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4 month casual relationship


Trunky

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Hi I started dating this girl back in September and we connected instantly and we carried on dating we just clicked in every way and the chemistry and passion was like nothing before. We had deep conversations and opened up about pretty much everything and were honest from the start. We went out a lot and drank and had some real crazy nights and we were having an absolute ball. We continued to do this and all I was getting from her was how she really likes me and it’s to good to be true and I was falling for her like nothing else, she then went away to Thailand for two weeks and I spoke to her on the phone for hours everyday it was amazing then I had to go away to hollland to work and when she was back home to Manchester we continued to speak on the phone and txt each other everyday. Everything was perfect and then she came out to Holland to stay with me a few days and we had a ball apart from one little argument and disagreement. Then when she got home I felt she was being a little off with me so I will admit I mothered her a little bit because I was alone in Holland and was getting really paranoid and anxious. Then she rang me saying we should cool it and do our own thing as the timing is all wrong and she could see I had fallen for her and wanted more . I was absolutely devastated and this was nearly 4 weeks ago I still can’t stop thinking about her and what I did wrong, I fell in love with her I thought she was my soulmate I wasn’t even bothered about putting a tag on us I just wanted to know it had potential in the future. I feel sick everyday when I think about this and get the worse feeling ever I can’t sleep I’m crying as well when I think about certain things it just doesn’t add up to me. She said she wants to be friends and meet up in the new year. All I wanted was to make her happy and we got on so well I’m really confused about the whole situation and the reason she said makes it worse.

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Everything was perfect and then she came out to Holland to stay with me a few days and we had a ball apart from one little argument and disagreement.

 

What was that argument about?

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She asked wether I had paid for sex in the past and I told her yeah when I was younger on holiday with mates she was a little shocked but fine for all the days afterwards and said it has nothing to do with this as was in the past

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She asked wether I had paid for sex in the past and I told her yeah when I was younger on holiday with mates she was a little shocked but fine for all the days afterwards and said it has nothing to do with this as was in the past

 

That, I am 99% certain was the deal breaker.

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She asked wether I had paid for sex in the past and I told her yeah when I was younger on holiday with mates she was a little shocked but fine for all the days afterwards and said it has nothing to do with this as was in the past

 

When did this happen? How long between this incident and when you met and began dating?

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But she was fine the next day and for the 3 days after she was still all over me and we got on really well and when it came back up she said she wasn’t bothered it’s in the past and we said from start to be honest with each other and had both already discussed things about our past including hers and I was fine with things she told me as the past is the past People change and are who they are due to the past

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But she was fine the next day and for the 3 days after she was still all over me and we got on really well and when it came back up she said she wasn’t bothered it’s in the past and we said from start to be honest with each other and had both already discussed things about our past including hers and I was fine with things she told me as the past is the past People change and are who they are due to the past

 

Yes but paying for sex is a line crossed.

Many many women do not want anything to do with a man who has paid for sex.

There are many and varied reasons but the main ones being:-

 

  1. The ick factor
  2. Trust. How can she ever trust a man who will pay for sex as escorts and prostitutes are everywhere.
  3. Ethics. The sex trade is often exploitative of women.
  4. View of women. Women are mere objects to be bought and sold for sex.

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Why was she in Thailand? Vacation? Who did she go with? How was her trip?

 

Things were fine between you two before this conversation? No issues, no tensions or disagreements?

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Cookiesandough

Of course she said that. I suggest to never tell anyone else except close buddies about it. Prostitute stories are taken to the grave.

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She went on holiday with her friends to Thailand and yeah her trip was great and then she went home and she messaged me saying she wanted to come out and see me and yeah everything fine before that conversation and everything fine the days after until she went home

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I’ve spoken to her regarding this and she said it has nothing to do with that as it’s past

 

OK but she cooled it off as soon as she got home, suddenly no future possible.

I guess she did not want to appear judgemental whilst with you, but since it seems to be the only fly in the ointment here, you cannot discount it.

