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Men, Pregnancy, and trust


Valerie Castro

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Valerie Castro

I had been talking to this guy for 6 weeks before we had sex. He is 27 I am 25. I really wanted him but we were in a situation that made it hard for us to get alone time. Maybe that was a blessing in disguise because I do feel he respected and trusted me more because of it, I think he was under the impression I was making him wait because Im a good girl even though if it were up to me I would have jumped his bones a long time ago. But he doesnt need to know that. He can continue to think I'm an angel lol.

 

Anywho, the first time we had sex he asked me if I was on BC, I said no and he said "fu--qk, ok" and grabbed a condom (don't lecture me on not being on BC, I was on it for 8 years and went off for personal reasons, I've since gotten my tubes tied and Ive never been pregnant). The condom broke when he was putting it on and he didnt have another one, but we were both undressed and we had been waiting for so long I said "just put it in, you will pull out and it will be okay". He was hesitant and just kept kissing me so I got impatient and literally just grabbed his d--k and shoved it right inside me lol. He didnt let me put it all the way in, he stopped at the tip and said "I'm not wearing a condom and you're not on BC". I was so horny I said "it will be fine just put it in!!" He looked at me for a second and said "okay but Im buying you Plan B in the morning, I don't play that s--t".

 

We had the most romantic and gentle sex I've ever had in my life and after he said "I really should buy you Plan B", and I said I am fine just go to sleep lol. I said to him "I don't want kids anyway, you don't worry about that". He was like really? Not even one? And I said nope, not even one. I asked him " do you"? And he said, "yea I do". And then we just fell asleep. We never spoke about it again, he didnt buy Plan B and never asked me to take a pregnancy test. A week later I said we needed to have a talk in person (not related to this). I was going through some really rough stuff at the time and just wanted to talk to him in person. He said "that worries me". I thought he was worried I was pregnant so I said "Im not pregnant" and he said, thats not what I meant, Im just worried about your mental state".

 

That always stuck with me because a year prior a guy I was dating finished inside me after I ASKED HIM NOT TO and not 2 seconds after he said "I don't want kids lets go buy Plan B". He made me buy my own Plan B, didnt even offer to split the price, practically shoved it down my throat and made me take it in front of him! Needless to say we didnt have a very healthy relationship, he treated me poorly and we didnt last long.

 

Anyway, I always thought it was romantic that this other guy respected my choice not to take plan B. He is very good looking, about 6'6 and has a good job. It made me feel he trusted I was not trying to trap him with a kid, or at least didnt think it was the worst thing in the world if I were to have his child. When he pulled out he accidentally got some on my leg and even apologized. I have to admit, it did make me feel valued and special.

 

So I was just wondering when something like that happens, and as a guy, you act this way, does this mean a lot of feelings, respect and trust are there or does this just mean you are being careless and lazy? Before we even had sex or even kissed he made a copy of his key and left it hidden so I can go in and sleep while I wait for him to get out of work because he had crazy late hours. Do you think he was just leaving me a key to his apartment hoping he would get some a$$ because we had yet to even kiss? Would you let a girl you've only known for a month have a key to your apartment? Im not a prude and neither is he....we just hadn't done anything for reasons that are irrelevant to this thread.

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Scary.

 

As someone who doesn't want kids, or STDs or an abortion so stories like this scare the **** out of me.

 

In don't know if it's trust or irresponsibility.

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GunslingerRoland

So you don't want to have kids, but you want to have sex without protection... this isn't going to work out well. You said not to worry about plan b and that you would take care of it... I guess he left the ball in your court (probably not a good decision since you seem irresponsible).

 

As for your relationship, it sounds complicated, you talk for weeks, but don't meet up, don't kiss, jump straight to sex, and now he's giving you a key. I'm guessing he doesn't have much experience with relationships and isn't sure how this is supposed to go?

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He says he doesn't play that sh8t but he goes ahead and does it.

