LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Good first date but now what?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree44Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 23rd December 2017, 3:30 PM   #16
Established Member
 
alphamale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Detroit, MI :lmao:
Posts: 33,208
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sbla22 View Post
Anyone? Thinking of texting this afternoon to ask how home life is treating her and to bring up something funny that happened on our date?
not a good idea, I told you to text her on xmas
__________________
Indeed
alphamale is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd December 2017, 5:48 PM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 406
I agree with that idea... Send a Merry Christmas text on Xmas day. Then wait at least a couple days before texting again.
It sounds like without constant communication you feel a bit insecure. That's not abnormal and it's not an insult... But try to let things occur naturally and not try to force it.
Give her room to reach out also. Even if it takes a few days wouldn't it be nice to have her text you 1st?
She is only likely to forget about you if you come across as too aggressive or desperate. Best to lay low for now but just say hi every few days until she returns and you can initiate a next date.
LilySun is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2017, 6:13 AM   #18
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 126
Can't work this one out:

Text her yesterday at 11 a.m 'Merry Christmas, have a great day x'

She replied 5 minutes later 'merry christmas, you too! X'

Then at 10 PM last night she texts 'are you having a good time? Xx'

I replied 10 minutes later 'had a great day thanks, now in a food coma haha. Did Santa bring you anything nice? X'

Then she didn't look at Whatsapp until Midnight but didn't respond. And she's been on Whatsapp this morning and not responded still...

I'm a bit put off tbh - been here before with girls and I'm not willing to go there again. Either

A) She text me last night then was really busy with family stuff all night (so why text me at all?)

B) She's playing a game (hate that)

C) She's not really that into me, keeping me around just in case.


I really don't understand this - if I was interested in someone I wouldn't text them, then ingore their reply for hours and hours. Maybe I don't fit in to modern dating?
Sbla22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2017, 9:38 AM   #19
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,308
You have unreasonable expectations this early in dating. Then you become negative. That's bad.
Didn't someone suggest you wait a few days between texts? That's days. And here you are upset that you didn't get a reply for hours. Thing with texting is that there always must be one side to stop texting, or else it is continued eldlessly.
She's not your text buddy. Schedule crazy golf for Saturday January 6th. Then stop texting these "how's ... ?" questions. You are not yet a part of her life.
Maggie4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2017, 9:44 AM   #20
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggie4 View Post
You have unreasonable expectations this early in dating. Then you become negative. That's bad.
Didn't someone suggest you wait a few days between texts? That's days. And here you are upset that you didn't get a reply for hours. Thing with texting is that there always must be one side to stop texting, or else it is continued eldlessly.
She's not your text buddy. Schedule crazy golf for Saturday January 6th. Then stop texting these "how's ... ?" questions. You are not yet a part of her life.
Did you read my post? She text me first then when I replied she stopped messaging?...how is it unreasonable to expect her to reply to me when she was the one who iniiated? Just smacks of game playing. Since our date I've sent her 2 texts in 6 days, really don't think that's unreasonable?
Sbla22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2017, 10:01 AM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,308
I read all your posts in this thread.

Are you telling me the person who initiates a text "session" is not allowed to be the one to end the session? Isn't that very complicated?

It's frustrating when you are waiting for a reply. I get that. Yet you don't know her well enough to send a follow up "hello. you did not answer my question." that you can send your buddy.

Like I said, someone must be the last to send a text. This round it was you. Don't be upset about that. Don't start questioning if she's playing games. You're getting too involved too early.

