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Is he being rude?


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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:29 PM   #91
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Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
I would suggest that you're still getting it wrong.

Instead of being interested in investigating further because he's good looking, how about saving further investigations for guys where "there's something about his attitude that I really like" or "his profile is really fun" or "we have a lot of similarities".

You're giving time to someone who hasn't offered anything worth reporting other than a pretty face and you being unable to read him. See, I'd call that a fail from the get go.
Granted itís only been 1 day since we had our first exchange. Iím not basing it solely on his looks, however as what others have said it might pay to give it a little more time to give him an opportunity to shine through. Sure, if he doesnít Iíll objevtively turn my back on it.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:53 PM   #92
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Originally Posted by heavenonearth View Post
That's how I felt.

And also, there are a lot of witty ways one can engage in a first conversation without insulting the other person.

I remember when my boyfriend first wrote me... he replied in a very funny way to the things I wrote in my profile, and it was super charming and inviting!
Not at my expense. Just positive.

I mean, there are girls out there who actually like this 'bad guy' negging attitude. that's why some guys still use it. Because it works for a lot of them.

But trust me ,you don't want to be one of those women on which this method works on!

Get yourself a funny dude who respects you! In every way possible.
Complete agree on getting a funny guy who respects you. Idk, but I do find that funny (or funny enough), nor is it trying to be disrespectful and I have NO idea what this guy looks like. And it's safe enough to suppose that her good looking might not be my good looking anyway. So I'm certainly not giving him a pass because of that.

I really don't see it as negging but to be fair I am not a fan of guys who fawn unnecessarily to win favor--and i do realize some girls like and need that. I mean OP's accomplishment of law school and subsequent career speaks for itself; he doesn't really need to baby her through it and say how great it is, when it is obviously great and admirable to go into the family part of it. I'm thinking if he realizes she is an intelligent lawyer type he might have felt the need to try to be smart and witty. Also thinking she is probably picking someone with around same level of education/accomplishment so maybe trading compliments about careers isn't the only way that convo should go. Plus IMO texting or messaging isn't for trading your life story stuff but to build a quick rapport, light-hearted each person show that they are relatively fun IMO. That's what your guy did and it worked.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:02 AM   #93
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I would take it as someone trying to sound funny. I don't see what's rude about it but given it's your profession I guess something about it was offensive for you. But probably just a nervous guy trying to make conversation and saying the 1st thing that comes to mind.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:03 AM   #94
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Originally Posted by Versacehottie View Post
Complete agree on getting a funny guy who respects you. Idk, but I do find that funny (or funny enough), nor is it trying to be disrespectful and I have NO idea what this guy looks like. And it's safe enough to suppose that her good looking might not be my good looking anyway. So I'm certainly not giving him a pass because of that.

I really don't see it as negging but to be fair I am not a fan of guys who fawn unnecessarily to win favor--and i do realize some girls like and need that. I mean OP's accomplishment of law school and subsequent career speaks for itself; he doesn't really need to baby her through it and say how great it is, when it is obviously great and admirable to go into the family part of it. I'm thinking if he realizes she is an intelligent lawyer type he might have felt the need to try to be smart and witty. Also thinking she is probably picking someone with around same level of education/accomplishment so maybe trading compliments about careers isn't the only way that convo should go. Plus IMO texting or messaging isn't for trading your life story stuff but to build a quick rapport, light-hearted each person show that they are relatively fun IMO. That's what your guy did and it worked.
Agree again!!

He is not negging!!

Why is it that we are dissecting his statement. Cant the OP Throw her own misinterpreted, seemingly offensive statement, and see the result.