 

And you have your tubes tied but never tell him and let him live in fear.

 

Sounds like you're made for each other.

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My gosh, I didn't catch the tubes tied part.

 

Why didn't you disclose that to him?!?

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Valerie Castro

I didnt think it was relevant why we didnt have sex but the reason why is because we were co-workers so we had to be careful but one day we just decided we liked each other too much and I didnt mind transferring if need be because I was getting sick of the place anyway. Once I put in my two weeks, we had sex. Also, it was the first time I had unprotected sex with anyone in a full year. Keep your judgements to yourself. Have I ever been pregnant? No. Have I taken measures to make sure I don't get pregnant? Yes. I was off the BC because I was on it for a long time and it was making me ill. There was a period of time between getting off BC and my surgery. I was not on BC at the time. I didnt lie about having my tubes tied. They weren't tied at the time. I thought I made that clear. Perhaps I didnt.

Edited by Valerie Castro
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Personally, I wouldn't give keys to a woman I've only known for a month. Heck, after being on this forum for a few years, I'm rethinking my six month policy. I'm leaning towards careless on his part.

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It means he doesn't have his head screwed on right. It's got nothing to do with you.

 

Not to mention that you seem to have serious issues with the concept of consent. If a person isn't sure or doesn't want to do it, you STOP.

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Valerie Castro

Just because we hadn't had sex doesnt mean we hardly knew each other. He was there for me when I was suffering from alcoholism because a close one died and I was there for him when his dad had cancer.

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Valerie Castro

He only leaves it when I want to sleep and he is not there. So I don't have to wait for him. I try not to make him feel like Im moving too fast so I leave the key inside his house once I get inside. But if I forget to and keep it with me he doesnt complain. I always offer to give it back if I forget it. We don't work together anymore but when we did I would text him and let him know I accidentally took the key with me and give it to him at work. Sometimes he would tell me just to keep it so I can get in later.

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I am incredibly disappointed in so many of the responses so far. If the genders were reversed and he'd pushed you into sex when you were unsure, there would be an outcry. And rightly so. But apparently women are allowed different behavioural rules.

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Valerie Castro

Im not saying it was okay. I wasn't going to put every intimate detail of the experience in there but he was rubbing it against me and started getting frustrated because he wanted to put it in but he was unsure if he should because we didnt have a condom so I told him not to worry and just put it in

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Im not saying it was okay. I wasn't going to put every intimate detail of the experience in there but he was rubbing it against me and started getting frustrated because he wanted to put it in but he was unsure if he should because we didnt have a condom so I told him not to worry and just put it in

 

Your lack of even mentioning that you were completely out of line is telling. You seem to be more focused on how he may feel about you than your own behaviour.

 

Again, change genders and at the very least, this would be coersion. Not cool.

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I am incredibly disappointed in so many of the responses so far. If the genders were reversed and he'd pushed you into sex when you were unsure, there would be an outcry. And rightly so. But apparently women are allowed different behavioural rules.

 

I agree with you and she also thought it was funny, she is laughing while telling this story. She's insisting, telling him to put it in, then shoving it in herself. One of these days she'll will learn the hard way the meaning of 'consent'

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I agree.... Gosh could you imagine?

 

Guy with a vasectomy, doesn't tell girl.

 

Girl says no sex without condom, guy breaks condom, says it's cool and sticks it in anyway.

 

Girl says how she doesn't want to get pregnant etc, he says it's cool, I don't want to be a dad and proceeds to have sex with her...

 

And never bothers to mention about the vasectomy part, just let's her worry instead. Because you know - she let him do it, so maybe she really does want his baby.

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Valerie Castro
I agree.... Gosh could you imagine?

 

Guy with a vasectomy, doesn't tell girl.

 

Girl says no sex without condom, guy breaks condom, says it's cool and sticks it in anyway.

