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At a loss with my relationship right now.


fixandfix

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I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. In our relationship, there were ups and downs. Today, happened to be a down and now I'm seriously considering our relationship.

 

I've asked him to go to this Christmas place with me to be in the festive mood. I love Christmas and the festive feels. And, we've always been hanging at his house cos he's always tired over the weekends due to work and travelling long distance to his workplace.

 

And I've been wanting to visit this place for a long time, I've been asking him for the past few years and he said, it's too packed and he'll bring me maybe the next year. So we kept pushing back, and we decided to go today. I even asked him if he is really okay with going, he said yes.

 

So we went, and everything was fine until people cut his queue, pushed and bumped into us. He went bersark after we collected our food. I thought okay, he needed a space to cool down. So we went to find a seat nearby and sat down to eat our food. Then I told him, cool down okay, control your anger. Then he took the food, shoved it into my mouth and said " Shut up, eat the ****ing chicken meatball." I was shocked, because he actually scolded me with vulgarities 2 months before, he said he won't do it again. But he did it today. Then he went on a full rampage on how screwed up this event was.

 

He was angry all the way back, and we sat down to have a talk. Long story short, he was angry with me. And that when we were waiting for his bus, I cried a little thinking about today's events, then he pulled my ear and said why am I crying?

 

Now, he just texted "ok gd night". I don't know what to do with this, I know this is partly my fault, and I am aware of his anger management issues. I don't know if this pulling my ear is consider an abuse, he just slightly pulled my ear. But I am very scared, what initially was just verbal and cursing at me, now is starting to become physical. I don't know if you'd call this physical?

 

Please help :(

 

He's amazing other than this :(

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Not everybody likes holidays & crowds. When the happy jolly Christmas loving people try to shove Christmas magic on us, we don't like it. My husband also hate crowds so I have to very careful & selective when asking to go to crowded things

 

However, your guy crossed into unacceptable physical violence with you. That would be a deal breaker for me. It doesn't matter that somebody cut in line or bumped into him, he had no right to shove a meatball in your face. I'd be moving my stuff out now, not typing on the internet. He has now crossed lines twice. Don't let him do it a 3rd time. Don't be a victim.

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Get out, now. Before this goes any further, and while you still can. No man should be treating you like this or being physically aggressive towards you in any way.

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heartbrokenlady

He shoved food in your mouth, pulled your ear and has anger management issues.

 

This behaviour will escalate.

 

I am not of the general Love shack mind that all relationship problems require leaving a partner. But this guy has started down the path of physical violence. Sooner or later he will hit you.

 

Honey, I've been here. I know that you won't leave him because I tell you to, but this will escalate.

 

You need to tell a real life friend about this. Because you need there to be evidence in case you ever have to go to the police.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

This man physically assaulted you twice in one day because he was doing something he didn't want to do, something reasonable you've been asking for for years.

 

He sounds like a ticking time bomb.

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Yes, what he did was abuse! Not just pulling your ear but shoving food in your mouth...how dare he do that. Absolutely nothing you did justified that behavior. It is NOT your fault. Please reach out to your family and friends for their support as you need to end this relationship ASAP. And please find a counselor or therapist to help you realize that this behavior is always unacceptable and an immediate dealbreaker for any relationship. It should never ever be tolerated.

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Please END THIS TODAY. As a person who experienced a physical abusive relationship...this will only be the beginning. They apologize, things are ok for awhile, then they do it again...the cycle starts and it never stops until you leave them.

 

If you don't leave you just accepted their behavior, and it will continue.

 

Again please...I urge you to end this TODAY.

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Dear all,

 

thanks for your replies! I've had a long chat with my sister and mum. I've told them about what happened.

 

What happened today was a red flag for me so I decided to bring this up. They've advised me to talk to him about all these things and see how things go. But they're telling me what you guys have been telling me.

 

Honestly, this was not the first time. He did it once a couple of weeks back when he called me to rant about his work and I said something which I cannot remember. And he said, what the **** are you talking about? Why are you even ****ing think of that. So from then, I've been wanting to end off this relationship with him. Like many of you all said, he came back and apologized. But today happend again.

 

I'll update you all when I've talked to him about it.

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Hi Fixandfix,

 

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship troubles.

