Should I break No Contact?

[bobross00]

This takes place in college. We've gone out before and have made out. She seemed to actually be interested in me, but less after our first date due to my neediness. So basically this girl stood me up. She agreed to a time to go out. She told me to remind her. When the day came, i did remind her. She never answered and sent a few of my calls to voicemail. She apologized over text saying that she was asleep (lie). I then try calling her and she doesn't answer. Later that night i see her at the bar. I just go and talk to other hot girls. Later that night she comes up to me, gives me a hug, and says that "she honestly fell asleep" and that "we're going to the bar across the street". (this was her inviting me to come in my opinion). I just respond with "i'll see you around" and then leave.

 

-

 

Fast forward nearly a week. Tonight i see her at the bar. She is with some guy. As far as looks goes, i look better, but he has her laughing. I'm not very social. I KNOW for a fact that she is there to make me jealous. I'm not going to explain it fully, but she is. She is standing a foot right in back of me, as i order a beer. She is talking to the guy. I turn around and just look at her for a few seconds. I then leave and go to another bar. She's usually never with a dude alone. Usually she is with her friends.

 

-

 

I go back to the same bar and she is standing at the entrance with this guy. I catch her looking at me as i walk in and she looks away. She makes it obvious that she doesn't want to look at me. While i'm walking, i just stop right in front of her and don't say anything. She waits a few seconds and she hugs me first. I hug her back and then leave. She doesn't bother looking at me or making conversation.

 

-

 

We're going on break for like 3-4 weeks. Did i screw up by hugging her? Should i not contact her at all? She is not going to contact me first, based on what i know about her. I know i'll always see her later on since she goes to the same bar i do. Should I contact her and ask her out again?

 

-

Also, i would date her, but i'm open to something more casual. Should i just out of no where ask her if she wants to watch a movie?

Edited December 9, 2017 by bobross00

[kendahke]

I KNOW for a fact that she is there to make me jealous.

 

I'm curious as to how you know this.

 

I'm not going to explain it fully, but she is.

 

Nope--you can't level this kind of a charge and not explain how you came to this conclusion because in the absence of that information, it sounds like you're just butthurt that she's really not that interested in you.

[bobross00]

I'm curious as to how you know this.

 

It was super obvious that she was. Its a completely packed bar. She is standing right in back of me. And when i turn around, she avoids looking at me. She could stand in a million other places, but a foot from behind me?

 

-

She's trying to get back at me for flirting with other girls. You'll just have to take my word for it based on what i've observed and actually being around her.

[kendahke]

Should I contact her and ask her out again?

No. You should gather your dignity and leave her alone. She's messy and she plays games with guys. Lean and clean--that's how you want to conduct your relationships.

 

She's trying to get back at me for flirting with other girls.

 

So this is some sick, messy game you both like running on each other--like some weird foreplay. Have you smashed with her yet?

[bobross00]

I'm curious as to how you know this.

 

A few days before, she was trying to get my attention by staring at me for a long time as i was walking. She was up against a glass window, just staring at me. I ignored her because i just didn't know what to do or how to feel about it.

[bobross00]

No. You should gather your dignity and leave her alone. She's messy and she plays games with guys. Lean and clean--that's how you want to conduct your relationships.

 

 

 

So this is some sick, messy game you both like running on each other--like some weird foreplay. Have you smashed with her yet?

 

I haven't smashed her yet. We've just made out, but the way she kissed me was very passionately. I have no game basically. I could have smashed her, if i knew what i was doing. She's always asked if i "smoke weed" etc.

 

I want to smash her though. I either wait it out or text her tonight before we leave. Like i could just ask her to come over and watch a movie or something.

[kendahke]

I want to smash her though. I either wait it out or text her tonight before we leave. Like i could just ask her to come over and watch a movie or something.

 

I wouldn't do this.

 

I wouldn't waste another second of my time trippin' on someone who stood me up.

 

Surely, women can't be that thin on the ground where you are that you'll submit your stones to her sledgehammer?

[bobross00]

No. You should gather your dignity and leave her alone. She's messy and she plays games with guys. Lean and clean--that's how you want to conduct your relationships.

 

 

 

So this is some sick, messy game you both like running on each other--like some weird foreplay. Have you smashed with her yet?

