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Red flag?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 14th December 2017, 11:34 AM   #1
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Red flag?

I went speed dating and a guy there seemed nice. I declined him as he said he plays poker at casinos as he likes to work people out. I declined him as I think he could have a gambling problem and trust issues. Did I do the right thing?
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Old 14th December 2017, 11:42 AM   #2
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Yes you did do the right thing.
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Old 14th December 2017, 11:44 AM   #3
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Claire84,

Yes, you did the right thing - always trust your gut
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Old 14th December 2017, 11:44 AM   #4
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Tough to say that just playing poker at casinos indicates a gambling problem. If he's there every night, probably so. If he's there once a month, no.

What does "work people out" mean? Figure out when they are bluffing? Meaning he is good at reading people?
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Old 14th December 2017, 11:46 AM   #5
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Whether he has a "problem" or not, it's the fact he has a passion for playing the game. I suspect you have no interest in playing poker or gambling, so it would be a compatibility issue anyways.
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Old 14th December 2017, 11:52 AM   #6
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Why are you second guessing yourself? Upon meeting him your impression was that he was not the guy for you. Whether he is a problem gambler or somebody who just plays poker is not the issue. For whatever reason you did not feel like you two clicked. The decision has been made.
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Old 14th December 2017, 12:13 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire84 View Post
I went speed dating and a guy there seemed nice. I declined him as he said he plays poker at casinos as he likes to work people out. I declined him as I think he could have a gambling problem and trust issues. Did I do the right thing?
If you feel it was in your best interests to pass on him, then yes.
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Old 14th December 2017, 12:19 PM   #8
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To the extent that you are 2nd guessing yourself & wondering if you are too judgmental, in the future if you are initially attracted to somebody but even if you have some reservations, go on one date with the person to get to know them better. Armed with more info then you can garner during a "speed date" then you make your decision about whether to move forward or end things. Dates are just auditions not life time commitments.
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Old 14th December 2017, 1:46 PM   #9
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Iím not an expert on speed dating but assuming gambling problem because he likes poker was presumptuous. That doesnít mean you did the wrong choice though.
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Old 14th December 2017, 1:53 PM   #10
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what does "work people out" mean??
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Old 14th December 2017, 8:19 PM   #11
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I think that if you had some gut reaction/a vibe, it's fine to turn him down, but I am going to agree with the above that if you think you're being gunshy, judgmental, or jumping to conclusions and are otherwise attracted to a guy, one date to suss him out won't hurt anything. This way you can learn more about him in a more realistic way outside of speed dating.

I would also like an explanation on "work people out."
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Old 14th December 2017, 8:54 PM   #12
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I agree it's perhaps a bit presumptuous to say that just because he plays poker, it means he has a gambling addiction.

On the other hand, if that in and of itself is something you don't agree with him doing then yes you did the right thing. You might as well trust your gut before you get involved.
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Old 15th December 2017, 12:16 AM   #13
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I don't know what that expression "working people out" means. Clarification?

But it reads to me that he likes to test or use people for something. Plus when you are with someone who's into gambling like that, they tend to be ... Slippery types. He likes lying, he likes testing limits, he likes taking risks.

But I think you did the right thing with him by rejecting him because of these facts. Last year I was with someone who I found out was at one point a professional gambler (through a friend when I questioned him about him before we actually met, he reached out to me through Facebook). Unfortunately I assumed that meant he had an actual job at one point, which he did sporadically. And he dealt in other things rather than just cards. I kicked him to the curb when I found out.
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