Jump to content

Liking someone almost twice my age


Rahcelle

Recommended Posts

I've known this guy for quite a while because we both work in the same company. I'm 25 and he's turning 40, we're both single. Out of all my co-workers I'm closest with him. I've always assumed he thinks of me a friend only due to our age difference even though he treats me rather differently. He teases me ALL the time, pats my head, and shoves me playfully when he sees I'm upset. He doesn't behave like that towards anyone else. I definitely feel like there's something there, but at the same time I know even if he does have romantic feelings for me it'll be tough for him to make a move due to our age difference and he's probably afraid of what I'll say (he seems shy). So I don't expect anything as I treasure our friendship the way it is. He took a few days off work to help his grandmother with something, so I texted him about some work related business that he left behind. Then I asked him when he was coming back. He replied saying in one more week. So I texted "Okay, you'll be missed at work." I didn't expect that he'd text back "Why do you want me to miss you? I'm a lot older than you."

I didn't expect that text from him and not sure how I should interpret it. It's definitely making me feel as if he DOES have romantic feelings for me and I'm not sure how to respond/think.

Any suggestions would be great.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I've known this guy for quite a while because we both work in the same company. I'm 25 and he's turning 40, we're both single. Out of all my co-workers I'm closest with him. I've always assumed he thinks of me a friend only due to our age difference even though he treats me rather differently. He teases me ALL the time, pats my head, and shoves me playfully when he sees I'm upset. He doesn't behave like that towards anyone else. I definitely feel like there's something there, but at the same time I know even if he does have romantic feelings for me it'll be tough for him to make a move due to our age difference and he's probably afraid of what I'll say (he seems shy). So I don't expect anything as I treasure our friendship the way it is. He took a few days off work to help his grandmother with something, so I texted him about some work related business that he left behind. Then I asked him when he was coming back. He replied saying in one more week. So I texted "Okay, you'll be missed at work." I didn't expect that he'd text back "Why do you want me to miss you? I'm a lot older than you."

I didn't expect that text from him and not sure how I should interpret it. It's definitely making me feel as if he DOES have romantic feelings for me and I'm not sure how to respond/think.

Any suggestions would be great.

 

- you are getting into trouble. Don't boink people in the workplace unless you are very very sure.

- he doesn't sound that shy to me if he's chatting you up, texting, and bumping into you.

- he wants to get into your pants. Every 40+ year old male wants to get into a 25 year old woman's pants.

- he may be a player.

 

good luck ..

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, never date someone from the workplace. It never ends well.

 

And, this guy is old enough to know better than this. More than likely, he wants one thing from you... don't be naive.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't mess with guys you work with. You will both end up getting in trouble. This guy being 40 should know not to flirt with girls he works with regardless of age. If you two didn't work together I don't see a problem with your dating. This guy is not shy and probably would want a 25 year old only for sex.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

@Rahcelle ~ I don't think there is a big problem with the age gap.. I've seen bigger age gaps that have worked out. Just think about whether this is going to go anywhere, as others have suggested that work relationships can get messy... so is it worth it?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers

He wants you, but is looking for you to give him the ok to pursue you, by saying the age difference doesn't matter to you.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Yeah, never date someone from the workplace. It never ends well.

 

And, this guy is old enough to know better than this. More than likely, he wants one thing from you... don't be naive.

 

Really I doing that and it's working better than I've hope. I already have her moved in with my in my house. Making it work a lot better. But using my own advise to make it work.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I've known this guy for quite a while because we both work in the same company. I'm 25 and he's turning 40, we're both single. Out of all my co-workers I'm closest with him. I've always assumed he thinks of me a friend only due to our age difference even though he treats me rather differently. He teases me ALL the time, pats my head, and shoves me playfully when he sees I'm upset. He doesn't behave like that towards anyone else. I definitely feel like there's something there, but at the same time I know even if he does have romantic feelings for me it'll be tough for him to make a move due to our age difference and he's probably afraid of what I'll say (he seems shy). So I don't expect anything as I treasure our friendship the way it is. He took a few days off work to help his grandmother with something, so I texted him about some work related business that he left behind. Then I asked him when he was coming back. He replied saying in one more week. So I texted "Okay, you'll be missed at work." I didn't expect that he'd text back "Why do you want me to miss you? I'm a lot older than you."

