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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?


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Old 1st January 2018, 10:04 PM   #16
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I would have not done this by text. Instead, I would have told him to leave when he sulked and rolled his eyes at me during dinner. I wouldn't have even let him get to the point of swearing at me!

No third chances should be offered by you.
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:09 PM   #17
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He’s a child, not a grown adult.

If you stay with him, you’ll be taking on 3 more kids, not just two.
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:09 PM   #18
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I'd be very scared to invest further with a guy who handles conflicts that way.

As for weather you behaved appropriately, seems like a good way to go under the circumstances. He wasn't giving you much to work with.
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:11 PM   #19
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I think your message to him is perfect. I would probably say the exact same thing. He sounds like a total brat.
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:48 PM   #20
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I don't think I'd still be with this person. Lying to me, yelling at me, and telling me to **** off? Abusive relationships are usually gradual
Yes I understand where you are coming from but lotsvof couples argue with some raised voices and swearing, I'm not saying that's acceptable and personally I don't like it but it happens from time to time. I guess it it was happening all the time frequently then it may be time to hit the road Jack.
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:50 PM   #21
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
I would have not done this by text. Instead, I would have told him to leave when he sulked and rolled his eyes at me during dinner. I wouldn't have even let him get to the point of swearing at me!

No third chances should be offered by you.
If it had of just been the Two of us I may very well have done this immediately however with 3 young children at the table and being the first weekend the kids have come together since we initially split and got back together I didn't want to upset them so I had to sit through and be the bigger person.
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:50 PM   #22
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Look OP bottom line is, you need to look out for your daughter. She deserves to have her peace, and her posessions not broken. If your boyfriend cannot get his son to behave, then it is a dealbreaker.
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:55 PM   #23
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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Originally Posted by bachdude View Post
He’s a child, not a grown adult.

If you stay with him, you’ll be taking on 3 more kids, not just two.
He left early Sunday morning with his kids blurting out as he was leaving that I'm not exactly perfect myself and I have not heard from him since. He hasn't tried to apologise or to wish me a Happy New Year.

I'm not actually going to be the one to reach out or make the first move this time. I'm leaving things as they are. I'm happy with life, have my daughter, have a job, have friends, am strong and independent and have holidays booked and weekends and activities on the go all the time, basically I don't need him, I'm happy from within myself and there my friend lies the danger for him!!
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:01 PM   #24
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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Originally Posted by grays View Post
I'd be very scared to invest further with a guy who handles conflicts that way.

As for weather you behaved appropriately, seems like a good way to go under the circumstances. He wasn't giving you much to work with.
Having no contact with him the last 2 days is definitely making me question whether I should just let him to for good. We have other issues too, not sure if you have been the other thread I posted earlier. Its about his carry on with his kids using my childs toys. Both arguments he picked with me at the same time on Sat afternoon.

This one here on this thread was because I pulled him up on leaving his 5 yr old in the car asleep after we got back from an outing with no windows or doors open. He told me not to lecture him and got into this mood and behaviour as I've described.
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:01 PM   #25
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He left early Sunday morning with his kids blurting out as he was leaving that I'm not exactly perfect myself and I have not heard from him since. He hasn't tried to apologise or to wish me a Happy New Year.

I'm not actually going to be the one to reach out or make the first move this time. I'm leaving things as they are. I'm happy with life, have my daughter, have a job, have friends, am strong and independent and have holidays booked and weekends and activities on the go all the time, basically I don't need him, I'm happy from within myself and there my friend lies the danger for him!!
Call it a done deal then. Even if he reaches out, clearly he doesn't handle conflict properly and you don't need or want anymore of this nonsense. Especially where kids are involved.
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:02 PM   #26
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What and who prompted the break up 3 weeks ago?
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:04 PM   #27
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I think your message to him is perfect. I would probably say the exact same thing. He sounds like a total brat.
Here is the full message, he pissed me off so much that I well and truly ended up giving it to him:
Please stop hiding behind this nicotine withdrawal stuff. Yes I get your going to be a little moody every now and then but last night was much more than some moodiness. You did what you used to do before we broke up, ignoring me for hours and then stomping off to sleep somewhere else other than the bed, I'm afraid that this might actually be your personality under any circumstance where any type of conflict is happening and to be honest with you it's way too immature for me to even want to deal with, not only is it immature it's just plain toxic dysfunctional behaviour and I dont have time for that ****, I dont need or want it. Sitting at the table refusing to eat just bloody ridiculous, I actually felt like there was an extra child at the table.....not the life I'm after mate!!