 

I wouldn't do this.

 

I wouldn't waste another second of my time trippin' on someone who stood me up.

 

Surely, women can't be that thin on the ground where you are that you'll submit your stones to her sledgehammer?

 

The fact that she's trying to make me jealous in an overly obvious manner tells me that she has some interest in me. Honestly, i suck at talking to women. I just never know what to say. She actually seemed really interested in me and made conversation easier due to her level on interest (on a date once). She's actually put her foot forward in conveying interest, but only in real life.

 

Also, being in experienced, she was the first person i've ever went out with.

 

What she did was disrespectful, and my instinct is telling me not to contact her. She did apologize in real life and seems to be trying to get me to become jealous.

 

If she's down to smash, then i'd do it. Its just timing at this point. Like i said earlier, upon first meeting i pretty much conveyed that i wanted to **** by saying "you should come home with me". She's been receptive to me the 2 months i've known her, until recently

[kendahke]

The fact that she's trying to make me jealous in an overly obvious manner tells me that she has some interest in me.

 

Actually, it tells me that she's messy, manipulative and toxic. I never, in a million years, want the interest of someone who can't rise above this behavior. Life is too short for BS.

 

What she did was disrespectful, and my instinct is telling me not to contact her.

There is a reason why humans were given instincts--it's to keep them out of dangerous situations, especially when they really don't know what they are doing.

 

She did apologize in real life and seems to be trying to get me to become jealous.

A person who really and genuinely cares about you and your feelings doesn't try to make you jealous. They don't purposely do things like that. If they do it accidentally, they straighten that up on the spot.

 

A person who likes to manipulate and doesn't have the sufficient regard for your esteem to cover a flea would engage in this behavior.

 

If she's down to smash, then i'd do it. Its just timing at this point. Like i said earlier, upon first meeting i pretty much conveyed that i wanted to **** by saying "you should come home with me". She's been receptive to me the 2 months i've known her, until recently

Like I said, girls can't be that thin on the ground where you are that you'd grind all other options to a stand still over someone like this messy, toxic, manipulative chick. Have a better regard for yourself. She's following your cue and if you don't think you deserve better treatment, why should she give you better treatment? You know you better than she does and this is how you regard yourself. Edited December 9, 2017 by kendahke

[Yosemite]

Is this the same girl that you texted that Reddit line to about being a bad kisser?

 

You don't really seem to be dealing in reality. Why do you think she would out of the blue have sex with you? She won't even meet you for a date, she stood you up, but you think you can invite her to your place for a movie and that she will not only show up but will also have sex with you. That's really unrealistic.

 

Fast forward nearly a week. Tonight i see her at the bar. She is with some guy. As far as looks goes, i look better, but he has her laughing. I'm not very social. I KNOW for a fact that she is there to make me jealous.

You saw her on a date with a guy who she was laughing and having a good time with. You're convinced that she did this to make you jealous. That doesn't even make sense. She wasn't trying to make you jealous, she was living her life, having fun and going out. You're living in an imaginary world where you think you're as important to her as she is to you because she's the only girl you've ever been on a date with. Well, sounds like she's had a normal development and has been on dates with guys before her one date with you, so I don't think you're on her mind at all.

 

If she was genuinely interested in you, she wouldn't have stood you up.

 

I think you should ask her out again and again and again. I don't think she will say yes and you will therefore start to understand that this is all in your mind and that it's been over for a while now. Think of it like this, right now you're not dating her or spending time with her, so if you ask her out and she says no, you'll be in the exact same spot you're in right now (not dating or spending time with her) but you're also not wondering if she wants to date you.

[bobross00]

Is this the same girl that you texted that Reddit line to about being a bad kisser?

 

You don't really seem to be dealing in reality. Why do you think she would out of the blue have sex with you? She won't even meet you for a date, she stood you up, but you think you can invite her to your place for a movie and that she will not only show up but will also have sex with you. That's really unrealistic.

 

You saw her on a date with a guy who she was laughing and having a good time with. You're convinced that she did this to make you jealous. That doesn't even make sense. She wasn't trying to make you jealous, she was living her life, having fun and going out. You're living in an imaginary world where you think you're as important to her as she is to you because she's the only girl you've ever been on a date with. Well, sounds like she's had a normal development and has been on dates with guys before her one date with you, so I don't think you're on her mind at all.