I didn't expect that text from him and not sure how I should interpret it. It's definitely making me feel as if he DOES have romantic feelings for me and I'm not sure how to respond/think.

Any suggestions would be great.

 

Sounds like me at work with a woman like you. Why not go for it? If he ask you out say YES with a smile. I did the same thing a few months ago working for us both now. She's more independent but I understand what she needs. Taking my own advice doing it right without issues. You should try because in life we only have one chance to make it work. See my quote for age as it doesn't matter.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Def. more of a risk dating someone from work but in reality that's where most relationships start. Not necessarily meaning just romantic relationships but friendships as well.

 

However, it's always easier to find a job than it is to find someone you're truly compatible with. I guess you both need to decide if you pursue this and it doesn't work out would you be willing to find another job?

 

Aside from that, the age thing "may" be an issue if you let it. I'm 41 and my gf is 25 and things are great. She does have a hard time from time to time when previous experiences come up. She can get upset that i've already "lived" my life and experienced a lot more than she has. This works both in a good way but also in a bad way as well.

 

He def. sounds like he's into you so you need to decide if the risks are worth the potential reward.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Really I doing that and it's working better than I've hope. I already have her moved in with my in my house. Making it work a lot better. But using my own advise to make it work.

 

Good for you. And best of luck to you. But if it goes bad, most people aren't sane and mature about things. They get really awkward and weird about breakups and having to show up 5 days a week to the same place of work to see the same person makes it a 100 times worse.

 

Basically, if it goes bad, one of you will be leaving the workplace. Thats what usually happens.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Good for you. And best of luck to you. But if it goes bad, most people aren't sane and mature about things. They get really awkward and weird about breakups and having to show up 5 days a week to the same place of work to see the same person makes it a 100 times worse.

 

Basically, if it goes bad, one of you will be leaving the workplace. Thats what usually happens.

 

I am driving her to work also her suggestion. Listen let me try this and use my own advise here. So far so good. She told me thank-you for having such patients for her and what she's been going through her family. We'll be working in different departments though. My team is full no spot for her on my team and even if she was on there she I've done it prior no problem. Can't talk about or act lovey-dovey at work it's all serious no time for that.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I am driving her to work also her suggestion. Listen let me try this and use my own advise here. So far so good. She told me thank-you for having such patients for her and what she's been going through her family. We'll be working in different departments though. My team is full no spot for her on my team and even if she was on there she I've done it prior no problem. Can't talk about or act lovey-dovey at work it's all serious no time for that.

 

it totally could work out. i know a couple who met and work and started dating and ever got married. i believe they hid that fact that they were dating for a long time from everyone else they worked with.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks for the responses guys :')

 

Working in the same place isn't the problem, esp since it's a temporary job for me. The problem is definitely the age difference and how he thinks. Even until now I am not really sure if he's into me. Just shocked from what he texted me which made me think perhaps he does like me but worried about the age difference.

Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic
Thanks for the responses guys :')

 

Working in the same place isn't the problem, esp since it's a temporary job for me. The problem is definitely the age difference and how he thinks. Even until now I am not really sure if he's into me. Just shocked from what he texted me which made me think perhaps he does like me but worried about the age difference.

 

What is it that you think he'd find appealing about you as a much younger woman?

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's not just how he thinks, it's how his friends, family, acquaintances and coworkers will think.

 

Now I get age is just a number, and you two are adults, but you will have to deal with the stigma.

 

And he's probably worried about getting in trouble if he does approach you....you could turn around and start a harassment suit against him and he could lose his job....lots of people worry about this kind of response, especially now where there is so much in the press about sexual harassment and this #metoo crap. Men have to watch their step...

