LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Is he being rude?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree113Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 2nd January 2018, 1:13 PM   #31
Established Member
 
elaine567's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 14,174
Quote:
Originally Posted by bachdude View Post
Lorenza, correct me if I am wrong, but isnít pouting in a selfie when a woman puckers her lips together to look more sexy? Thatís how I have seen the term used.
Yes it can mean that but also
"to push one's lips or one's bottom lip forward as an expression of petulant annoyance"

It is also a term that often applies to sulky, sullen kids.

So whilst he may have been trying to say she looks sexy, he may have been saying she looks like a spoiled and annoyed child, the equivalent to telling her to "Smile" and that never really goes down well.
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 1:26 PM   #32
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 846
Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
Yes it can mean that but also
"to push one's lips or one's bottom lip forward as an expression of petulant annoyance"

It is also a term that often applies to sulky, sullen kids.

So whilst he may have been trying to say she looks sexy, he may have been saying she looks like a spoiled and annoyed child, the equivalent to telling her to "Smile" and that never really goes down well.
Yes, I hope I know what the traditional meanings meaning of pouting is! Now THATíS a little annoying! Haha

My point is, it depends which meaning he is using.
bachdude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 1:29 PM   #33
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by girlinNYC View Post
Iíve recently started casually chatting to a guy on Bumble. Heís quite attractive so Iím interested in speaking to him but Iím trying to decipher whether heís throwing shade at me or acting mysterious for now to Ďstand out.í

I told him he has a nice smile, he responded saying I have a nice pout (I hardly pout in my photos.)
He asked me what kind of lawyer I want to become, I said family law and he said Ďdivorce and heartbreak, interesting 🤔í

I havenít replied yet but before I further a conversation Iíd ideally like some insight as to whether heís being rude or just playful. I would rather be a recluse than waste my time with another who isnít serious.
Instead of trying to find negatives from the get go, why not start on a positive note? You're still in the chatting phase afterall. You have plenty opportunity to decide whether he's worth your time or not.
Iseult is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 1:32 PM   #34
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 6,501
Quote:
Originally Posted by girlinNYC View Post
Iíve recently started casually chatting to a guy on Bumble. Heís quite attractive so Iím interested in speaking to him but Iím trying to decipher whether heís throwing shade at me or acting mysterious for now to Ďstand out.í

I told him he has a nice smile, he responded saying I have a nice pout (I hardly pout in my photos.)
He asked me what kind of lawyer I want to become, I said family law and he said Ďdivorce and heartbreak, interesting 🤔í

I havenít replied yet but before I further a conversation Iíd ideally like some insight as to whether heís being rude or just playful. I would rather be a recluse than waste my time with another who isnít serious.
He sounds like he's negging you.
__________________
If the person you're with treats you in any way other than well, and you keep sticking around trying to make it work, you're no longer a victim of what they're doing--you're a volunteer. ~ Derrick Jaxn
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 1:49 PM   #35
Established Member
 
Lorenza's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 1,295
Quote:
Originally Posted by bachdude View Post
Lorenza, correct me if I am wrong, but isnít pouting in a selfie when a woman puckers her lips together to look more sexy? Thatís how I have seen the term used.
Well anyway, what's the point in saying "I like your [insert something that can be perceived negative]".
F ex I like your short legs. I like how your jokes are so unfunny they kind of make me laugh. I like that you're not as skinny as the other girls on here. I like your carrier choice, shows that you're not money oriented.

These are much worse than the one OP got, and there's still a chance he was being playing and likes to tease though.
Lorenza is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 2:05 PM   #36
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 235
Quote:
Originally Posted by girlinNYC View Post
Agree. So you think they’re cheap shots as opposed to dry wit?
I honestly think he's trying to be witty. But many forget that sarcasm and that brand of wit does not do well with strangers.

Have you tried giving some flack back? See how he responds to being nudged similarly. If he responds poorly, then you know the guy is just a jerk.
Or, if playful banter is not your style just move on. Plenty of guys out there.
Frostedflake is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 2:08 PM   #37
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 846
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorenza View Post
Well anyway, what's the point in saying "I like your [insert something that can be perceived negative]".
F ex I like your short legs. I like how your jokes are so unfunny they kind of make me laugh. I like that you're not as skinny as the other girls on here. I like your carrier choice, shows that you're not money oriented.

These are much worse than the one OP got, and there's still a chance he was being playing and likes to tease though.
Yeah, those are downright insulting, hardly the same thing, as you say!

Personally, a little playful pouting is kind of cute, if you ask me. It doesnít need to be an insult.
bachdude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 2:22 PM   #38
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorenza View Post
Well anyway, what's the point in saying "I like your [insert something that can be perceived negative]".
F ex I like your short legs. I like how your jokes are so unfunny they kind of make me laugh. I like that you're not as skinny as the other girls on here. I like your carrier choice, shows that you're not money oriented.

These are much worse than the one OP got, and there's still a chance he was being playing and likes to tease though.
Certainly there are better ways to make a compliment, but it's all in how you accept them.

I like your short legs = You have nice legs (who cares whether they're short or long?)
I like how your jokes are so unfunny they kind of make me laugh = I like dorky humour
I like that you're not as skinny as the other girls on here = I don't like rail thin women and like that you have some meat on your bones
I like your carrier choice, shows that you're not money oriented... What's wrong with this?

If anything, your examples just demonstrate your biases.

Last edited by Iseult; 2nd January 2018 at 2:23 PM.. Reason: grammar
Iseult is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 2:38 PM   #39
Established Member
 
Lorenza's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 1,295
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iseult View Post
Certainly there are better ways to make a compliment, but it's all in how you accept them.

