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What did she mean by that? Online dating


Redguitar35

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Recently I was involved with a woman I met online and we were engaging in some pillow talk. She said there was something about how I reacted to something she said when we were first chatting that made her want to meet me.

 

At one point she said to me that she generally has no intention of meeting guys online, she just keeps a profile for entertainment. What?

 

I didn’t question her on that, but I’ve been puzzled by it since I heard the same thing from multiple women I encountered online. Why waste time with online if you have no intention of meeting? What did she mean by that? Most guys I talk to hate online dating and would never resort to it without the strict intention of meeting. What could be entertaining about talking to men you have no intention of meeting? If the answer is “attention”, I think that’s kinda sick to be honest with you.

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You're exactly right and it is sickening. People often (and I've seen this a lot more with women) need external validation to feel good about themselves.

 

I can't count the number of women who completely vanished after asking them out. It becomes "real" for them.

 

That's another reason why I do it only after a few messages. Plenty of time wasters and attention seekers on there and I would rather know that upfront rather than waste my time.

 

I would run from this one (or put her in the "sex only" category). She has mental issues she needs to deal with that you do not.

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Plenty of people online are there just for amusement with no real intent to date. This is why some prefer the pay sites where such things are less common.

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You're exactly right and it is sickening. People often (and I've seen this a lot more with women) need external validation to feel good about themselves.

 

I can't count the number of women who completely vanished after asking them out. It becomes "real" for them.

 

That's another reason why I do it only after a few messages. Plenty of time wasters and attention seekers on there and I would rather know that upfront rather than waste my time.

 

I would run from this one (or put her in the "sex only" category). She has mental issues she needs to deal with that you do not.

She came over twice for sex which I was fine with. I don’t think I want a relationship with her.

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Cookiesandough

I guess she's just trying to make you feel special? It's a compliment. She's saying that she goes on there mostly for attention/chat unless she meets a charming guy(you).

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She met you on the site and dated you, so I reckon she's dated others too. I suspect it's more like she only accepts a minimum of requests. There's no rule that a person has to consider every offer made to them ;)

 

It's probably best to not put too much thought into a casual comment an ex made.

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I guess she's just trying to make you feel special? It's a compliment. She's saying that she goes on there mostly for attention/chat unless she meets a charming guy(you).

 

Exactly what she meant by it.

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I agree. I don't know why people get online for dating, whether it be long-term or casual, if they aren't in it to win it; if they aren't prepared to put in the time or the effort. I have dropped off the OLD site in part because I need a break. I have been tempted to get back on, but have refrained from doing so because my work-life is dominating a majority of my time and I'm just tired. I take care of people all day long...I'm done...and while I really would like to jump back in the pool, I just can't dedicate the time required.

 

It's maddening that there are people out there using this tool for entertainment. It's maddening when someone puts out a profile that they are seriously seeking, but as it turns out, they're "too busy."

 

I can't really toss out any kind of answer or diagnosis on this woman. My only thought is to not text anyone for any extended length of time. Meet as soon as possible, and if she can't meet, don't bother with further texting. If you do get the opportunity to meet, but she starts hem-hawing over future dates and times, clearly she's too busy to cultivate a relationship, and move on.

 

You can't get away from the risk.

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Plenty of people online are there just for amusement with no real intent to date.

 

But the point the OP is making, which I completely relate to, is that OLD is in no way entertaining or amusing! It has to be one of the dullest and most time wasting activities around, and I've heard this from females so it isn't just my male perspective.

 

So why would someone use it "just for amusement"?

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Cookiesandough
But the point the OP is making, which I completely relate to, is that OLD is in no way entertaining or amusing! It has to be one of the dullest and most time wasting activities around, and I've heard this from females so it isn't just my male perspective.

 

So why would someone use it "just for amusement"?

 

Both men and women use it to get validation from the opposite sex. "Ohhh look at me , I'm desirable, people want me." Some people extend that to flirting/talking. They can have 0 intent to ever meet anyone.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Both men and women use it to get validation from the opposite sex. "Ohhh look at me , I'm desirable, people want me."

 

Okay, well I guess I’m just wired differently than these people. I use dating apps for sex and maybe a relationship. I can’t imagine using it for anything else.

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newyorker11356
Okay, well I guess I’m just wired differently than these people. I use dating apps for sex and maybe a relationship. I can’t imagine using it for anything else.

 

Same here.

 

I never understood using it for an ego boost and/or validation.

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I guess she's just trying to make you feel special? It's a compliment. She's saying that she goes on there mostly for attention/chat unless she meets a charming guy(you).

 

No, that would be:

 

"I rarely talk to someone on OLD I actually want to meet in person"

 

What she said was she uses it with no intention of meeting anyone, but something in his response made her want to meet him.

 

That's two completely different things. She is an attention seeking immature insecure idiot.

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Okay, well I guess I’m just wired differently than these people. I use dating apps for sex and maybe a relationship. I can’t imagine using it for anything else.

 

That's about all its good for it seems.

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Okay, well I guess I’m just wired differently than these people. I use dating apps for sex and maybe a relationship. I can’t imagine using it for anything else.

Some people use the mediums to fill their relationship ladder or provide a constant stock of potential orbiters. I've peeked over enough shoulders to know that, yeah, it works. What is (generic) your wife doing when she's sitting quietly typing on her phone?

