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After How Many Dates Is Ghosting Unacceptable?


Soccer1986

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I would think that if after 2 or 3 dates if I lose interest then it's perfectly fine to ghost and just not call her anymore. I don't need to explain to her the reason for my losing interest as she probably won't care since she has never asked me to be the boyfriend.

 

In the preliminary stages of dating when she hasn't given strong signals that she wants to be my girlfriend an explanation isn't necessary. If we are boyfriend and girlfriend then going to her house to break things off with an explanation is more appropriate.

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Maybe I'm a bit more considerate than other when it comes to people's emotions. I don't think ghosting is appropriate if the other person show a lot of interest after 2/3 dates. If you're no longer interested, you don't have to explained why in detail. Just something short along the line that you don't feel you're a good fit for the other person anymore.. By doing that, it show character in you and also the other person respect your decision. I would preferred a guy to tell me he's not interested than disspearing on me cause I think it's kinda rude (but that's my opinion)..

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I would think that if after 2 or 3 dates if I lose interest then it's perfectly fine to ghost and just not call her anymore. I don't need to explain to her the reason for my losing interest as she probably won't care since she has never asked me to be the boyfriend.

 

In the preliminary stages of dating when she hasn't given strong signals that she wants to be my girlfriend an explanation isn't necessary. If we are boyfriend and girlfriend then going to her house to break things off with an explanation is more appropriate.

 

 

Not if you want to try and be a person of integrity at all times! One date is enough for it to be unacceptable as you have no idea whether or not that person really likes you a great deal. I'm sure you've been in a situation before where you've felt crazy about someone after only 2-3 dates despite knowing that it's irrational?

 

 

A text here will suffice.

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I think ghosting is rude.

It's never happened to me and I have never done it.

 

However, it would highlight that he is unable to take responsibility for himself (in a very easy to solve situation) and likely a bad communicator in general so I am better off out of it as neither bode well for any kind of short or long term relationship.

 

One or two dates doesn't require a face to face conversation - that's overkill IMO. A text is enough.

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I would always let her know it's not working out, it's the decent thing to do. Seems like ghosting is almost becoming the norm nowadays...

 

But I guess it's acceptable if you know she's also not interested and won't be calling you anyway.

 

Also, just 2 or 3 dates is a bit early for already thinking about making it "official."

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I think if you've gone out 2-3 times, it warrants a minimum of a text that it's just not going to work for you. SHE has gone out with YOU 2-3 times, and to me that suggests that she's totally into you and glad to see this relationship continuing and thinks you feel the same. To just drop off the planet, especially after a 2nd and 3rd date is cruel. After a first date, maybe, but it's better to just say it's just not a match. Ghosting isn't acceptable ever, but worse if this other person has invested 2-3 dates into you, plus the time in between with texting and communication.

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I agree with the others, it's never OK. I've been on 3 dates with someone, there was no chemistry and we both just stopped texting - no explanation necessary. But ghosting implies ignoring, just plain rude! Leaving someone unsure and hanging is horrid. It leaves a lot of questions and what ifs in the mind. All that is needed is a simple 'this isn't working for me' text and done. No explanations necessary.

 

I also agree asking someone to be official after 2-3 dates is a bit much under most circumstances.

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Ghosting isn’t ok in most circumstances. Your reasoning especially seems strange to me.

 

She won’t make you her boyfriend after 3 date so it’s a wrap? Unless you explicitly stated at the start that you want to be exclusive after the third date - that is a pretty unreasonable expectation to me. She may want to go on more dates with you before agreeing to go exclusive. You’ll never know if you just abandon communication because you’re not getting what you want right now.

 

 

If you still want to see her you should explain why you’re backing off and give her a chance to explain her perspective on where you two are at.

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2 plain and simple.

 

You ghost on me twice for no valid reasons and I delete your number and move on.

 

Unless you have a fair excuse, you make time for the person you are interested in.

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Eternal Sunshine

No explanation is necesseary if she doesn't contact you again, just don't text her. If she contacts you then it's cruel to just ignore it and you should say something. This is true from date 1.

 

FYI I have gone on up to 4 dates many times with guys I wasn't into.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed questionable verbiage ~ V
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No explanation is necesseary if she doesn't contact you again, just don't text her. If she contacts you then it's cruel to just ignore it and you should say something. This is true from date 1.

 

FYI I have gone on up to 4 dates many times with guys I wasn't into. Every now and then I try to force myself to lower my standards but I just can't :/

 

 

Of course I would explain upfront my loss of interest if she calls me again but to call her up after the 3rd date just to say I'm not interested anymore may come across as presumptuous as she might think "ok you didn't have to call just to tell me that. We're not exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend anyway. Why do you presume we are even together?"

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Not if you want to try and be a person of integrity at all times! One date is enough for it to be unacceptable as you have no idea whether or not that person really likes you a great deal. I'm sure you've been in a situation before where you've felt crazy about someone after only 2-3 dates despite knowing that it's irrational?

 

 

A text here will suffice.

 

Actually I'm always crazy about a woman after 2 or 3 dates. My emotions are usually farther along than they should be at that stage. That's why I try to see things from her perspective because in my mind I already have this vision of us being boyfriend/girlfriend even though she has never discussed it with me. It is irrational for me to have that vision so early on. I don't want to presume she's on the same page. That's why calling her up after 2-3 dates to say I'm no longer interested may come across as presumptuous to her. She may think "He doesn't have to explain his loss of interest because I never said that we are together exclusively. I don't know where he got that idea".

