LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

I find this odd


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree26Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 3rd February 2018, 6:42 PM   #1
Established Member
 
mortensorchid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Northeast Ohio
Posts: 4,389
I find this odd

Weeks ago I was doing some OLD and had met three guys. Long story short, over time I read some language which I had encountered throughout my history and realized that they were falling into behaviors / language patterns which I recognized and decided we/they were not up to speed. I threw the three fish back in the ocean.

This past week I get a text from one of them (the most desirable of the three). He's divorced, three kids from his first marriage who are all teenager and live in Florida. We were texting for a bit and then he just went poof and, like anything else, figured "that's that" and moved on. Then yesterday I get a text from a number I don't recognize and he said "Hi it's Dave from (website) I changed my phone number." I responded. He said he was in Nashville, TN visiting his mother and his family there last week. I asked if he had returned yet. He said he was tired of the phone calls from bill collectors, he had credit card debt. I said I was sorry to hear that. He said he is still in TN, I asked when he will be back. He said he can't come back until he earned enough money TO come back. I asked what that meant. He said he was working a plumbing job that weekend and would probably have enough to return once he was done with that weekend job.

I think that sounds shady, if not shady certainly odd. That very well may be the case but why would you reach out to a woman you're hoping to date from a website and tell them something like that? Did he want me to send him the money? Rest assured I won't do so. I think I was right to throw him back. I will not reach out again.
mortensorchid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd February 2018, 6:46 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Happy Lemming's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Sunny Southwest
Posts: 708
NEXT!!

Yes, throw this one back.
__________________
All of my posts are my opinion based on my own experiences. Feel Free to disagree with me, this rodent has thick skin.
Happy Lemming is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd February 2018, 6:46 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Cookiesandough's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 5,284
Seems fishy!!!
Cookiesandough is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd February 2018, 7:16 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 840
This guy is not only financially irresponsible - he has horrible boundaries, sharing waaaayyyyy too much, and seems socially inept as well. I mean, any "normal" guy who was struggling would probably do so quietly, and be loathe to draw attention to the fact, probably keeping it to himself unless he absolutely had to share the fact with a prospective mate. On top of that, this guy is not in a position to be dating.
Highndry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd February 2018, 7:50 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 2,016
For a start his divorce with kids and ex has probably been cleaning him out for years so he might not be the loser you all think.
A lotta guys are left living in God knows what after divorce for a long time.
l don't think he was fishing though , pobably just a bit too open or maybe he feels comfortable enough with you to talk about that stuff , some women have that effect on you and it's a nice thing don't worry.

But even if that is the sitch you probably don't wanna start up anything with someone that isn't on their feet anyway soooo !
Chilli is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd February 2018, 7:55 PM   #6
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 4,318
Quote:
Originally Posted by Highndry View Post
This guy is not only financially irresponsible - he has horrible boundaries, sharing waaaayyyyy too much, and seems socially inept as well. I mean, any "normal" guy who was struggling would probably do so quietly, and be loathe to draw attention to the fact, probably keeping it to himself unless he absolutely had to share the fact with a prospective mate. On top of that, this guy is not in a position to be dating.
Agree! Whether he's fake and hoping to get money or this truly is his situation right now, bad news all around.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd February 2018, 9:49 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Zippy2000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: The Shire
Posts: 971
I find it odd too! A plumber asking for money? Do you know much money these guys make on call out charges alone?

Read this:

https://www.theguardian.com/money/20...slaves.careers
Zippy2000 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd February 2018, 10:17 PM   #8
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 4,318
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zippy2000 View Post
I find it odd too! A plumber asking for money? Do you know much money these guys make on call out charges alone?

Read this:

https://www.theguardian.com/money/20...slaves.careers
Not if I can help it! I'm currently going through YouTube videos about fixing my own toilet.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd February 2018, 10:30 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 4,834
So... he is broke.

Actually, worse than that... he is in debt and he has collection agencies chasing him.

He's not coming back to town because... he can't come back to town.

Why he is calling you? I have no idea. He either doesn't have the good sense to know that he shouldn't be dating right now or he is looking for someone to bail him out. Either way, glad you are going to let him go... you don't need to get mixed up in that!
BaileyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 9:20 AM   #10
Established Member
 
act00's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,439
What's the language? Obviously this guy is not dating material, but beyond being broke, what kind of language have you encountered that sets off the Spidey senses? Or is it more description of life, circumstances, like in the past you encountered someone who was broke and trying to use you?

This guy, I'm surprised he would say anything at all about his finances to a potential girlfriend/date, but maybe he was hoping you'd finance him. You don't know that he's in TN even, but just wants a few hundred bucks.

