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Dilemma


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Old 2nd November 2017, 3:40 AM   #1
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Dilemma

Bit of a dating dilemma. I began dating this girl from my area who I knew years ago when we were younger (around 22). We are both now around 30. I didnít know her well but use to see her out etc and we had a few mutual friends.

This last month or so we have reconnected and had 6 or 7 great dates. Things were going amazing and it felt so natural and right. However, last night I had a lengthy phone call with her as she had something she wanted to tell me. She has recently found out she is pregnant. She found out a week ago and wanted to tell me right away but needed a few days to digest etc. She was pretty sure I wouldnít speak to her again as itís obviously not an ideal situation when you have started seeing someone. She doesnít speak to or see the guy as it was a one night thing months ago. She didnít know she was pregnant when we started dating and has been worked up about telling me.

I was obviously shocked by the news but am now not 100% sure what to do. We get on so well and I think we have a connection but this will perhaps change the dynamic a bit.

Does anyone have any advice?
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Old 2nd November 2017, 4:34 AM   #2
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We get on so well and I think we have a connection but this will perhaps change the dynamic a bit.
The fact that you said this and thought about it tells me that you know it's going to happen.

My take is, if you want out and are just asking should you do it now or later. I really think now would hurt her less than later. If you stick around and she (and maybe baby) starts thinking of you in the Dad light, it would let her down much more later. Right now you'd just be hurting her, later you'd be hurting at least 2 people. You can tell her you're too young and not ready for a baby right now and just want to be friends. (and yes that means you can not and should not sleep with her anymore)
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Old 2nd November 2017, 5:05 AM   #3
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The fact that you said this and thought about it tells me that you know it's going to happen.

My take is, if you want out and are just asking should you do it now or later. I really think now would hurt her less than later. If you stick around and she (and maybe baby) starts thinking of you in the Dad light, it would let her down much more later. Right now you'd just be hurting her, later you'd be hurting at least 2 people. You can tell her you're too young and not ready for a baby right now and just want to be friends. (and yes that means you can not and should not sleep with her anymore)
I don't think I want out.
Like I said, I think we have a connection and while this changes the situation I don't think I should throw that away. It's rare to find someone you like and get on with.

I don't necessarily want to play step dad and not sure she wants me too. Obvioulsy that is something that would need to be disucssed.

Alot of people date people with children from previous relationships and i case this isn't much different than that
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Old 2nd November 2017, 5:24 AM   #4
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I don't think I want out.
Like I said, I think we have a connection and while this changes the situation I don't think I should throw that away. It's rare to find someone you like and get on with.

I don't necessarily want to play step dad and not sure she wants me too. Obvioulsy that is something that would need to be disucssed.

Alot of people date people with children from previous relationships and i case this isn't much different than that
A baby is VERY time consuming. She will be all about baby and you will be on the back-burner. She doesn't even know this yet and won't until that baby comes. This will be the time that you will ask yourself if this is enough for you. Getting very little time and attention for a baby that's not even yours. If you end up leaving while the baby is young(under 2), at least he/she won't remember you.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 7:51 AM   #5
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It will be tricky that is for sure. If you like her & are willing to continue dating her, do so. Your opinion may change when her body starts to change. Your opinion may change when she's exhausted & has no time for you. You may grow to love her & the child. Who knows?

For now all you are agreeing to is to keep dating / to watch & see.

Best wishes to you all.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 8:16 AM   #6
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I agree with d0nnivain.

It sounds like you've already made up your mind and just want us to validate your decision.

If you feel connected to her and want to still date her and see how it goes, go for it. Who are we to tell you otherwise.

Just know what you're walking in to. Both of you need to understand what you're doing.
Dating someone who already has children is one thing but dating someone at the very early stages of her first pregnancy is another thing altogether.

The father may have been a hook up but that doesn't mean he won't want to be involved somehow. That dynamic alone may be challenging never mind the pregnancy, birth and early years of raising a child on her own. Pregnancy and raising children are HARD at the best of times and when the situation is fairy tale ideal.

This isn't the time to wear rose-colored glasses. You need to realize what you're stepping into if only to not mislead or hurt this girl. She will have enough on her plate as it is.

Good luck.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 4:15 AM   #7
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Quick Update.

We carried on seeing each other up until this week. I was supportive in every way I could be. The father wants to be involved and would like the two of them to give it a go. I have taken a step back and will remian friends with the girl but in reality will leave her to make her own mind if she wants to give it a go with the dad etc or just be on her own.

I had grown to like this girl so I do a feel a little down about it.
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