rov Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 Hi, I recently met a clinically diagnosed Bipolar 1 type girl, she cares about her illness and takes the medicines and goes to therapy. Any experiences dating someone bipolar?, is it worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 My experience was that they are someday your best friend, and another day for no reason your worst enemy. Their need for acceptance make them fickle. If they take their meds though, they are no worse than other people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 My ex exhibited bipolar issues after we'd been married a decade. We already had problems, and this increased them greatly. She did take her meds and got counseling, but it took years to find a good combination of meds (she was a very difficult case). Someone who is well-controlled on their meds, and takes them consistently, is probably a good risk. Of course, all the usual timeline decisions in a relationship still apply, but you may want to extend them somewhat to be sure as you move forward. If children are in your future, can she take the meds during pregnancy? And hormonal changes can completely mess with the effectiveness of her meds - and may lead to permanent changes in what is needed/works. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 Run for the hills! Seriously would you want to pass this onto your kids if you decide to get married? I grew up with a bi-polar mom. Its a frickin nightmare and 53 years later....she still has her moments even with drugs and therapy. Shanex is spot on...it's a Dr. Jeckle/Mr. Hide situation...you don't see it coming...and you wonder wtf is that all about? what the hell did I do? There will be days you will be walking on eggshells. I have been exposed to it, so I would never ever date anyone with mental illness. It can really wear you down. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 Hi, I recently met a clinically diagnosed Bipolar 1 type girl, she cares about her illness and takes the medicines and goes to therapy. Any experiences dating someone bipolar?, is it worth it? IME, no. I've dated a man who was bi-polar and when he hit his low, it was vicious. His highs were fun, but I can't deal with someone who can turn so nasty--and he is on medication and takes it faithfully. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 Been there, done that. Never again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 We have reached a consensus, they are a rollercoaster of emotions. Take the ride at your own risk. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 I had an ex I dated for two years who was BP. I will echo what some others have said - when it was good, it was REALLY good and when it was bad, it was the worst. The question I would ask you is - how emotionally invested are you? Do you love her enough to withstand the difficulties that are going to come? In my case, I was willing to live with it until I wasn't anymore. She stopped going to therapy, stopped taking her meds and became physically abusive to me. Then I had to draw the line. On the one hand, any relationship is going to have difficulties, ups and downs. On the other hand, if you love each other enough, coping with BP is not that much different than coping with any other illness - you are there to support them and help them get through the really difficult times and also to enjoy the times (and you will have them) when things are good. It all comes down to how much you love her, how far you are going to be willing to go to support her in her struggle, and how much she's willing to care for herself, and you, in the process as well. It's not going to be easy, but not much worth doing ever is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 Watch out for BP1, especially the mania. BP1 can be a lot more volatile than BP2. My introduction to BP was a couple decades ago when I was otherwise lounging in the trailer of the guy who later became my best friend and he was in the shower and his wife flashed me. Oh, my. Shocking in the moment but later I came to understand her disease and how the mania, for her, can impel actions which she'd otherwise be mortified by, many of which I've experienced over the decades. I dated a few BP2's, or so they related, but no BP1's. I happened to catch the sample above off her meds and florid in the manic stage. Later I learned to deduce the signs so was better able to diffuse such situations as best possible. At my age, perhaps I'd casually date a BP sufferer but nah, no marriage or serious LTR. Did my caregiving stint. Over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 These are tough questions because most everybody deserves the opportunity to be loved and in a committed relationship. However, after my last relationship with a woman I suspect may be bipolar in addition to BPD, I could not do it again. No way, no how. Living with somebody who is fine one minute then full of anger, resentment and hostility the next is beyond taxing. They use the term "walking on eggshells" for good reason. You end up, as in my case, retreating into a shell, trying not to upset the applecart. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 I have two words for you when it comes to bipolar people (especially the women): Get ready. I take that back I have four words for you : Get ready and get out. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 OP, question: Does the person you're dating 'catch' herself when uncharacteristic or unexpected behaviors occur? If things have gone sideways, can she process back to a neutral state fairly quickly? By 'sideways' I mean behaviors that you/she would otherwise characterize as inappropriate, whether in the manic or depressive state.... This seems to be more of an issue with BP1 where mood swings are more pronounced and, for lack of a better word, quicker. In BP2 the swing generally is more gradual, like over days/weeks/months. This presumes no co-morbid psychological disorders. All the brain stuff can be daunting to figure out if it's not humming along in a consistent manner. People who aren't so afflicted tend to get their fill and then move on since there are billions of people in the world. What remains is the caretaker personalities and invested partners like family members and spouses/lovers. Are you a caretaker personality? Watch out for that. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 lots of celebrities/artists/musicians have bipolar and they are ok as long as they are properly treated and don't abuse alcohol or drugs Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 Anyone see a correlation between bipolar people and infidelity? I think I did over the years but it may be a generalization. