Lexxi Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Met once with a guy I chatted with on OKC. We had a great time during the first meeting and he has been eager to see me again. He would text quite a bit saying he would love to see me again. Last Saturday, he texted them called me asking what day this week worked for me. We agreed Wednesday, but didn’t discuss details. So now it’s wednesday- no communication since that last conversation on Saturday except for us texting Happy New Year to each other. I haven’t heard from him today and it’s already 1pm. I figured he would at least be in touch to solidify plans the last couple of days, or even this morning cause it would be nice to have an idea as to what time I should be getting ready or if we’re still meeting at all. If I shoot him a text asking if we’re still on, would that come across as desperate? I guess I should assume he’s not too excited and just perhaps made other plans? Not sure what to do in this scenario. Link to post Share on other sites
CollegeKid101 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Met once with a guy I chatted with on OKC. We had a great time during the first meeting and he has been eager to see me again. He would text quite a bit saying he would love to see me again. Last Saturday, he texted them called me asking what day this week worked for me. We agreed Wednesday, but didn’t discuss details. So now it’s wednesday- no communication since that last conversation on Saturday except for us texting Happy New Year to each other. I haven’t heard from him today and it’s already 1pm. I figured he would at least be in touch to solidify plans the last couple of days, or even this morning cause it would be nice to have an idea as to what time I should be getting ready or if we’re still meeting at all. If I shoot him a text asking if we’re still on, would that come across as desperate? I guess I should assume he’s not too excited and just perhaps made other plans? Not sure what to do in this scenario. If you are interested, I would shoot the text. The worst thing that can happen is him saying he's busy or whatever excuse. If he does blow you off, I wouldn't pursue him anymore. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 No, it would not look desperate, it would look like someone that's organized and like to know ahead of time. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 No confirming plans is not desperate. It's organized & shows that you value your own time. It's actually self assured. It's the opposite of clingy. However, in this case you did not have firm plans. You had a discussion about Wednesday being a possible date that works but nothing concrete as in a place or time was decided. IMO you actually don't have a date but if you'd like to see him I'd reach out & say: Hey I was a little fuzzy on how we left things. I know we said today was good for us both but I can't recall if we nailed things down beyond that. I'd like to see you. Wanna meet me at [place] at [time] for [activity]? Since you are the one asking, you need to be prepared to pay under my scenario. You also need to be prepared for him to response that you had nothing concrete & he has other plans since the firming up of those tentative plans is so last minute. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I'm at a loss why any guy doesn't firm up plans when the day is set. Train him to offer what the plan is and what time. Why would any woman agree to something when they don't know what the offer is? Next man... ask what he's offering. Ask what time and place! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
python23 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 A guy who’s got his dating game on track knows that his job is to set a date and time and let the girl know when and where he’s meeting her or picking her up from. It’s basic really, this guy might not know what he’s doing or he genuinely didn’t really have any intention to see you today. Just text and ask so when are where are we meeting today. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Assume the date is not going to happen, and make some plans with friends or do something else that's fun. You're right that someone who is interested would've made some "real plans" for the date already, and he should've discussed it with you by now. If he likes you, he'll just have to set another date. (And hope you'll still want to go out with him) 5 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 If I shoot him a text asking if we’re still on, would that come across as desperate? I guess I should assume he’s not too excited and just perhaps made other plans? Not sure what to do in this scenario. I, myself, would deduce that the guy wasn't that interested in me because he didn't firm up plans before today. He's had 4 days to do it. I'm sorry, but with cell phones, text, etc., the only reason why someone doesn't confirm plans or make solid ones when they first bring it up is because they were thinking out loud within earshot of you. It was never their intention to take it any further than a mention 4 days prior. In my book, the person who made the plans is the one who should be calling and confirming details, not the person invited. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sbla22 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Ha - this is similiar to me in reverse as I'm the dude! In my case she said after the first date 2 weeks ago we should go play crazy golf next time. Then she went home for the holidays. Over the holidays I asked her if she wanted to go this Thursday but she said she didn't know when she would be back but would 'let me know.' But she hadn't let.me know and tonight is the night before the proposed date. So I got in touch again asking if we were still on and she said yes but wasn't sure of the time yet because she was doing an essay and again would 'let me know.' So effectively I tried to confirm a solid day and time for date 2 as the guy and I've just about got a day but no time yet... IMO if BOTH parties are really interested you should be able to agree a day and time fairly smoothly so I'm not expecting much from tomorrow - still feel she might cancel. I would wager that this guy is either testing you to see how eager you are, he's just not very organised or he's playing a game. In modern dating it is up to the guy to arrange the first few dates and that means day and time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lexxi Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Thank you all. I think I’ll just text him to ask if he was still interestsed in meeting up or if it’s a no go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sbla22 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Thank you all. I think I’ll just text him to ask if he was still interestsed in meeting up or if it’s a no go. Yes, I would do this but say 'what time are we meeting?' Maybe add some sort of jokey comment too - shows you expect the date and aren't too bothered by his lack of contact. