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The Home Date


Cookiesandough

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Cookiesandough

Does anyone still believe in literally Netflix and chilling? The reason I ask is because a guy asked me to dinner for our 2nd date and I am thinking of bouncing back the idea of coming to hang at his place again and getting take out instead.

 

House dates are fun. Hear me out. If you're as nosey as I am you love to see how people live. (He had all these 1800's medical jars.) Plus there's spotify so you can sing/dance and a TV you can watch/play video games. I feel like a lot of people are more open and conversations are deeper in that environment.

 

A few people here said home date automatically mean sex/dtf. No exceptions. and that going and not putting out is being a D tease. This hasn't exactly been my experience. Without going into detail two guys told me they didn't do hookups and tried absolutely nothing on me when I came over. I've seen other users here have similar experiences. Another one was pretty persistent, but accepted it when I said it was too soon.

 

I am a vet at gently turning down sex advances. The problem is I don't want to make them feel bad or create resentment. I don't want to "lead them on". I don't really know what I want from this guy just yet. I just feel like home dates are so much more intimate, and I don't mean just physically.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Remember what happened the last time you went to a guy's house, Cookies? I think you should stick to going out somewhere. If YOU are the one suggesting a Netflix and chill evening, the guy is definitely going to think you're "dtf" as they say.

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I see what you are saying but why even put yourself in that situation ? I mean most people will probably think that it’s to hook up.

 

I’d say go somewhere else instead for a second date.

 

Are you suggesting the home date because you feel lonely ?

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Cookies,

 

Agree with the above.

 

To add:

 

Stop being a love bomber.

You create all this intimacy with someone right out the gate and then you get scared by it and run away.

 

Take it slow.

There's plenty of time for a home date.

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Happy Lemming

I like the idea of a home date.

 

I get to save money. I love to cook. And its more relaxing.

 

My girlfriend and I do a lot of "HULU" dates on the couch.

 

I'd like to respectfully disagree that home dates automatically mean "sex/dtf"

 

House dates are fun!!

 

Just my two cents...

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Cookiesandough
Remember what happened the last time you went to a guy's house, Cookies? I think you should stick to going out somewhere. If YOU are the one suggesting a Netflix and chill evening, the guy is definitely going to think you're "dtf" as they say.

 

It's the same guy. The cut me up and put me in pickle jars guy. I decided to give it another try.

 

Can't he tell I'm awkward and not DTF?? I can change that perception though if I try hard enough.

 

Poney, no I am not lonely, my reasons are that if we went to dinner and arcade bar, it would be fun, but I could do that stuff with my friends. I think it's more emotionally intimate to get to know someone at their home. Plus last time I went was really fun. I felt less self conscious without a lot of people watching. It was just us. I was able to be more myself and I had a lot fun dancing around.

Also we played fighter games and kicked his @zz (or he let me win)

 

The arcade bar is paying to play games when we can do just as fun ones at home.

 

Another member here had a date with a guy at her home and she cooked him dinner. She never even kissed him

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CautiouslyOptimistic
What guy is this?

 

I'm not remembering this either.

 

I'm a homebody, so I get it, Cookies, but you're also a love bomber as pointed out, and I think it's safer to stay out in public for now.

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Happy Lemming
Yes house dates are fun after you know the person for some time not as a second date

 

I think I did a (home) "Deep Fried Night" on a third or fourth date with my girlfriend. And this was a couple of dates before we were intimate.

 

I did deep fried chicken strips. sweet potato fries and deep fried twinkies for dessert. It was a HUGE hit and we both had a blast.

 

I don't think I did a "home date" on the second date, though.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I think I did a (home) "Deep Fried Night" on a third or fourth date with my girlfriend. And this was a couple of dates before we were intimate.

 

I did deep fried chicken strips. sweet potato fries and deep fried twinkies for dessert. It was a HUGE hit and we both had a blast.

 

I don't think I did a "home date" on the second date, though.

 

I can definitely see why this was not the night you got intimate :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:. :sick::sick::sick::sick:

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I just don't see the harm, Cookies, in waiting until about four dates or until you start to feel you really know something about his ethics before you let some virtual stranger get you into his private space where he could literally throw you in a hole with some hand lotion. Honestly, I feel the same way about getting in his car right away. More crap has happened to women by getting into a man's car than just about any other way. I certainly wasn't cautious when I was young, but the more I know, the more cautious I'd be today.