But it's not too early to fix a date the first week of January. Take more concrete action. Cut down on chitchat.
Maggie4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2017, 10:08 AM   #22
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,308
By the way, you only text her twice in 6 days, that means you left her waiting for at least 4 days. That's DAYS. If she's smitten by you, those 4 days were rough on her. Give her a break for making you wait hours. A little patience!
Maggie4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2017, 12:07 PM   #23
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3,867
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggie4 View Post
You have unreasonable expectations this early in dating. Then you become negative. That's bad.
Didn't someone suggest you wait a few days between texts? That's days. And here you are upset that you didn't get a reply for hours. Thing with texting is that there always must be one side to stop texting, or else it is continued eldlessly.
She's not your text buddy. Schedule crazy golf for Saturday January 6th. Then stop texting these "how's ... ?" questions. You are not yet a part of her life.
Bolded and I would add to stop monitoring whether on not she is on Whatsapp or online--it's just driving you crazy and fueling the negative thoughts in your head. She might be playing it cool or not trying to wake you up. i think you will destroy whatever MAY be with this much anxiety & as maggie said unreasonable expectations.

i agree with taking more concrete action
__________________
Everybody's like: He's no item,Please don't like em, He don't wife em, He one nights em,I never listened No. I shoulda figured though. All that sh*t you was spittin',So unoriginal, But it was you. So I was with it. Then tell you the truth, Wish we never did it. If you was really the realest, Wouldn't be fightin' it.I think your pride is just...In the way
Versacehottie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2017, 12:15 PM   #24
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by Versacehottie View Post
Bolded and I would add to stop monitoring whether on not she is on Whatsapp or online--it's just driving you crazy and fueling the negative thoughts in your head. She might be playing it cool or not trying to wake you up. i think you will destroy whatever MAY be with this much anxiety & as maggie said unreasonable expectations.

i agree with taking more concrete action
Not trying to wake me up? She hasn't replied all day haha.

She's choosing not to respond - which if a guy did to a woman they'd be accused of playing games etc.

I really wasn't bothered about contact - I sent her a Christmas message and left it at that so I wouldn't bother her while she is with family. She chose to message me last night asking how my day went. I replied within 10 minutes as I wasn't busy and asked how hers had gone. She has now not responded to that in 16 hours....

I'm sorry but the only explanation for this must be lack of interest? No way does someone wait that long if they are interested.

I am just going to assume this is done now anyway.
Sbla22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2017, 12:57 PM   #25
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,308
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sbla22 View Post
I am just going to assume this is done now anyway.
Please don't. Not because she's the one, but because you need to rethink how you relate. It is not easy, human relations. We keep learning our whole lives. Both children and adults storm out of the sandbox. Emotions are hard to control. Some adults really work at calming themselves. A bit more wisdom, generosity, tolerance.

When you are abused and victimized, you walk away. Nothing of that sort has happened here! You had a good date, she suggested seeing each other again. You should be happier than many on this day. It's up to you how you want to look at it.
Maggie4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2017, 1:58 PM   #26
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3,867
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggie4 View Post
Please don't. Not because she's the one, but because you need to rethink how you relate. It is not easy, human relations. We keep learning our whole lives. Both children and adults storm out of the sandbox. Emotions are hard to control. Some adults really work at calming themselves. A bit more wisdom, generosity, tolerance.

When you are abused and victimized, you walk away. Nothing of that sort has happened here! You had a good date, she suggested seeing each other again. You should be happier than many on this day. It's up to you how you want to look at it.
I totally agree. OP you are having a reaction that is driven by fear and presuming rejection. You need to reframe how you look at things and not have knee jerk reactions to how you interpret things. Yes it IS possible that she is playing games --it was early in the am when I said what I said (on the west coast) and to some types early on even the east coast (10am). I wouldn't dream of texting a guy I had been on one date with at 10am--well I would be definitely lean toward much later. On the other hand, her not texting you back can mean absolutely nothing or that your dating style has driven her away a bit.

If you are the type of guy who needs constant reassurance and presumes things aren't going well and she tends to have this sort of pace, she may just not be for you. All I will say, is that you don't know enough yet and what a shame to throw it all away because you are feeling slighted. You need to stick with the process to discover who she is and IF she meets your needs. That is not what you are doing here: you want to date her, you are feeling scared and anxious so you are throwing in the towel WITHOUT seeing who she is and coming to conclusions that will continue to haunt your dating life. I would guess from your current behavior and overreaction that you are already hurt and in danger of being a bitter person. That is the reason you should just stick with it for a bit. When you do know who she is, you can always walk away at any time--not like this because you are AFRAID of being hurt. Have some confidence that everything will work out as it should and you DO have some control
Versacehottie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2017, 1:50 PM   #27
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 126
Update:

She eventually replied nearly 2 days later saying 'Christmas was good, nice to see everyone. Did you have a good one?'

