Can’t get a read after 4 dates!

[Khop97]

Hey guys- I need input!

 

I’ve been talking to this girl for about a month now.. we’ve hung out 4 times and text about every other day.

We’ve kissed the last 3 dates, but it’s all me initiating and the kiss last bettwen 5-10 seconds. Last night we hung out at her house played with her dogs and watched a movie- but laughed and talked through all of it.. was going really well.

I had my arm around her most the night and had my arm on her leg at times.

My concern is she never initiates anything... Texts/calls are all me, anything intimate all me.. she doesn’t try to cuddle, kiss or anything- and when I initiate she does it, but she will get up shortly after or again, the kiss doesn’t last that long. The last 3 dates seemed to end abruptly and the goodbye kiss is kinda forced/awkward. I always rely on the post date text to see where the interest level is. The only time she initiates a text is when I say let me know you got home safe.. last night since I was at her place, I texted her to reaffirm I had a good time and incorporated some of the jokes we were laughing at.. she reponded positively and supposed to hang out next week. I’ve been on SO many dates the last 6 months and no chemistry on one side or the other..

I’m like this girl so much and my anxiety is driving me crazy if she feels the same way.

 

My questions are: why she never initiates anything and seems to be “guarded” when it comes to intimacy? I honestly feel that if i didn’t text her, I would never hear from her again.. but yet, when we do text/talk it’s always fun and playful the same as when we hang out.

[TheFinalWord]

Hey guys- I need input!

 

I’ve been talking to this girl for about a month now.. we’ve hung out 4 times and text about every other day.

We’ve kissed the last 3 dates, but it’s all me initiating and the kiss last bettwen 5-10 seconds. Last night we hung out at her house played with her dogs and watched a movie- but laughed and talked through all of it.. was going really well.

I had my arm around her most the night and had my arm on her leg at times.

My concern is she never initiates anything... Texts/calls are all me, anything intimate all me.. she doesn’t try to cuddle, kiss or anything- and when I initiate she does it, but she will get up shortly after or again, the kiss doesn’t last that long. The last 3 dates seemed to end abruptly and the goodbye kiss is kinda forced/awkward. I always rely on the post date text to see where the interest level is. The only time she initiates a text is when I say let me know you got home safe.. last night since I was at her place, I texted her to reaffirm I had a good time and incorporated some of the jokes we were laughing at.. she reponded positively and supposed to hang out next week. I’ve been on SO many dates the last 6 months and no chemistry on one side or the other..

I’m like this girl so much and my anxiety is driving me crazy if she feels the same way.

 

My questions are: why she never initiates anything and seems to be “guarded” when it comes to intimacy? I honestly feel that if i didn’t text her, I would never hear from her again.. but yet, when we do text/talk it’s always fun and playful the same as when we hang out.

 

Well, it's only been a month so I would say give it a bit more time. It's possible she's dating someone else, or she could be shy about initiating early on.

 

If it's really driving you crazy you could just ask her why she never initiates. Another option is you could not contact her about a date, and see if she initiates a date or asks when she'll see you again. If not, then you know she has basically friend zoned you. I personally prefer just asking as I'm not into game playing, but it's hard to know for sure as we don't have a lot of information.

[smackie9]

tell her lustfully that you are really attracted to her and then make a move. If she pushes you back, get off the couch and go out the door.

[Cookiesandough]

I feel like we've all been so spoiled by hookup culture [] that anyone who wants to get to know someone before they swap spit raises red flags. The thing that concerns me is she never initiates. Best case scenario is she's VERY traditional...

Edited October 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[coolheadal]

tell her lustfully that you are really attracted to her and then make a move. If she pushes you back, get off the couch and go out the door.

 

I agree with smackie on this point she came up with.. I would like to add to me it sounds like your are just best friends who can kiss and cuddle, because basically you said "hangout with the dogs and laugh). Not really in deep yet. If she doesn't act like what you want then get out of there.

[MajesticUnicorn]

How old are you guys/are you young? Do you know what her experience level is, or relationship history? Not in depth, but just if she's had a serious boyfriend before?

