Lobouspo Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 So the woman I have been dating and made prior posts has agreed to be exclusive. What are some suggestions on keeping things strong? I worry about us losing steam and her losing interest. What are important things to do at this stage of a relationship to maintain it? Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 The real work of a relationship starts not when the couple agrees to be exclusive (since that usually happens when things are still in the honeymoon phase), but when the couple "runs out of steam," as you put it. Maybe what you're really saying is that you're nervous about how the relationship will handle the natural changes that all relationships go through - that when the honeymoon phase is over and the two of you have to handle the hard work of a real and evolving relationship, that you worry it won't last. Have you had many exclusive relationships before? Do you think you might have some insecurities that are getting in the way? Do you legitimately feel that this partner of yours is mature enough to go the distance with you? These are all important things to consider. In any case, congratulations on taking the next step, and I do hope things work out. Try not to overthink things so much either, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lobouspo Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 (edited) Have you had many exclusive relationships before? Do you think you might have some insecurities that are getting in the way? Do you legitimately feel that this partner of yours is mature enough to go the distance with yo These are all important things to consider. In any case, congratulations on taking the next step, and I do hope things work out. Try not to overthink things so much either, huh? Thanks, this is not my first exclusive relationship, but I definitely have struggled with insecurity in relationships. Always worried about the other shoe dropping. Always worried about the slow fade out, or getting ghosted. Just want to keep her interest up, and want her to get bored with me. How do I navigate these concerns? Edited August 18, 2017 by Lobouspo Typo Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 The whole concept of "agreeing to be exclusive" just seems a bit bizarre to me....Like do you have a meeting and have a "ceremony" of sorts?? I dunno...IME, it just comes naturally and nothing really needs to be said or done... I say just be yourself... If that's not enough, then it wasn't meant to be.... .02 TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Thanks, this is not my first exclusive relationship, but I definitely have struggled with insecurity in relationships. Always worried about the other shoe dropping. Always worried about the slow fade out, or getting ghosted. Just want to keep her interest up, and want her to get bored with me. How do I navigate these concerns? I don't really understand the exclusive talk type of thing either but I don't multi-date. But anyway, you've had the talk and both agreed. So, this should be a real positive time, yes? Why are you dumping negative thoughts into it? These are literally your thoughts which you are bringing into the mix right now of your own doing. Changing something now (like your idea of changing somehow to keep her interest up) is only going to change the dynamic of a thing that's currently working and clearly going well. The result of your thoughts and actions (these type of negative thoughts can easily spill out into negative actions/behaviours) could well stop this in it's tracks - especially if you start behaving differently. Alternatively, start trying too hard and you'll be chasing too much which could make her run. Why not just continue as you are, go with the flow and take things day by day? The only thing is whether you have been acting out a part to get to this point. If you haven't been yourself from the beginning then the person she is dating isn't the person she thinks she has been dating and agreed to be exclusive with. If this is where these thoughts are coming from then how have you been behaving that is not your true personality? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 So the woman I have been dating and made prior posts has agreed to be exclusive. What are some suggestions on keeping things strong? I worry about us losing steam and her losing interest. What are important things to do at this stage of a relationship to maintain it? Keep communication open and make it safe for each other to express yourselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Thanks, this is not my first exclusive relationship, but I definitely have struggled with insecurity in relationships. Always worried about the other shoe dropping. Always worried about the slow fade out, or getting ghosted. Just want to keep her interest up, and want her to get bored with me. How do I navigate these concerns? You have a good thing going so start enjoying it for what it gives you TODAY. Anxious people worry so much about tomorrow that they don't enjoy the moment. Life is in the moment, right here, right now. You have no control over what will happen tomorrow so why try to control it? It's futile. It's a waste of time, and a waste of your brain space to be worrying about all this. If the other shoe drops, then it drops. It won't kill you, it won't change anything, you'll still be the same guy, with the same life, same bills to pay. Trust in life. Trust that if it does not work it's because it was not meant to be and something better is waiting around the corner. Don't go in 'I got to save this relationship' mode when it does not need to be saved. Be yourself, enjoy the moment, leave it to life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 The whole concept of "agreeing to be exclusive" just seems a bit bizarre to me....Like do you have a meeting and have a "ceremony" of sorts?? I dunno...IME, it just comes naturally and nothing really needs to be said or done... I say just be yourself... If that's not enough, then it wasn't meant to be.... .02 TFY Haha exactly my thought 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 The whole concept of "agreeing to be exclusive" just seems a bit bizarre to me....Like do you have a meeting and have a "ceremony" of sorts?? I dunno...IME, it just comes naturally and nothing really needs to be said or done... I say just be yourself... If that's not enough, then it wasn't meant to be.... .02 TFY In this day and age of online dating, not having that conversation is the same as playing roulette-russe. Too many threads on here about women (and men) finding their supposedly bf-gf online after months and then realized they never confirmed exclusivity. How many times we ask people 'are you exclusive' on here? tons of time. I had the exclusivity talk with my boyfriend after 5 dates, we had sex and there was no-way I was gonna put myself through watching him go on and off line. It was simple....'how do you feel about dating just each other' ? His reply: of course I want us to just date each other. DONE! Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 In this day and age of online dating, not having that conversation is the same as playing roulette-russe. Too many threads on here about women (and men) finding their supposedly bf-gf online after months and then realized they never confirmed exclusivity. How many times we ask people 'are you exclusive' on here? tons of time. I had the exclusivity talk with my boyfriend after 5 dates, we had sex and there was no-way I was gonna put myself through watching him go on and off line. It was simple....'how do you feel about dating just each other' ? His reply: of course I want us to just date each other. DONE! Did you slice your palms and hold hands, like the Mafia guys do when they bring a guy into the family?? eh...I dunno...Call me a moron, but I don't get it and probably never will.. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Seriousperson Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 In this day and age of online dating, not having that conversation is the same as playing roulette-russe. Too many threads on here about women (and men) finding their supposedly bf-gf online after months and then realized they never confirmed exclusivity. How many times we ask people 'are you exclusive' on here? tons of time. I had the exclusivity talk with my boyfriend after 5 dates, we had sex and there was no-way I was gonna put myself through watching him go on and off line. It was simple....'how do you feel about dating just each other' ? His reply: of course I want us to just date each other. DONE! I strongly agree. In one situation I was happy that I asked a guy about being exclusive because I found out he isn't a guy I wanted to go near. When I asked about being exclusive, he told me I could be his main woman (he would be sleeping w/other woman) and I had to be exclusive to him. I'm so thankful I asked and was like hell no. In dating situations, if you want an exclusive relationship, very important to ask about exclusivity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 If for no other reason, you both know exactly what is expected out of the other. To go in blindly not knowing if you two even have the same definition of cheating is really, really stupid. Now if your purpose is to play games and lie... Link to post Share on other sites
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