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Good first date but now what?


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Old 21st December 2017, 9:39 AM   #1
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Good first date but now what?

I went on a first date with a girl I met on Tinder last night (both 26).

Didn't have many expectations going in and we only spoke on and off for around 3 or 4 days before meeting.

Anyway we went for some drinks and I had a really nice evening. I'm attracted to her and she seems like my type of girl. She text me after I got home saying she had a great time and suggested playing crazy golf next time we meet up.

Only problem is that obviously it's now getting to the Christmas period - she is going home in a different city so probably wont see her until at least a few days after new year.

This is unusual for me as usually I like to get the second date in within a week but I'm also thinking it might be a good thing to take it slower this time.

Just wondering what sort of communication we should have in between now? I am tempted to text her today and ask how her last day at work went?
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Old 21st December 2017, 10:10 AM   #2
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The fact that she invited, or atleast suggested, a second date is a great sign!

Text (or call) her to set up a definite date, but donít overdo the texting in between, if sheís already partially chasing; you can probably relax a bit. Save the conversation to the actual date. Personally Iím not a fan of the ďhow is your dayĒ kind of texts since it seldom leads to flirty or fun conversations which I think texting should be mostly about (although Iím terrible at flirting).
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Old 21st December 2017, 11:44 AM   #3
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You guys do snap chat? Seems you can have fun with it having a holiday theme. Send her a pic of you stuck in lineups, hanging out with Santa, puppies, etc. As they say a picture is worth a thousand words.
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Old 21st December 2017, 11:46 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by MaleIntuition View Post
The fact that she invited, or atleast suggested, a second date is a great sign!

Text (or call) her to set up a definite date, but donít overdo the texting in between, if sheís already partially chasing; you can probably relax a bit. Save the conversation to the actual date. Personally Iím not a fan of the ďhow is your dayĒ kind of texts since it seldom leads to flirty or fun conversations which I think texting should be mostly about (although Iím terrible at flirting).
yeah agreed, great sign already. also i think time both slows down and speeds up over the holidays when you go out of town to be with family or in your old hometown--in other words if it is two weeks until you see her i don't think it's a big deal because they are a different sort of two weeks vs the rest of the year.

1000% agree with the bolded above. the how was your day texts are a bit boring. You want to create momentum if/when you do text not rehash your work day. If there was something unique or fun that happened between you two on your date, build on that. To me, dating is about connection and building something specific to you two rather than an exchange of information and a body to act as your companion so try to create that difference to make it special. Even talking or asking her about social activities or her holiday plans lets you trade stories and info that is IMO more valuable at building a connection. You will see what her viewpoints are on family and friends and the sorts of things she likes to do and what she finds interesting and funny. Also when you tell her your stuff regarding the same, it's a chance to "sell yourself" (without trying to) by opening up about what you like to do and how you are. all much better than a routine question or discussion about work. Good luck!

ps male intuition is probably much better at flirting than he thinks he is since he gets this concept!
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Old 21st December 2017, 11:54 AM   #5
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I'm a big fan about getting the second date on the books as soon as possible. When you don't - three things can happen and two of them are bad. Lol. As for the actual timing of the second date momentum is important. As others said. Give her a call today and see where the conversation leads.
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Old 21st December 2017, 12:10 PM   #6
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Just wondering what sort of communication we should have in between now?
send her two texts while she's gone. no more, no less.
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Old 21st December 2017, 1:33 PM   #7
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Xmas is only Sunday so why not get together with her tonight?
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Old 22nd December 2017, 5:53 PM   #8
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Ok so we had no communication today. I text her yesterday afternoon asking how her final day at work went before the break - we sent 4 messages back and forth (quite detailed ones) then she said hope I have a nice time at my brother's birthday meal (which was last night) and I said hope she has a good time with her friend last night and that she gets home safely (she went this morning - she's now gone home for Christmas in a different city) and we left it at that.

So yeah we didn't text today which is fine - should I assume she will never contact me first during this early dating stage? Should I contact her tomorrow? Or leave it until the day after and check in how her home time is going and wish her a merry Christmas etc?

I'm torn between playing it cool and not contacting but also don't want her to think I'm not interested/ don't want her to forget about me and lose momentum!!
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Old 22nd December 2017, 6:05 PM   #9
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don't want her to think I'm not interested/ don't want her to forget about me and lose momentum!!
I know itís though, but thatís not a mindset of a confident man. She will not forget about you. But you might chase her away if you initiate texting to much. Do you have a definite date planned yet?
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Old 22nd December 2017, 6:11 PM   #10
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I know itís though, but thatís not a mindset of a confident man. She will not forget about you. But you might chase her away if you initiate texting to much. Do you have a definite date planned yet?
It's because I've been burnt a bit in the last year but I am working on it.