 

As twisted as it is, a lot of times girls (especially when they're young) expect the man to be initiating all the contact. I know I used to think that the guy should be the one texting me first, initiating dates, making the moves, etc. Granted I grew up and realized relationships are about two people, and I should do some of the initiating as well.

 

In hindsight, four dates really isn't that many. But, I would expect there to be much more sexual tension/physical attraction at this point. Of course everyone has different views on this, which is why I wonder if she's inexperienced or just a bit more reserved?

[Khop97]

I’m 38 and she is 31.. she’s been in a serious relationship before but we haven’t gotten into details really about our past partners. I guess I’m scared to to “rock the boat” and ask her as it might be to soon for her and don’t want to scare her off..

Maybe something from the last relationship is causing her to be cautious.

 

I was hoping to get more of an answer yesterday and got home even more confused. Then she responds to my “had a good time” text playfully- I would think if she wasn’t interested, I would get no reply at all, a bland text, or her telling me she isn’t feeling it.

I completely get the guy taking initiate- I prefer to. But I need some kind of help from her every now and then. Once I have a pretty solid idea she is interested, I was going to dive into some of the deeper stuff.

[Coffeeguy]

Walk. If after all this time you feel as if this chick is guarded, it's because she is. I can tell you right now if you ask about anything serious, you're going to be disappointed. Been there, done that. Just walk.

[MajesticUnicorn]

Perhaps there is something with her past relationships causing her to act that way. Or perhaps she just feels lukewarm about the situation and is dating a lot of people. Hard for any of us to really speculate on that.

 

The fact that she accepts your date invites and responds positively to texts does indicate that she is interested in you.

 

Aside from the lack of physical intimacy with each other and her lack of initiation, how is everything else? Do you have good conversations?

 

I think if you really like her, you might as well plan another date or two to see if anything progresses. Perhaps she is expecting you to take the lead a bit more, though it sounds like you've already done that. But maybe next time you could be a bit more assertive about it, and if she hesitates or doesn't oblige that could possibly open up the conversation...

[Khop97]

Ya, we have great convos and the exact same sense of humor. We were having a great time last night it just kinda ended weird.

That’s what I plan on doing- I really do like her and I’m as picky as they come. So want to see this through.. next date I’m gonna try to talk more about “uncomfortable” stuff and hopefully I’ll get more answers.

 

I keep telling myself she has to be interested.. she wouldn’t let me kiss her (even if it is only 5 seconds) And keep hanging out and responding if she wasn’t.. it’s just that lack of her initiating that is driving me nuts and makes me wonder. Just one simple “how’s your day going” or something like that is all I ask. Although I was out of town for a work meeting last weekend And told her i needed a text to wake me up from the boring meetings- and she did send one. But if I wouldn’t have asked- crickets.

[Nadine123]

Im one of those girls that would never make a move Im just too shy. Try to and if she pushes you back as the rest of the people said then ask her whats going on.

[ThorntonMelon]

You're not looking for the same things out of the relationship. Please don't forget this as you move forward.

 

You have different romantic/dating styles and you're already afraid to bring it up.

 

Put this another way. What if she were auditioning for the role of your partner? Would you say she's doing a great job of showing interest and being a part of your world? Obviously not. She's going through the motions. Not up to you to figure out why nor is it your problem.

 

I'd probably tell her why you're not happy with things, but 100% you don't end up with this woman the way it's going. Only chance to save it is to put out there what you want and maybe she is actually interested and wants to meet you halfway.

[HarmonyDriven]

 

You have different romantic/dating styles and you're already afraid to bring it up.

 

Put this another way. What if she were auditioning for the role of your partner? Would you say she's doing a great job of showing interest and being a part of your world? Obviously not. She's going through the motions. Not up to you to figure out why nor is it your problem.

 

I'd probably tell her why you're not happy with things, but 100% you don't end up with this woman the way it's going. Only chance to save it is to put out there what you want and maybe she is actually interested and wants to meet you halfway.

 

 

Well said! Agree 100% and then some.

[Highndry]

Women who are interested leave nothing to the imagination once the kissing has begun. They're not going to make that first move, but once you do it's obvious how they feel. If you're already kissing her and not feeling it, it's because she's not into it.