Sirius Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 My topic is about the fact that I am a virgin into my adulthood. I hear that some women think that is wonderful and I should wait for the ‘perfect woman’ to save myself for. I was wondering should virgins who stay that way into adulthood, always go the way of the story book route? What about the fact that there are many women who like to have sex but worry about diseases and one could at least hook up in a safe monogamous relationship and not worry about all the STDs out there? On the other hand, how ideal is ‘the one and only for me’ really held in regard by women today? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Oh, please! Go have sex, love, enjoy yourself! Why would you save yourself for someone when she might not save herself for you? Will you search for a virgin? That will give you a great choice of 0.000001% of women in California. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Agree with RP I always feel uneasy when I hear people pinning too many hopes on the fact that they've hung onto their virginity. The virgin who thinks he or she is a little bit more "special" than non-virgins maybe attach too much value onto their sexual inexperience. And once it's gone, how do they manage to convince themselves that they're "still special". Personal view of how I'd feel if I discovered a guy I was seeing had held on to his virginity? Probably curious and nervous. I wouldn't write them off, but I'd probably be quite concerned that once they did lose it then they might go right off in the opposite direction and start sleeping with everything in sight to make up for lost time. After a certain age, virginity can become more of a liability than an asset. I don't think you should wait for the perfect relationship. I think you'd be better off getting out there and gaining some experience of sex and women. That way, if Ms Perfect ever does come along then you'll be more clued up as to how to have a good relationship with her. Link to post Share on other sites
MiChick43 Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Sirius, Listen. I married at 18. I was a virgin. My spouse to be was not. Not that that matters. My problem with remaining a virgin until marriage is the whole.......sexual attraction thing. Once married and experiencing sex with my ex I realized...he didnt turn me on. I lived with that for 17 years. How crazy is that? I was SOOOOOOO unhappy. My friends married men they couldnt keep their hands off while I had no desire for my husband. Not to mention this was NOT fair to him. I think that getting married without tasting the product is a big mistake. If it is a religion issue, I understand. So was my waiting for sex until marriage. But religion or no religion, sex is a BIG part of marriage, or it should be. If you marry and then find the attraction isnt what you wanted it to be or thought it should be, youll be very unhappy. Yes, Love means a lot. But sex is pretty dang important. Link to post Share on other sites
st8toftheheart Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Although I'm a little more reserved when it comes to sexual relationships, I agree with the ladies here. Don't wait till marriage to experience it. For me all you need is a loving relationship. Everyone has their own definition of what that is. You need to find yours. Because marriage, like any type of relationship, consists of erotism. The last thing you want is to marry and find that you do not have that. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
predator8u Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 HEY, i KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN HERE, BECAUSE IM A VIRGIN AND I WAS KINDA QUESTIONING WHETHER TO WAIT, BUT I MADE UP MY MIND TO WAIT. I WANT TO DO IT OUT OF LOVE NOT OUT OF LUST, AND I WANT TO SHOW THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE THAT I LOVE HER AND ONLY HER WITH ALL MY HEART SOUL AND BODY I AGREE THERE HAS TO BE ATTRACTION, BUT I DISAGREE WITH HOW SOME OF YOU ARE SAYING YOU WON'T BE ATTRACTED TO YOUR PARTNER SEXUALLY??? HOW CAN THAT BE??? I MEAN YOU SEE THEIR FACE, YOU SEE THEIR BODY, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE A SURPRISE DURING SEX AFTER YOU GET MARRIED? THAT PERSON THAT SPENT 17 YEARS WITH HER HUSBAND... CAN YOU ELABORATE ON HOW HE WASN'T ATTRACTIVE? YOU MUST HAVE FELT ATTRACTION TO HIM,, WHICH IS WHY YOU MARRIED HIM RIGHT? IF HE WASN'T A GOOD LOVER, YOU COULD HAVE DISCUSSED THAT WITH HIM I THINK EVERYONE CAN LEARN TO BE A GREAT SEXUAL PARTNER AND IT DOESNT MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU'VE BEEN WITH BEFORE IN ORDER TO LEARN HOW TO PLEASE SOMEONE... A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK SEX IS THERE TO PLEASE THEMSELVES AND THATS WHY THEY ARE BAD AT IT.... MASTURBATION IS TO PLEASE YOURSELF, SEX IS TO PLEASE YOUR PARTNER AND YOUR PARTNER WILL PLEASE YOU I ONCE THOUGHT I WAS ONE OF A VERY FEW PEOPLE,,, BUT THE MORE I TALK ABOUT IT THE MORE PEOPLE LIKE ME I HAVE FOUND AND IT'S A GREAT THING THAT PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY UPHOLDING SOME SORT OF MORAL STANDARD... WHATEVER YOU DO FOLLOW YOU HEART,,, YOU WILL SEE HOW BEATIFUL IT WILL BE WHEN YOU FIND THAT SPECIAL PERSON AND YOU CAN SHARE YOUR LOVE WITH HER AND ONLY HER Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 It's okay if you're trying to please your mom... or if you're a man of piety. Actually, I woudn't worry about rushing into something just to get it out of the way with. It could be a lousy experience, and you may hate yourself for selling out when you could've waited for that special someone. However, since you're new to the ball game, you won't know the difference anyway. If the opportunity arises, go for it, especially if she's really into it. May your first trip to vagina be a memorable one... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony427 Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 I am 23 and have decided to wait until marriage. The main reason for me is that I feel that sex is the deepest showing of affection for another person. I feel that if I was to go around and sleep with whatever women I thought was attractive that i would be showing them love that I truely didn't feel for them and would therefore be lying to them (and to myself) about my feelings. This is just my personal feelings but maybe it can help you out to. I hope this is some help to you Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 I AGREE THERE HAS TO BE ATTRACTION, BUT I DISAGREE WITH HOW SOME OF YOU ARE SAYING YOU WON'T BE ATTRACTED TO YOUR PARTNER SEXUALLY??? HOW CAN THAT BE??? I MEAN YOU SEE THEIR FACE, YOU SEE THEIR BODY, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE A SURPRISE DURING SEX AFTER YOU GET MARRIED? If you think that someone's face and body constitute reliable indicators as to how good they'll be in bed, then it's safe to say that you certainly ARE in for a few surprises... Link to post Share on other sites
