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Old 31st December 2017, 5:44 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by AussieGuy2018 View Post
I also think the fact that I knew she was highly interested, maybe added to me taking my time because I thought I had time to open up to her.
(
Don't go in with that thought with the next lady, women want to be wanted too.
Setting up dates is all well and good but if things don't progress a woman will soon realise she is dating an acquaintance, not a potential lover.

Good luck for the future!
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Old 31st December 2017, 7:12 AM   #47
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Yeah I think it's probably done. I don't like the way she's handling this. Really cold. It reminded me of your original post in which you mentioned lies and judgement from a previous relationship. There's judgement from this woman now. People don't always tell you the real reason they're leaving. That's lies. What I learned from trying to please people in failed relationships is that it's futile. Don't contact her at this point.
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Old 31st December 2017, 7:47 AM   #48
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Yeah I think it's probably done. I don't like the way she's handling this. Really cold. It reminded me of your original post in which you mentioned lies and judgement from a previous relationship. There's judgement from this woman now. People don't always tell you the real reason they're leaving. That's lies. What I learned from trying to please people in failed relationships is that it's futile. Don't contact her at this point.
How else is she supposed to handle it?
She said she was done, now he is trying to get her to talk and she doesn't feel there is anything to talk about.
Yes, she could spend an hour on the phone, meet him for coffee, discuss it for weeks, or months but she is still done, so what is the point?
Dumpers cannot afford to be warm and fuzzy, as warm and fuzzy gives dumpees hope and that is the last thing a dumper wants to do.
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Old 31st December 2017, 8:30 AM   #49
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How else is she supposed to handle it?
She said she was done, now he is trying to get her to talk and she doesn't feel there is anything to talk about.
Yes, she could spend an hour on the phone, meet him for coffee, discuss it for weeks, or months but she is still done, so what is the point?
Dumpers cannot afford to be warm and fuzzy, as warm and fuzzy gives dumpees hope and that is the last thing a dumper wants to do.
Agree, she has been warm, fuzzy and encouraging for 6 weeks!!!
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Old 31st December 2017, 8:38 AM   #50
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Maybe it's for the best to leave this one.

If she wanted a mature long term relationship I would expect her to take some time to understand you and your speed at which you date. I actually made a topic on this exact subject recently.

Normally I move fast but the girl I'm dating is the complete opposite and takes things slow. It took a lot of work to get get her to open up. But I was patient and tried to understand her.

If you do want to try one last time then stop with the messages asking when can she talk and trying to call her, just drop her a message saying you would like to meet up for a talk. If she makes excuses/doesnt respond then NEXT.
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Old 31st December 2017, 9:06 AM   #51
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How else is she supposed to handle it?
She said she was done, now he is trying to get her to talk and she doesn't feel there is anything to talk about.
Yes, she could spend an hour on the phone, meet him for coffee, discuss it for weeks, or months but she is still done, so what is the point?
Dumpers cannot afford to be warm and fuzzy, as warm and fuzzy gives dumpees hope and that is the last thing a dumper wants to do.
Elaine, you think she has good reason to dump him. I don't.
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Old 31st December 2017, 5:07 PM   #52
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I think the situation is pretty much done. I got a text back saying she was down the beach with friends and what I wanted. I said no problems it can wait until you get home. Received a text to say she was home but not sure there was anything to talk about, so called and no answer, text when to say was a good time to call back. She again replied with ďnot sure what there is to talk aboutĒ, then she called when I was at dinner and went to answer and just missed the call by half a second. I called back and she didnít answer, then I received a text saying ďsorry I donít think I can deal with thisĒ.

Iíve left it at that and I think itís pretty much done and Iíll leave the ball in her court now. I know she cares otherwise why let me know she was home and called me back? She is clearly hurt and I made some mistakes, but I donít think I can keep pushing her now.
"Leave the ball in her court", how weak is that! Sorry, but it is. Aren't you the one trying to win her back?

You say you want to talk, finally get her on the phone, then say we can talk later, then proceed to play the miss call dance. No wonder she has had enough.

You aren't showing nearly enough initiative or romantic gestures, like I suggested. You are just convincing her that you are just wasting her time. The worst possible thing to do if you are trying to convince her the opposite.

Either make a strong declaration or stop wasting her time. Seriously, I can tell from her responses that she is still hung up on you but is losing interest fast. I don't blame her.

You probably have one shot left, but that's it. Don't blow it!

Send her flowers with a note telling her how much you care and how special she is (make it a romantic bunch, not cheap fricken carnations), I'm serious!

Texting or calls aren't going to work. Sweep her off her feet. Make the effort!
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Old 31st December 2017, 5:21 PM   #53
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"Leave the ball in her court", how weak is that! Sorry, but it is. Aren't you the one trying to win her back?

You say you want to talk, finally get her on the phone, then say we can talk later, then proceed to play the miss call dance. No wonder she has had enough.

You aren't showing nearly enough initiative or romantic gestures, like I suggested. You are just convincing her that you are just wasting her time. The worst possible thing to do if you are trying to convince her the opposite.