I have a right to voice my concern over any type of situation that I believe poses a risk to another human. I dont care if it's your child, Mary's child down the street or whatever, if I see something alarming I will say something don't care who it's too. You don't know everything Toby and to try and make out that I'm dumb and your smarter and be a condescending prick in conversation actually makes you the unintelligent one.... I wasnt lecturing you but under the circumstances what I saw with Lyvon in the car I really dont care, his safety is a priority. I'm not really going to be watching my manners when im trying to bring to your attention the dangers of what you did. You didn't even have the decency to actually read what I sent you to even want to understand why I was so passionate and upset about the reason why. When you put your pride first that's a very selfish act. At least I would give you the respect to find out why you were so upset and read the facts, but not you, you don't give a dam and with an attitude like that I can expect to go through a life with you feeling like my opinions and thoughts don't matter and if that's the case and if you can't even find a little space to listen to the person your supposed to love then there really isn't alot of hope for a happy future. My thoughts and opinions should matter to you, you should not just sweep them under the carpet like they are nothing, like I'm nothing and have nothing of value to add to your life because at the end of the day everyone can learn something from someone else.

Last night I not once called you a name or swore at you. You on the other hand just became a ****ty little *******. I guess the age gap really shows in maturity levels, your still testing me like some 6 yr old while at 44 I'm not wasting my time, I guess I still expect more from a 37 year old man, your not exactly a spring chicken, you should know better, you should get some respect real quick!!

This is my home, mine Toby, you and your kids are guests here. You don't live here anymore and to be quite honest I'm not at all interested into doing that anytime soon especially after last night!! I have a right to do things my way in my home, I have a right to live to a certain standard that makes me happy, I dont need your permission. If o want to put certain toys and ornaments away then that's my free will, does not concern you or your children. Lyvon has and does break things and I want to prevent that from happening in the future. You don't get to March around telling me I'm being ridiculous. What's ridiculous is if I leave all these things out and risk them getting broken because im pretty god dam sure that neither you or Jess will be emptying your wallets to replace any of my daughters broken items.....thats also why I unplugged my treadmill, don't want your kids treating it like a you, fighting over it, ****in irritates me. As it was Lyvon trapped one of Marie-Claires mermaid dolls into it the day my dad was here for lunch and that could have broken my machine and it did actually break the doll.....

I dont have anything against your children so you have taken it the wrong way but they have been brought up differently and with Lyvon I really do believe he lacks a bit of respect when he is at my home using things that arnt his, Im sorry if that offends you but it's what I see time and again with him.

I work very hard as a single mum with my daughter therefore I definitely don't appreciate dealing with an upset child when other kids come in and ruin her stuff, I can't always afford to run out and replace items.

I do the same when Lucas and Chloe stay as well, it's simply preventing things getting broken and preventing my daughters little heart from breaking and like it or not Toby she is my first priority, not your children and certainly not Deb and Rods kids and they know I put things away and they are totally fine with it, never seen them getting upset!!!
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:05 PM   #28
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I'm sorry to hear about the ****ty start to your New Year but I think you handled the situation well.
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:06 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by Lou1973 View Post
Yes I understand where you are coming from but lotsvof couples argue with some raised voices and swearing, I'm not saying that's acceptable and personally I don't like it but it happens from time to time. I guess it it was happening all the time frequently then it may be time to hit the road Jack.
I don't think it's acceptable and I personally don't like it either, it's abusive, and abuse typically escalates whether it remains verbal or not. It doesn't typically go back or decline in frequency. If my bf was throwing F bombs at me in a serious manner I would be hitting the road because of this. You guys are dating 10 mo. The best is supposed to be in the beginning and you two are incompatible and fighting like a couple who have been together for years and wish they could be out
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:11 PM   #30
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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Originally Posted by LilySun View Post
Call it a done deal then. Even if he reaches out, clearly he doesn't handle conflict properly and you don't need or want anymore of this nonsense. Especially where kids are involved.
Yes I'm starting to regret getting back together with him now.
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