 

My girlfriend used to date a guy like this, in fact he was one of my dearest friends. As much as he promised to work on his anger issues (they were really abandonment issues), he never really got the help he needed.

 

My friend loved this woman with all his heart but...

 

...until he resolved his anger issues, he would continue to verbally abuse her when he lost his ****. She finally ended things with him and when he got sick, she took care of him until he passed (she is one of the strongest most loving women I have ever met).

 

She always tells me how amazing John (not his real name) was to her and as my friend I know he was amazing with her...

 

...except...

 

...for the verbal abuse, from his anger issues.

 

Until your guy works out his anger issues, he will continue to act this way and in many cases he will blame you for it. (Unfair to you)

 

You need to sit him down and gently, compassionately and lovingly tell him that his anger is becoming an issue and he needs to get help.

 

If he can't(not ready) or won't(not ready) then you need to make some hard decisions about your relationship and whether you want to be his whipping girl as that is probably what will happen.

 

Your guy may be amazing in every other area just like my friend John, but, no one in a "loving" relationship should ever endure abuse from their partner. If there is abuse it's a problem.

 

It can be healed if he's willing to do the work (very hard to do this kind of work alone) and ONLY if he's willing to do the work. Otherwise the abuse will continue and most probably get worse.

 

Sending you much love and light

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Dear all,

 

thanks for your replies! I've had a long chat with my sister and mum. I've told them about what happened.

 

What happened today was a red flag for me so I decided to bring this up. They've advised me to talk to him about all these things and see how things go. But they're telling me what you guys have been telling me.

 

Honestly, this was not the first time. He did it once a couple of weeks back when he called me to rant about his work and I said something which I cannot remember. And he said, what the **** are you talking about? Why are you even ****ing think of that. So from then, I've been wanting to end off this relationship with him. Like many of you all said, he came back and apologized. But today happend again.

 

I'll update you all when I've talked to him about it.

 

This was not the first time and neither will it be the last one. Once he found out that he can get away with this kind of behaviour, he'll continue to disrespect and abuse you in this way. Even if he apologizes, he knows that you take his crap and forgive the unforgivable, therefore you'll continue to put up with it in the future as well. You allow it to happen by not walking out the door the very first time he acts like that.

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MaleIntuition
I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. In our relationship, there were ups and downs. Today, happened to be a down and now I'm seriously considering our relationship.

 

I've asked him to go to this Christmas place with me to be in the festive mood. I love Christmas and the festive feels. And, we've always been hanging at his house cos he's always tired over the weekends due to work and travelling long distance to his workplace.

 

And I've been wanting to visit this place for a long time, I've been asking him for the past few years and he said, it's too packed and he'll bring me maybe the next year. So we kept pushing back, and we decided to go today. I even asked him if he is really okay with going, he said yes.

 

So we went, and everything was fine until people cut his queue, pushed and bumped into us. He went bersark after we collected our food. I thought okay, he needed a space to cool down. So we went to find a seat nearby and sat down to eat our food. Then I told him, cool down okay, control your anger. Then he took the food, shoved it into my mouth and said " Shut up, eat the ****ing chicken meatball." I was shocked, because he actually scolded me with vulgarities 2 months before, he said he won't do it again. But he did it today. Then he went on a full rampage on how screwed up this event was.

 

He was angry all the way back, and we sat down to have a talk. Long story short, he was angry with me. And that when we were waiting for his bus, I cried a little thinking about today's events, then he pulled my ear and said why am I crying?

 

Now, he just texted "ok gd night". I don't know what to do with this, I know this is partly my fault, and I am aware of his anger management issues. I don't know if this pulling my ear is consider an abuse, he just slightly pulled my ear. But I am very scared, what initially was just verbal and cursing at me, now is starting to become physical. I don't know if you'd call this physical?

 

Please help :(

 

He's amazing other than this :(

 

Wait. What? Nothing was your fault. Not partly. Not at all. The fact that you are starting to (partly) blame yourself for your boyfriends unacceptable behaviour tells me that you might be heading down a bad path.

 

I’m not an expert; but it’s textbook for women with abusive partners to a) blame themselves and b) excuse his behaviour, because; “he really is an amazing guy”.