Either make a strong declaration or stop wasting her time. Seriously, I can tell from her responses that she is still hung up on you but is losing interest fast. I don't blame her.

You probably have one shot left, but that's it. Don't blow it!

Send her flowers with a note telling her how much you care and how special she is (make it a romantic bunch, not cheap fricken carnations), I'm serious!

Texting or calls aren't going to work. Sweep her off her feet. Make the effort!

I never got her on the phone, she refused to answer. Unfortunately I donít have her address to send flowers and Iím not going to send them to her work and put her in that situation in front of her co-workers.

When someone says ďI canít deal with thisĒ, itís pretty hard to keep pushing her to talk. I know she still cares...
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Old 31st December 2017, 5:22 PM   #54
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Dating is a test of compatibility, you rarely get a second chance, you do not get to be a mediocre, low interest date and then rely on picking up the pieces afterwards.
This is the best advice i've ever seen. It is 1000% spot on. Attraction can be there, sex can be there but in the end "Dating IS a test of compatibility". And sometimes despite other things being there we are just NOT compatible. I broke it off with a girl I was in love with because after 2 months of dating we were just not compatible. I think your girl was feeling the incompatibility and was looking into the future and decided it's not worth the effort for her.

You can TRY to win her back but unfortunately I think the damage has been done and may be irreparable.
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Old 31st December 2017, 5:23 PM   #55
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So she sent me a message at 12.02am wishing me all the happiness in the world in 2018.

Iím just so confused...I feel like sheís playing games now. We had numerous opportunities to talk and she refused and then get a NY text.
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Old 31st December 2017, 5:40 PM   #56
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I never got her on the phone, she refused to answer. Unfortunately I don’t have her address to send flowers and I’m not going to send them to her work and put her in that situation in front of her co-workers.

When someone says “I can’t deal with this”, it’s pretty hard to keep pushing her to talk. I know she still cares...
I thought she contacted you back and you said you would contact her when she got back, and that was when you kept missing each other's calls until she gave up and said she could deal with it anymore, out of frustration.

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Originally Posted by AussieGuy2018 View Post
So she sent me a message at 12.02am wishing me all the happiness in the world in 2018.

I’m just so confused...I feel like she’s playing games now. We had numerous opportunities to talk and she refused and then get a NY text.
Obviously she cares and is still thinking about you, but she is also frustrated by the whole thing!

Tell her you want to meet her briefly somewhere, and that it is important. Once she has agreed, get the flowers and use the opportunity to let her know you care. Seriously, no more excuses. Just do it.

The window won't be open long, you need to do it now!

Last edited by Scarlett.O'hara; 31st December 2017 at 5:43 PM..
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Old 31st December 2017, 5:48 PM   #57
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So she sent me a message at 12.02am wishing me all the happiness in the world in 2018.

Iím just so confused...I feel like sheís playing games now. We had numerous opportunities to talk and she refused and then get a NY text.

Exactly, she refused to talk properly about things via a phone call because she wasn't interested in pursuing this further. However, she was able to send a flimsy, half-hearted, generic NY text as a final farewell. She may genuinely wish you well and be sending you on your way, or as you say, she may be playing games now.

If it's the latter, you don't want someone who won't communicate like an adult, plays games and makes dating this complicated before you've even left the ground.

I think she isn't playing games and is done as she told you she "couldn't deal with this." Take her at her word.

Reply and simply wish her a happy New Year back then leave it at that. Remain polite and cordial, no flirting or hidden meaning. If she replies and tries to initiate further conversation, don't reply (interpret it as breadcrumbs unless she actually says something of substance regarding the two of you and your current situation).

All the best for 2018!
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Old 31st December 2017, 5:49 PM   #58
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Taking slow is always best BUT you need to show interest and it does need to evolve and move forward.

Taking slow with low interest and it not moving forward or evolving into something, speaks loud enough to hear ó> not interested
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Old 31st December 2017, 6:34 PM   #59
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I thought she contacted you back and you said you would contact her when she got back, and that was when you kept missing each other's calls until she gave up and said she could deal with it anymore, out of frustration.



Obviously she cares and is still thinking about you, but she is also frustrated by the whole thing!

Tell her you want to meet her briefly somewhere, and that it is important. Once she has agreed, get the flowers and use the opportunity to let her know you care. Seriously, no more excuses. Just do it.

The window won't be open long, you need to do it now!


She text back after my missed call saying she was at the beach and couldnít talk, then 6 hours later said she was home and then I called and she wouldnít answer.

I will send her a message and ask to see her briefly for coffee and take some flowers if she agrees.
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Old 31st December 2017, 7:28 PM   #60
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She text back after my missed call saying she was at the beach and couldnít talk, then 6 hours later said she was home and then I called and she wouldnít answer.

I will send her a message and ask to see her briefly for coffee and take some flowers if she agrees.
Fantastic! Try and schedule it soon and tell her it is important. It is much better to try and discuss these sorts of things in person.

I really hope you guys are able to figure it out somehow. However, if it doesn't go to plan, at least you don't have to live with that "what if" looming over your head.

Good luck, Aussie Guy!
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