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I think ghosting in unacceptable after any date. Just tell her that you don't think it's going to work out and wish her well. It's the mature and responsible thing to do.

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I think if you've gone out 2-3 times, it warrants a minimum of a text that it's just not going to work for you. SHE has gone out with YOU 2-3 times, and to me that suggests that she's totally into you and glad to see this relationship continuing and thinks you feel the same. To just drop off the planet, especially after a 2nd and 3rd date is cruel. After a first date, maybe, but it's better to just say it's just not a match. Ghosting isn't acceptable ever, but worse if this other person has invested 2-3 dates into you, plus the time in between with texting and communication.

 

After 2-3 dates she's into me? Not necessarily. She could be and is more likely than not accepting dates from other guys too so she can play the field and weigh her options about which guy is most compatible with her. Until she makes mention about wanting to be exclusive with me then it would be a huge error on my part to presume that we are already exclusive after 2-3 dates. It's better to assume she is still exploring other options in the preliminary stages and if I lose interest and just don't call her anymore it's not a big deal because she has other options to explore.

 

I never assume a woman is putting all her eggs in one basket with me until she tells me directly she wants to be exclusive. I also have the right to explore other options with other women if I want to. Going out on 3 dates doesn't mean I have to be tied down to just her unless she has clearly communicated that she wants to be exclusive.

 

Now if after the 3rd date she calls me and I'm not interested then sure I will tell her I'm not looking to go on any further dates with her but I won't make a special phone call just to tell her that.

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GunslingerRoland
I agree with the others, it's never OK. I've been on 3 dates with someone, there was no chemistry and we both just stopped texting - no explanation necessary. But ghosting implies ignoring, just plain rude! Leaving someone unsure and hanging is horrid.

 

I agree with this, actively ignoring someone is always rude. But after a very small amount of time like 1-2, tops 3 dates. I don't know if you need to give a formal notice that you aren't going to do it again.

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I agree with this, actively ignoring someone is always rude. But after a very small amount of time like 1-2, tops 3 dates. I don't know if you need to give a formal notice that you aren't going to do it again.

 

Maybe I hav defined the term ghosting wrong. If it means ignoring someone then I'm not a believer in ghosting at any stage of the relationship. Of course I wouldn't ignore anyone who calls me unless they are a telemarketer. But I don't think I need to go out of my way to make a special phone call just to say I'm no longer interested unless we're already in a serious relationship.

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I would think that if after 2 or 3 dates if I lose interest then it's perfectly fine to ghost and just not call her anymore. .

 

Then you remove the right to complain when it's done to you.

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Cookiesandough

I feel like if you go on more than one 1 date.. I still "ghost" people I'm dating(not seriously) with though. It's circumstantial and based on what I think will be the cleanest break based on the individual

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I don't ghost.

 

I'll tell the guy straight up that things end here so he's not blowing up my texts with "whyyyyyyyyyyy????" We both know where we stand and we can get on with our lives.

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Cookiesandough

I have actually ghosted guys who do that out of sheer frustration, Several times it's been when men I've been on dates with who will not stop blowing my phone. My texts will fall off as my interest declines but they do not cease. I start getting annoyed and think about putting together a message to explain why I've lost interest completely but I just say forget it and block.

 

The only other time I do it is when I get vibes the guy is extremely clingy and/or not the type who takes rejection well on the date(s). Extremely sensitive, I guess.

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I have actually ghosted guys who do that out of sheer frustration, Several times it's been when men I've been on dates with who will not stop blowing my phone. My texts will fall off as my interest declines but they do not cease. I start getting annoyed and think about putting together a message to explain why I've lost interest completely but I just say forget it and block.

 

The only other time I do it is when I get vibes the guy is extremely clingy and/or not the type who takes rejection well on the date(s). Extremely sensitive, I guess.

 

Actually you are too nice. I'm surprised you don't call the police on the guys who blow up your phone. That's harassment.

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Cookiesandough

lol I guess blowing my phone might be an exaggeration. More like a text or 2 a day when I give a very disinterested or no response.

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As I see ghosting, I think of it as an intentional avoidance tactic indicating lack of or no interest. I never ghost and always text back if I have been dating within the first 2-3 dates. If it goes beyond that, I am interested for certain and I never date someone I have no interest in.

 

Of course, if the other person's communication drops to a point of concern, I typically see that as an attempt by that person to ghost and so I join in and diminish my level of communication/interest. I will, sometimes, send out a text asking if she is okay and/or if she has lost interest and wish her luck. I always get an honest response back. ;)

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Well to me the old ideal is just plain and simple bad sour taste in my mouth. Frankly if they don't want to be with you again just come out and say it. Sure you pride might bet in the way, but so be it. Ghosting just a cheap shot, and easy way to get out of a situation or relationship, taking the sneaking way.

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Cookiesandough
Ghosting just a cheap shot, and easy way to get out of a situation or relationship, taking the sneaking way.

 

That's true I guess. It is the "easy" way as I have defaulted to it but rejection can get quite awkward and no matter how many times you may do it and how 'softly' you learn to do it, it doesn't get any easier to do. It's easier to just try to slip away then make a big firework parade about it. Men usually want to rationalize it. I've only had one guy not so that and I think it's because I told him ahead of time that I got anxious in dating and had only 1 brief rship. I also just said I needed a break and I would come back when I was ready.

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