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Updates: he wants to meet to have a talk. I don't know whats going to happen, but I'll update you guys after the talk. Thanks for the help everyone :)

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heartbrokenlady
Updates: he wants to meet to have a talk. I don't know whats going to happen, but I'll update you guys after the talk. Thanks for the help everyone :)

 

 

I'm hoping your talk will be somewhere public, so you're safe.

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I'm hoping your talk will be somewhere public, so you're safe.

 

He asked me to meet at his area. I asked him where are we going? He said, I will know later. I will look for a public area to speak with him.

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Recognize red flags and do the right thing by you and your future children. Talk or no talk, leave this man . I wish I listened to the red flags with my first husband. He didn't get any better. Be smart and just end this relationship.

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Stop making excuses for him.

There aren’t any. He has issues, regardless of the season. Get out soon as you can

relationship, there were ups and downs. Today, happened to be a down and now I'm seriously considering our relationship.

 

I've asked him to go to this Christmas place with me to be in the festive mood. I love Christmas and the festive feels. And, we've always been hanging at his house cos he's always tired over the weekends due to work and travelling long distance to his workplace.

 

And I've been wanting to visit this place for a long time, I've been asking him for the past few years and he said, it's too packed and he'll bring me maybe the next year. So we kept pushing back, and we decided to go today. I even asked him if he is really okay with going, he said yes.

 

So we went, and everything was fine until people cut his queue, pushed and bumped into us. He went bersark after we collected our food. I thought okay, he needed a space to cool down. So we went to find a seat nearby and sat down to eat our food. Then I told him, cool down okay, control your anger. Then he took the food, shoved it into my mouth and said " Shut up, eat the ****ing chicken meatball." I was shocked, because he actually scolded me with vulgarities 2 months before, he said he won't do it again. But he did it today. Then he went on a full rampage on how screwed up this event was.

 

He was angry all the way back, and we sat down to have a talk. Long story short, he was angry with me. And that when we were waiting for his bus, I cried a little thinking about today's events, then he pulled my ear and said why am I crying?

 

Now, he just texted "ok gd night". I don't know what to do with this, I know this is partly my fault, and I am aware of his anger management issues. I don't know if this pulling my ear is consider an abuse, he just slightly pulled my ear. But I am very scared, what initially was just verbal and cursing at me, now is starting to become physical. I don't know if you'd call this physical?

 

Please help :(

 

He's amazing other than this :(

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I went to his place to find him, and when he called I accidentally cancelled his call cos I was typing to my friend. Then he said he boarded the train and went to another place. And now he is asking me to travel to this place to meet him. I'm offically breaking up with this man. He is taking me as a tou for him to play around!

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Ok, good luck. Don't let him talk you into staying.

 

He does NOT have anger management issues. He is not pulling the ears of people cutting him off in line. He managed his anger just fine.

 

He is not necessarily violent. What he has for you is worse: contempt.

 

He does not love you. And actually, no, I do not believe he is amazing otherwise.

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healing light

I would just break up with him over text or a phone call. No sense in following his crazy ass around town, especially if he's taking you anywhere remote.

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Believe me, this is just the start, if you stay with this guy. He has anger-management issues. He is going to unleash his anger on you whenever it happens and you are nearby. There is no excuse whatsoever for his behaviour. He hurt you. A guy who loves you would not dream of doing that.

 

Please do not fall for any ideas that you are making a fuss about nothing, that it was not as it seemed, that he is sorry and will not do it again. He hurt you, cursed you and forced food into your mouth. He is abusive. You need to leave this guy because he is not likely to change, whatever pleas he tries to make in his defence.

 

Please look up the 'cycle of abuse'. I think you will find this useful. It seems that your guy gets angry when he has to do something you want not what he wants. He is pretty messed up and selfish.

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(Lots of anger management issues and physical/mental abuse from OP's BF)

 

He's amazing other than this :(

 

That's what they all say. You deserve better.

 

He's going to only get more and more abusive. You don't want this, do you? My advice: get out before it's too late. And look up the book the Gift of Fear. Your gut pushed you to make this topic. I think you already know the answer deep down.

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I went to his place to find him, and when he called I accidentally cancelled his call cos I was typing to my friend. Then he said he boarded the train and went to another place. And now he is asking me to travel to this place to meet him. I'm offically breaking up with this man. He is taking me as a tou for him to play around!

 

Don't go to his place or anywhere private.

 

Good luck.

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