Dating in 2018

[confused83]

Well... after 2 break ups in the last 3 years it's safe to say I'll be looking to date again in 2018. But I'm just not looking forward to it. I just feel I'm so outdated. I dont know whether I'm bitter or not after how the last 3 years has gone but dating now just seems an impossible task for somebody who seriously just wants a life partner. Woman have become so independant which is a fantastic thing but it makes it so hard to date. 10 years ago you'd meet a girl, fall in love and thats it. Now you meet a girl shes already got her own house, own car, great job, etc etc so you have to fit in where there's no room too fit in. You also betyer have a job that pays similar, be able to drive and have your own place or suddenly you aren't attractive to the modern woman. I'm old fashioned I like to pay on dates, look after a woman I'm with but nowadays woman seem to hate that. On 1 date I held the door open for a woman and she said 'you don't need to hold the door for me' I thought.. does she want a guy who's going to shut the door in her face??? It's all foreign to me now.

 

All my male friends who want a life partner are either being left or struggling to find someone. It seems woman are so independant now they just don't have that need for a man anymore and it seems the only relationships that last are the ones where the guy is an absolute (insert swear word) to her. I have a huge circle of friends and the only ones in long standing relationships are the ones who hardly give their partners the time of day. Yet they won't break up? Then my other friends including myself give everything to a relationship and it's always the same story... it's fine for a year or 2 and then the excitement dies down and they are suddenly bored. I dont cause enough drama I suppose because I'm always there for them, I will text back, I'll buy gifts, I'll remember anniversaries etc etc. I just don't get it. It does seem like nice guys really do finish last. ?

[Chilli]

Ahh ,as l've said around here 100 times, whens the last time you read how exited some women is about the ******* she's met.

It's the exact opposite.

 

When you now people like that the relationships usually on borrowed time and it hits the fan sooner or later.

 

As far as the women go , l dunno , l'm not in the states but here, well l haven't been single in 23yrs so l'm pretty new to whatevers goin on out there these days in any kina dating thing basically. l have just joined a date site though and every women on there says she's hoping to meet the one or someone to grow old with or her lifes partner or whatever.

And just about every women on LS seems to be hoping the same things.

 

But what l do notice , all over the net,date sites,

out and about , is it's very hard to find a women in her 40s that still has a good head on her shoulders and isn't messed up , they seem to be all over the place mentally.

Here luckily any l meet of my own interest haven't been too bad in that way mostly , met a few damn nice women , none of interest relationship wise though yet as l've spent a bit of time with them. But for someone else they'd be a good catch.

Still fairly old school in those ways , but that's what l go for though so maybe it's just mine, dunno.

 

Mind you , l might be in for a shock yet , dunno.

[confused83]

What a woman says she wants and what she ends up wanting isn't usually the same thing or not in my experience.

 

Ahh ,as l've said around here 100 times, whens the last time you read how exited some women is about the ******* she's met.

It's the exact opposite.

 

When you now people like that the relationships usually on borrowed time and it hits the fan sooner or later.

 

As far as the women go , l dunno , l'm not in the states but here, well l haven't been single in 23yrs so l'm pretty new to whatevers goin on out there these days in any kina dating thing basically. l have just joined a date site though and every women on there says she's hoping to meet the one or someone to grow old with or her lifes partner or whatever.

And just about every women on LS seems to be hoping the same things.

 

But what l do notice , all over the net,date sites,

out and about , is it's very hard to find a women in her 40s that still has a good head on her shoulders and isn't messed up , they seem to be all over the place mentally.

Here luckily any l meet of my own interest haven't been too bad in that way mostly , met a few damn nice women , none of interest relationship wise though yet as l've spent a bit of time with them. But for someone else they'd be a good catch.

Still fairly old school in those ways , but that's what l go for though so maybe it's just mine, dunno.

 

Mind you , l might be in for a shock yet , dunno.

[jjgitties]

But what l do notice , all over the net,date sites,

out and about , is it's very hard to find a women in her 40s that still has a good head on her shoulders and isn't messed up , they seem to be all over the place mentally.

 

yeah, thats sort of where compromise and realistic expectations come into play. as people get older, they get a little weirder. (i am sure i am no different). some get weirder than others. the trick is to try to see past the weirdness and see the beauty of the human heart inside them -- behind all that stuff. everyone has a heart and they are looking for love and affection from someone else.

[she'stheone]

Dating is not an impossible task, if...

 

...you're not JUST wanting a life partner.

 

Here's the thing. Until you're ready to live with yourself...and be OK with being by yourself (not alone, you have and should have friends and family), it will always be "impossible" to find a life partner.

 

Having said that, why is it that most of us (I have been guilty of this myself), complain about not being able to find someone and yet we do nothing to understand the opposite sex?

