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Old 26th December 2017, 7:47 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by heartbrokenlady View Post
I'm hoping your talk will be somewhere public, so you're safe.
He asked me to meet at his area. I asked him where are we going? He said, I will know later. I will look for a public area to speak with him.
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Old 26th December 2017, 8:05 PM   #17
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Recognize red flags and do the right thing by you and your future children. Talk or no talk, leave this man . I wish I listened to the red flags with my first husband. He didn't get any better. Be smart and just end this relationship.
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Old 26th December 2017, 9:18 PM   #18
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Stop making excuses. This is never going to be any better

Stop making excuses for him.
There arenít any. He has issues, regardless of the season. Get out soon as you can
relationship, there were ups and downs. Today, happened to be a down and now I'm seriously considering our relationship.

I've asked him to go to this Christmas place with me to be in the festive mood. I love Christmas and the festive feels. And, we've always been hanging at his house cos he's always tired over the weekends due to work and travelling long distance to his workplace.

And I've been wanting to visit this place for a long time, I've been asking him for the past few years and he said, it's too packed and he'll bring me maybe the next year. So we kept pushing back, and we decided to go today. I even asked him if he is really okay with going, he said yes.

So we went, and everything was fine until people cut his queue, pushed and bumped into us. He went bersark after we collected our food. I thought okay, he needed a space to cool down. So we went to find a seat nearby and sat down to eat our food. Then I told him, cool down okay, control your anger. Then he took the food, shoved it into my mouth and said " Shut up, eat the ****ing chicken meatball." I was shocked, because he actually scolded me with vulgarities 2 months before, he said he won't do it again. But he did it today. Then he went on a full rampage on how screwed up this event was.

He was angry all the way back, and we sat down to have a talk. Long story short, he was angry with me. And that when we were waiting for his bus, I cried a little thinking about today's events, then he pulled my ear and said why am I crying?

Now, he just texted "ok gd night". I don't know what to do with this, I know this is partly my fault, and I am aware of his anger management issues. I don't know if this pulling my ear is consider an abuse, he just slightly pulled my ear. But I am very scared, what initially was just verbal and cursing at me, now is starting to become physical. I don't know if you'd call this physical?

Please help

He's amazing other than this [/QUOTE]
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Old 26th December 2017, 10:18 PM   #19
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I went to his place to find him, and when he called I accidentally cancelled his call cos I was typing to my friend. Then he said he boarded the train and went to another place. And now he is asking me to travel to this place to meet him. I'm offically breaking up with this man. He is taking me as a tou for him to play around!
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Old 26th December 2017, 11:04 PM   #20
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Seems like you're working through the situation with a lot of wisdom. Sending positive thoughts towards you as you meet with him.
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Old 26th December 2017, 11:21 PM   #21
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Ok, good luck. Don't let him talk you into staying.

He does NOT have anger management issues. He is not pulling the ears of people cutting him off in line. He managed his anger just fine.

He is not necessarily violent. What he has for you is worse: contempt.

He does not love you. And actually, no, I do not believe he is amazing otherwise.
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Old 27th December 2017, 1:33 AM   #22
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I would just break up with him over text or a phone call. No sense in following his crazy ass around town, especially if he's taking you anywhere remote.
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Old 27th December 2017, 1:52 AM   #23
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Believe me, this is just the start, if you stay with this guy. He has anger-management issues. He is going to unleash his anger on you whenever it happens and you are nearby. There is no excuse whatsoever for his behaviour. He hurt you. A guy who loves you would not dream of doing that.

Please do not fall for any ideas that you are making a fuss about nothing, that it was not as it seemed, that he is sorry and will not do it again. He hurt you, cursed you and forced food into your mouth. He is abusive. You need to leave this guy because he is not likely to change, whatever pleas he tries to make in his defence.

Please look up the 'cycle of abuse'. I think you will find this useful. It seems that your guy gets angry when he has to do something you want not what he wants. He is pretty messed up and selfish.
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Old 27th December 2017, 6:35 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by fixandfix View Post
(Lots of anger management issues and physical/mental abuse from OP's BF)

He's amazing other than this
That's what they all say. You deserve better.