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

the work thing matters more than the age thing, imo. if your job is temporary then just wait until you leave and give him your number on the way out. workplace romances obviously happen with success for some people, but with the current environment/awareness of sexual harassment you'd both be foolish. keep it a friendship and get to know him as a friend until it can maybe escalate afterwards. i typically date 15 years above and it does present some issues, but it really depends on the guy and his maturity level, too. some 40 year olds aren't even as put together as younger men. i've never had an older guy give undue consideration to me being much younger - a man is a man, if he likes you he'll act on it and your age wouldn't be the excuse if he didn't. imo.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

hi there Rahcelle,

 

what do you think of him and would you like a proper relationship with him?

 

once you know that for sure and think over some of the things that others here are talking about and the issues that you may face, think again if you'd be happy or at least willing to face those kind of things from others (to your face with him out and about or possibly behind your back) and if it is still yes...

 

then talk to him and find out what he wants in all of this, what his text means and what he wants or is prepared to do... and how serious this is for him in terms of feelings.

 

at the moment you don't really know what his text messages are saying for sure, so until you've thought about if your feelings are strong enough or could grow and whether what he wants is compatible with your feelings and whether the relationship is balanced (as best as it can be with an age gap);

as there are different types of maturity and experience that can all play a part in helping or can be more challenging if you don't get the small things sorted out.

 

regardless of age gaps (or not) and personalities involved, its a question about good communication, honesty, compatability and balance.

 

maybe that can add a little something to consider too.

 

good luck, maxi :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I only read the title but I have to say DON'T DO IT.

 

I dated someone who was in his 50s and I am in my 20s. I was with him for almost 4 years and we did love each other, but it was destined to be a dead end relationship. I wish it ended sooner because I spent some of my prime years on something that was never gonna end in marriage/kids.

 

I could have been with someone else that I could have had a future with.

 

Now, I am dating men closer to my age and the dynamics is so different. With men in their 20s/30s, we can experience things together and have similar goals. There are pros and cons but if you want a serious relationship, it's not worth it to be with a much older man. If I knew then what I know now, I don't think I would have EVER dated him. I was so naive.

 

Also, don't **** at work, it almost never works out.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic
I only read the title but I have to say DON'T DO IT.

 

I dated someone who was in his 50s and I am in my 20s. I was with him for almost 4 years and we did love each other, but it was destined to be a dead end relationship. I wish it ended sooner because I spent some of my prime years on something that was never gonna end in marriage/kids.

 

I could have been with someone else that I could have had a future with.

 

Now, I am dating men closer to my age and the dynamics is so different. With men in their 20s/30s, we can experience things together and have similar goals. There are pros and cons but if you want a serious relationship, it's not worth it to be with a much older man. If I knew then what I know now, I don't think I would have EVER dated him. I was so naive.

 

Also, don't **** at work, it almost never works out.

 

I'm curious how you entered into a relationship like this in the first place.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm curious how you entered into a relationship like this in the first place.

lol. I ask myself the same thing.

 

Long story short, I thought he was attractive and felt like there was chemistry but thought he was probably married.

 

But then he would always mention how he likes tall women.One day we bumped into each other again, exchanged numbers, went on a date a few days later. Rest is history.

 

To be fair, I have always dated older men but not that old. Would I do it again? Hell no unless it was a business relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I only read the title but I have to say DON'T DO IT.

 

I dated someone who was in his 50s and I am in my 20s. I was with him for almost 4 years and we did love each other, but it was destined to be a dead end relationship. I wish it ended sooner because I spent some of my prime years on something that was never gonna end in marriage/kids.

 

Your age gap was closer to 30 years, not 15.

I'm surprised you were together for four years. I'd call that a qualified success.

The fact that it didn't end in marriage and kids has less to do with the age gap and more about not discussing what you want long term earlier. Exactly the same thing could happen with someone your own age. It happened me and my gf was born within a week of me!

 

As for the op, I would avoid it because of work.

If it's temporary, then maybe keep in touch and see what happens later.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
it totally could work out. i know a couple who met and work and started dating and ever got married. i believe they hid that fact that they were dating for a long time from everyone else they worked with.

