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Why do acquaintances try to set me up?


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Old 1st January 2018, 10:48 PM   #1
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Why do acquaintances try to set me up?

My close friends never do this, but whenever I seem to make an acquaintance from work or a club or what not this happens. There have been multiple instances where I would agree to have drinks or have a fun night with them and then find out they're trying to set me up with their friend? I only want to be social, have drinks, talk, a completely platonic night. I never mention the topic of dating or relationships or anything to these people. It's just really frustrating and I want to know the reasoning behind it. It puts me in a REALLY awkward situation because I never like the guys they set me up with. They also don't ask me if it's okay beforehand. I always find out as soon as I get there. These people have no idea who I like... I don't know how to handle a situation where I need to reject their friend and still be acquainted with them? I'm not comfortable with that. Does this happen to you? How do you handle it?
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:58 PM   #2
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Probably because you're single and you must be so miserable that way! They are trying to help you, you poor thing. by setting you up with a random guy. You being attracted to him is inconsequential here!

Yes it happens to me. Though maybe not as often as you. Maybe you have on of those faces? Looks like you'd be a good gf face? I have no idea. But it happens. The worst is when they say things like "Oh you should go with Steve to such and such. You guys would have fun together" loudly front of everyone including the guy you're interested in over there, and you're tempted to be like "Oh no, I think we're good. We're not doing that. I'll be completely free that day. "

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Old 1st January 2018, 11:42 PM   #3
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My thought was the opposite of Cookies. It's because their friend is single and looking. They like you, think you may make a good couple and so they try to set you up.

Better yet, why not ask them why they do it?
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:44 PM   #4
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Maybe a good solution to this would be to tell drop in somewhere to these acquaintances your bf couldn't come unfortunately and hope they stay acquantainces and don't ask questions

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Old 2nd January 2018, 3:21 AM   #5
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Floralessence,
If you don't like them doing this, then tell them - simple.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 3:57 AM   #6
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I would take this as more of a compliment than anything. They just think you're cute and eligible. If a close friend had done this, then it would be worse. It would show that they are not respecting your wishes, which the acquaintances don't know of.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:22 AM   #7
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hi floralessence,

maybe you should tell these people in the same room you tell the other person getting strung along that: (eg; to the guy - apologise for your acquaintances and tell him that you don't know why they keep trying to set you up with someone when you are not looking to meet anyone, that way they both get the message, he will know quickly that if he likes you its not going to happen, it might be laughed off hopefully by you and the guy and you'll get him on side and he will be able to see he's been set up too).

I'm sure your friends do mean well, but its not acceptable any longer if it has been going on for some time. and it wont do your reputation much good one way or another.

if they are not your close friends then maybe its time you dropped back from going out with them for a while, and if they ask just be honest but don't make it a heavy thing.

they will soon get the picture.

but the oneness is on you also here, if you want to meet someone then you will be the best judge for what you like surely?! so if you are not doing anything to meet someone and you want to then maybe look at that side of it too.

its also isn't fair on the other guy if he's thinking there may be a chance with you and has no idea. there are 2 people getting irritated and time wasted, he (or these others getting pushed onto you) must be feeling a fool, uncomfortable or irritated; so it needs to be sorted out before it gets blown up into something more to be fair to others as well as yourself...

I'm wondering whether you may have given your not so close friends too much leeway (intentionally or otherwise) in this department, and that the lack of communication has made things worse for you and awkward for the other people that get wrapped up in this agenda.

its a small thing that can be solved, but hopefully sooner than later!

ok, that's it, good wishes, maxi.

Last edited by maxi105; 2nd January 2018 at 8:24 AM..
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Old 2nd January 2018, 9:10 AM   #8
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Floralessence,
If you don't like them doing this, then tell them - simple.
I agree. Why haven't you told them to not under any circumstance try to introduce you to men?
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Old 2nd January 2018, 6:21 PM   #9
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Well, the first time it happened I tried communicating with her but she started ignoring me. I don't know what she told her friend, but it was very obvious he was interested and I wasn't. Apparently they were close friends. Unfortunately, I didn't like him and had to reject him. She never replied to me about the situation.

The next time, it was just a co-worker from work who I would talk to on occasion. I never hung out with her before but we decided to go get drinks and invite a few other co-workers (none of whom could make it). So she invited her friend and it was very obvious she was trying to set us up. After I rejected her friend, she wasn't interested in talking anymore lol.

In both situations, I didn't really have alone time with them they sort of walked away and did their own thing.

Another thing is, none of them ever asked me what type of guys do you like or would you be interested in so and so. It just happened day of without my acknowledgment until the moment of. I don't see why they think it's okay to set someone up without their permission or knowledge?

It's just annoying is all. It doesn't matter anyway because I haven't talked to these people again. I'm just voicing my frustrations. Like the thing is we don't even know each other well enough for you to know if I even like guys?

Also if you hang out with someone like once or twice, would you find yourself in a position thinking you would need someone you barely know not to set you up? How would I even know?
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Old 2nd January 2018, 6:28 PM   #10
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I guess give it a few years and you will be desperately hoping someone will set you up with a guy...

They were not trying to be nasty to you, they were hoping to find a gf for their friend, they are not bad people.
Relax.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 6:38 PM   #11
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These people are jerks...they look at your rejection as you being ungrateful because in their mind they are doing you this huge favor. And since you didn't like the guys they so care about, they are left insulted. Well they can go screw off IMO.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 7:17 PM   #12
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Floralessence,
If you don't like them doing this, then tell them - simple.
This. And say just what you said - it's a nice gesture but you want to spend time with them (your acquaintances) and get to know them better. Trying to find a guy isn't in your focus in that kind of situation. It's not hugely different to being approached by guys on the bus or shops or whatever - you're not in the mindset for it so it's just a bad idea.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:02 PM   #13
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I usually tell people if they attemp to set me up Iím cutting cords with them. I find it downright disrespectful - like any other unsolicited help or advice.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:07 PM   #14
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I usually tell people if they attemp to set me up Iím cutting cords with them. I find it downright disrespectful - like any other unsolicited help or advice.
Finally someone who understands!
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:23 PM   #15
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Oh, my! I confess. Now I guess I must repent due to the realization from some of these posts that it's an offensive habit.

I'm known for being one of the world's most prolific match makers in my community! And I have multiple marriages to attest to the fact that I'm good at it.

Here's why I do it, OP! Because I think both the man and the woman I match up are super cool, perfect for each other, and should meet! It's a huge compliment to both!

Today I was actually supposed to have lunch with the most recent couple who married as a result of my match making skills! They are so perfect together! They are both first class in all they do (I could never measure up to either of them in their organizational skills and also in their social expertise, lol) and dress like they each just stepped out of a magazine. Him: Greek, dark and handsome, silk trousers always, owns several businesses Her: Mary Tyler Moore look alike with blue eyes and cropped blonde hair. She is never a pound overweight. Neither needed help with finding dates. But they were just so perfect for each other (and so perfect as individuals, too) and would never have met had I not set them up.

Sadly, my car battery chose this day to die so I have to have a raincheck. Maybe it will end up being an evening in their gorgeous home as they known for being fabulous and gracious hosts!
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