Dates and being on time.

[Butterfly2222]

I went through a break up a few months ago and while I am not sure if I am ready to date, I did test out the water. I had two dates with the same guy recently.

 

The first date he was 15 minutes late and the second date he also made me wait 15 minutes. He states he is always a person who is late. While I am not actively going to pursue this guy, I just want others opinions. As most people I spoke to IRL have said this isn't a big deal.

 

However, it really bothered me that he was late both times. I am a person who is always on time, if not early. If I am running late, I let someone know ahead of time. I feel that this is probably a deal breaker for me. I do understand that there may be situations where being late without warning is inevitable because of people's schedules, but am I overreacting?

 

Just wanted other people's thoughts. Thank you!

[preraph]

I would give a person a 15-minute window, but any longer than that and once you'd talked to them about how it puts you in a very bad mood to hover by the door waiting, if they still didn't make an effort, I'd dump them.

 

Because who wants a lifetime of THAT????

[Ami1uwant]

It depends....

 

Like was he driving ftom outside the metro area or to the opposite end of the metro area that he is unfamiliar with ???

 

If he is traveling 45 minutes or more abd unsure of the traffic patterns or where to get parking can cause delays.

 

You should judge him for who he is, not because he is late.

[Butterfly2222]

It depends....

 

Like was he driving ftom outside the metro area or to the opposite end of the metro area that he is unfamiliar with ???

 

If he is traveling 45 minutes or more abd unsure of the traffic patterns or where to get parking can cause delays.

 

You should judge him for who he is, not because he is late.

 

No. In those circumstances I don't really look at time. My last ex used to drive an hour and twenty minutes to see me and he'd leave when he got out of work and we never really set times. However, when we did, he was usually early.

 

The second time we made plans, we made them for me to meet him at his place at 7 pm and he'd drive to dinner from there. He changed it to 7:15 because he thought he was going to run late. I arrived around that time and I still waited 15 minutes in my car outside of his house for him to be ready.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Nope. Judge him for being chronically late. If he is aware of the area, there's really no excuse other than something unexpected. BUT, his response had nothing to do with unexpected road conditions, rather, he simply stated his MO. No one is 'just' late all the time, people like that are not respectful of time period. He provided no other reason for being late.

 

AND.................he did not let you know that he'd be late and simply showed up 15 minutes late both times, again, w/o redeemable explanation.

 

I'd be perturbed and either let him go or let him/her know that next time to please let me (you) know that a courteous reminder that he will be late is appreciated. I have been late and ALWAYS let the other person know. Most people are fine with that, but not just showing up late w/o explanation.

[Cookiesandough]

Just be 15 minutes late yourself, problem solved!]

[todreaminblue]

Just be 15 minutes late yourself, problem solved!]

 

 

:0)...i like this..and i agree.....i also feel a 15 minute window is plausible.....deb

[Robratory]

However, it really bothered me that he was late both times. I am a person who is always on time, if not early. If I am running late, I let someone know ahead of time. I feel that this is probably a deal breaker for me. I do understand that there may be situations where being late without warning is inevitable because of people's schedules, but am I overreacting?

 

Just wanted other people's thoughts. Thank you!

 

I'm with you. Being late is disrespectful to the people who have to wait for you.

[Robratory]

You should judge him for who he is, not because he is late.

 

"He states he is always a person who is late."

 

Looks like being late all the time is part of who he is.

[rushed]

I'm with you. Being late is disrespectful to the people who have to wait for you.

 

I agree. I'm like you, OP. I'm always on time, and usually early. If I have to take public transportation I make sure to catch the earlier train. If I'm going to a place I'm unfamiliar with I leave earlier to take into account the fact I could get lost. When I tell someone I'm going to meet them at a certain place at a certain time I make sure that I'm there when I said I'd be there. I expect the same from others. I can forgive when things pop up unexpectedly. But those who have no respect for other people's time in general just get on my nerves. Lateness is a huge pet peeve of mine.

[SunnyWeather]

I agree with Rushed (funny name considering the subject...). It doesn't sit well with me either when people consistently make me wait and worse, see no problem with that; it's disrespectful and communicates they don't think my time matters or that theirs is more important, ugh.

 

Those who mentioned it might depend on location, traffic etc I do agree with that too. So, if location and commuting is part of the issue then perhaps, if you meet again, you can try the "ish" approach-7ish, 9ish, etc. This way works well with some other cultures too...

[NexttP]

OP you said that he told you he's a guy that's "often late." Well, he's honest right? From this you can know that being on time is not one of his priorities, which doesn't immediately mean it's a bad thing. It could mean that he always has his options open than to go from appointment to appointment all day and cutting out any room for unforeseen events.

 

I don't know why he's late. I don't know if he makes excuses or give reasons. Perhaps some stranger needed help and he decided to help (or leaving himself always open for things like that). Or rather someone who wants to be on time can just leave the stranger "for dead." But, you know the answer.

 

I mean, sure. To be on time you have to make sure your previous activity always leave you with a gap of wasted time - to give you enough time to not be late. So, wasted time to be on time? or make use of all your time but risk being late?