 

We agree we don't understand each other and instead of reading some books (one book is a waste of time), going to some workshops (there are plenty...Google it) and learning about how and why our potential mate thinks and behaves, we simply complain about how hard it is.

 

Please forgive me. If I seem to be insensitive, I do not mean to be. As I said, I've done my fair share of whining and complaining too, so I do get it.

 

I wanted to shake it up a bit so you can help yourself out of your funk. Stop looking at the world hoping it will change (it might...but not fast enough to help your present situation).

 

As Michael Jackson said "I’m starting with the man in the mirror...I’m asking him to change his ways...And no message could have been any clearer...If you wanna make the world a better place...Take a look at yourself, and then make a change.

 

Whether Michael followed his own advice or not, I'll leave to everyone here, his message though, is correct. You might want to change one part...

 

"If you wanna make the world a better place" could be "If you wanna make YOUR world a better place..."

 

I am a 49 year old, divorced father. I bring a lot of baggage to a relationship (I do NOT see my son as baggage. I do have an ex-wife and she comes with the child to some extent).

 

If you've lived more than 18-20 (and even then), we have a lot of baggage.

 

I found the love of my life a little over a year ago, when I wasn't looking or interested. But...

 

I have done hundreds (maybe even thousands) of hours of personal development and spiritual work and so has she.

 

IF you want to meet amazing women, go to a spiritual retreat or workshop. There are two huge benefits.

 

1. You get to grow as a person which EVERYONE can and should do. This is the MOST important reason to go.

 

2. There are a ratio of 10 women to every man? So, there is definitely no shortage of amazing women out there.

 

I know it can be hard when you're in a funk to get out there and make significant changes in your life and it can be scary as hell.

 

Start with some books, then go from there.

 

Sending you love and light.

[mortensorchid]

I too hope this is the year that it will happen for me. I have said no more OLD, no more foolishness, I will be the best possible for the best man who will come along somehow. Those hopes are growing dimmer and dimmer, but I won't give up. If there was an answer as to where one can go to find good people let alone The One, I would tell you, but I don't have the answer. All you can do is be happy with yourself and think the next encounter will be the one that leads you to the happiness you want. I have a lot of fear within me now, having been burned so many times that I can't count anymore. I put messages to myself that the ones who have dumped me did it because they don't deserve me, instead they settled for a trashy girl who cleaned them out. And I cry sometimes thinking about the love of my life who left almost 12/13 years ago and who called me out of the blue and I chewed out 7/8 years ago. But he didn't deserve me either.

 

All I have is the hope that someday, somehow it can happen. And I hope that I don't look like a sad, soulless doll moping in the corner at parties and whatnot.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I'm going to try something I have not in the past. No ready yet to date and need to work on myself, so will do some Meet-Up activities in areas that i'm truly interested in. Programming, hiking, and some extreme outdoor activities. Not going to force it and my objective is not to look for a relationship, but want things to happen 'naturally.'

 

I will be very busy during the first three or so months during the new year including passing the Oracle Java Programmer's exam, certification, and really improving my skill-set and experience in apps development, and keeping fit. I am in the best physical shape in my life and want to maintain that and find some new partners in helping me keep it up, etc.

 

It will be a good time for me to remember who I really am and do some further soul searching and self forgiveness.

[SevenCity]

Dating 40ish year old women has not been fruitful to say the least.

 

I don't have issue with them having assets, the ones who don’t seem to be more problematic.

 

Most of them have been selfish, entitled, and self centered. It’s been so long since I met a woman who is a giver and single.

 

The funny thing is the more selfish they are, the more selfish I am with them. The more generous they are, the more I am with them.

 

It seems that thin attractive women in their 40s are single with just cause.

[Chilli]

l don't mind weird ,love it actually , l'm weird , don't mind baggage either, l've got it too who hasn't.

and l don;t mind if we have things to work through , a good couple can work through things together ,

[act00]

Okay guys, I'm a little upset at this discussion about the crazy 40s. I'm in my 40s. Yes, I have baggage. Yes, these things can creep up in a relationship because of past trauma and drama. Men have baggage too. I am really curious what this "crazy" is, though. The older we get, the more set in our ways we are, and we're less inclined to deal with bullsh*t. We're too old and tired for that and we've been around that block a couple times...not doing it again. I see it as a different way of working around our new relationships because really, we don't get to be our age without some scars.

 

I don't know what's going on with the women you're meeting, OP, because I have no personal issues with a man holding a door or being chivalrous and/or wanting to take care of me. I take care of a lot of people all day, my kids, my clients, my coworkers, and it's really, really nice when I get to be on the receiving end. Single women have to earn a living. They have developed careers. They buy a house, a car...they can support themselves without a man. It's not the 1950s. The world is different now, and women aren't waiting around for a man to marry. They want careers. Some want to be SAHMs...whatever floats your boat.