 

Girl says how she doesn't want to get pregnant etc, he says it's cool, I don't want to be a dad and proceeds to have sex with her...

 

And never bothers to mention about the vasectomy part, just let's her worry instead. Because you know - she let him do it, so maybe she really does want his baby.

 

You have an awful lot to say for someone not reading the post. I WAS NOT ON BC MY TUBES WERE NOT TIED. SHOULD I SAY IT AGAIN IN A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?

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OP it's like you are looking for some type of reassurance he has feelings and trust for you. I don't see anything in your story that says feelings or trust.

 

I see 2 people who don't think of the consequences of their actions. You need a reality check, having unprotected sex with 1 person is the equivalent of having sex with 36 people.

 

Him having sex with you doesn't mean he wished you'd get pregnant because he said he wanted kids, NO.

 

The fact he leaves a key nearby means nothing. It's just practical. When he's done with you he just needs to change the lock.

 

So no, all this means nothing.

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Valerie Castro
your lack of even mentioning that you were completely out of line is telling. You seem to be more focused on how he may feel about you than your own behaviour.

 

Again, change genders and at the very least, this would be coersion. Not cool.

 

i just said in the post above you it was not okay but he told me he wanted to stick it in but was unsure so i told him i didnt mind. I didnt force him to. Yes i grabbed it and put it inside but he stopped right on the surface the tip was barely in and we talked for a couple of minutes about plan b while it was sitting there on the surface and then he put it all the way in

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Valerie Castro
OP it's like you are looking for some type of reassurance he has feelings and trust for you. I don't see anything in your story that says feelings or trust.

 

I see 2 people who don't think of the consequences of their actions. You need a reality check, having unprotected sex with 1 person is the equivalent of having sex with 36 people.

 

Him having sex with you doesn't mean he wished you'd get pregnant because he said he wanted kids, NO.

 

The fact he leaves a key nearby means nothing. It's just practical. When he's done with you he just needs to change the lock.

 

So no, all this means nothing.

 

Well, Im talking about the first time we had sex. We've known each other since September 2016. I went abroad for a while and we didnt see each other for a bit. Its just something I've always wondered about even though it happened a while ago and he was leaving a key to his apartment for me for a while until I left. And yes we've remained in touch this entire time. I am back now and were not dating because Ive not dated anyone for a while and my life has never been more carefree. Maybe one day well pick it up again. You're entitled to your opinion though. I am not asking this question directly to you I am trying to gather everyone's opinion. You've already stated how you feel so there is no need to beat a dead horse. You are obviously not reading the thread. Take care.

Edited by Valerie Castro
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Cookiesandough

it doesn't mean anything that a guy doesn't use a condom/only uses pull out method except that he is horny and in his mind at that moment the pleasure he'll get from having sex raw outweighs the risk. There was only a broken condom and no alternative.

 

 

Seriously guys will rawdog stranger girls they dont plan on ever seeing again because they believe their pull out game is so good that it's just a 1 or 2% less effective than a condom. They don't think about catching something because theyre they don't believe it will happen to them, think the likelihood is strong it's something minor that will clear up with some meds, or they already have something xD

 

Basically, it just means you have an irresponsible, horny person on your hands!

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Valerie Castro
it doesn't mean anything that a guy doesn't use a condom/only uses pull out method except that he is horny and in his mind at that moment the pleasure he'll get from having sex raw outweighs the risk. There was only a broken condom and no alternative.

 

 

Seriously guys will rawdog stranger girls they dont plan on ever seeing again because they believe their pull out game is so good that it's just a 1 or 2% less effective than a condom. They don't think about catching something because theyre they don't believe it will happen to them, think the likelihood is strong it's something minor that will clear up with some antibiotics, or they already have something xD

 

Basically, it just means you have an irresponsible, horny person on your hands!

 

Yes, that is possible. It is something I have thought about as well because, I was horny too so I understand the urge even if you are worried about STDs or don't really care for the person.

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