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overthinking? friend? or control issue...


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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:58 AM   #1
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overthinking? friend? or control issue...

Why is it that while I was dating my boyfriend I could go days -- even weeks of not seeing him due to illness, exhaustion, being busy with work, wanting some personal time etc. and I felt okay/ didn't feel bad about missed opportunities, and felt content with just texting/calling.... but the minute we break up because of lack of time spent together... do I suddenly feel incredibly bored/ lonely, and begin to wonder why I never made more of an effort to see him during those times when absolutely nothing in my life has changed...

Is this part of overthinking a breaking up? a sign he was more of a friend and support system? or is this a control issue that I'm not yet aware of?

I am looking for opinions, comments or ideas as i truly feel like it'll help me better myself in the future dating world...
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Old 3rd January 2018, 3:28 AM   #2
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It could be a control issue, sounds like you want a text buddy/pen pal.

If this is how you usually date then you need to be prepared that people may not feel there is any compatibility there.
Usually in dating and relationships people actually want to be with each other and spend time together.
Perhaps you'd be better suited to long distance - but that would also mean seeing each other.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:13 AM   #3
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You are dealing with loss. During times that you would normally text, now you can't. There's a void. You're missing the future as well. You can no longer text or call in the future, and when you do feel the urge to go out, kiss, cuddle, sex, now you don't have that...and it feels empty. You liked having someone around when it suited you, orbiting.

Regrets...sure...you could have tried harder. But I also don't know if this guy was really for you if you were so aloof about seeing him. Seriously, WEEKS? I get being busy and exhausted, but you didn't have that drive to make time, or better time, quality, not even once a week, so yeah, he moved on. So, in the future, put in more effort. Don't lose someone over being aloof. If it's not there, you won't have that drive.

You still have to function in your life and time may be difficult if not impossible, and it may make it more difficult to keep a man and date if you're this overwhelmingly busy. If you're this busy that you can't cultivate a relationship, maybe you need to stop for now...see if you can find better life management so you have that time to put into a relationship.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 1:09 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GemmaUK View Post
It could be a control issue, sounds like you want a text buddy/pen pal.

If this is how you usually date then you need to be prepared that people may not feel there is any compatibility there.
Usually in dating and relationships people actually want to be with each other and spend time together.
Perhaps you'd be better suited to long distance - but that would also mean seeing each other.
I dated my ex for 2.5 years, trust me there was a point where I was seeing him multiple times a week. I had no issues leaving my house to see people. I got incredibly busy at work, and began to suffer from terrible life work balance. You add other relationship issues and things weren't as easy..

I think perhaps as I drowned in work, it was nice to have someone there to help support me. He began to fill his time with other things, and it didn't bother me. So for me, the struggle is... nothing has really changed. As i mentioned.. I wasn't really seeing him. We were communicating. Now for whatever reason, I feel completely lost/ bored/ lonely.. and the WHY is the reason I am reaching out to this forum to help determine.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 2:20 PM   #5
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Just knowing they are not there anymore will make you feel this way. Don't sweat it, you will get over it.
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