 

If she was genuinely interested in you, she wouldn't have stood you up.

 

I think you should ask her out again and again and again. I don't think she will say yes and you will therefore start to understand that this is all in your mind and that it's been over for a while now. Think of it like this, right now you're not dating her or spending time with her, so if you ask her out and she says no, you'll be in the exact same spot you're in right now (not dating or spending time with her) but you're also not wondering if she wants to date you.

 

Trust me, she was trying to make me jealous. It's not a coincidence that she ended up a foot away from in a very large bar, filled with literally a few hundred people. I'm not imagining things.

 

She did the same thing the same night that she seen me talk to other girls. She went to the bar by herself, and after seeing me talking to other girls, she ended up with a dude wrapping his arms around her. She left without him too. She is usually by herself or with girl friends.

 

I've been over her place before, so its not impossible to get her over to mine.

Edited December 10, 2017 by bobross00

[kendahke]

Trust me, she was trying to make me jealous. It's not a coincidence that she ended up a foot away from in a very large bar, filled with literally a few hundred people. I'm not imagining things.

 

It's not a matter of you imagining things. It's a matter of your interpretation of things.

 

She's shined you on for some reason. According to your first post:

 

We've gone out before and have made out. She seemed to actually be interested in me, but less after our first date due to my neediness.

 

That's why she's keeping you at bay. All of your subsequent posts make that plain.

 

I've been over her place before, so its not impossible to get her over to mine.

 

Trust me--it's not going to get to that point. If she had anything like interest in you in that way, she never would have stood you up in the first place.

 

She knows she can play you like a fiddle and she's doing a mighty fine job at it.

 

At some point, you're going to figure out how to retrieve your dignity and your stones and quit letting someone like this play you out.

 

Work on this neediness problem you seem to have because it is not an attractive, confident quality to most emotionally healthy women.

[bobross00]

It's not a matter of you imagining things. It's a matter of your interpretation of things.

 

She's shined you on for some reason. According to your first post:

 

 

 

That's why she's keeping you at bay. All of your subsequent posts make that plain.

 

 

 

Trust me--it's not going to get to that point. If she had anything like interest in you in that way, she never would have stood you up in the first place.

 

She knows she can play you like a fiddle and she's doing a mighty fine job at it.

 

 

Do you think i can turn this around by simply not chasing her? I really think she had strong feelings at one point based off of her actions and what she's said to me. She actually was receptive during our first date to actually going back to one of our houses and smoke. I could of had sex with her, if i was more experienced with women. I didn't really make moves, besides kissing her.

 

Can it be turned around by me just doing my own thing? Again, winter break is like 3.5 weeks, so that will be a while without contact.

Edited December 10, 2017 by bobross00

[Yosemite]

I've been over her place before, so its not impossible to get her over to mine.

You went over to her house after your one date right? When was that? A month ago? It was before you sent that Reddit text.

 

It's very unlikely that she'll go to your place for sex now, but if you believe she will, just ask her. Ask if she wants to come over and watch a Xmas movie with you. She'll either say yes or no.

 

Or ask her to go on a date, she already stood you up once which is enough for most people to take a hint, but since you seem to want more confirmation, ask her for another date. Maybe she'll show up this time.

 

I understand that this is the only woman you've been able to get to go on a date so you don't want to give up, but you have to deal with the facts in front of you. Yes, she probably would have slept with you when you had that first date, but that was before you told her you had only kissed one girl before her and before you sent that Reddit text and before she stood you up. Now it's unlikely that she will sleep with you, it doesn't matter that she might have before.

[bobross00]

You went over to her house after your one date right? When was that? A month ago? It was before you sent that Reddit text.

 

It's very unlikely that she'll go to your place for sex now, but if you believe she will, just ask her. Ask if she wants to come over and watch a Xmas movie with you. She'll either say yes or no.

 

Or ask her to go on a date, she already stood you up once which is enough for most people to take a hint, but since you seem to want more confirmation, ask her for another date. Maybe she'll show up this time.