So I replied 30 minutes later 'Yes was a quiet one but nice spending time with family. Do you know when you are back next week yet? Was thinking we could go to crazy golf Wednesday or Thursday?'

She read the message but hasn't replied and it's been around 5 hours.

Girls - please give me an honest view - is there any justification for the time taken to reply getting so large other than she's not totally interested?
Sbla22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2017, 2:01 PM   #28
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: NYC
Posts: 117
I'm sorry, I would definitely say that she's not interested. I would never keep a guy hanging that long unless it was someone I didn't care about losing. I know it sucks because she seemed interested before but you never know what else (or who else) is going on in someone's life. I would suggest that you move on. Don't even reach out again if she doesn't respond, she's not worth it.
Kellens is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2017, 2:09 PM   #29
Established Member
 
Gaeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 15,412
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sbla22 View Post
Update:

She eventually replied nearly 2 days later saying 'Christmas was good, nice to see everyone. Did you have a good one?'

So I replied 30 minutes later 'Yes was a quiet one but nice spending time with family. Do you know when you are back next week yet? Was thinking we could go to crazy golf Wednesday or Thursday?'

She read the message but hasn't replied and it's been around 5 hours.

Girls - please give me an honest view - is there any justification for the time taken to reply getting so large other than she's not totally interested?
I think you are putting way too much brain energy in this, you only had 1 date. Your job would have been to text once in a while during the holidays with NO expectations, just a touch base text 'hope you're having a good time' type of text and not expect back and forth conversations. Then when she gets back in town you turn all the timers back to 0 and you start dating her.

If her family is anything like mine there is no time for texting other then at night when going to bed, if she has any energy left to do so. For us holidays means days or playing board-games, debating about politics, playing outside, cooking, drinking and partying. Someone expecting me to see a text right away would be deeply disappointed.
__________________
'' The Biggest Coward Is A Man Who Awakens A Woman's Love With No Intention Of Loving Her '' - Bob Marley
Gaeta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2017, 2:21 PM   #30
Established Member
 
Gaeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 15,412
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sbla22 View Post
A) She text me last night then was really busy with family stuff all night (so why text me at all?)
Because she took time out of her busy family time to say hello. Why can't you be happy with that?

If she doesn't text you're upset and if she does text you're still upset because it's not enough. You need to look into why you want to control this situation instead of letting it unfold naturally.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sbla22 View Post
B) She's playing a game (hate that)
Holy cow! It's her holiday, she can play all the games she wants. She had ONE date with you, it's not your place to judge what she does with her time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sbla22 View Post
C) She's not really that into me, keeping me around just in case.
You had 1 date with her. She is a stranger to you, you are a stranger to her, you are just 2 people that met once and agreed to keep in touch over the holidays. Nothing else. There should not even be a question like is she into me. It takes more than 1 date to decide if we're into someone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sbla22 View Post
I really don't understand this - if I was interested in someone I wouldn't text them, then ingore their reply for hours and hours. Maybe I don't fit in to modern dating?
You would not survive the old ways of dating when family had 1 phone on the wall of the kitchen and everyone could hear your conversation, when the only mean to correspond was through letters that took days if not weeks to make it, when there was no social media letting you know if the person was online playing games and you had no clue what the person did between your 1 date a week.
Gaeta is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Good 1st date. Kissed me, texted first. 2nd date resp- legit or blow off? ThisisIt606 Dating 2 17th October 2016 10:48 AM
Seemingly Good First Date, But No Second Date atothe Dating 21 9th July 2015 7:47 PM
Double date for first date? Any good outcomes? unbeknown Dating 1 11th February 2015 8:20 PM
Is 2nd date a good sign?Even though we didn't kiss on 1st date? purple30 Dating 1 24th August 2013 9:02 PM
a date soon..not sure if his apartment sounds like a good first date? Patty Dating 22 20th February 2010 11:34 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:28 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.