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Old 30th December 2017, 7:52 AM   #31
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OK, hang on - I clearly missed a bit here - are you saying it took 5 weeks for you to kiss her?
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Old 30th December 2017, 7:56 AM   #32
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OK, hang on - I clearly missed a bit here - are you saying it took 5 weeks for you to kiss her?
No no no, kissed her the night we met. She said it took me long enough on the date night we just had at Xmas to kiss her.
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Old 30th December 2017, 7:59 AM   #33
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Hi Elaine,

I understand what youíre saying, but I showed interest and put in a lot of effort. For five straight weeks I texted and called her everyday from morning to night as well as organised dates with her. I even organised something for her on Xmas to cheer her up as she had someone in the family ill, so I feel I put in effort without actually telling her exactly how I feel. When I realised that she needed to hear the words and show more affection, she said she had shut down. The date I organised on Xmas to cheer her up, thatís when I got the ďyou took a longtime to kiss meĒ. I thought that was a little unfair given what I organised and I got a little defensive over her questioning.
OK I get the organising dates and the texting, but with no definite romantic interest, no affection, no sexual desire from you, you put yourself and then she put you into the friend-zone, and by the time you decided to extricate yourself, she was done, she had already gone "off the boil".
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Old 30th December 2017, 8:05 AM   #34
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Texting and calling everyday is Not a sign of low interest. Most would probably consider it towards the ďto muchĒ spectrum. Expecting someone to confess their feelings after 2-3 weeks isnít reasonable. There is something else going on here. My hunch is that physical escalation was a bit to slow? The kiss comment definitely hinted at that.
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Old 30th December 2017, 8:09 AM   #35
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Ah! OK.

Can I ask, what is your normal speed for affection and opening up when dating someone?
You say she rushed things. I'm thinking she was being expressive to try to get something outta you - anything more than just being a date organiser.
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Old 30th December 2017, 8:14 AM   #36
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Texting and calling everyday is Not a sign of low interest. Most would probably consider it towards the ďto muchĒ spectrum. Expecting someone to confess their feelings after 2-3 weeks isnít reasonable. There is something else going on here. My hunch is that physical escalation was a bit to slow? The kiss comment definitely hinted at that.

This is what Iíve pinpointed it too, we havenít slept together yet either because of living arrangements 👎 so Iím guessing she just wanted to see a lot more touching and kissing when we were together.
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Old 30th December 2017, 8:16 AM   #37
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Ah! OK.

Can I ask, what is your normal speed for affection and opening up when dating someone?
You say she rushed things. I'm thinking she was being expressive to try to get something outta you - anything more than just being a date organiser.
I donít see two people going at different speeds a deal breaker though either, especially when both sides have said they like each other.

I donít think there is a right or wrong answer, you date girls who reply to messages the next day, some want to date once per week and others want more contact and multiple dates per week. I feels itís all about compromise, if both sides like each other but moving at different speeds, then isnít it best to meet somewhere in the middle?
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Old 30th December 2017, 8:21 AM   #38
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I'll ask again,

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Can I ask, what is your normal speed for affection and opening up when dating someone?
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Old 30th December 2017, 8:24 AM   #39
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I'll ask again,
Iíve certainly slowed down, I used to be quite open and talking about how I feel wasnít an issue early. A couple of bad experiences and now Iím guarded...I wouldíve though at about 6-8 weeks is when you start expressing feelings after getting to know someone and start talking about making it official.

Iím usually not one that kisses on the first date unless Iím really into them.
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Old 30th December 2017, 8:36 AM   #40
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OK, that's definitely slow prior to bad experiences.

So if you do get in touch with her where are you at? Will you ramp things up?
If you're planning to go back to texting and arranging dates it might be better to move on to someone who goes a similar pace to yourself - as yes, it can be a dealbreaker when you're not on the same page with touching, affection, kissing etc.
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Old 30th December 2017, 9:52 AM   #41
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Texting and calling everyday is Not a sign of low interest. Most would probably consider it towards the “to much” spectrum. Expecting someone to confess their feelings after 2-3 weeks isn’t reasonable. There is something else going on here. My hunch is that physical escalation was a bit to slow? The kiss comment definitely hinted at that.
Yes, I guess it was not progressing in the way she hoped it would and she took it as lack of interest or he was in fact "emotionally unavailable".
Many women have been down the emotionally unavailable man route, it is no fun and it usually doesn't end well for the woman and is best avoided.
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Old 30th December 2017, 7:15 PM   #42
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Update...so I gave her a call and as expected there was no answer, so left a message and now just have to wait to see if thereís a call back. If not Iíll try once more and then leave it.
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Old 31st December 2017, 4:46 AM   #43
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Update...so I gave her a call and as expected there was no answer, so left a message and now just have to wait to see if thereís a call back. If not Iíll try once more and then leave it.

I think the situation is pretty much done. I got a text back saying she was down the beach with friends and what I wanted. I said no problems it can wait until you get home. Received a text to say she was home but not sure there was anything to talk about, so called and no answer, text when to say was a good time to call back. She again replied with ďnot sure what there is to talk aboutĒ, then she called when I was at dinner and went to answer and just missed the call by half a second. I called back and she didnít answer, then I received a text saying ďsorry I donít think I can deal with thisĒ.

Iíve left it at that and I think itís pretty much done and Iíll leave the ball in her court now. I know she cares otherwise why let me know she was home and called me back? She is clearly hurt and I made some mistakes, but I donít think I can keep pushing her now.
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Old 31st December 2017, 5:07 AM   #44
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Maybe she just isn't the one for you.
If you had felt it stronger then you may well have naturally been able to be more intimate perhaps? I don't know.
If you think not though it might be a good idea to get some help about your past relationships so that you're able to be more affectionate and open in those important first few weeks of dating.
Openness creates an emotional bond, affection reassures but more than that creates sexual tension. It can be very hard to date someone when all intimacy is missing from the person you're dating.
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Old 31st December 2017, 5:28 AM   #45
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Maybe she just isn't the one for you.
If you had felt it stronger then you may well have naturally been able to be more intimate perhaps? I don't know.
If you think not though it might be a good idea to get some help about your past relationships so that you're able to be more affectionate and open in those important first few weeks of dating.
Openness creates an emotional bond, affection reassures but more than that creates sexual tension. It can be very hard to date someone when all intimacy is missing from the person you're dating.

Thanks Gemma, I understand what you are saying. I also think the fact that I knew she was highly interested, maybe added to me taking my time because I thought I had time to open up to her.

It is a real shame because I honestly thought something could have developed and we got on so well from the moment we met and it seemed so easy between us. I am pretty gutted
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