 

A man having his own transportation is a must for me. If he can't drive, it's a deal-breaker. This may not matter so much in areas with an excellent public transportation system, but in my area, a car is important.

 

Why are you so intimidated by a woman who is independent? Are you afraid she'll up and leave if she's not dependent upon you?

 

I'm really lost on the fact that these women you meet appear to be outright offended by acts of chivalry and a man that wants to care and provide for her. It really makes no sense to me.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Okay guys, I'm a little upset at this discussion about the crazy 40s. I'm in my 40s. Yes, I have baggage. Yes, these things can creep up in a relationship because of past trauma and drama. Men have baggage too. I am really curious what this "crazy" is, though. The older we get, the more set in our ways we are, and we're less inclined to deal with bullsh*t. We're too old and tired for that and we've been around that block a couple times...not doing it again. I see it as a different way of working around our new relationships because really, we don't get to be our age without some scars.

 

I don't know what's going on with the women you're meeting, OP, because I have no personal issues with a man holding a door or being chivalrous and/or wanting to take care of me. I take care of a lot of people all day, my kids, my clients, my coworkers, and it's really, really nice when I get to be on the receiving end. Single women have to earn a living. They have developed careers. They buy a house, a car...they can support themselves without a man. It's not the 1950s. The world is different now, and women aren't waiting around for a man to marry. They want careers. Some want to be SAHMs...whatever floats your boat.

 

A man having his own transportation is a must for me. If he can't drive, it's a deal-breaker. This may not matter so much in areas with an excellent public transportation system, but in my area, a car is important.

 

Why are you so intimidated by a woman who is independent? Are you afraid she'll up and leave if she's not dependent upon you?

 

I'm really lost on the fact that these women you meet appear to be outright offended by acts of chivalry and a man that wants to care and provide for her. It really makes no sense to me.

 

I have dated quite a few ladies of the years and I have never met one who was so independent that she didn't appreciate some chivalry and this was absolutely the case with my ex wife who is intelligent, hot and accomplished.

 

It's funny to hear such things coming from some of the guys. I haven't met a woman who behaved 'that' way at all.

[Chilli]

Ahh , but you don't sound like one of the crazy ones anyway so you got nothing to worry about.

 

l couldn't be bothered getting into some of them but l'll give you my friends pm and you can listen to the 40 or 50 women he's met, my God , it's mind blowing.

He's found a good one now though and they're living together and really happy so that's great to see.he's earnt it.

 

l personally couldn't care less if she has a career and houses and cars and a castle in scotland.Great infact , add what l have and we'd be really well off together.

 

But personally l hate a women all busy busy busy, l own my own business and only work part time , that's what l'm about working to live not living for work and stress and no time or needing an appointment to see my own women. No thanks l was married to one of those. It's about as boring as it gets.

 

My only concern in all that stuff is that she lives for her tiime off and having fun too like l do,

l couldn't care less what she owns or does, l'm about the person and our life together,

 

Hope that makes some kinda sense.

[BrokeInside]

We just divorced with my wife few month ago, i am 29 and it's been around 13 years since we are together.

 

I ve got 2 kids and i'm beginning to think about dating again too.

 

I'm feeling lost because this is another world for me. Before my wife, ive got several girlfriend in school and this was never a problem for me.

 

But now, i'm not a teenager anymore and it freaks me out. I don't even know if i can seduce somebody today, how to do it, the seduction stuff seems to be totally different today than 15 years earlier.

 

Anyway, i'm focusing on my kids for the moment but it feel very scary to me to date again.

 

So , i understand what you feel

[greymatter]

We just divorced with my wife few month ago, i am 29 and it's been around 13 years since we are together.

 

I ve got 2 kids and i'm beginning to think about dating again too.

 

I'm feeling lost because this is another world for me. Before my wife, ive got several girlfriend in school and this was never a problem for me.

 

But now, i'm not a teenager anymore and it freaks me out. I don't even know if i can seduce somebody today, how to do it, the seduction stuff seems to be totally different today than 15 years earlier.

 

Anyway, i'm focusing on my kids for the moment but it feel very scary to me to date again.

 

So , i understand what you feel

 

You don't need to know how to seduce someone, that is old thinking, at least from my perspective. If you are seeing someone and you are mutually attracted to each other, it will happen organically. I can personally attest to this.

 

I'm a parent and have been dating. Ultimately my best experiences have been dating men who are parents though I've dated men who aren't. It'll be a new and exciting adventure for you, when you decide to jump into it.