[SunnyWeather]

OP you said that he told you he's a guy that's "often late." Well, he's honest right?

 

OP wrote "always" not often.

 

What this tells me is that he so self-absorbed to not give a fig about others' time or that he's a hopeless mess with time management. Either way, it would annoy me to the point of nexting him unless he put in some serious effort to not be so rude anymore.

 

Problem with this case is he doesn't seem to think it's a problem, and he feels perfectly entitled to make others wait. just ick

[todreaminblue]

what i hav enoticed is that women are often forgiven more for being late than men.....look at a wedding day fro example it si quite often expected on one of the most important days of a persons life it is the woman who is customarily late.....when you go out on a friday night being early is almost a faux pas......i have quite a few friends awho are nearly always ....late...theyare the kindest group of friends i have ever had in my life.....not like hours late but fifteen minutes is very common...and i would wait for them....any day ....and i really believe they wouldnt sweat me fifteen minutes either....

 

 

i tend to run on time......but

 

i can see where it might be annoying for some......time is short.....deb

[Eternal Sunshine]

I'm always late, it ranges from 10-30 minutes. That's who I am. I can really make an effort not to be but that doesn't last long and I'm back to my isual lateness. People that are really bothered by it shouldn't date me.

[act00]

It bothers me when people are late. Like stated above, sometimes traffic, new area, and other circumstances might make timing off, and that can be forgivable, but on that same note, a person can leave early or plan a time a little later if this is a concern. I tend to leave early in order to accommodate for the fact I might get lost if I'm going to an unfamiliar area. I may not get out of work on time or traffic could throw me a curve ball, and I will put that out there up front if it's a situation of meeting after work, that I might not get out on time and I can certainly call/text when I leave. At least they know in advance and can be open with time, but if that loose time is an issue for them, there's always another time to schedule.

 

My stepfather was perpetually late to the point that if we wanted to do something at a certain time, we had to tell him a good 1/2 earlier so when he was late, he would actually be there at the time we wanted. It could just be a personality thing that you have to live with. If it's a deal-breaker, so be it. You might want to consider, as mentioned, an -ish time, at least in your mind. If you say it out loud, he could ultimately end up even later, and you want him to have an earlier goal in his mind.

[Gaeta]

For some people always being late has nothing to do with lack of respect, it's just their personality. They often have a hard time gauging a situation and the time involved. My ex-h was like this and so is our daughter. I have seen them get up on time and getting their routine on track and then suddenly get bogged down on something stupid and unecessary and they don't see the clock going forward then they're in a panic cause they're running out of time.

 

You can't change them, you adjust or you leave it if your life has to be lived on a tight schedule.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I believe that people who are always late do not respect other people's time. How much you want to make a bet that they won't be 15+ minutes late for a job interview or work or some concert? People like that are only 'selectively always late'.

[Robratory]

OP wrote "always" not often.

 

. . .

 

Problem with this case is he doesn't seem to think it's a problem, and he feels perfectly entitled to make others wait. just ick

 

Yes, it's a "type," actually. You find it among both men and women, people who are almost proud of always being late. They say it in the same tone that people say, "Oh, I never watch television."

[Robratory]

For some people always being late has nothing to do with lack of respect

 

Well, they may not mean to be disrespectful, but being made to wait is inherently disrespectful.

[Gaeta]

Well, they may not mean to be disrespectful, but being made to wait is inherently disrespectful.

 

I would not get my panties all twisted for 15 minutes. I have noticed I am getting more laid-back with the years. There is enough to sweat in this life without this. Simply adjust your invitations to 15 minutes earlier. We're not talking hours late here. Some people are late-late. Always 1 + hours late. That's a different deal. We are talking minutes here.

[knabe]

It's very simple. Being late all the time says:

 

My time is more important than yours. Intent is irrelevant. That is what it says.

 

Most people who are always late for social obligations are NOT late for an ultra important work meeting. Because there would be consequences. So they CAN be on time; they just choose not to.

 

This is a choice of character, plain and simple. People are on time for what is important to them.

 

My ex-in-laws were always late. We told them the time for photographs for the wedding were an hour before the real time....and they were exactly on time. This should not be necessary.

[SammySammy]

It's a problem and a deal breaker for me. I'm prompt and usually early. People who are habitually late are not compatible with me. At the very least, call and let me know you're going to be late. Otherwise, being late is inconsiderate and disrespectful of my time. Which tends to lead to disrespect in other areas.

 

I tend to move on quickly from people like this.

[Methodical]

It's the little niggling things like this that later become larger issues simply because it annoys you. Being late due to traffic or unforeseeable circumstances is one thing, being habitually late...no thanks. Right now, it's 15 minutes. What happens when 15 minutes becomes 20, 25, 30 minutes?

[salparadise]

Everyone should be given some leeway if the timing isn't critical (when going to the theatre, timing matters). Everyone should be on time most of the time, and when they aren't they should text or call to let the other person know.

 

It would be frustrating to try to date someone who is almost never on time, and by more than a few minutes. But it would also be frustrating to try and date someone who takes it personally, as in you've dissed them, and you know their nose is going to be out of joint.

 

I prefer to give and receive a bit of latitude.