Hes vetting through the best language and game he knows. I would surmise that because his text seems offensive to the OP, they are not compatible, BUT, ONE TEXT and the sky is falling. How can an intelligent, articulate, open minded person make such a JUDGMENT.....shame!!! shame!!!
wouldn't it be easier if we started with stereotypes and worked from there
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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:24 AM   #95
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Originally Posted by girlinNYC View Post
Iíve recently started casually chatting to a guy on Bumble. Heís quite attractive so Iím interested in speaking to him but Iím trying to decipher whether heís throwing shade at me or acting mysterious for now to Ďstand out.í

I told him he has a nice smile, he responded saying I have a nice pout (I hardly pout in my photos.)
He asked me what kind of lawyer I want to become, I said family law and he said Ďdivorce and heartbreak, interesting 🤔í

I havenít replied yet but before I further a conversation Iíd ideally like some insight as to whether heís being rude or just playful. I would rather be a recluse than waste my time with another who isnít serious.
I generally ask myself this same questions. I find a lot of male "humor" to be rude at times. only you can judge this, if this is rude to you, then he is being rude. I personality don't find his comments too funny. Perhaps its a very specific sense of humor. even if he is trying to "stand out" as you say, he is succeeding but not in a good way.

If he's "quite attractive" as you say. He's probably used to having a selection of girls which is fine, but he seemed to develop a borderline nasty attitude to go with it. If you're already noting flags ( flags that are negative for you, don't think if other girls would be bothered by this) then he's prob not your cup of tea and that's fine.

You just don't want to get too involved and have these comments of his build op over time and start to tear you down. I've been on the receiving end of that and broke up with the guy, too rude with unessicary comments.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:37 AM   #96
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Originally Posted by girlinNYC View Post
I’ve recently started casually chatting to a guy on Bumble. He’s quite attractive so I’m interested in speaking to him but I’m trying to decipher whether he’s throwing shade at me or acting mysterious for now to ‘stand out.’

I told him he has a nice smile, he responded saying I have a nice pout (I hardly pout in my photos.)
He asked me what kind of lawyer I want to become, I said family law and he said ‘divorce and heartbreak, interesting ��’

I haven’t replied yet but before I further a conversation I’d ideally like some insight as to whether he’s being rude or just playful. I would rather be a recluse than waste my time with another who isn’t serious.
He doesn’t dig you. Why would you want to go out with someone who doesn’t dig you and is nasty and has no manners. Oh wait, “he’s quite attractive.”

Last edited by Interstellar; 3rd January 2018 at 12:40 AM..
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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:42 AM   #97
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I think a LOT of men (and women) on dating sites use tactics like this to determine if a woman is willing to put up with crappy behavior from them.

A litmus test to see if you'll be willing to put up with their brand of banter/abuse.

Funny is fun - sarcasm isn't fun - someone pays a price for that brand of "humor" - which isn't funny at all.

You gotta admit though - it easily eliminates a strong woman who shows she's not willing to put up with it right out of the gate.

Last edited by S2B; 3rd January 2018 at 1:05 AM..
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:49 AM   #98
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Originally Posted by staggerlee71 View Post
Agree again!!

He is not negging!!

Why is it that we are dissecting his statement. Cant the OP Throw her own misinterpreted, seemingly offensive statement, and see the result.

Hes vetting through the best language and game he knows. I would surmise that because his text seems offensive to the OP, they are not compatible, BUT, ONE TEXT and the sky is falling. How can an intelligent, articulate, open minded person make such a JUDGMENT.....shame!!! shame!!!
wouldn't it be easier if we started with stereotypes and worked from there
I literally just told you Iím willing to see how the rest of the conversation goes, and that I misinterpreted. Chill.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:52 AM   #99
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Originally Posted by bachdude View Post
Haha, Perfect! Watch folks, theyíll meet in person and sparks will fly from all the banter and itíll be one of these head butting, will clashing, intense romances. Haha
Ha! He responded to my Ďbanterí quite well with a more chilled reply. It was clearly a technique to see if I could handle it.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:53 AM   #100
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Originally Posted by S2B View Post
I think a LOT of men (and women) on dating sites use tactics like this to determine if a woman is willing to put up with crappy behavior from them.

A litmus test to see if you'll be willing to put up with their brand of banter/abuse.