I like your short legs = You have nice legs (who cares whether they're short or long?)
I like how your jokes are so unfunny they kind of make me laugh = I like dorky humour
I like that you're not as skinny as the other girls on here = I don't like rail thin women and like that you have some meat on your bones
I like your carrier choice, shows that you're not money oriented... What's wrong with this?

If anything, your examples just demonstrate your biases.
What do you even mean? I wrote what kind of compliments I'd consider backhanded.
Lorenza is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 2:52 PM   #40
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorenza View Post
What do you even mean? I wrote what kind of compliments I'd consider backhanded.
Look up what biases mean then get back to me.
Iseult is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 3:01 PM   #41
Established Member
 
Lorenza's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 1,295
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iseult View Post
Look up what biases mean then get back to me.
I know what biases mean, I'm saying you're not making sense. How are my examples of negging biased? Would you like someone telling you they like something about you and then insert something sneakily belittling?

By the way, telling me to look up what biases mean is belittling in itself.
Lorenza is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 3:13 PM   #42
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorenza View Post
I know what biases mean, I'm saying you're not making sense. How are my examples of negging biased? Would you like someone telling you they like something about you and then insert something sneakily belittling?

By the way, telling me to look up what biases mean is belittling in itself.
Yeah, I did that on purpose but I didn't think you'd get it

What I was trying to say was what you consider "negging" could be construed as awkward compliments by another.

"Honi soit qui mal y pense" Do you know what this means?
Iseult is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 4:17 PM   #43
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3,867
Quote:
Originally Posted by girlinNYC View Post
Iíve recently started casually chatting to a guy on Bumble. Heís quite attractive so Iím interested in speaking to him but Iím trying to decipher whether heís throwing shade at me or acting mysterious for now to Ďstand out.í

I told him he has a nice smile, he responded saying I have a nice pout (I hardly pout in my photos.)
He asked me what kind of lawyer I want to become, I said family law and he said Ďdivorce and heartbreak, interesting 🤔í

I havenít replied yet but before I further a conversation Iíd ideally like some insight as to whether heís being rude or just playful. I would rather be a recluse than waste my time with another who isnít serious.
Wow, so you are trying to determine all that by a messaged sentence fragment??? You cannot protect yourself from being hurt or duped at this stage off that TINY bit of info. I would just say he probably has a sarcastic (as someone said) sense of humor and is pointing out the obvious irony. It wouldn't bother me as far as his "game" goes. You DEFINITELY need more info and a 3 more arbitrary messages wouldn't be it IMO.

You may just be too literal of a person for his sense of humor. Doesn't mean he's a bad guy, just not for you. That's ok. I don't think he's trying to be rude because if you do, I think you are being overly sensitive. If anything, the sarcasm would alert me to the fact that behind sarcastic jokes lie some truth so perhaps he is is still hurting or bitter over a previous heartbreak--that, to me, is something I think is far more likely than him trying to be rude to you.

IMO, you are putting WAY WAY too much pressure and expectations onto some guy from bumble. It means nothing until you meet him. You cannot out analyze that and you are just going to have to take a risk and meet up. Please tell me as a future lawyer, you have thicker skin than this
__________________
Everybody's like: He's no item,Please don't like em, He don't wife em, He one nights em,I never listened No. I shoulda figured though. All that sh*t you was spittin',So unoriginal, But it was you. So I was with it. Then tell you the truth, Wish we never did it. If you was really the realest, Wouldn't be fightin' it.I think your pride is just...In the way
Versacehottie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 5:37 PM   #44
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: New York
Posts: 376
Quote:
Originally Posted by Versacehottie View Post
Wow, so you are trying to determine all that by a messaged sentence fragment??? You cannot protect yourself from being hurt or duped at this stage off that TINY bit of info. I would just say he probably has a sarcastic (as someone said) sense of humor and is pointing out the obvious irony. It wouldn't bother me as far as his "game" goes. You DEFINITELY need more info and a 3 more arbitrary messages wouldn't be it IMO.

You may just be too literal of a person for his sense of humor. Doesn't mean he's a bad guy, just not for you. That's ok. I don't think he's trying to be rude because if you do, I think you are being overly sensitive. If anything, the sarcasm would alert me to the fact that behind sarcastic jokes lie some truth so perhaps he is is still hurting or bitter over a previous heartbreak--that, to me, is something I think is far more likely than him trying to be rude to you.

IMO, you are putting WAY WAY too much pressure and expectations onto some guy from bumble. It means nothing until you meet him. You cannot out analyze that and you are just going to have to take a risk and meet up. Please tell me as a future lawyer, you have thicker skin than this
I love banter and am often very receptive to it, I guess something in this instance threw me off a little. Iím a very black and white person (thereís that lawyer) so perhaps the left field replies clashed with how I think. Iíll keep an open mind and test the waters via a drink if he suggests it.
girlinNYC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2018, 5:50 PM   #45
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
He sounds like he's negging you.
Yup, and it's obviously working. Add to that he's good looking--he can get away with this.
Chris2016 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is what I did appropriate or rude? xforeverlove21 Dating 22 21st May 2016 2:14 PM
Do you think it is rude? xingyi Dating 17 24th March 2015 5:11 AM
Is this rude ? Mary3 Friends and Lovers 6 27th October 2006 3:30 PM
Why Are Ppl Rude Guest General Relationship Discussion 6 28th June 2006 6:05 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:13 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.