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Thank you all. I think I’ll just text him to ask if he was still interestsed in meeting up or if it’s a no go. No! I wouldn't! He's had 4 days to let you know...and he's so lazy that he can't figure out a plan and let you know what he arranged? He hasn't arranged anything = he's lazy and inconsiderate. Do not beg him by asking - it looks desperate. At this point if he asks tell him since you heard nothing firm that you made other plans. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Personally, I think confirming a day for the date and not following through is so disrespectful of the OP’s time. What is with the guys these days? There’s an epidemic of a lack of common courtesy. If she texts, and it looks like she has already, I would suggest saying, “I was under the impression we had a date tonight but I am assuming something came up since I didn’t hear back from you about any details”. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 If she texts, and it looks like she has already, I would suggest saying, “I was under the impression we had a date tonight but I am assuming something came up since I didn’t hear back from you about any details”. That's a little passive aggressive. A warmer approach comports with the idea that you get more flies with honey then vinegar. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 That's a little passive aggressive. A warmer approach comports with the idea that you get more flies with honey then vinegar. Ok, maybe you’re right. These stories get me a little irritated. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I can see where you'd be aggravated but I assume most of these younger folks are more clueless then affirmatively mean. In this case, the guy might be cautious or think that picking a day is enough. So somebody has to be the voice of reason. But while confirming lose half baked plans is OK, if one person is always chasing the other for concrete scheduling that is another matter entirely: one that may justify giving up. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 In my vast dating experience, any guy who was truly interested in me would have not allowed this much time go without communication and would have made solid plans not requiring me to confirm. I’d make my own plans and assume he wasn’t interested enough. I wouldn’t contact him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I can see where you'd be aggravated but I assume most of these younger folks are more clueless then affirmatively mean. In this case, the guy might be cautious or think that picking a day is enough. So somebody has to be the voice of reason. But while confirming lose half baked plans is OK, if one person is always chasing the other for concrete scheduling that is another matter entirely: one that may justify giving up. Yes, I’ll agree. One needs to keep in mind the age. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lexxi Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Well it’s too late, I had texted him already, 45 minutes ago and still no response. While some may say this is a very short time, keep in mind that this is a guy who responds so quickly that he will send a couple texts before I can finish one of mine- more like a 30 second or less response time. So it looks like he’s just deciding not to respond at all or trying to figure out an excuse. My guess is he has met someone more interesting that he’d rather spend his evening with and was hoping I would just somehow forget that he was the one who called me on Saturday to set something up for tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lexxi Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Yes, I’ll agree. One needs to keep in mind the age. This is a 42 year old man. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I would have asked the day before, what we're doing and at what time. The day of, is a bit late, cos I could be on the other side of town. A first get together is not allocated an entire day. He only gets less than 3 hours and I cannot hold up the whole day for that. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Age has NOTHING to do with it. It's disrespectful that he asked and now hasn't allowed her to know what he planned and what time! Any man interested chases! He's grateful she would say yes and would immediately make a dinner reservation or plot out a movie to see... then let her know what he has planned! My boys are mid twenties - when they are interested in a gal - they make sure they plan something! And they let her know what that plan is. Anything less is making no effort... which means he's gonna ask you over to his house = booty call/ 4 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 This is a 42 year old man. Next........ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kaitlynlily6 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 You don't look desperate with that approach however if you think further, an interested person will do so without the need for a reminder. Making plans without discussing the details or even follow-ups are disrespectful. Make some other plans instead. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Lexxi I'm proud of you for reaching out. It was the polite thing to do & it shows you value your own time. Although the ball is now in his court, I suspect you are right & he found somebody else to play with. Going forward try to nail down more specifics with the next guy. Without them, you don't really have a "date". Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
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