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Talking to my first love after years....


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Old 3rd January 2018, 3:38 PM   #1
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Talking to my first love after years....

Hi guys, years ago I dated a girl in hs for 3 years. We were not perfect by any means, but from my own experiences through college and now into grad school, I have never felt for anyone like I did for this girl (outside of another girl that I would have dated had she come around to the idea). We had a very rough break up at the end, I wasn't perfect, but I ended it after her lack of respect for me and treating me poorly throughout various points of the relationship. She lied to me a couple times and I just lost trust in her as well. She did some really nasty things in front of me as well on one occassion after the break up. We were each other's first everything and I was depressed for awhile, but eventually met someone new and although I didn't realize it at the time, she was just a rebound relationship. That ended years ago as well.

Before I go further I want to stress that this wasn't just some high school relationship. I was a big part of her family's lives and her little brothers were very young when we dated and I became a big brother to them and her mom and I were very close as well. My family is well off and took her on every vacation and even were going to buy her family a house to rent from us...(CRAZY I KNOW!) She even went with me to my parent's home country and it was just very serious for us being so young. ANYWAYS...

My ex from hs begged for me back after getting around after we ended things, this really hurt me as it sucked hearing she was with this person or that person and I just ignored her or would stray away from any sort of relationship with her when she would try to contact me. We did hang out a few times after, but it always ended in sex and she couldn't keep being my friend so I decided to cut her off completely once I started my new relationship.

Fast forward about 2 years later while in college she reached out to me and told me she couldn't stop thinking of me and never really had. At this point we were both hours apart in different state schools and we talked for awhile until she got a boyfriend at her new school, but I wasn't upset and wished her the best. About 2 weeks after she told me she had this new boyfriend and thought it would be best for her she visited my school to see her friends. So she contacted me again hoping she would see me and we ended up spending the entire weekend together and a lot of feelings and such came out. She cheated on her boyfriend and then went back. For about a three weeks we talked a lot and she told me she was going to break up with this guy, but never did because she claimed she didn't want her friends to be upset and she liked him, but was in love with me she said. Our texts were sexual and she had a boyfriend, I just didn't feel comfortable with it. She wanted to continue hanging out on breaks and told me "why do we have to tell anyone?". That's where I told her she should figure things out and I didn't talk to her again.

I did do something I deeply regret and I contacted the guy and told him everything. I know I shouldn't have, but I think I did it out of how badly she had burned me after our breakup and maybe slightly some sort of revenge crossed my mind. This happened a few years ago now.

Anyways they broke up after that and she contacted me about a month later apologizing for putting me in that situation and that she didn't want the other guy and whatever so we kept talking just as friends really. Then about a month after she asked me if I was talking to any girls at my school and I had been a little bit with another girl (the girl I mentioned before that didn't want to date) so I was honest. She hated that and got upset at me and eventually went back to her ex after I told her this. We saw each other once while they were dating in the summer and she was the one who asked me to hang out but it was very much a friend encounter.

We didn't talk for awhile until they broke up the beginning of this school year, but then reached out to me on her birthday saying shes been thinking of me and it turned into her saying she'll always have feelings for me and all that, but we didn't talk very much after that and with my grad program I didn't even have time to think of us really. I sent her a text over the holidays and she ended up asking me to hang out. We did and it's like nothing changed again (like the time she visited my school). We spent NYE together and again feelings came out and I am for sure in love with this girl and really wish I wasn't but I can't help it. She told me she was in love with me and told me she even told her friends. She really bad mouthed the ex, which is a red flag to me because that tells me she's not over it. He cheated on her and told me he'd say all these things about marriage and kids but she never thought of him like that.

In fact, I know she's probably not over it because she accidentally sent me a message that was supposed to go to her best friend that her ex is a whore or something of that sort about 2-3 months ago. I really am not bothered by this kid at all, I don't care about him, but I don't think I trust her even after everything she says to me. Her mom and brothers still adore me, but I'm not sure how I really feel about everything.

Essentially, I don't think I'll ever be over what she did after we broke up and how I've always felt she was slightly sketchy about things. She told me to not judge her by things that happened during that time, but I really think it all burned me so bad that I am scarred from it. When we hang out I really enjoy being around her, but then I'll suddenly get a bad memory of what she did or she'll say something and I can read through it and I have to try to just focus on something else. The other hard thing is that my mom does not like her and my dad doesn't either, but they will never hold me from pursuing someone I want to be with.

She comes back to my state in May, but I'll still be a couple hours away for school for another 2 years, but I'm really not thinking that far ahead. Right now, I need to figure out if this is what I want and while I want her, I don't know if I can handle the baggage that comes from the past with us. She goes back to school this weekend and we may see each other before that, but maybe not due to my schedule. I probably shouldn't have sent that text as now my feelings developed again, but so did the bad memories that forced me to move on from her years ago. People see our love for each other when were together, but it's very hard for me. I don't want to be hurt again, but everything is so easy when were together.

Also, nobody I know feels this way with their ex's from hs or anything. It's really difficult when I can't relate to many of my friends either.

Not sure exactly what I'm looking for in terms of advice, but do you guys think this can ever actually work? Will I always feel this way in terms of having a hard time of forgetting the past? Is it better to find someone new and not battle through something like this?

Thanks for reading
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Old 3rd January 2018, 4:33 PM   #2
S2B
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Has she ever gone a long amount of time without a boyfriend? Does she even know how to be on her own and be happy that way?

I'd stay far away from her... it seems like she creates drama wherever she is - and always needs a man by her side - even if she doesn't like him much at that time. That's not a mentally/emotionally healthy gal.


Date other gals. See what other women offer to you.


Never settle! And don't go backwards!
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Old 3rd January 2018, 4:45 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by S2B View Post
Has she ever gone a long amount of time without a boyfriend? Does she even know how to be on her own and be happy that way?

I'd stay far away from her... it seems like she creates drama wherever she is - and always needs a man by her side - even if she doesn't like him much at that time. That's not a mentally/emotionally healthy gal.


Date other gals. See what other women offer to you.


Never settle! And don't go backwards!
Good point, never thought about that. I had deleted her on all social media, but from what I know, maybe her first year of college. Even then I think she was talking to a guy she started seeing after I wouldn't get back together with her.

Thank you for your advice.
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