 

There was some talk about us at work. I crushed that idea because it's my private business. They like to gossip too much at work. Grown men (managers) asking me questions. I say nothing.. We have a few people in there with bf/gf working on the same shift. Got one that is married to each other too. I know a lot of things that go on where I work. I like to keep aware of things. She will tell me what she wants to do. I have no problem if she wants them to see us together in the parking lot. Not a big deal but to come out and say it to my face those managers that like to shoot their mouth off and tell stupid jokes. or say stupid comments. That's how they are. I tell them I am here to work not here to socialize with you. Two managers invited me to breakfast, but I would never do that ever again. All they wanted to know was who I was seeing at work. I didn't say anything about it. They got mad. Today they don't act like they use to do with me. It's better not to get them into your business. If I become manager like them she and I can't work on the same shift. Because then they would think she's the favorite. One bf/gf that had happen too he was going to be a manager and wanted his gf on the shift so he lost out of the advancement before of gf. But there is another case where there is coordinator / manager his gf works in the office for check management. He got her that position.

Link to post
Share on other sites
There was some talk about us at work. I crushed that idea because it's my private business. They like to gossip too much at work. Grown men (managers) asking me questions. I say nothing.. We have a few people in there with bf/gf working on the same shift. Got one that is married to each other too. I know a lot of things that go on where I work. I like to keep aware of things. She will tell me what she wants to do. I have no problem if she wants them to see us together in the parking lot. Not a big deal but to come out and say it to my face those managers that like to shoot their mouth off and tell stupid jokes. or say stupid comments. That's how they are. I tell them I am here to work not here to socialize with you. Two managers invited me to breakfast, but I would never do that ever again. All they wanted to know was who I was seeing at work. I didn't say anything about it. They got mad. Today they don't act like they use to do with me. It's better not to get them into your business. If I become manager like them she and I can't work on the same shift. Because then they would think she's the favorite. One bf/gf that had happen too he was going to be a manager and wanted his gf on the shift so he lost out of the advancement before of gf. But there is another case where there is coordinator / manager his gf works in the office for check management. He got her that position.

 

I believe the couple that I know (this is hesay as I was obviously not there or worked at their workplace) is that they hooked up at work, kept it hush hush and continued to work same place for 1 or 2 years, then changed jobs, continued dating and got married.

 

best of luck to you two and keep on rockin in the free world.... :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
I only read the title but I have to say DON'T DO IT.

 

I dated someone who was in his 50s and I am in my 20s. I was with him for almost 4 years and we did love each other, but it was destined to be a dead end relationship. I wish it ended sooner because I spent some of my prime years on something that was never gonna end in marriage/kids.

 

I could have been with someone else that I could have had a future with.

 

Now, I am dating men closer to my age and the dynamics is so different. With men in their 20s/30s, we can experience things together and have similar goals. There are pros and cons but if you want a serious relationship, it's not worth it to be with a much older man. If I knew then what I know now, I don't think I would have EVER dated him. I was so naive.

 

Also, don't **** at work, it almost never works out.

 

Could it be that your issue is the 50 year old you dated was a fuddy duddy? You are making crass broad statements here that older men all behave like "old geezers"? I am almost 50 and a pretty immature guy if you were to compare my lifestyle with 50 year olds.. I don't follow finance or world news ****, i still go to concerts and music festivals, i go camping, and snowboard in winter.

 

 

 

I'm curious how you entered into a relationship like this in the first place.

 

^ you have such a one track mind, Meatloaf

 

 

lol. I ask myself the same thing.

 

Long story short, I thought he was attractive and felt like there was chemistry but thought he was probably married.

 

But then he would always mention how he likes tall women.One day we bumped into each other again, exchanged numbers, went on a date a few days later. Rest is history.

 

To be fair, I have always dated older men but not that old. Would I do it again? Hell no unless it was a business relationship.

 

A business relationship? What are you? An escort?

Edited by jjgitties
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...