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bf with low sex drive


joeyNoelle

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joeyNoelle

Hi guys,

 

I haven't posted for a while but you were all very helpful in the past so i thought you might be able to help with this dilemma.

 

The situation is that my boyfriend of 7 months has a low sex drive and is very sensitive and easily put off sex. Some background info is that about 3 months agoI broke up with him for 7 weeks because he was being a bit of jerk and not showing me enough atention consideration etc he wanted me back, missed me soo much and knew he just wanted to be with me and would put in the effort. We have been back together for nearly three months and the relationship is wonderful.its like being with a new person..he is really trying hard and putting in soo much effort....he says he doesn't like the person he used to be etc...and im completely happy with that aspect, he is very affectionate kissing and hugging etc being romantic etc but the only problem is he has a low sex drive.. i want it more than him and we are seeing eachother twice a week because of our work load right now exams coming up etc.... we are having sex everytime we see eachother but only once each time....

 

it seems like i have to work very hard to get him into and maintain the mood sometimes when he will initiate sex and things will be good and then its like he just looses the drive and desire for it..and then its gone....and the moment has past and he cant get it up....he says he is just stressed and tired and working hard...he agress he probably has a low sex drive.. and he says he feels less lust these days...he says he just hasn't felt like having it that much these days... the thing is he is only 21...... we are both very busy these days studying and exams are coming up so we have been put under stress and are tired but im wondering if this is normal for a young male?.... could there be some other problem im not aware of?....he says he is attracted to me and i consider myself a very attractive girl he says he wants to be with me even more than before when we were together....... so why is this happening? why is my bf not as sexually driven as when we first got back together...he seems to think it was the not having sex for 7 weeks built it up ...who knows....

 

any ideas or advice would be great... thanks

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LucreziaBorgia

He needs to go see a doctor to rule some things out. If it turns out that biologically, he indeed has a very low sex drive - then there are options I'm sure, but you'll have to accept it or leave.

 

Otherwise...

 

Has he always been like this, or only in this particular relationship? Does he masturbate a lot when he's away from you? Does he feel pressured or feel like you are putting too much importance on sex? Could it be that his 'changes' have forced him into an false version of himself that he sees you love more than who he really is?

 

Could be any number of things. I do know this much: if you keep on pushing for sex under these circumstances - the relationship won't last. Put the sex aside for right now. Stop pressuring him or initiating sex. He probably dreads you coming over at this point because he knows what will happen - you will push for sex, he is forced to 'perform' and can't, and it frustrates you both. So... stop! Work with him on what the problem is. Ask him if he thinks he needs to see a doctor, or needs to talk to someone about this.

 

If he thinks it is a medical problem - I feel pretty sure he would be concerned enough to go see someone about it. But, if he rejects the idea then he probably knows that it isn't a medical problem and that he would likely perform just fine in any other context than this relationship. The problem in this case, would be you - not him.

 

You'll have to prepare yourself to deal with all possibilities here: even the ones you don't like or don't want to hear.

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joeyNoelle

Thanks for the advice,

 

he really doesn't seem to think its a medical problem....he doesn't seemed concerned with it for now and says i don't need to wory just yet its just stress etc....so time will tell...if it persists over the break he will need a check up of course but im going t do the no pressure thing i agree its the best thing for right now.

 

In his past relationships he seems to have been the same.... he's just like that i think...he is very sensitive and very easily affected by litle things so im going to put it on the back burner and try to work out whats going on later if the problems persist.

 

i know he is completely happy with the relationship...and he has told me not to worry....he is probably the one who knows best whats going on so if he tells me not to worry i should trust that....he keeps saying he needs to get more fit..i thunk his energy levels are just very low right now.....and coupleing this with the fact that he isn't a highly sexed person i guess accounts for it.

 

I guess if we resolve that this is just the way he is..how his body works etc..then it is my problem.. whther i can live with that or not....

 

thanks for the advice

 

Jo

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