Well that's why I didn't text her today but if she's interested will she initiate at all at this point? We have a date planned for when she gets back from home but she wasn't certain when that will be other than after New Years so I can't pin her to an exact date yet.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 6:24 PM   #11
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I'm torn between playing it cool and not contacting but also don't want her to think I'm not interested/ don't want her to forget about me and lose momentum!!
dude, if she really likes you she won't forget about you. just chill out and contact her on xmas day, keep it short and sweet and flirty.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 6:32 PM   #12
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Ok so we had no communication today. I text her yesterday afternoon asking how her final day at work went before the break - we sent 4 messages back and forth (quite detailed ones) then she said hope I have a nice time at my brother's birthday meal (which was last night) and I said hope she has a good time with her friend last night and that she gets home safely (she went this morning - she's now gone home for Christmas in a different city) and we left it at that.

So yeah we didn't text today which is fine - should I assume she will never contact me first during this early dating stage? Should I contact her tomorrow? Or leave it until the day after and check in how her home time is going and wish her a merry Christmas etc?

I'm torn between playing it cool and not contacting but also don't want her to think I'm not interested/ don't want her to forget about me and lose momentum!!
ok agree with the others that she will definitely not "forget" about you. the real deal is though, that you need to create interest and some spark and some true momentum. Guess you decided to ignore both male intuition and my advice about the content of the text. And what you wrote above sounds, sorry, bo-ring. Doesn't matter if it's long. What you detailed above (and god I hope it was better than that) are just the pleasantries that any acquaintances exchange with each other. Some of my best messages with my guy have been very short, sometimes just an emoji (and yes at the beginning) that convey some flirting.

Not trying to bring you down--just want to make sure you don't lose a girl that you obviously like. If that's the case, worry less about the time between the dates and do something to spark her interest. You sound like a guy (to me) that is playing it too safe and trying to do everything so right, meanwhile the guy who is a little bit cheeky with her will win her over. Just a reasonable guess. Inject some personality. You definitely seem like a nice guy. You don't need to prove that part too much any more.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 6:34 PM   #13
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ok agree with the others that she will definitely not "forget" about you. the real deal is though, that you need to create interest and some spark and some true momentum. Guess you decided to ignore both male intuition and my advice about the content of the text. And what you wrote above sounds, sorry, bo-ring. Doesn't matter if it's long. What you detailed above (and god I hope it was better than that) are just the pleasantries that any acquaintances exchange with each other. Some of my best messages with my guy have been very short, sometimes just an emoji (and yes at the beginning) that convey some flirting.

Not trying to bring you down--just want to make sure you don't lose a girl that you obviously like. If that's the case, worry less about the time between the dates and do something to spark her interest. You sound like a guy (to me) that is playing it too safe and trying to do everything so right, meanwhile the guy who is a little bit cheeky with her will win her over. Just a reasonable guess. Inject some personality. You definitely seem like a nice guy. You don't need to prove that part too much any more.
So when would you say I should text her next? Tomorrow? Or after that? Is it ok to leave 2 days of no communication? And what should be the content of the text? I admit sometimes I am a bit rubbish with this early dating stuff and don't want to make any mistakes
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Old 23rd December 2017, 8:03 AM   #14
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Anyone? Thinking of texting this afternoon to ask how home life is treating her and to bring up something funny that happened on our date?
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Old 23rd December 2017, 2:29 PM   #15
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Anyone? Thinking of texting this afternoon to ask how home life is treating her and to bring up something funny that happened on our date?
In my opinion, fine to text her today (less pressure today or less needy than tomorrow--christmas eve or christmas day though if there is momentum there i don't think texting on these days is a problem, such as if you have an ongoing convo then it's ok to continue it into the actual two days of the holiday). So also IMO, just bring up something funny that happened on the date, or even better something that BUILDS on that something funny, or projects it into the now or the future....then if you are texting a bit back and forth about that subject, THEN ask about how her time at home is going. In general, that kind of question by itself or as an initiating one (when you have already proved yourself a nice guy) is kinda needy and timid. To me, it's transparent: you want to talk to her so you are coming up with the most basic question that is all about her, which makes you look timid and less attractive because it's a little boring and has no spark, nothing that shows you have something going on,

If you hit her with asking about how her time is going on AFTER you have had an exchange that is about you two or a little cocky, cheeky, funny, it has more impact. It will read as if you are caring for real not just in a timid, needy way to make contact. It's all about perception: i'm quite sure you are caring either way but the order in which you do things will affect her perception. And make you look like you have more game. I think for nice guys the biggest trouble is that they put a girl on a pedestal and it's actually an immediate turn off (with the exception of girls who are going to use you and throw you away later). Most girls want a guy who is their equal or that they perceive has things that make him "better", if you are acting like she is "better" than you and you are lucky to be in presence you've kinda lost the game already. When you do treat her special, it needs to come from a place that we just had a good laugh together or she has been on your mind because of something specific rather that you are using a routine & boring line to gain access to talking to her. There are guys in my life that are nice too but proved that they had game through flirting (via text or phone or in person) which gives them the edge. It's not accurate that no one wants a nice guy. Girls don't want a boring guy. Create a little edge
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