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Should I date autistic women only in this case?


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Old 6th September 2017, 5:47 AM   #1
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Should I date autistic women only in this case?

I get a lot of dates, and sometimes even women will make the first move, but after a couple of dates or more usually, I keep striking out on girls I like and over the years, it has now built up to the point where I feel like maybe I should 'stick to my own kind' as the expression goes, and date autistic women only.

Perhaps me being autistic, and keep on going for women are not, is the problem and they see me as having a dealbreaker issue, and I'm not fooling anybody.

I mean some people will stick to dating a certain kind of preference and will not be open to other preferences and I feel maybe that's how I should be. Like one time I asked out a girl and she said that she dates black men only.

But I guess it might come off as pretty strange if a woman asks me out and I tell her that I only date autistic women, if I were to cut off all other types of women to that extreme. What do you think?
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Old 6th September 2017, 5:58 AM   #2
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I think limiting yourself really does just that.. it limits you
It makes your box smaller. It gives you less choices. It's a negative mindset with a negative outcome.
To do anything (or not) out of fear of rejection never works in your favor.

I'm not familiar with the difficulty of dating on the spectrum.
I will tell you that one of my longest relationships was with a woman who had Tourette's (the muscle/involuntary flinching variety not the verbal type.)
Things like that are not deal breakers. You don't need to be everyones type. It just takes one person and an undeniable connection. A connection should be deeper than sharing this one thing.
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Old 6th September 2017, 6:01 AM   #3
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That's true. Maybe I shouldn't cut off other types, but perhaps I should concentrate more on autistic women specifically perhaps though and focus on that demographic primarily do you think?
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Old 6th September 2017, 6:18 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
That's true. Maybe I shouldn't cut off other types, but perhaps I should concentrate more on autistic women specifically perhaps though and focus on that demographic primarily do you think?
How would you go about that though?
Is there a particular place you know of that has a lot of autistic women?
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Old 6th September 2017, 5:13 PM   #5
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I was thinking date sites, but there aren't many women on those. Yeah it was a dumb idea, and won't work. Thanks though .
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Old 6th September 2017, 5:25 PM   #6
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Perhaps you should limit yourself to those who have a similar communication style as you do.

I know I tend to get on with a pretty narrow type. Now this type can have a wide range of physical attributes, different ages, different professions, but we share communication style.

I find myself quickly turned off by those I can't connect with on an intellectual level - must be bright, good communicator with a similar sense of humor etc.

Then the rest seems to fall into place.
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Old 6th September 2017, 5:25 PM   #7
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I don't think you should limit yourself to ASD women only, but it's not a dumb idea. I'm sure you've heard the saying "birds of a feather flock together".

If you're getting dates with NT women, I would guess that your ASD traits aren't immediately noticeable. This makes me wonder how the women are finding out you're ASD so early in the relationship. Are you telling them? Or are issues popping up which you need to explain?
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Old 6th September 2017, 6:57 PM   #8
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I'm not sure but I feel like it goes well at first but then after a few dates, they are weirded out by something or see it, but that is my assumption as to why it often goes wrong.

I meet a lot of them off the internet so maybe it's something they see later in person, after the internet conversations go well?

Plus when I go to bars I do get hit on, mostly cause of how I look and dress. My women friends dressed me and got me to look as good as I could and that helped. And the women are all attracted to me when drinking at the bar, but then later it's like they see something wrong or something it seems.

What does NT stand for, I couldn't find a definition?
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Old 6th September 2017, 7:03 PM   #9
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Sorry, I tend to drop straight into acronyms. NT = Neuro Typical. (AKA Normal)

Heaps and heaps of posters here seem to have OLD which goes pear shaped after a few dates. I wonder how your experiences compare with others. Your women friends who helped you dress - would they be honest about where things could be going wrong?
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Old 6th September 2017, 7:16 PM   #10
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I asked them but they said they are not sure cause the know I am autistic so it's different compared to if they were to date me and not know, and they cannot see the dates I go on.

I don't know what OLD means either lol.
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Old 14th December 2017, 2:49 AM   #11
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I don't think you should limit yourself to ASD women only, but it's not a dumb idea. I'm sure you've heard the saying "birds of a feather flock together".

If you're getting dates with NT women, I would guess that your ASD traits aren't immediately noticeable. This makes me wonder how the women are finding out you're ASD so early in the relationship. Are you telling them? Or are issues popping up which you need to explain?
Do you think that maybe the reason they aren't noticing is cause most of the dates I get are online? Maybe they think I am charming over a computer, but then once they meet me, they start to notice things, overtime and get second thoughts.

And a lot of other women I picked were at the bar, but they had some drinks, and then later when I call them and meet them for a date, perhaps they see me differently as well.

I was only ever able to get one date outside of the online, or bar/nightclub situations, so does say anything about how they are able to tell?
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Old 14th December 2017, 11:25 AM   #12
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The number of women with an actual diagnosis is so small that you'd be limiting yourself way to much.
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Old 14th December 2017, 11:32 AM   #13
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Do you know any autistic women, have you ever dated an autistic woman?
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Old 14th December 2017, 1:07 PM   #14
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No, I don't know any and have never dated any.
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Old 14th December 2017, 5:12 PM   #15
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Actually, I think this is a really good idea. I think that the main challenge is meeting other autistic women, but maybe if you could find a social group or support group for autistic people you could meet some autistic women there. You would have to be very careful to not get the reputation of being there only to hit on girls, but other than that I think you should give it a try.
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