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 I too believe everyone deserves to love and be loved, mentally ill people are no different. That being said, mental illness, particularly bi-polar, IS challenging even if/when meds are taken consistently. If you really like this person, then go for it BUT be prepared. Don't you dare go into this thinking that a few good days or weeks means you're out of the woods. Mental illness is a lifetime commitment both for the person dealing with it AND for the people who love them. There are dozens if not hundreds of threads on here alone that will detail the struggles of dating people with mental illness. All too often there are more bad days than good. Personally, I've done it before with mixed results. At this stage in my life, I don't think I have the energy or time to invest in someone like that again. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 Anyone see a correlation between bipolar people and infidelity? I think I did over the years but it may be a generalization. normal people cheat too 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 Anyone see a correlation between bipolar people and infidelity? I think I did over the years but it may be a generalization. IDK that it's specifically deliberate infidelity rather boundary dissolution which impels behaviors like infidelity. The brother of the lady in my sample above was a medicated BP1 and I'd watch him, married four times in his life IIRC, hit on women right in front of their husbands. Simply, when in the mania, boundaries disappeared. He's dead now. What I've learned to watch for is unintentionally enabling such behaviors when interacting with real or suspected cases. Tough though because the female versions can be very seductive and send out strong sexual vibes. Guys flock to them like bees to the hive, married or not on either side. Another commonality I've noticed in my sample female group over the decades is nearly all have at one time or another stated they were abused or molested or raped as children. IDK if that's remarkable or any correlation but it has come up in essentially every case. Such are the vagaries of having a caretaker personality, something I'd strongly suggest the OP work to mitigate if having one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 Carhill, yes I read the same thing about women who have been either abused or raped and they turned into libertine harlots. Some of them anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 Anyone see a correlation between bipolar people and infidelity? I think I did over the years but it may be a generalization. It is I guess due to impulsivity* especially common during manic episodes. Acting impulsively leading to promiscuity. *a tendency to act on a whim, displaying behaviour characterized by little or no forethought, reflection, or consideration of the consequences. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 like other illnesses bipolar can be mild to severe. yes, i'd write off people with the severe form but others with milder versions can be medicated and live a fairly normal life. bipolar affects 0.5% of the adult population. that's one out of 200 people, its very common 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nadine123 Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 I dont agree with people here who are telling you to ''run'' or ''escape'' for your life. I suffered from mental illness for a while without going into details. Yes, I was angry in a minute and happy the next. I was a roller coaster of emotions and it ruined my relationship with everyone around me. I worked on my self and yes things might be rough at times, but it all depends on how much she is working on herself and as you said she is taking her meds and doing good. Give her a chance, if you see abusive behavior, then leave. It probably took alot from her to tell you she's bipolar, so don't leave just because she decided to be honest with you. As I said, if she isnt working on herself and doing everything to get better, then leave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mittens Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 I'm bipolar 2, and it's sad to read so many people just write me off because of it. This attitude is probably why I felt the need to (successfully) hide it from everyone (including my ex husband) for 20 years...the only two people who knew of my diagnosis were my mother and my younger brother - who both live on the other side of the world. For that 20 years, nobody in my daily life was aware of the crippling depression I suffered at times. I'm 'lucky' in that during the whole 26 years I've been diagnosed as bipolar I've only had 3 truly 'manic' episodes. It was the stigma of being mentally ill that forced - and forced is the correct term - me to always put on a fake face. In the end outside forces (I was bullied at work) caused my carefully constructed facade to crack and I had a massive nervous breakdown. Once I'd recovered I decided that I'd had enough of lying, both to myself and others. Luckily my partner of the last 8 and a half years works for a charity who counts the mentally ill amongst it's service users, so he has a good understanding of my illness. I certainly wouldn't want to be with anyone so ignorant that they'd automatically dismiss being with me... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 8, 2017 Share Posted December 8, 2017 Anyone see a correlation between bipolar people and infidelity? I think I did over the years but it may be a generalization. Not IME. Interestingly, his ex wife was the one who cheated on him. If you're single, you don't owe anyone a chance if they have issues you aren't prepared to deal with. If you marry someone and this begin manifesting, then yeah, you took a vow and you need to try and give them a chance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dude360 Posted December 8, 2017 Share Posted December 8, 2017 Unless you enjoy punishing yourself, you should absolutely not date a bipolar woman. You are asking for hell if you do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 8, 2017 Share Posted December 8, 2017 Unless you enjoy punishing yourself, you should absolutely not date a bipolar woman. You are asking for hell if you do. I've dated women who had no psychiatric illness but were none the less crazy as a looney bird... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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