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Am i overthinking again?


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Old 22nd January 2018, 10:40 PM   #16
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Hope I've not got you mixed up with some other poster, but aren't you the one who is saving your virginity? I mean, kind of hard to be cheated on when you really aren't "all in" as it were. I mean, yes, most guys, unless we're talking high school age here, are going to get sex somewhere.

I’m not “saving my virginity” but no me and my boyfriend haven’t had sex yet. We’ve done other things but i think 4 months is still a short amount of time to know someone. Even adult relationships shouldn’t just jump right into sex before really getting to know the person.

I’ve spoken my concerns about sex to my boyriend and he’s been understanding and has told me he doesn’t mind to wait and that he isn’t in a hurry
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Old 22nd January 2018, 10:41 PM   #17
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Have you ever spoken with a counsellor?
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Old 22nd January 2018, 10:50 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by rebeccamuller View Post
I’m not “saving my virginity” but no me and my boyfriend haven’t had sex yet. We’ve done other things but i think 4 months is still a short amount of time to know someone. Even adult relationships shouldn’t just jump right into sex before really getting to know the person.

I’ve spoken my concerns about sex to my boyriend and he’s been understanding and has told me he doesn’t mind to wait and that he isn’t in a hurry
4 months? Kudos to your boyfriend, since not a lot of guys (probably me included), would have likely stayed around that long without sex.

Granted, it does help that you both have done other things in bed.

Last edited by newyorker11356; 22nd January 2018 at 10:52 PM..
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Old 22nd January 2018, 10:54 PM   #19
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4 months? Kudos to your boyfriend, since not a lot of guys (probably me included), would have likely stayed around that long without sex.

Granted, it does help that you both have done other things in bed.
We are also only 20 & 21 so still wouldn’t really consider us “mature adults” so that could also be a difference.
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Old 22nd January 2018, 10:58 PM   #20
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Have you ever spoken with a counsellor?
I’ve considered it a lot here recently but wasn’t sure what, if anything that they could do to help me
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Old 22nd January 2018, 11:40 PM   #21
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I’ve considered it a lot here recently but wasn’t sure what, if anything that they could do to help me
Respectfully, you my find it helpful because you have had some negative experiences with relationships that may have caused some trust issues. It could help you to deal with these issues and look at your patterns in relationships. You may have certain patterns related to the men you have chosen who have cheated. You may want to make sure that your "picker" is good and you have healhy boundaries in relationships. Best wishes.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 12:10 AM   #22
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Rebecca, in this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/roma...uld-i-offended you said "So I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 4 months and to be honest this is pretty much my first real relationship. I’ve “talked” to and dated other guys in the past plenty of times but they were never serious."

If you've never had a real relationship before, then you can't have been cheated on by three different guys in the past. You may have had casual things going on where it fizzled out and they ended up with someone else, but if there is no relationship, there is no cheating.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 12:17 AM   #23
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Rebecca, in this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/roma...uld-i-offended you said "So I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 4 months and to be honest this is pretty much my first real relationship. I’ve “talked” to and dated other guys in the past plenty of times but they were never serious."

If you've never had a real relationship before, then you can't have been cheated on by three different guys in the past. You may have had casual things going on where it fizzled out and they ended up with someone else, but if there is no relationship, there is no cheating.
I have never had a serious relationship where the guy met my parents, or ones that have lasted longer than a year. But yes i have dated guys officially before and been cheated on. If i had not been cheated on they might have been more serious nonetheless getting cheated on hurts and causes trust issues.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 11:36 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by rebeccamuller View Post
I’ve been cheated on in basically every relationship I’ve been in (3)

I currently have a new boyfriend of 4 months and he’s never given me a reason to believe he’d do something like that to me.
When we’re together he doesn’t try to hide his phone from me, he checks text messages/snapchats in front of me. Nothing sketchy.

But when we’re not together, i can’t help but wonder what hes doing/ who he’s talking to/ etc.

Tips? Opinions? Help?
You're not ready to be in a relationship.

It sounds to me like you haven't processed out any of your past relationships. You're doing THE most unfair thing a girlfriend can do: make her new boyfriend pay for the sins of her past boyfriends because she hasn't sat on her own for some time to process out her emotions---she distracts herself with a new guy then spends her time obsessing about what he's doing when he's not in eyesight.

You've got a mountain of emotional heavy lifting to do before you're ready to be whole and defragmented with a new guy, and he deserves a woman who is completely and totally clear from her past where she's not dragging that baggage in with expectations that he unpack and sort it.

Time to be fair to him and go fix your past relationship mess and stop dragging it in for the new guy to fix.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 11:38 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
Rebecca, in this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/roma...uld-i-offended you said "So I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 4 months and to be honest this is pretty much my first real relationship. I’ve “talked” to and dated other guys in the past plenty of times but they were never serious."

If you've never had a real relationship before, then you can't have been cheated on by three different guys in the past. You may have had casual things going on where it fizzled out and they ended up with someone else, but if there is no relationship, there is no cheating.
This bears repeating and reposting.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 11:44 AM   #26
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Were these actual relationships? or you were simply dating without real exclusivity...they were multi daters dating you?
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Old 23rd January 2018, 1:19 PM   #27
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Hi rebeccamuller,

Sorry you're having such a tough go of things.

You obviously have some self-esteem and trust issues, which is totally understandable.

You need to begin to work on yourself.

Most people who have trust issues do NOT trust themselves and since they BELIEVE that people aren't trustworthy (how can we trust anyone when we can't trust ourselves?) they prove out their beliefs by being with untrustworthy people. (This is NOT on a conscious level)

I'm guessing somewhere in your life, someone very close to you broke your trust. This caused you to question your ability to trust yourself. ("I trusted this person when they weren't trust worthy. How can I trust myself to make good decisions when I allowed someone to break my trust?")

What the right therapist might be able to do is help you release the pain around your inability to trust yourself and change your beliefs to more empowering ones.

You can also do personal development and spiritual work which can also help you with this.

I personally, do some sort of personal development/spiritual work each and everyday. Whether it's meditation, reading or just allowing my pain to come up and through me (Translation...I cry a lot).

Sending you much love and light
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Old 23rd January 2018, 3:13 PM   #28
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Repeat to yourself If he cheats then he cheats, you cannot control him. If one day he turns to be a cheater you'll simply break up with him and you'll move on to someone better. You survived 3 cheaters you'll survive this one just fine.

Now, coming across a cheater once or twice in a life time is normal but you sound young and you've already dated 3 cheaters. You need to look at why. You may have a hard time identifying a man worthy of your time and feelings.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 5:22 PM   #29
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Should i be concerned?

Should i be concerned if i see my boyfriend like another girls photo on Facebook??
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Old 3rd February 2018, 5:26 PM   #30
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I look at other women when I'm at the beach with my girlfriend, but I'm still going home with her...
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