SmartDude Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 I am a mid 40's, very attractive man. An abstract thinker, huge heart plus i'm damn cute:love:. Attracting women is not the problem. Every time I go out I involuntarily ignore at least 3 women who are making themselves available. I still have that problem, or am I just being selective? Im not sure now. I did not get this kind of attention in my 20's and I know it's not going to last like this. Single life is great but at the same time it's not. I'm starting to want that deeper connection again with "someone", but I don't want a committed relationship . In my 20's I was almost celibate. Had pretty bad social anxiety and just stayed in my room all day. I missed out on things like having a GF when I was young, or having female friends that were intimate or any of that. Recently I got into a beautiful friendship with a 20 year old woman, and we have been having sex. She has stirred up a lot of those old memories of myself as that lonely young man. I see her making changes in her life and so she will not have the same problems I did, thank god. But she is very similar to me at that age and I don't think we just met by mistake. We had some feelings for each other but at the same time she is all over the place. She visits me for sometimes a few days, sometimes a month. I do what I can to make sure it stays a healthy situation in light of the age difference. There have been some really sweet moments of inter-generational mentor type love. She is not against having a relationship with me and we have talked about it before. I also told her that I don't want to be the one responsible for stealing her youth. So that situation is there as it is now. A relationship seems nice sometimes but at the same time I don't want to spend half my life with just one person. Sometimes I think I was just born on the wrong planet and everyone wants something different than what i'm seeking. I don't even know what to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 You said many different things in this post. I'm confused about what exactly you want in response. (Because honestly, it seems like a way of humble bragging that you're screwing a woman MORE than young enough to be your daughter). Do you want validation? You said you don't want a relationship so maybe what you want is permission to keep doing what you're doing with this young'n? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmartDude Posted September 3, 2017 Author Share Posted September 3, 2017 You said many different things in this post. I'm confused about what exactly you want in response. (Because honestly, it seems like a way of humble bragging that you're screwing a woman MORE than young enough to be your daughter). Do you want validation? You said you don't want a relationship so maybe what you want is permission to keep doing what you're doing with this young'n? No its not about that. Pay attention. It is the unique life situation I am in right now. Do you not see the irony in my situation? Me as a 20 year old man, alone in a room with no love at all. Pretty much could count the times I had sex on my 10 fingers. Anyway it was VERY TRAUMATIZING and it left a mark. My 30's were pretty standard. 2 long term relationships, one of them abusive. And now in my 40's I am in a situation with a 20 year old woman who is very much like me. She reminds me of myself in my early 20's. She is an introvert and socially maladapted at times. But why is she in my life at all? Its not like I wen't out looking to get involved with a 20 year old woman on a romantic level. Something is happening right now and I am having vivid painfull memories of my 20's. I know it is because she is in my life right now. I guess I am just trying to find the meaning in all of this? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 You should seek a licensed counselor to sort this stuff from your past...get it figured out and you will be able to proceed with life trouble free. Whatever she has triggered in you isn't healthy, and proves you have some unresolved issues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 Single life is great but at the same time it's not. I'm starting to want that deeper connection again with "someone", but I don't want a committed relationship . Well you don't tend to get that "deeper connection" with a woman, without entering into some sort of commitment. YOU have spoken about this girl before and you seem to have a very mixed up feelings about her, one minute you are acting like her Dad, the next minute you are a horny old goat... It doesn't sound at all healthy, not to mention the fact she was desperate and homeless when she pitched up, she saw loads of other guys and got pregnant too and had no idea of who the father was. YOU seem to love using escorts too and the last thread you made you suggested offering normal women out on the street $300 to have sex with you.... YOU may not want "traditional" but your life is a chaotic mess. How you are going to fit this "deeper connection" in, with all of your other little foibles? I guess what you want is "love", but are looking in all of the wrong places, this young girl, I guess uses you for a place to stay mainly, and your escorts are really only in it for the money, no matter how nice and friendly and understanding they may seem to you. NO "deeper connections" available there. But that maybe is the whole point, if you do not actively seek out "available" women then you never get rejected or hurt. This girl needs a home, so is in no position to reject you and she is not real relationship material anyway, so you are risking nothing, and the escorts can't reject you as you are paying for them, so again no risk of rejection. Sounds like you have a load of unresolved stuff from way back, so get into therapy to sort yourself out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 Perhaps this is an opportunity to help you heal from your experiences by helping someone else who might otherwise suffer the same traumas. You are uniquely qualified, and care enough to make a difference. As for not wanting just one person the rest of your life, you may be polyamorous by nature. If you're not familiar with what this means, I suggest reading "More Than Two" by Franklin Veaux, Janet Hardy, and Tatiana Gill. If that resonates with you, you can get your questions answered on the polyamory site forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 Not getting laid often is traumatizing? I think you need some perspective on that. Why does there have to be a meaning to any of it? I'd say there isn't. Life just is, it's meaningless. Live your life, try and enjoy it (and that pretty young girl) and stop worrying about the meanings of things that have no meaning. I agree. I think you're just doing a whole lot of worrying for nothing. Most likely you're bored and have too much time on your hands right now. I suggest you either take the above advice or get busier so you don't have too much time to think and wallow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2much4 Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 There seems to be two different issues in your post. Maybe you didn't word it the best way possible. If you are not happy with traditional relationships, that's perfectly ok. Just try to find out what works for you and then find other people who are looking for the same thing. Always be honest about what you want. There will always be people who are looking for the same thing. As for the second issue : it looks like your girlfriend has triggered some unresolved issues. I experienced the same thing with a friend. When I met her it was like looking at my younger self in the mirror. It made me realise how much I had changed and that this part of my life was over for good. I don't know what you have to learn from this experience. Time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 A relationship seems nice sometimes but at the same time I don't want to spend half my life with just one person. Sometimes I think I was just born on the wrong planet and everyone wants something different than what i'm seeking. But the girl you mentioned sounds like she wants EXACTLY the same thing as you - a casual relationship. What's the problem? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Urbanyst Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 (edited) You should seek a licensed counselor to sort this stuff from your past...get it figured out and you will be able to proceed with life trouble free. Whatever she has triggered in you isn't healthy, and proves you have some unresolved issues. I disagree. And I don't like this idea in our culture that anyone who deviates from standard cookie cutter cultural standards of how to feel, think and act needs counseling. OP.. I think a lot of how we view ourselves happens in our 20's. Whoever we are at that age is how we tend to view ourselves for a long time after.. even when things change. I can totally related. Now in my 30's I'm very successful and more attractive than I was in my 20's. But its very hard to shake the image of myself I had in my 20's even though I've moved on from it and can attract much better women know. I'm also in a place where I want female companionship without that intense co-dependent commitment that often comes with it. Edited September 3, 2017 by The Urbanyst Link to post Share on other sites
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