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I know personally I think it is that but she says it isn’t and I just wanted to be honest with her I haven’t a problem with it I did it when I was young on holiday with friends I’m not proud of it I’m devastated by this situation I would of done anything for her all I wanted was a chance I’m a decent guy I’ve just done some stupid stuff in the past but never been so certain about a person in my life I fell in love with her and I’m distraught

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She went on holiday with her friends to Thailand and yeah her trip was great and then she went home and she messaged me saying she wanted to come out and see me and yeah everything fine before that conversation and everything fine the days after until she went home

 

Then she's met someone else she'd rather be with like that and she's cut you loose.

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Why would you think YOU did something wrong? It's her that broke it off and didn't want more. That's about her, not about you. She simply came to a point where she understood that you weren't the one to go long-term with, for her. Doesn't mean you won't be for many other women. Dry your tears. It sucks and it happens to everyone. Don't waste a bunch of time trying to fix it or make sense of it. Sorry.

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She lost interest when you became needy and overly available.

 

Also, she met someone else that sparked her interest more.

 

Now she's trying to friendzone you or keep you on the bench in case her other options don't work out.

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You made a mistake buddy. NEVER under any circumstance tell your partner you've ever paid for sex. If your partner ever asks if you've ever seen a prostitute, lie and say you had a one night stand, because prostitution is technically a one night stand. Just don't ever mention prostitution.

 

The reason you never tell a girl is because for the majority of women, they see it as an automatic deal breaker. They see it as icky and distasteful and supports human sex trafficking.

 

I mean I get it. For many guys, dating is hard and they want to have sex. Maybe they're tired of being virgins and they want to get it over with.

 

Not all women of course will see it as a deal breaker but you don't know who will see it as a deal breaker or not so that's why it's best to keep your mouth shut.

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I’m the one left upset and feeling guilty even no in the 4 months I did nothing wrong apart treat you like a princess like you deserve

 

We were honest from the start we told each other things we hadn’t really told many people in our lives

 

But then you continued to dig because you weren’t used to be treated so well by a guy so the questions continued to be fired at me and always when I was drunk

 

Then you found out I had previously paid for sex which I was ashamed about but you got it out of me then you run at the first sign of drama because you can’t handle it due to past experiences and your not mature enough to understand that is the past and people change and I’m actually a decent guy that just wants the best for you but you continue to run and hide away not even willing to discuss these issues not even willing to take a chance all beaches of people treating you like **** in the past you run from me who would do anything for you.

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BarbedFenceRider

Hey bud. Sorry for your loss. I feel you.

 

And yes, the "paid for it" sounds pretty bad. But seriously? If we all can be honest, "it" is paid for one way or the other.lol

 

Any military guy can tell you about the "port in the storm" so to speak. And to be realistic. Some of my most dastardly partners were the dirtiest. Yup, a big dose of reality and antibiotics hits home either way.... Just sayin'

 

So, yeah, I'm listening. Best of luck.

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youre right peopledo change im sorry youre hurting OP,but at least you where honest you didnt hide anything andyou treated her good,she lost a good man, and its her loss,i know youre hurting let it out, and try and find happiness within yourself again

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We were honest from the start we told each other things we hadn’t really told many people in our lives

 

But then you continued to dig because you weren’t used to be treated so well by a guy so the questions continued to be fired at me and always when I was drunk

 

I know you are hurting, but eventually you should let it sink in that this relationship already had problems if she felt the need to dig into your past while you were drunk. That's a semi-dirty tactic, and clearly she has trust issues.

 

I know this is one of those things that is easier to see in hindsight, and not in the moment...especially when you were drunk.

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Thanks for replies means a lot too get other people’s opinions on the matter I am meeting her tomorrow’s as friends any advice on how I should be as I was just going to tell her exactly how I feel as I need it off my chest ?

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First off, stop telling her how you feel. You paid for sex. How in the hell did you think you should have told her that.

 

NOW, to the meeting. This isn't about you cuz. Its about her. so, when you meet, you best focus on why she is hurt, why she feels the way she does, why your a jack ass(true or not), and what she want in a partner.

 

 

DONT tell her you love her, DONT tell her you will change, Don't tell her anything she doesn't ask to know first.

 

And when she asks, IF she asks, Carefully evaluate whether its helpful or not.

 

You need focus on her being hurt, not you being hurt

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