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Mixed Signals


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Old 2nd January 2018, 1:52 AM   #1
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Mixed Signals

So on December 1st I was asked to train a new employee who happened to be a female. I work as a courier. Throughout the day the new girl and I shared some personal stuff about ourselves and had a lot in common but I was professional and didn’t ask for her number or anything.

A couple days before Christmas Eve she was assigned a route close to mine. I couldn’t fit all of the boxes in my van so she took a few. At the end of our routes we ended up on the same street and she helped me deliver the last few boxes I had remaining. She got back to the Station a little bit before me.

The next day my manager came up to me and said hey what’s going on with you and the new girl. I said I don’t know what you’re talking about. He said she was raving about me the night she helped me and was gushing. My manager encouraged me to ask her out so I did. She said yes she would love to go out with me and gave me her number.

We had a couple days off for Christmas and the day after. She would send flirty texts and at night would send sexual selfies. Not nude but sexual. I didn’t respond with anything sexual because I’m not looking for just a hook up with her.

So we got back to work and I had brought her some tea because she said she was sick. She gave me a hug before we left for our routes. We ended up getting back at the same time and chatted in the parking lot before going home. I gave her a kiss on the head as we hugged and told her I hoped she felt better.

Then when I got home I got a text saying she wanted to tone things down. She said she had just got out of a two year relationship and that her ex bf had cheated on her. I said no problem. Then she asked for more tea at work.

So the next day I brought her tea and kind of ignored her. She ended up following me around the station and then realized her packages weren’t in my area, got embarrassed and walked away. Then she walked up to help me load my van. I told her to get a head start on her route but she refused. Then she gave me two big hugs. Then she asked for more tea that night. I told her New Years Eve would be the last time I saw her for a week because I had drill duty the next weekend. (Our schedules are a little different but we do have Wednesday’s off together.) She said she was sad and that she would miss me.

So the next morning (New Years Eve) she was late due to being sick. I got her van ready for her and gave her some tea. She gave me three giant hugs. Then that evening sent me a couple of non-sexual selfies and a Happy New Year at midnight.

Today (New Years) not a single word from her until 7:30pm when i texted her “Hi.” We texted for a bit but nothing special.

I’m totally confused by this girl. Does she like me or not? I’m trying to give her space but she sometimes seems like she doesn’t want it but then other times she seems like she wants it. I’m trying not to invest myself that much because I don’t want to get hurt. In case you’re wondering we have not gone out on any dates or even talked on the phone.

Last edited by Cjaxrun85; 2nd January 2018 at 2:16 AM..
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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:54 AM   #2
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Cjaxrun85,
Getting into any kind of "relationship" with a work college isn't a good idea and can lead to a whole host of problems.

Quote:
My manager encouraged me to ask her out so I did
^^^ your manager is unprofessional to suggest this.

When you see her again be cool but polite. She seems confused, so don't let her confuse you.

Quote:
She would send flirty texts and at night would send sexual selfies
^^^ what sort of girl girl sends this kind of stuff to a work colleague who she hardly knows?

Keep your boundaries up OP and no more hugging, delete her texts. You are laying yourself open to a sexual harrassment accusation. If she send any more delete and block.

Focus on your work and keep everything professional, she sounds like bad news to me.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 3:49 PM   #3
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Well after no word yesterday or today I finally texted her. I told her no more hugs and no more following me around the Station. I told her Iím a good guy and I donít deserve the mixed Signals. She didnít put up any fight. She apologized for the mixed Signals and agreed to keep it cordial at work.

Iím glad this happened before we ever went on a date.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:11 PM   #4
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I had sent her one last text which in summary said I’m 32 and I’m an adult. I have a daughter and I don’t have time for games. Then I told her to save her games for someone else.

She replied and said “save games for who?” Then told me again that she had just ended a two year relationship with her boyfriend because he cheated on her. Then she told me she was under the impression I was trying to have sex with her because I did nice things for her.

I told her I don’t have casual sex, one night stands, or sex on the first date and that she should not assume I’m like every other guy who’s hit on her. She apologized for making those assumptions. Then she told me when she agreed to go out with me she was under the impression we were going to get to know one another.

This sort of pissed me off a bit but I kept my cool. I texted her back and told her if she honestly wants to get to know me she can either call me or schedule a time to meet up outside of work and let me know what her intentions are. She replied back with, “alrighty.” Haven’t heard from her since and that was about 4 hours ago.

Last edited by Cjaxrun85; 2nd January 2018 at 8:32 PM..
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:56 PM   #5
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Bad start...

it's awkward now. I am sorry, OP!

Maybe it's not a good match?
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Old 2nd January 2018, 9:07 PM   #6
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Yeah maybe it was. I just thought since everything kind of happened naturally that maybe it would work out. We did end up talking on the phone. She told me she has a lot going on and that sheís not interested in getting to know anyone.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 9:10 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Cjaxrun85 View Post
Yeah maybe it was. I just thought since everything kind of happened naturally that maybe it would work out. We did end up talking on the phone. She told me she has a lot going on and that sheís not interested in getting to know anyone.
There you have your answer.

If she just got out of a destructive relationship, likely her behavior is slightly destructive too. She seems torn, and the attention you gave her made her feel good, sort of like chasing that feeling of being adored, wanted.
But she's broken now.
She needs to fix herself first.

Also, those sexy photos so early on.. you said you havent even been on a real date yet... boundaries!!!!

Move on.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 9:12 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Cjaxrun85 View Post
Then she told me she was under the impression I was trying to have sex with her because I did nice things for her.
She sent you sexy selfies, you sent none, but you're the one who was trying to have sex with her?

I think you did the right thing standing up for yourself before her games got any more distracting and weird.

For the record, most girls don't think you want sex if you bring them tea.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 9:31 PM   #9
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On the phone she began crying saying I pissed her off. Iíll be cordial with her at work but I definitely wonít text her or make any attempt to have any type of personal conversations with her.

But I do have one last question. There is this other girl who works for the company that stocks the shelves. We see each other in passing while I load my packages up on the cart. I swear I catch her staring at me all of the time. She very attractive and my type. I donít know her name but I want to find out. I return to work on Thursday and if I see her I was thinking about asking for her number. Now I know itís not good to date coworkers but sheís not really a coworker, we work for different companyís in two different job fields.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:05 PM   #10
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On the phone she began crying saying I pissed her off.
She cried, did she? Be careful, you'll have some posters come in and tell you she's in love with you.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:36 PM   #11
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She cried, did she? Be careful, you'll have some posters come in and tell you she's in love with you.
Yeah she started crying. But she never did say exactly what it was that I did to piss her off. Iím the one that should be pissed off for dealing with the games because she was under the impression I was trying to have sex with her.
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Old 8th January 2018, 3:38 AM   #12
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It's a matter of perspective, my friend. To her, perhaps, she was somewhat direct with you from the jump. The flirty, suggestive texts perhaps was her way of communicating to you that she wanted sex. You simply didn't take the bait and instead went about trying to court her for a relationship.

Then, after you made your position clear, she again conveyed her position by saying she just got out of a relationship and thought you wanted sex due to the nice things you did for her. That, my friend, was her way of saying to you that if you wanted "it", she's good to go.

She wanted to get to know you, as a FWB. No games.
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