 

I understand that this is the only woman you've been able to get to go on a date so you don't want to give up, but you have to deal with the facts in front of you. Yes, she probably would have slept with you when you had that first date, but that was before you told her you had only kissed one girl before her and before you sent that Reddit text and before she stood you up. Now it's unlikely that she will sleep with you, it doesn't matter that she might have before.

 

Yea i dont think the reddit text was what completely ****ed me. Its the fact that i said she was the 2nd girl ive kissed. What helped me is talking to a really hot girl. Im actually good looking enough, so i could get these type of women. Its just my game and conversation skills suck. I had social anxiety growing up.

 

You dont think i can turn it around in the next 4 months and get her? Im almsot graduating college. I was going to plan on not contacting her.

[bobross00]

Comment 1/2: Also, do you think i should just ask how she deels about me? Juto get a concrete answer? I want to either progress or be done with this.

Edited December 10, 2017 by bobross00

[MidwestUSA]

Comment 1/2: Also, do you think i should just ask how she deels about me? Juto get a concrete answer? I want to either progress or be done with this.

 

 

Yea, absolutely yes.

 

Do this and get back to us, please. Good luck!

[Yosemite]

Yea i dont think the reddit text was what completely ****ed me. Its the fact that i said she was the 2nd girl ive kissed.




I think it was the Reddit text and the fact that you told her she was the second girl you’ve ever kissed and other things that you’re not even aware of yet. I know you’re going to say that she acted like the Reddit text wasn’t a big deal when you saw her at the bar, but that’s because she has social skills and can use then to smooth over awkward moments and also because this entire situation isn’t that big of a deal to her.

 

What helped me is talking to a really hot girl. Im actually good looking enough, so i could get these type of women. Its just my game and conversation skills suck.

 

Looks are important to women, but they’re much more important to men. Women look for exactly what you say you’re lacking, social skills, conversational skills, and emotional intelligence. So, try your best to improve your social skills. In your other thread, you said something about you were sitting next to her at the bar and the conversation kind of died and you just sat there silently until she got up and walked away. You need to change that type of behavior ASAP, that’s killing you more than you know.

 

You dont think i can turn it around in the next 4 months and get her? Im almsot graduating college. I was going to plan on not contacting her.

 

I don’t think so, but I could be wrong. I think you should continue to pursue her if you really, really want to, but talk to other girls and go after other girls as well.

 

Comment 1/2: Also, do you think i should just ask how she deels about me? Juto get a concrete answer? I want to either progress or be done with this.

 

Ask yourself how you felt when she stood you up and you finally realized she wasn’t coming. Pretty awful right? She knew that that’s how you would feel, so why did she do it? So that you would get the message that she isn’t interested in you. She wants you to leave her alone otherwise she wouldn’t have stood you up. Would you stand her up? No, because you’re interested in her and you know that that would kill your chances with her. Well, she stood you up knowing that that should kill her chances with you. That’s why she did it.

 

If you want to ask her how she feels about you, go ahead, but keep in mind that it’s very unlikely that you’ll get an honest answer. She most likely will give you some platitude about how you two just didn’t click or something like that because it’s not in her best interest to tell you the truth.

[bobross00]




I think it was the Reddit text and the fact that you told her she was the second girl you’ve ever kissed and other things that you’re not even aware of yet. I know you’re going to say that she acted like the Reddit text wasn’t a big deal when you saw her at the bar, but that’s because she has social skills and can use then to smooth over awkward moments and also because this entire situation isn’t that big of a deal to her.

 

 

 

Looks are important to women, but they’re much more important to men. Women look for exactly what you say you’re lacking, social skills, conversational skills, and emotional intelligence. So, try your best to improve your social skills. In your other thread, you said something about you were sitting next to her at the bar and the conversation kind of died and you just sat there silently until she got up and walked away. You need to change that type of behavior ASAP, that’s killing you more than you know.

 

 

 

I don’t think so, but I could be wrong. I think you should continue to pursue her if you really, really want to, but talk to other girls and go after other girls as well.

 

 

 

Ask yourself how you felt when she stood you up and you finally realized she wasn’t coming. Pretty awful right? She knew that that’s how you would feel, so why did she do it? So that you would get the message that she isn’t interested in you. She wants you to leave her alone otherwise she wouldn’t have stood you up. Would you stand her up? No, because you’re interested in her and you know that that would kill your chances with her. Well, she stood you up knowing that that should kill her chances with you. That’s why she did it.