Funny is fun - sarcasm isn't fun - someone pays a price for that brand of "humor" - which isn't funny at all.

You gotta admit though - it easily eliminates a strong woman who shows she's not willing to put up with it right out of the gate.
He responded quite well to what I dished back with far less sarcasm or banter. Instead he was quite pleasant and has started asking open ended questions about my interests. I think in this case I misinterpreted, which Iíll happily admit.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:57 AM   #101
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Originally Posted by Versacehottie View Post
Complete agree on getting a funny guy who respects you. Idk, but I do find that funny (or funny enough), nor is it trying to be disrespectful and I have NO idea what this guy looks like. And it's safe enough to suppose that her good looking might not be my good looking anyway. So I'm certainly not giving him a pass because of that.

I really don't see it as negging but to be fair I am not a fan of guys who fawn unnecessarily to win favor--and i do realize some girls like and need that. I mean OP's accomplishment of law school and subsequent career speaks for itself; he doesn't really need to baby her through it and say how great it is, when it is obviously great and admirable to go into the family part of it. I'm thinking if he realizes she is an intelligent lawyer type he might have felt the need to try to be smart and witty. Also thinking she is probably picking someone with around same level of education/accomplishment so maybe trading compliments about careers isn't the only way that convo should go. Plus IMO texting or messaging isn't for trading your life story stuff but to build a quick rapport, light-hearted each person show that they are relatively fun IMO. That's what your guy did and it worked.
Couldnít have summed it up better. Iíll happily admit I misinterpreted. I threw some banter back, he responded quite well and has started asking open ended questions. It was more than likely a stand out technique, rather than something malicious. Definitely stood out as Iím used to guys fawning from the get go (which I find unappealing!)
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:59 AM   #102
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Thanks!

Quote:
Originally Posted by girlinNYC View Post
Iíve recently started casually chatting to a guy on Bumble. Heís quite attractive so Iím interested in speaking to him but Iím trying to decipher whether heís throwing shade at me or acting mysterious for now to Ďstand out.í

I told him he has a nice smile, he responded saying I have a nice pout (I hardly pout in my photos.)
He asked me what kind of lawyer I want to become, I said family law and he said Ďdivorce and heartbreak, interesting 🤔í

I havenít replied yet but before I further a conversation Iíd ideally like some insight as to whether heís being rude or just playful. I would rather be a recluse than waste my time with another who isnít serious.
Didnít expect so many replies. Thanks for all your comments. Apologies if I havenít responded to all, but I have read them all. Great insights all round.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:40 AM   #103
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Originally Posted by girlinNYC View Post
Couldnít have summed it up better. Iíll happily admit I misinterpreted. I threw some banter back, he responded quite well and has started asking open ended questions. It was more than likely a stand out technique, rather than something malicious. Definitely stood out as Iím used to guys fawning from the get go (which I find unappealing!)
You mean he doesnít appear to be some awful human being who wants to chip away at your self confidence?

I admit, that was sarcastic!

Iím not even sure it was even much of a technique, other than attempting a little humor.

Like Iíve said, a pout can be cute to some guys.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 3:56 PM   #104
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Originally Posted by bachdude View Post
You mean he doesnít appear to be some awful human being who wants to chip away at your self confidence?

I admit, that was sarcastic!

Iím not even sure it was even much of a technique, other than attempting a little humor.

Like Iíve said, a pout can be cute to some guys.
Yep, Iíll admit for the 100th time if I have too that I misconstrued it.
Just taking it one day at a time, being objective in the process
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Old 3rd January 2018, 4:07 PM   #105
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Originally Posted by girlinNYC View Post
Yep, Iíll admit for the 100th time if I have too that I misconstrued it.
Just taking it one day at a time, being objective in the process
That wasnít directed towards you, girlinNYC! I thought you had a pretty open mind.

Itís directed towards the over reaction that happen on LS threads from time to time. Iím poking fun at some of the posters.
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