 

In the case of the pillow talk, sounds realistic. She'll cherry-pick one or a few and use the rest for entertainment and/or to be the butt of jokes with her girlfriends. Heard plenty of that stuff too back in the day when I had more female friends. Brutal. ;)

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Both men and women use it to get validation from the opposite sex. "Ohhh look at me , I'm desirable, people want me." Some people extend that to flirting/talking. They can have 0 intent to ever meet anyone.

 

I'm not sure about that. How could the average guy possibly use OLD for validation, as he gets no messages anyway :confused:

Edited by Imajerk17
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No, that would be:

 

"I rarely talk to someone on OLD I actually want to meet in person"

 

What she said was she uses it with no intention of meeting anyone, but something in his response made her want to meet him.

 

That's two completely different things. She is an attention seeking immature insecure idiot.

 

That’s how I interpret what she said. She downloaded the app with no intention of meeting anyone she chats with, she just did it to play games.

Edited by Redguitar35
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That’s how I interpret what she said. She downloaded the app with no intention of meeting anyone she chats with, she just did it to play games.

 

Seems worthy of a F&$k-n'-chuck.

 

About the biggest benefit of OLD is that the people on it are single and looking to meet someone. It's sad when you learn that is simply not true.

 

I had a chick reach out to me today on Bumble 1 minute after I matched with her. I paid her a compliment on her name (it's one of my favorites) and asked how her weekend was going. She said she's doing blah blah so I say sounds like fun. Let me know if you'd like to meet up this week for a drink. *poof* unmatched.

 

She had zero intention of ever meeting me yet reached out to me.

 

Exactly why I ask so soon and don't waste my time. For these women, I guess it's no fun to be called out by someone having the audacity to ask to meet in person.

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Seems worthy of a F&$k-n'-chuck.

 

About the biggest benefit of OLD is that the people on it are single and looking to meet someone. It's sad when you learn that is simply not true.

 

I had a chick reach out to me today on Bumble 1 minute after I matched with her. I paid her a compliment on her name (it's one of my favorites) and asked how her weekend was going. She said she's doing blah blah so I say sounds like fun. Let me know if you'd like to meet up this week for a drink. *poof* unmatched.

 

She had zero intention of ever meeting me yet reached out to me.

 

Exactly why I ask so soon and don't waste my time. For these women, I guess it's no fun to be called out by someone having the audacity to ask to meet in person.

 

I'm not at all surprised she went poof. With all due respect, that's about as low effort as you could possibly get insofar as asking a gal out, and she doesn't know you from Jack the Ripper.

 

PS- I have no idea what Bumble is, but if it's just for hookups then your one-liner probably would work for the barfly types, but that's about it.

Edited by Highndry
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yeah maybe she was tryin' to take it a bit slower; heck it could have been her first match for all you know. A lot of people do want to message back and forth first before meeting.

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I'm not at all surprised she went poof. With all due respect, that's about as low effort as you could possibly get insofar as asking a gal out, and she doesn't know you from Jack the Ripper.

 

PS- I have no idea what Bumble is, but if it's just for hookups then your one-liner probably would work for the barfly types, but that's about it.

 

Bumble is supposed to be the classier Tinder and not meant for hookups. The ladies have to make the first move. Kinda. They normally just say "hi" and it's up to you to really spark the interest.

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I'veseenbetterlol
I agree. I don't know why people get online for dating, whether it be long-term or casual, if they aren't in it to win it; if they aren't prepared to put in the time or the effort. I have dropped off the OLD site in part because I need a break. I have been tempted to get back on, but have refrained from doing so because my work-life is dominating a majority of my time and I'm just tired. I take care of people all day long...I'm done...and while I really would like to jump back in the pool, I just can't dedicate the time required.

 

It's maddening that there are people out there using this tool for entertainment. It's maddening when someone puts out a profile that they are seriously seeking, but as it turns out, they're "too busy."

 

I can't really toss out any kind of answer or diagnosis on this woman. My only thought is to not text anyone for any extended length of time. Meet as soon as possible, and if she can't meet, don't bother with further texting. If you do get the opportunity to meet, but she starts hem-hawing over future dates and times, clearly she's too busy to cultivate a relationship, and move on.

 

You can't get away from the risk.

 

You def need to take that risk. Those kind of people really piss me off and I have come across quite a few guys while OLD. When I started to seriously date (not single anymore), I was on there because I was emotionally/physically/life circumstance ready for a serious relationship. I hated the time wasters who made excuses after clearly wanting relationships. Your choice to date, don't waste my time if you are busy, looking for a hookup or whatever else is going on. If the person is flaky or full of excuses, move on w/out a second thought.

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some_username1

Oh women are always coming out with that crap. If only I had a quid for everytime I have seen "Just seeing what this is all about", "my friend put this profile up" etc...

 

We know that women struggle with rejection so telling themselves and anyone who will listen that they don't really take OLD seriously is a way of insulating themselves from the way that you have to put yourself out there if you are going to online date.

 

I bet she has been on a good number of dates OP and is telling you something that she thinks you (and her) would like to believe and raises her value at the same time. As long as she doesn't come across like a complete basket case there is no harm in being a bit economical with the truth I guess...

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If she says there was something you said that sparked her interest and made her want to meet you, I wouldn't worry about her other remarks.

 

People are very wary I think, and I know women, including myself, put up profiles with a kind of luke warm approach ... hoping and yet not really believing they'll find anyone. But it sounds like she found someone she thinks is worthwhile. You. So I don't see why the angst in this case.

 

Just meet her, then.

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