 

Now, if it were me, I'd definitely do a background check on any guy I was about to meet up with anywhere. It doesn't cost that much and can tell you a lot about his ethics. Even if he's not got any violent incidents in his record, if he has 10 overdue tickets, that tells you something too.

 

And maybe you make your first netflix and chill at your place when your roommate is going to be home.

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Happy Lemming
I can definitely see why this was not the night you got intimate :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:. :sick::sick::sick::sick:

 

LOL!! Yes, we were both quite full.

 

It was NOT light fare!!

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I've had many second date house dates that didnt involve sex, just making out. Doesn't mean I didn't try, but if she said no, it was no, and there were no judgements.

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I thought "Netflix and chill" were code for sex. If you're not down for sex, don't go to his place. The "home dates" are where sex happens.

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todreaminblue

its a risk if you don't know the guy very well and can without doubt or insecurity trust his words.....a second date might be too soon to determine his character and his integrity...deb

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Cookiesandough
Yes house dates are fun after you know the person for some time not as a second date

 

I don't feel I l-bomb. What if you get to know them and you fall in love, come over, and you find out they have the grodiest toilet you've ever seen? How much would that break your heart. I don't know.I'm still so divided. Especially with what Kbob said. Thanks, guys. I will think on it

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Good golly what's wrong with going out for dinner? The reason why I say this is because you are a mature woman not a college student.

Edited by smackie9
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Happy Lemming
I've had many second date house dates that didnt involve sex, just making out. Doesn't mean I didn't try, but if she said no, it was no, and there were no judgements.

 

I was in a similar situation. We made it to the bedroom and we were both partially undressed when she started this no/yes/no/yes bull crap. I got dressed and left. It wasn't worth taking the chance. I never asked her out again. I don't know what kind of game she was trying to play, and I didn't want to find out.

 

As a side note Cookies, if you say "NO" say "No" and mean it.

 

As guys, we have all been trained that "NO MEANS NO"!!

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My first 'house date' with exW she made a dinner around a homemade mushroom soup and I ended up crashing on the sofa. She thought that was a bit weird with her sexual background (far more prolific than mine) but at that point we were still in the getting to know period. I ended up moving that sofa when we got married.

 

House dates depended a lot on specifics since one of us had to drive 60 miles to where the other lived. Sometimes we'd meet in the middle and have a outside date and sometimes it was house dates, back then sometimes renting a VHS or DVD if we wanted a movie and she'd seen all the ones in my library. Sometimes it was simply music and soft lights and non-sexual interaction. All depended. If it was summer sometimes we'd go skinny dipping in the pool.

 

I think with a like-minded guy/gal home dates can be fine. With total strangers I'd be a bit cautious in the early stages of get-to-know. For us, and myself in general when dating, such didn't happen for a goodly amount of dates, usually a half-dozen or more, and generally when it was decided or obvious that we were dating exclusively. Different for everyone though. Some folks are more comfortable with a stranger in their space than others.

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Well OP, I am not sure why you are even asking us in the first place. I mean, it is pretty clear that (we all told you to run from this guy before and you had not, plus your past history on here) you won't take our advice anyway :confused:

 

So all I can say is good luck and be careful

Edited by Imajerk17
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Cookiesandough
Well OP, I am not sure why you are even asking us in the first place. I mean, it is pretty clear that (guy we told you to run from, plus your past history on here) you won't take our advice anyway :confused:

 

So all I can say is good luck and be careful

 

I always take the advice. Just sometimes it doesn't get to me in time or it's conflicting. Kbob, Kimber, Lemming, and a few others say it should be ok do to a home date as long as I set firm boundaries. And since I already have.

 

It's interesting because people often say on here when some likes you they'll move mountains and stop at nothing. Well, that's exactly what this guy did. And I can't help but admire his diligence and be intrigued. Plus he has a bunch of intagram babes on his jock. I just want to see what all the fuss is about. This will probably be the last time I see him, so I don't see what the big deal is with a stay in date and a little more making out?

 

This was a somewhat general question as well and I have learned the majority believe it is pretty much an invitation for sex. So CA is right. I never knew that before. I appreciate it.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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