Too bad. He seemed like the good one.
act00 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 12:11 PM   #11
Established Member
 
mortensorchid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Northeast Ohio
Posts: 4,389
Quote:
Originally Posted by act00 View Post
What's the language? Obviously this guy is not dating material, but beyond being broke, what kind of language have you encountered that sets off the Spidey senses? Or is it more description of life, circumstances, like in the past you encountered someone who was broke and trying to use you?

This guy, I'm surprised he would say anything at all about his finances to a potential girlfriend/date, but maybe he was hoping you'd finance him. You don't know that he's in TN even, but just wants a few hundred bucks.

Too bad. He seemed like the good one.
The language tends to be this:

You meet on the website, exchange phone numbers, perhaps you are texting for a bit. You exchange basic factual information (what you do, where you live, etc.) and the texting may tapper off after about 3/4 days. This is the Tier 1.

If and when you are at the point when you meet face to face, the next day one party MAY send a text to the other. Remember the 48 Hour Rule : If you have not heard from him with 48 hours of the first encounter face to face, you will not hear from him again. If it's a text message, it's a lost cause. It could be something simple like "I had a nice time last night". The other person may respond with something non committal and polite like "Thanks I did as well". In this case, Tier 2, nothing will happen after those two text messages. About 75% of all encounters end this way. If the man is truly interested he will CALL the woman, which most do not.

Tier 3 is when the two parties will exchange text messages for a few days after their first face to face encounter, and then ... One party will not bother to respond to the other's last text and that will be that.

Of the three men in question which I have spoken of on this thread, #1 achieved Tier 3, #2 achieved Tier 1, and #3 has achieved Tier 1. Facts.
mortensorchid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 12:31 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Happy Lemming's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Sunny Southwest
Posts: 708
I have a question... What if after you meet the first time, you attempt to set up another date and stop with the "back and forth" texting. This is not tennis or volleyball, once the ball is back in your court, set up a date, if he said he had a good time. Strike while the iron is hot!!

For example, call him up and say "Hey Joe, there is this great Greek Festival in town this weekend, How do you feel about meeting me at the entrance at about 1:00pm. We'll walk around, eat some great food, and take in some of the shows/displays??" or "Hey Joe, there is this art walk thingy in the plaza at noon on Saturday, let's walk around, then we can get some lunch??" If he says "Yes" maybe one more phone call and firm up the time and then no more "back and forth" until the date & time. If he "no shows" (which is something I would never do) then enjoy the Festival or Art Walk by yourself and delete "Joe" from your phone once and for all.

What do you think??
Happy Lemming is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 2:29 PM   #13
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 12,880
Quote:
Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Not if I can help it! I'm currently going through YouTube videos about fixing my own toilet.
Isn't youtube great? I fixed the washer at work and saved the company a $95 bill.
__________________

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 2:38 PM   #14
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 12,880
The guy isn't broke, he is a scam artist. He developed a rapport with Mortensorchid and possibly others from the website, disappeared, reached out on a burner phone claiming he is in financial need without really coming out and saying it because he knows he can't receive legal action if the money is OFFERED, not asked for. So the responsibility falls on the payer, not the payee. Block/delete this loser biscuit!
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th February 2018, 9:05 PM   #15
Established Member
 
mortensorchid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Northeast Ohio
Posts: 4,389
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy Lemming View Post
I have a question... What if after you meet the first time, you attempt to set up another date and stop with the "back and forth" texting. This is not tennis or volleyball, once the ball is back in your court, set up a date, if he said he had a good time. Strike while the iron is hot!!

For example, call him up and say "Hey Joe, there is this great Greek Festival in town this weekend, How do you feel about meeting me at the entrance at about 1:00pm. We'll walk around, eat some great food, and take in some of the shows/displays??" or "Hey Joe, there is this art walk thingy in the plaza at noon on Saturday, let's walk around, then we can get some lunch??" If he says "Yes" maybe one more phone call and firm up the time and then no more "back and forth" until the date & time. If he "no shows" (which is something I would never do) then enjoy the Festival or Art Walk by yourself and delete "Joe" from your phone once and for all.

What do you think??
I tried that once or twice to strike while the iron was hot, as the woman on my part that is. One I decided to call and ask him out after our date, he said something distracted and turned me down. Another I asked via text and he said he was not interested in me romantically. ANd just recently, I went out on an internet date and we were texting back and forth afterward, he was away on a job in Michigan. I asked him how he was doing via text and if he was back, he said he had his daughter for the next few days and was very busy, I said "OK let me know". And that was a week ago and I haven't heard from him since. FAIL.

When the man doesn't ask the woman to see her again, he's not that interested. He is mildly enough to be a texting buddy but ... Not much other than that. It's what it is.
mortensorchid is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How do you find time to find someone to date? lookingforyou Dating 28 22nd April 2011 12:17 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:35 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.