. A lot of times people are forced to dump people even though we love them. So feelings remain. If it's ever to work she needs time

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Thank you! Haha

She was the dumper.. But she is done with him. I know that. She fell kind of hard for me (which may have accelerated her breakup) and I ended up eventually letting my guard down and fell for her. She said she's needs time to process everything which I can understand, it just suxks as I had taken my bastard mask off and let her in where I'm vulnerable! Time I know. It's just hard doing NC again After all these years! Least I know what to do tho lol loveshack.org is great for teaching you skills and mental faculty

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welcome back! Was she the dumper? I was the dumper all 3 times with my ex, yet I still remained stuck on him. A lot of times people are forced to dump people even though we love them. So feelings remain. If it's ever to work she needs time

 

The thing is dumper/dumpee lines are often blurred. E.g. there is the forced dump where the ‘dumpee’ makes the existence of their partner miserable and technically causes the break up, although the ‘dumper’ is serving the news.

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Anyone been in a similar situation?

And no it wasn't a rebound or an exit tactic for her last relationship, and Please don't hate on me hahaha

 

No hate!

 

But what makes you think you were not the rebound / exit tactic? Everything indicates you were.

 

People don't usually plan a "rebound" (at least I hope they don't! They just happen)

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Is a rebound not someone who you get with after you exit a relationship? This all happened before she left. I was the catalyst.

I'm make light of it but honestly, I'm struggling. I don't know and I'm finding NC pretty hard. Haven't even logged on facebook messenger for 4 days. I thought I was being smart but I'm questioning myself today

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No hate, but truth---this is a rebound because she's still confused, which is the tell tale sign of someone who is not emotionally done with someone else, but is keeping connection to them just in case they open that can of "act right".

 

It's just too soon for her because she cannot disconnect from her memories with the ex when you do something that reminds her. If she was done, it'd be indifference, not confusion.

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Sigh.... I think you're right... Either that or she wants to play the field. Either way, massive kick in the balls lol

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Sigh.... I think you're right... Either that or she wants to play the field. Either way, massive kick in the balls lol

 

Her loss, right?

 

There are other lassies out there who are free and clear and not confused.

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Of course her loss. It's just annoying cos I've remained single for 3 years until I felt I found someone I really connected with. I don't just settle for any old boot haha that's why this was different imo. I'm really picky.

I hate to admit to myself you're all correct. I thought this was different but maybe not

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I'm an idiot. I broke NC...seriously where is my will power

 

Right behind your dignity.

 

People who don't want to accept "what is" think that one more try will crack that nut--and usually, it doesn't.

 

She's a colossal mess and you do not want sloppy seconds from her. She's not done with her boyfriend and this is letting you know that. A wise man would take that message and leave a messy situation alone.

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Funny I can give all the advice I like , but sometimes the pressure is just too much to overcome when giving it to yourself !

Well we did speak, back and forth for a while. She's in a state of empty , confusion and loneliness. It's not her ex bf I can assure you that tho. she hung out with another guy for a day and that what sent her into a state of shutting down everyone and everything. She has not pursued with said other guy. At least she's being open tho.

I did say that if it wasn't what she wanted and was sure then we could part ways and that would be from social media too, and that freaked her a little. She asked why would I be removing her from Facebook And said we can speak soon.

 

I do t think she knows what she wants and probably wants to live her life a little. She is a lot younger than me. 10 years lol. She was avert mature 22 or so u thought lol. I'm 32 but look a lot younger, which kind of goes in my favour sometimes. apart from my heart state

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Of course her loss. It's just annoying cos I've remained single for 3 years until I felt I found someone I really connected with. I don't just settle for any old boot haha that's why this was different imo. I'm really picky.

I hate to admit to myself you're all correct. I thought this was different but maybe not

 

No hate but some touch love.

 

A man of 32 picking a 22 on her way out of a relationship is not being picky. You may be picky in terms of looks but you are far from being picky in terms of finding a woman with character, integrity, maturity.

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No hate but some touch love.

 

A man of 32 picking a 22 on her way out of a relationship is not being picky. You may be picky in terms of looks but you are far from being picky in terms of finding a woman with character, integrity, maturity.

 

Hey I didnt plan for me to like her, it all ended up just happening! When you click with someone that's all there is to it. I'm very very good at keeping people at arms length and being guarded. For the very reason I'm scared of getting hurt and I won't settle for crap. She worked hard on my defences and when she got what she wanted she showed her true character, and trust me I had no idea until that point, I was just getting used. So you're correct, harsh but correct :) lol

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She's in a state of empty , confusion and loneliness.

 

Anytime anyone says they're "confused", it means that they like you, but there is someone else they'd rather be with, but they don't know how that person feels; yet they don't want to cut you loose in case things don't work out with that other person, they want to fall back on you to keep them from being by themselves.

 

A person who isn't confused knows what they want and they're not hedging their bets while marking time with someone else's feelings.

 

At the end of the day, you're not her first choice--if you were, there would be no confusion. There is someone else she'd rather be with and he's not on board with her plans yet, but as long as you're willing to hang around and wait for her to figure out if she wants to be with him, she'll throw crumbs in your direction.

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