predator8u Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by lindya If you think that someone's face and body constitute reliable indicators as to how good they'll be in bed, then it's safe to say that you certainly ARE in for a few surprises... i understand good looks doesnt mean they are great at sex,, but i feel thats something u can work on..... u cant really change the way someone looks but they improve their sex i think Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sirius Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 Tony 427 you make some good points, because I wonder about feeling the regrets afterwards. Thanks for the insight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sirius Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 MiChick43, thank you for positing the most poignant and to the fact reply, of the whole thread. It’s not that I am so religious but that I want the experience to mean something for her as well. (I tend to be a sentimental fool) But as you say: What if she isn’t the one for me? Or what if the sex or frequency of sex isn’t great and one of us loses attraction? Those points are weighing in my favor of not making ‘sex with the one and only’ the center point of the relationship. Hope my future mate doesn’t fret as much as I do. I mean someone has to have their head on straight:) Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Statistically speaking, you're terribly wrong. There're more virgin girls in CA than you may think. If he decides to wait that's his choice. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 I am 23 and have decided to wait until marriage. The main reason for me is that I feel that sex is the deepest showing of affection for another person. I feel that if I was to go around and sleep with whatever women I thought was attractive that i would be showing them love that I truely didn't feel for them and would therefore be lying to them (and to myself) about my feelings. This is just my personal feelings but maybe it can help you out to. The problem with virgins like you is that you think that people who have slept with others did so just for fun. In fact, a lot of people only sleep with people they have fallen for. And sometimes those relationships don't work out. It doesn't mean they were sluts. It doesn't mean they didn't care or were 'sleeping around' in the least. However, you also misunderstand the importance of sexual compatibility in a relationship. While I agree that people can learn to be better in bed if they're not good, there are other issues entirely - like sexual tastes. One of you could have a major fetish the other doesn't share. One of you could have minimal sex drive or a voracious appetite. Or one of you could like it long, slow, and sensual and the other be all about fast, hard, and wild. These are all issues that can create huge amounts of problems in a relationship and which really need to be sorted out before you marry, IMHO. Sex is a huge deal to someone who hasn't had it. I think that once a couple is engaged, they should definitely 'test drive' their compatibility in bed (if they haven't done so to 'seal their love' prior to engagement) while there's still time to back out if the differences are too great. Link to post Share on other sites
predator8u Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme The problem with virgins like you is that you think that people who have slept with others did so just for fun. In fact, a lot of people only sleep with people they have fallen for. And sometimes those relationships don't work out. It doesn't mean they were sluts. It doesn't mean they didn't care or were 'sleeping around' in the least. However, you also misunderstand the importance of sexual compatibility in a relationship. While I agree that people can learn to be better in bed if they're not good, there are other issues entirely - like sexual tastes. One of you could have a major fetish the other doesn't share. One of you could have minimal sex drive or a voracious appetite. Or one of you could like it long, slow, and sensual and the other be all about fast, hard, and wild. These are all issues that can create huge amounts of problems in a relationship and which really need to be sorted out before you marry, IMHO. Sex is a huge deal to someone who hasn't had it. I think that once a couple is engaged, they should definitely 'test drive' their compatibility in bed (if they haven't done so to 'seal their love' prior to engagement) while there's still time to back out if the differences are too great. I do not think everyone that has had sex slept with someone just for fun.... I do not put people into groups... the person I'm seeing is not a virgin, and it doesnt bother me at all. What bothers me is when people just go around having sex without any regard to what it means, they have sex with 3 people in a month's period and think it's a cool thing to do. This goes for both guys and girls. but in that article from tony 427 (great site by the way.. appreciate it) they said this about sexual compability: Dating Advice #8: I don't have to sleep with a woman to know if we're "sexually compatible." Sex is meant to compliment a relationship, not be the most important aspect of it. That's what I've found out. It's supposed to be the icing on the cake when all the other aspects of your relationship are working well. I've come to understand that the sex will be good if the rest of the relationship is good. That's why I know I don't have to sleep with my wife to find out if we're sexually compatible. If we get along in every other area, the sex will be fine. Something else needs to be said here. Another thing I think I've "discovered" is this: when you place sex as the determining factor of the relationship, it will probably result in poor sex. Think about it. If you put your sexual relationship under a microscope, always judging it and judging the relationship by it, it's doomed to fail. It's like being in prison. You're locked in to something that is supposed to be freeing, not incapacitating. But, when you focus on the other parts of the relationship, and the sex isn't the focus, then you're freed up to have a more enjoyable sex life, with no pressure of having to make it always spectacular. (Because it won't be.) And yet, I don't think that as a college-age adult I was capable of not focusing on sex, that is, unless it wasn't present at all. That's why I think it's best to wait altogether. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Theories are great. You'll find, I suspect, that real life doesn't fit as neatly into axioms. Link to post Share on other sites
predator8u Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 i think everyone should do what makes them AND their partner happy.... if you both want to have sex before marriage than go for it.... I'm not judging people, and I don't think i have a right to everyone has different views on these things, as long as you are not hurting anyone by doing what u believe in than do it as for myself I intend to wait, I think I'd regret it if If i didn't Link to post Share on other sites
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