He's going to only get more and more abusive. You don't want this, do you? My advice: get out before it's too late. And look up the book the Gift of Fear. Your gut pushed you to make this topic. I think you already know the answer deep down.
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Old 27th December 2017, 6:37 AM   #25
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I went to his place to find him, and when he called I accidentally cancelled his call cos I was typing to my friend. Then he said he boarded the train and went to another place. And now he is asking me to travel to this place to meet him. I'm offically breaking up with this man. He is taking me as a tou for him to play around!
Don't go to his place or anywhere private.

Good luck.
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Old 1st January 2018, 6:28 AM   #26
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We've returned from our trip. It was all good and then before we board the ferry, he acted up again. He was all okay after we reached the place. We had a good talk when I see that he's okay and he agreed to talk. He was calmed down and I told him that I will leave him when he acts up again. And he told me that he felt annoyed when I kept talking to him about the issue when he was angry. He told me what he hoped I could do when he's angry which is to leave him alone so that he doesn't lash it out on me. I told him that we'll work out his anger management issue and this was the suggestion that he proposed. So I said, okay, I accept that.

I came back from the trip and talked to my mother and friends about it. They said if I think it is all worth it, then stay and see if he's going to be better. If he isn't, then we might have to go separate ways. I also did tell him that this is not the attitude you want to show our future children and I don't want our future children to receive such treatment from you. He seemed to know that I am dead serious about this and committed to work on his anger management. I, on the other hand also understand that we both have different ways of coping with anger. And I have used my own ways of dealing with anger to deal with his anger which obviously backfired.

In a way, I've also learned more about him. I did take your suggestions seriously and I've told him what you all have suggested. He understood that. Thank you everyone, I couldn't thank each of you all enough. Please don't think that I ignored all your suggestions, I've thought through all. And I've also considered the other aspects of it. I've this community and my family and friends's support in this matter, and that's more than enough for me So thank you all!
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Old 1st January 2018, 7:05 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by Maggie4 View Post
Ok, good luck. Don't let him talk you into staying.

He does NOT have anger management issues. He is not pulling the ears of people cutting him off in line. He managed his anger just fine.

He is not necessarily violent. What he has for you is worse: contempt.

He does not love you. And actually, no, I do not believe he is amazing otherwise.
I think this is a very important point that abusers may not have anger management issues in the sense that they really canít control themselves. They choose to be rude or violent, they are not posessed by some external force. For example they would likely not assault their coworker over a disagreement.

Violence escalates, be very cautious.
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Old 1st January 2018, 7:43 AM   #28
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There is no way I would stay with a guy who is violent towards me in a public crowded space like he was with you.

This is escalating and fast.

I feel though that something else to is going on and there's maybe emotional abuse which you're not registering as being.
Either that or something else is going on with him.

If I were one of your family I would have been very wary of letting you meet him alone, let alone go to his place.
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Old 1st January 2018, 8:05 AM   #29
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There is no way I would stay with a guy who is violent towards me in a public crowded space like he was with you.

This is escalating and fast.

I feel though that something else to is going on and there's maybe emotional abuse which you're not registering as being.
Either that or something else is going on with him.

If I were one of your family I would have been very wary of letting you meet him alone, let alone go to his place.
Hey Gemma, you could be right. I might not have identified the emotional abuse that's going on. Honestly, this is my first serious and long relationship. So I'm also learning how to deal with it. I've asked him what is going on with him, he said it's his work. But it has always been like that, that he always have issues with his work.
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Old 1st January 2018, 8:22 AM   #30
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Maybe I should shed some light also.

I've always also had issues with my temper like I would throw short tempers here and there. And there were also times where he said he had enough. He would try to pacify me, but sometimes I would just ignore it. We've talked about this issue early on in our relationship and I've also been working on controlling my temper and not to let it out on him. This is the part of me that I'm still working on although there are times that I would still go back to my old ways but it wasn't as much as it was in the early years of our relationship.
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