 

If you want to ask her how she feels about you, go ahead, but keep in mind that it’s very unlikely that you’ll get an honest answer. She most likely will give you some platitude about how you two just didn’t click or something like that because it’s not in her best interest to tell you the truth.

 

Ok I think I'll text her soon. And my original thinking was maybe she stood me up to test me? She did agree to going out orginally and it seemed like she actually wanted to. Idk. I also assumed she thought that i would run back to her. She did apologize but im guessing thats to be nice?

 

Also, ive heard that asking a girl how she feels about me will kill any attraction?

[kendahke]

Do you think i can turn this around by simply not chasing her?

 

Not at this point in time.

 

I really think she had strong feelings at one point based off of her actions and what she's said to me. She actually was receptive during our first date to actually going back to one of our houses and smoke.

And then, something happened to change her mind and she's demonstrated through her actions that she is no longer interested like that anymore. About the best she can muster is to eff with you for her own amusement because you fall right in line when she does.

 

I could of had sex with her, if i was more experienced with women. I didn't really make moves, besides kissing her.

And I dare say that your lack of experience is what turned her off.

 

Maybe you could have had sex with her, but I highly doubt it. You don't possess the confidence to follow through. There is no bigger turn off than a needy guy who doesn't know what he is doing.

 

Can it be turned around by me just doing my own thing? Again, winter break is like 3.5 weeks, so that will be a while without contact.

You should be doing your own thing all on its own without anything having to do with this chick, not as a means to manipulate her into something you already know--and she's demonstrated to you--that she doesn't want to be in.

 

You should make that break the rest of your life.

 

Quit creeping at the bar if you can't go there and not scan a room of hundreds for where she is standing and who she is talking to.

 

If you're already chatting up other girls, as one of your previous posts states, then chat them up and quit being impacted by who she allows to put their hands on her. That's no longer any of your business.

Edited December 10, 2017 by kendahke

[kendahke]

Comment 1/2: Also, do you think i should just ask how she deels about me? Juto get a concrete answer? I want to either progress or be done with this.

 

 

I wouldn't waste my time.

 

I refer to you my tag line: People treat you the way they feel about you.

[elaine567]

...my original thinking was maybe she stood me up to test me?

 

If she was interested and I mean seriously interested in you she would NEVER have risked losing you by standing you up.

Also a girl who was excited to go on a date with you wouldn't just fall asleep either, the adrenaline would have kept her awake.

 

In the unlikely event she did fall asleep then she would have been blowing up your phone with apologies not ignoring you and then going out to a bar...

[Space Ritual]

ENOUGH!

 

Stop playing games with someone who is far more adept at the games than you are. Let her pound sand and shake her tail feathers at the Blue Oyster Salad Bar...lol

 

All you will do is stay disappointed with this low drama. Your best course of action is to lose her contact details, forge ahead and bang some locals during your holiday break.

 

Then return to school with a vow to make this one a thing of the past.

 

DO NOT BREAK NC. LET HER BE SOME OTHER POOR SCHMUCK'S PROBLEM!

[bobross00]

ENOUGH!

 

Stop playing games with someone who is far more adept at the games than you are. Let her pound sand and shake her tail feathers at the Blue Oyster Salad Bar...lol

 

All you will do is stay disappointed with this low drama. Your best course of action is to lose her contact details, forge ahead and bang some locals during your holiday break.

 

Then return to school with a vow to make this one a thing of the past.

 

DO NOT BREAK NC. LET HER BE SOME OTHER POOR SCHMUCK'S PROBLEM!

 

 

I pretty much broke no contact once, after going up to her and giving her a hug.

 

I've banged one girl so far. The thing is i still want to bang her. She seemed to be into me. I don't know if time will bring her closer to me or further.

[bobross00]

If she was interested and I mean seriously interested in you she would NEVER have risked losing you by standing you up.

Also a girl who was excited to go on a date with you wouldn't just fall asleep either, the adrenaline would have kept her awake.

 

In the unlikely event she did fall asleep then she would have been blowing up your phone with apologies not ignoring you and then going out to a bar...

 

She apologized once via text. I then tried calling her, and got no answer or call back. I've heard a girl interested would set another time.